So, with apologies to Wolf, who’s already done some of these films, it’s time to launch a new open-ended series. This one will be all about the end of the world and the dystopian mess left behind for the poor survivors to deal with. First up, is the Harlan Ellison penned (and later disavowed) 1975 classic A Boy and his Dog. I’m depressed to say this is billed as “a rather kinky tale of survival”, something that is inaccurate, misleading and gives a big hint as to why Ellison had such a downer on the film.
Contains serious weirdness and spoilers below. I’m not joking at all about the spoiler here- it’s enormous, but impossible to talk about the film without addressing.
I’ve been musing on this film since I saw it a couple of weeks ago, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the “bad” reputation for Death Wish being a rapestraveganza of nastiness comes from this film. I know this is a bit of a weird conclusion to draw, given that I complained about the weird rape in the last one, but, honestly, this is Michael Winner off the leash to a certain extent. This one’s picture light as pretty much every image from this film on the internets has jugs in it. Sorry about that.
Contains a total betrayal of the original film and spoilers below. Read More…
Don’t panic people. Despite my unemployed status, I’ve not really got an actual Death Wish. Rather, I’ve decided that I need a new series and Bronson’s cottage industry of one man ultraviolence strikes me as the answer (mostly because of the third one, if I’m honest). Anyhow, here we’ll be reviewing all 5 Death Wish films, chronicling one man army Paul Kersey taking justice to the punks of New York and Los Angeles. First up, is seminal 1970’s exploitation “classic” Death Wish. Obviously.
Contains Creeps and Spoilers below. Read More…
Christ, I’ve been lazy. I’ve got all sorts of entertaining reviews of drivel racked up and ready to go, but I am instead going to review The Guardian’s number 1 film of last year: Under the Skin. This is billed as an erotic sci-fi horror art film, which reads to me like they put a number of movie descriptors into a hat and then drew them out until they got bored. Nevertheless, this is a film I really wanted to see last year, as I like one of the director’s previous efforts (more on this in a moment), the awesome Sexy Beast.
Contains Alien fuckmonsters and spoilers below.
Seeing as I’m taking the high road and setting out to make sure that Finn can safely watch any manner of movies without untold trauma, nightmares and growing up into a serial killer, I’m taking it on myself to watch as many of the films I saw as a kid to see how “Family friendly” they are. Last time I provided sage and sound advice when confronted with Childhood classic and young mind destroyer Watership Down (Suitable for all, my arse). This time around it’s another one from my childhood: Hawk the Slayer Read More…
As The Church of Chang’s foremost lepologist, it’s my duty to review any Leprechaun movie out there. I first heard of a new Lep movie a couple of years ago, when the production company drank in my local boozer. They had the rights and were attempting to get Warwick back to bring us some more zany high-concept Lep fun. Sadly, they lost the rights and it passed on to WWE Studios- who instantly promised to reboot the series. Alarm bells began to ring at this point, if I’m honest. Nevertheless, WWE pressed ahead, and delivered unto us Leprechaun: Origins, and it’s now my sorry duty to bury the corpse of my favourite Horror franchise.
It’s been long noted in the 5 years or so that we’ve been doing this that I’ll watch anything, and can usually find some enjoyment regardless of how wretched the subject matter. I’ve taken on series such as Children of the Corn that would have had the brain of a lesser man melting through boredom, and I’ve reviewed 165 schlocky low budget b-movie efforts. Therefore, when I say that I’ve struggled with this series, and damned nearly abandoned it, you get an idea about how awful this film is. I started this fucking series A YEAR AGO, and came within a gnat’s pubic hair of binning it as a rancid idea. But now I can say with some confidence that I’ve done it- I’ve now finished the Halloween films.
And it’s been a real struggle.
Contains mystifying sub-Lynchian dream sequences and spoilers below.
This series is in no way me procrastinating and avoiding finishing the Halloween series. Honest.
For those of you that don’t know, I’ve recently entered the world of parenthood. So, the other day, I was standing perusing my DVD collection and noting the quite impressive amount of completely inappropriate material present there. We’re not talking one or two films that you wouldn’t show to a nipper, by the way, we’re talking only one or two films that you would feel comfortable with a child watching. This got me to thinking, and given that I’ve been quite patronising on my censorship series about crap parenting, about films I saw as a kid and whether or not I’d feel comfortable showing them to Finn. Fair enough, he’s only 5 months old so isn’t really aware of what’s on screen (accidental trauma caused by a viewing of Alien notwithstanding) but I was thinking, genuinely, what would I be happy with him watching? So, what I’m going to attempt here is a quick tongue in cheek look at some “Children’s classics” (most of which are not classic in the slightest, by the way) that I saw when young, and would I happily sit him down in front of it while I went to the pub. First up is beloved Children’s animation and not at all traumatic fascism analogy Watership Down.
Exactly what the title says. This time our intrepid reviewer has decided to take on 2 of the recent and shitty comic book adaptations being nut rubbed by the nerds, met with indifference by the general public while boring the arse off me.
Sadly, they’re not Ghost Rider 2. Although I am deeply troubled by his worrying Ex-Mrs. Martin obsession. Still, she seems to have had a conscious uncoupling from the Iron Man films now, so he’ll have to watch her try to act to get his fix.
Apologies for the late posting of this, I’ve had it for a while, but been buried under real life stuff. Nevertheless, Take it away Pillows… Read More…