Jarv’s Musings

Welcome to Jarv’s Musings.

Jarv’s alcohol fueled thoughts on Film, TV and the various lists.

This is the 2012 version of the musings. Basically, I watch a lot of crap film, Television etc, and to procrastinate I review most of it. If you’re interested in my opinion on the lowest rung on the cinematic totem pole not called porn, then click on a link below.

In between that, I do also look out for films that I believe are truly underrated, and I do pick up the odd piece of TV and even read the occasional book too. Most of my reviews can be found on the Jarv’s Musings 2009-2011, but it was getting a bit full, so all new content can be found here, on the new musings page. This will expand as the year goes on, and I promise (honest) to keep it fully updated.

As already mentioned, I watch a lot of low rent schlocky films. I like to group these together in what I lovingly call The Schlock Vault: Where good films go to die.

These could be awful for any reason, but I do watch a horrid amount in the hope of unearthing some gold. Sometimes, I’m lucky, sometimes I’m not, but I’ll let you know either way…

Click a link for 2012’s offerings.

Latest Reviews:

As a dedicated cinephile *cough*honest *cough* I like to think that there are many films out there that are unappreciated for a variety of different reasons. When I come across one that I think is worth another look, then I’ll try to argue its case. If your interested, 2012’s are below.

Latest Reviews:

Made in Britain: Movies from the UK

Stop laughing at the back, Britain still does have a film industry. I blunder across these a lot, and when I find one that doesn’t fit in any of the other open ended series that I’m doing, I’ll put it here.

I grew up with The Planet of the Apes TV series every Sunday. As I hit my teens I discovered the actual Planet of the apes films for myself, and generally loved them (despite several being utter turd). Now with the surprisingly successful relaunch of the series with Rise of the Planet of the Apes, I’m taking this chance to review all of them. I started this series in 2011, and I hope to have it finished as soon…

THE GIANT PIG TRILOGY

I started this in 2011, and there are three GIANT PIG movies out there that I know about, and I’m reviewing all of them. Should be fun, eh? However, rumour has it that there are more out there, so hopefully we’ll see GIANT PIG return.

It was a bad idea last year, and I have no doubt that it’s a bad idea this time around. These are the rules- pick a film per year as close to your birthday as you can, and review it. That date is, for me, August 23rd. It’s always a mix of the good, the bad and the downright awful, but hey ho, them’s the breaks

The Full List for the Birthday Series Redux:

2011- The Skin I Live In (2.5 out of 4)
2010- The Last Exorcism (2.5 out of 4)
2009- Post Grad (1 out of 4)
2008- The House Bunny (1 out of 4)
2007- Knocked Up (1 out of 4)
2006- Volver (1 out of 4)
2005- Red Eye (2 out of 4)
2004- Dead Clowns (Orangutan of Doom)
2003- Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (1 out of 4)
2002- Talk to Her (4 out of 4)
2001- Jeepers Creepers (2 out of 4)
2000- Gossip (1 out of 4)
1999- All About My Mother (1 out of 4)
1998- The X-Files (1 out of 4)
1997- Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion (2 out of 4)
1996- The Last Supper (3 out of 4)
1995- The Usual Suspects (4 out of 4)
1994- Color of Night (2 out of 4)
1993- Surf Ninjas (Orangutan of Doom)
1992- The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag (2 out of 4)
1991- Pump Up the Volume ( 3 out of 4)
1990- Wild at Heart (3 out of 4)
1989- Bull Durham (3.5 out of 4)
1988- Crossing Delancey (Orangutan of Doom)
1987- The Big Easy (3 out of 4)
1986- Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1 out of 4)
1985- Better off Dead (3 out of 4)
1984- Oxford Blues (Orangutan of Doom)
1983- MetalStorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (2.5 out of 4)
1982- The Thing (4 out of 4)
1981- Honky Tonk Freeway
1980- Schock
1979- Rich Kids
1978- Coma

As well as watching a lot of films, I also read a lot of novels. Originally, believe it or not, I studied English Literature at university. As a result, and partially as a refuge from the endless barrage of sub-standard cinema I inflict on myself, I’m going to put up reviews to some of my favourite all time novels. I’m going to attempt to be more mature in the reviews than usual, but I’ll try not to be too boring. To read my thoughts on something I’ve read, pick a link below.

Reviews

Christmas Holiday Reading Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3
Jarv in Spain: the books

Does what it says on the tin. Being male, pointless lists appeal to me, and so when I’ve nothing to review, I’ll put together a meaningless top 10 of some description. This proves to usually be a lot of fun, and it’s certainly food for thought.

Horror Movie Series

Latest Reviews

Hoo-boy. This is not a good idea. Still, think of it as the UK version of Netflix roulette. The idea is that Lovefilm offers me a choice of 10 picks when I turn on the PS3. All I do is number them 1-10 then hit a random number generator to see which one I’ll review. The only rule is if one of us has already done it, then it’s off the list.

Reviews:

Other Reviews