Droid drops a deuce – Kick Ass & Clash of the Titans

Clash of the Titans poster Kick Ass poster

I thought I’d introduce a new segment that I’m sure I will periodically post when the mood strikes. It’s essentially mini reviews of films that I can’t be bothered reviewing (or don’t have that much to talk about). Here we go…

Kick Ass poster

What the fuck is this? Directed by Matthew Vaughn, based on the Mark Millar/John Romita Jr funnybook of the same name, ‘Kick Ass’ is a pretty violent, sometimes enjoyable, sometimes creepy addition to the ever expanding and seemingly inexhaustible comic book adaptation genre.

What’s it all about? Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) is a normal kid who one day decides he wants to be a superhero. He’s not very good at it. Big Daddy (The Hairpiece), with the aid of his daughter Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) are out to get revenge on Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong), a local crime lord.

Is it any good? It’s okay. The movie is very referential to comic books, frequently mentioning Spiderman, Batman and X-Men. I’ve never read the ‘Kick Ass’ comics, but when there was a particularly violent scene, some bloke sitting behind me whispered to his mate “The comics are much worse.” If that’s the case, then my interest in reading the comic went from zero to zero minus infinity. There’s a scene where Hit Girl, who’s about 10 or something, stabs and slices a room full of thugs. This happens on three separate occasions, but the first time it happens is different to the following two. There’s not really any reason why she should be there, slaughtering people. I’m trying to be vague so as not to contain spoilers, but I think you’ll understand what I’m getting at if/when you see it. The idea of a 10 year old girl hacking people up for no particular reason is just creepy and disturbing to me. I accepted (and somewhat enjoyed) subsequent scenes because they had a purpose, but this first one I was at odds with. I also didn’t really agree with having Hit Girl saying “cunt” and “cock”, as if it’s cool to have a young person swearing. That said, the Big Daddy/Hit Girl plot line is by far the most interesting part of the movie. The story of Kick Ass himself is pretty shit.

Recommended? I’d wait for DVD. It’s worth a look, but certainly not your dosh.

Clash of the Titans poster

What the fuck is this? Directed by Surrender Hulk Louis Letterier, this remake of the Harryhausen original is a bit of a fucking mess to be honest.

What’s it all about? Perseus (Sam Worthington) is the half cast son of Zeus (Liam Neeson). When humans begin to lose interest in the gods, Hades (Ralph Fiennes) convinces Zeus to “unleash the Kraken” on the mortals of Argos. One would only hope that someone would release the Kraken on current day Argos. A lot of fat cunts and annoying little shits would promptly be exterminated.

Is it any good? No, not really. There’s some amusement to be had here and there, but it’s such a plodding, bland bore for most of the running time that you really don’t give a shit if the Kraken eats everyone or not. I will give credit to Fiennes though, because he knows exactly what movie he’s in. He’s no dummy. He realises the movie sucks, and hams it up to 11. It’s a very enjoyable performance. Other than that, Worthington is average as Perseus. The character is one dimensional, and unfortunately Worthington is the kind of actor that needs a strongly written character, unlike Fiennes who can ramp up the ham. See Worthington in an Aussie flick call ‘Getting Square’. He’s pretty good. He also does not attempt an accent, so the Greek demi-god Perseus sounds like an Aussie. And I would like to know what the fuck happened to Danny Huston. He appears at the start as Poseidon, has maybe one line and is never seen again. It’s disappointing, because I always enjoy his performances, and his fake beard looked fucking ridiculous.

Recommended? No. Maybe a rental if you’re interested enough.

Droid

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About Judge Droid

In between refining my procrastination skills I talk a lot of shit about movies and such.

89 responses to “Droid drops a deuce – Kick Ass & Clash of the Titans”

  1. Bartleby says :

    Strangely, I didnt think I was gonna get a chance to see Kick Ass, but did manage too, and I have to admit Droid, you are 100% correct here. The movie is just ok. I know some are probably going to love it, but Matthew Vaugn tries to push the movie into some sense of a plausible realtiy and that just amplifies the wrongness of Hitgirl and the mostly mediocre origins of Kick Ass.

    It’s a pop culture reference bonanza but it’s just as ultimately empty as Watchmen, 300, Sin City and any of those other recent ‘edgy’ comic films. I do think it’s a bit better than those, but it’s nowhere near the best movie of the year or the month for that matter.

    Nicholas Cage is the best thing about the movie,sure enough, and he’s got a good chemistry with Chloe Mertz. He’s definitely channeling the right amount of bent energy into Big Daddy.

    Having read the making of book prior to seeing the movie and enjoying greatly Vaughn’s last two films, I’m blaming Mark Millar for this.

    Seeing Titans in a few hours, but am not holding much hope out for it.

    Great reviews Droid!

    • Droid says :

      Yeah, I agree that Cage is the best thing in this. But I’m a fan of his, so I wasn’t sure if I was just being lenient.

      It’s not a bad flick. Just some elements to it I didn’t like. I also like Vaughn. I thought Stardust was surprisingly enjoyable, and the one with Daniel Craig was okay.

      I hope you enjoy Titans more than I did. Let me know what you think.

    • koutchboom says :

      The comics weren’t that violent? Worse thing was the dude getting his nuts electrocuted, but nothing is worse then the hammering of Bond’s balls in the seatless chair in Casino Royale.

      Also never cared for British Carlito’s way aka Layer Cake, haven’t seen Stardust.

      Also Clash REALLY looks a lot like Le Hulk in terms of just filler and some action scenes, is that about right?

    • koutchboom says :

      Am I the only asshole that likes Sin City? I think that movie is amazing. Much much much more reply value then 300.

      • Droid says :

        I’ve seen Sin City once. It wasn’t bad, but it’s a one time only thing for me. I wish 300 was a none times only thing. Fuck me that was a piece of shit.

    • Jarv says :

      I’ve been wondering if Vaughan is a good director for good material but will not elevate anything mediocre. For example, Stardust was enjoyable, but based on a superb book, and it is less than the book.

      • Droid says :

        I think he’s a solid director. Nothing exceptional, but so far he’s 3 for 3 in the okay stakes.

        Haven’t read the book.

      • Jarv says :

        Well, 2 from 2 so far for me, but with both of them he was starting from pole position. That’s what makes me curious about Kick Ass. Almost everyone I know that likes comics says it’s shit.

        Jonathan Ross was involved with adapting it. Which is a bad thing.

      • Droid says :

        It’s not shit. It’s just okay.

        But I’m not a comic fan.

      • Jarv says :

        Sorry, I meant that they say that the comic is shit- not the film.

      • herr milflover says :

        I enjoyed the book because it’s fucking ridiculous and over the top, but I wouldnt exactly say it’s great. The main reason I bothered at all is because John Romita Jr is one of my favorite comic book artists.
        I also enjoyed Millar and Romita’s Wolverine: Enemy Of The State run, more over the top crazyness.

        Let’s put it this way: Kick Ass is basically shit, but it’s still a whole hell of a lot better than Frank Miller’s All Star Batman And Robin The Boy Wonder.

      • koutchboom says :

        Wanted the comic sucks mainly for this reason, you can read the whole thing in like 10 minutes. Also it sucks because the whole time I read it I thought this would make a better movie. Sure Millar blabs on and on about how he writes the comics and doesn’t give a shit about the movies whatever. But the idea that he had a movie deal before Kick Ass comic issue #1 comes out, you can see where he wrote it with a movie in mind. Its too simple and fast, like a movie nothing is given time to breath. He bases characters off of quick and easy to pick up and understand archetypes like in movies, and I am seeing the same trend in Nemesis. Like these characters you don’t give a shit about, but you’ve seen them enough and things to get the gist of who they are.

        At least with Wanted he didn’t know all his comics would be shit into films, so its an interesting read with cool stuff that you know you’d never see in the films. Also the main character isn’t you typical character and you actually are introduced to him and get to know him some. Sure, pissed off loser 20 something white boy is not the most igneous character, but he was fleshed out enough to have his own feel and vibe. Also you saw the change in him to become the master villain. I’m telling you if you read anything Millar, read Wanted. And sure why not read Kick Ass next time you are in a WH Smith, you’ll be done before they can tell you to buy it or leave.

        Also Kick Ass did get better in the last 2-3 comics, so stick with it for those first 5 minutes of reading, those last five will be a lot more enjoyable.

  2. Droid says :

    Also, I saw Titans in 2D. Apparently the 3D is fucking terrible. Still didn’t help it much though.

  3. Echo the Bunnyman says :

    Titans is part of a birthday party event friends arranged for me. Originally it was planned in 3D, but I spread word through my wife (so as not to look ungrateful) that we see it in 2D. So, thankfully spared those atrocious glasses and terrible popping images.

    Droid, you see ‘How to Train Your Dragon’? I highly recommend it.

  4. Echo the Bunnyman says :

    Honestly, Droid, Im not either, and I was blown away by it. I also saw it prior to interviewing the directors, so it wasn’t colored by that experience.

    Not only do I think it’s a great movie, it’s a really good family friendly ‘action’ movie and it’s terrific in 3D.

    I’m not kidding when I say I think it’s the one movie I’ve currently seen in legit 3D that won’t lose something when it hits DVD. I am also counting Avatar in this, as I saw Dragons sandwiched between Alice and a second viewing of Avatar, and Dragons easily stood out as the best.

    Honestly, I know that sounds insane. I don’t think you will like it more than Avatar, but I do think you will quite like it, and the dragon battle scenes towards the close of the movie, and the flying scenes throughout are definitely worth a big theater experience.

    It’s the only movie I’ve seen since January that I’ve remotely felt the need to pay for and see again.

  5. xiphos0311 says :

    So you have wandered into the vaunted mini-review category eh?

  6. Stuntcock Mike says :

    Weird, I had a better time watching the Clash remake yesterday than I did watching the original a week ago.

    • Droid says :

      I haven’t seen the original. It’s on my “to watch” list.

      • Jarv says :

        The original is a piece of my childhood that I remember fondly. However unless you’ve got a real boner for Harryhausen, then it isn’t objectively great.

        Having said that- DO NOT BE DISSING THE ORIGINAL

        *gets all defensive and sheds a tear*

      • Droid says :

        No one’s dissing the original, ya pisshead.

      • Jarv says :

        OK- firstly, it’s midnight on a saturday which is a completely reasonable hour to be pissed at, and secondly I’m a touch sensitive about it, as I know that it isn’t very good, but it is something I love, and everyone’s got something like that.

      • Droid says :

        hehe

        Just messing with you.

    • Echo the Bunnyman says :

      really Mike?

      You have just given me a glimmer of hope that the evening might be silly fun.

      Clash the original is high camp and pretty hilarious, but it also has some pretty great beasties in it. I’m seeing this one solely for the beasties, so if it delviers there, I’ll be at least somewhat pleased.

    • koutchboom says :

      Yeah i need to watch the original which I will tonight hopefully is taxes don’t fuck the rest of my day.

  7. MORBIUS says :

    Kick-Ass doesn’t open here for another 2 weeks, your synopsis echoed most of what the TBers were saying over at Gingerville a few months ago.

    Agreed, Clash was a mish-mash. Saw it in 3-D, doubt that it needed to be or was improved upon by it. A quibble:
    When the ‘witches tell Perseus he is going to die, it is written is history, history is a documentation of PAST events, so wouldn’t it be more of a premonition or foretelling?
    Nice job Droid, I was going to see it no matter what, maybe your piece will dissuade some that are on the fence about it.
    BUBO had a 5 second ‘cameo’. WTF?#@%

    • Droid says :

      Is Bubo the owl? I only know that was a reference to the original only because you guys were talking about it the other day. Otherwise I would’ve been completely baffled by Worthington randomly picking up some weird owl thing.

  8. ThereWolf says :

    “I’ll never part with you, my beloved Bubo…”

  9. Tom_Bando says :

    I will prob. just rent it. I like the old one OK, even in ’81 those Harryhausen F/X were seen as a hold-over from another era, but they worked so well-no one cared.

    Hit Girl–kinda bothered by the concept of Jr. Bat Girl there acting like a 19 year old etc instead of the 10 that she really is. It’s sposed to be funny or whatever but somehow I think I’m wise in avoiding.

  10. Stuntcock Mike says :

    Well the thing is, I should have left the original alone with my fond childhood thoughts.

    Yeah Echo, I had a good time for sure. Koutch is right, it’s a bunch of filler and action scenes(and a laugh or two care of the old Argosian codger).

    That’s fine with me. What else did you expect from it really?

    • Droid says :

      The disappointing thing for me was the action scenes. The scorpion scene was shite and the Kraken scene was a mess.

      You never once got a good look at the Kraken. It was all tentacles and roaring head. It makes you appreciate directors like Cameron who know how to direct an action scene.

      I bet you the action in Prince of Persia will be better. I’m going on record here.

      • Jarv says :

        The Kraken in the original was shown in full glory.

      • Droid says :

        I’m going to watch the original to see what it’s all about.

      • koutchboom says :

        Ugh Prince of Persia looks like complete fucking shit. From the director of the worst Harry’s Potter. I’m going on the record that that movie will fucking blow.

      • Droid says :

        The worst Harry Potters are the first two. By a long fucking way. They are complete shit.

        Mike Newell directed Donnie Brasco. That is a fucking awesome movie.

        Jarv? Donnie Brasco for your underrated series.

      • koutchboom says :

        No way. The first two while yes a little cheesy weren’t sooo fucking lame on the acting front. The 4 was the rise of the Weasly and his humor. Also that prom see was sooo embarassingly lame. The acting was so bad and lame that I couldn’t get past it. 1-2 or just kind of silly, but they are fun.

      • Jarv says :

        Donnie Brasco is coming- I just keep forgetting to watch it, and I agree with the Koala, the second HP fucking stinks.

      • Droid says :

        Nope. The first two featured abysmal acting, terrible “comedy” via Potters family, the direction was lacking even an ounce of creativity, the pacing was woeful and I was bored out of my brain. I saw the second one at the cinema and fell asleep! And it was a matinee!

        I can forgive the acting as they were 11 years old or whatever, but the rest is creative decisions from experienced filmmakers and it’s complete shit. The books aren’t very good to begin with, but no decisions were made to adapt them for the screen. It is literally shat onto the screen Watchmen style. Which shows you how good a director Alfonso Cuaron is when he made a legitimately good film.

        Plus there are 20 minute Quidditch matches that make fucking womens tennis seem interesting!

      • Jarv says :

        You missed the quotation marks from that-

        It’s “Woman’s” or “females” tennis. I’m nearly certain many of them have done that many steriods that they’ve got Y-chromosomes. Like that South African Athlete.

      • koutchboom says :

        I guess I remember two kind of sucking, but it was just sucking because it was childish to me. 4 sucked because it was embarrassing to watch. We almost left the theater.

        Then again the whole Wizzard thing has always felt lame to me.

        Actually I’d probably say 5-6 are the worst because they are just fucking boring as shit. Most of 6 you can’t even see what’s happening because most of the movie is pitch black. I don’t know all in all 3 is the only worthwhile of the bunch.

        And either way Donnie Brassco was a gangster flick with probably 0 special effects, and judging by the POP trailer is looks to be that embarrasingly bad acting/script that will make that movie a failure like Harry Potter 4.

      • Droid says :

        I would say that 6 was pretty bad because it seemed like such a filler. Nothing really happened. I can’t even remember if Voldemort was in it. And the end was really lacking in emotional impact when spoiler a character dies that we’ve watched for 6 movies and I didn’t really give a shit.

        But it’s more competently made than 1 or 2.

        Donnie Brasco is a gangster flick, but it’s a great movie and very well directed, which is at least something. I said it would be better than Titans, which isn’t saying much.

      • koutchboom says :

        Being unable to physically see whats going on the screen does not scream competence.

      • Droid says :

        I had no issue with seeing what was going on.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah but your an Aussie, your use to living in the dark.

      • Droid says :

        *sigh*

        That makes zero sense.

      • koutchboom says :

        Spoken like a true Aussie.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, Aussies tell people when they’re talking complete shit.

      • xiphos0311 says :

        I watched Donnie Brasco over the weekend and it still holds onto it’s place as the third best mob movie ever made. Fogetabout it.

        I’ve seen pictures of Australia and it seems to be on the sunny and bright side, much more so then the UK.

      • Droid says :

        Best? The Godfather? Goodfellas? Mickey Blue Eyes?

      • koutchboom says :

        I actually saw on the Tele that said something like, due to their lack of good electricy and great convict bloodlines that Aussies have the best nightvision compared to any other race.

      • xiphos0311 says :

        In my opinion the best mob movie is Goodfellas, then a tie between Godfather 1 and 2 with two edging out one, then Brasco which might actually be the best at showing how much the day to day life of street level guys suck.

      • koutchboom says :

        I think Gomorrah is probably my favorite mob movie these days.

  11. Jarv says :

    Well, the thing about the original, is that it was very much of it’s time. Bits of it do still stand up (Medusa’s initial appearance) but other bits (Bubo etc) are painful. I love it because we got to watch it instead of Latin lessons, but Mrs. Jarv detests it for being garbage.

    • Droid says :

      But Mrs Jarv detests Avatar, so I say NO to Mrs Jarv!

    • Tom_Bando says :

      I remember liking Bubo but at the same time being very aware it was an r2d2 ripoff (Kinda like that little glowing star thingie that followed Jeff Bridges around in Tron)–it was a trendy gimmick of the day.

      Currently watching the Robe w/ Richard Burton and Victor Mature. You know–Torin Thatcher as Caligula? the guy was flat out bugnuts in this. Burton does a good job of channeling Shatner here but it’s Thatcher that you want if you do ever see this again. Chews a mean scenery.

      • Droid says :

        R2D2 rules!

        Do not be disparaging the boozy little robot, Bando. He’s like the Sam Gamgee of Star Wars. The true hero.

        R2D2 FTW!!!

      • Tom_Bando says :

        I only indicated Bubo was an R2D2 ripoff. Never said diddly about the relative quality of R2D2. I’m a fan.

        Remember R2 is a robot, and I’m on record as being fond of robots(of all sizes).

        Even Bubo.

      • xiphos0311 says :

        Do not be disparaging the boozy little robot, Bando. He’s like the Sam Gamgee of Star Wars. The true hero.

        How can a robot be a gay midget with a walking fetish?

      • Droid says :

        Well he is small and likes to wander off on his own, you know.

        But you get what I mean.

  12. Jarv says :

    Also. and I’m not saying the original is accurate, but it’s a fuck sight closer to the myth than this sounds like it it.

    I just want some cunt to make a proper version of the greek myths- how fucking brutal would the whole Theseus myth be, for example? (and I don’t mean that sciffy shit with The Candyman in it)

    • Tom_Bando says :

      I like Burgess Meredith, think it’s fun to see him in the original. It does have many familiar faces in it too.

    • Droid says :

      Hercules in New York not good enough for ya?

      Geez!

    • xiphos0311 says :

      It would never happen Jarv for two reasons.

      1. No way would anybody in Hollywood put up with the moral absolutes that the myth have. Do wrong pay the price is such an alien concept to the villains in Hollywood that they would never let it happen.

      2. The violence would also be deal breaker no way to make it PG 13(or equivalent) so shit fuck parents can use the movies as a baby sitter.

      This Jones vs Hopkins fight better not suck I laid out dinero for it.

  13. herr milflover says :

    I watched the original Clash a few weeks ago and toyed with a review for a while but couldnt get my shit together about it. My main points being:
    -it’s a lot of fun but didnt age very well
    -the fx looks like it’s from the 60s
    -love the Medusa and Witches scenes
    -Bubo is a fucking joke
    -Kraken looks like the Creature From The Black Lagoon with extra arms
    -Harmon as Perseus has the charisma of a doorknob
    -Burgess holds it all together, he’s excellent.

    POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD!!

    Then I saw the new Clash, and it’s a fucking mess, they totally butchered the story and ruined it.
    My main points being:
    -Perseus is now a vindictive tool, and losing the Andromeda romance and her ‘suitors being burned alive’ bit was a mistake
    -Neeson and Fiennes are great but we a lot needed more of the other gods
    -Gemma Arterton is hot
    -the fx is generally good but nothing to rave about
    -waste of Pegasus
    -Calibos and the Kraken are total crap
    -the Medusa and Witches scenes are once again the best parts of it
    -that soldier played by Mads Miekelsen fucking looks like The Rock (or is it just me?)
    -that dig at Bubo was a really stupid idea

    • herr milflover says :

      Oh, I forgot an important point

      Original Clash:
      -Nipple!!

      New Clash:
      -No Nipple.

      So Original Clash FTW!!!

    • Droid says :

      “Gemma Arterton is hot” but not in this movie. Unless you like chicks who look like they spent 17 years in a cellar in Austria. She’s desperately in need of a tanning bed.

      “Neeson and Fiennes are great but we a lot needed more of the other gods” like fucking Danny Huston as Poseidon! You cast him, so there’s obviously a character there! What the fuck happened to him!?

      “that soldier played by Mads Miekelsen fucking looks like The Rock (or is it just me?)” It’s just you.

      “that dig at Bubo was a really stupid idea” because 95% of audiences won’t know what the fuck it is supposed to be.

      • drmorbius says :

        Gotta agree with Milf, she looked better in some scenes than others, but Gemma was definitely hot!

      • Droid says :

        That’s fair enough, Morbi, but I like a woman that looks like she has a pulse. Maybe that’s just me…

      • herr milflover says :

        Being pale was fitting for Gemma’s character in my opinion, since she was basically like a guardian angel to Perseus.

        I’d rather see women be pale than orange from overtanning, it looks horrible and usually ages them 10 years.

      • Droid says :

        Sure, it might have been fitting for the character, but that doesn’t make her hot.

        And looking like you have a pulse is vastly different to being orange from overtanning.

        Looks like we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one.

        PS. She looked much better in the Prince of Persia trailer that was shown before Titans.

      • herr milflover says :

        Everything in the Presia trailers make it look like a fucking Mummy movie, I hadnt even noticed it was her.

  14. koutchboom says :

    Also that actress that plays Hit Girl, is going to be the vampire in the Let the Right One in Remake.

    She is going to be huge soon look out. I don’t mind her, but I do not think she is the right fit for LTROI vampire.

    Like I said before, can’t wait to hear the line:

    “I’m a vampire, duh.”

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