Tag Archive | Film

The Return of Jarv’s Birthday Series- Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)


I’d completely repressed the fact that we’d done these bloody birthday series, which come complete with the added bonus of only being stopped by the reviewers’ actual death. Anyhoo, as I’m still on the unemployment train, I thought I’d have a look to see what treasures 2012, 2013, 2014 and 2015 had left for me before my imminent birthday this year. So, having briefly perused Wikipedia, I was quite pleased to see a palatable list that I’ve already (for the most part) seen and, more importantly, didn’t hate. My provisional list is: Premium Rush, You’re Next, Sinister 2 and, for 2014 and today’s entry, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For. I’ll also update the scores for the first run through after I catch up with 2016’s entry.

Contains new material written especially for Werewolves on the Moon that isn’t as good as the material that has already been published in this series (heh) and spoilers below

Read More…

Made in Britain: High Rise


I like Ben Wheatley films. Hell,  I even gave the nod to Kill List for my film of the year, and I rated Down Terrace quite highly too. Unlike Droid, I even found something to like in Sightseers. However, I found A Field in England to be a risible load of art student toss, and I’ve got nothing good to say about it. Unfortunately, for me, I don’t like J. G. Ballard, believing him to be probably the most overrated author Britain’s produced in the last 100 years. So, it was with somewhat mixed feelings that I sat down to watch Wheatley’s adaptation of Ballard’s famously unfilmable High Rise- a movie that spent the better part of 30 years failing to make it to the screen.

Contains social commentary (groan) and spoilers below Read More…

Being a responsible parent: Bumper 6 months unemployed edition! Part 1- Animation


The only benefit of long-term unemployment is that I’ve been able to spend an awful lot of time with Finn while he’s growing up. Other than that, and I do not say this lightly, this has probably been the most miserable 7 (count ’em) months out of work that I’ve ever had. However, keeping a happy smile firmly plastered to my face, I’m going to look at the bright side in that I’ve managed to indoctrinate watch a lot of stuff with the little ‘un. So, here’s a brief round-up of some of the many films that we’ve sat through. Read More…

A Droid Premiere: Captain America: Civil War (2016)



Last month, DC attempted to launch a franchise by pitting its two most famous and beloved superheroes against each other. ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’ turned out to be a bit of a mess. Some good things, and some not so good things. One of its biggest problems was that it felt overstuffed with characters and plot. Now, just a month later, Marvel is bringing us its own overstuffed movie that pits hero against hero. And while ‘Captain Himself: Fuck Everybody Else’ is just as long and just as loud as ‘Batman v Superman’, is it just as much of a mess? Let’s find out.

Read More…

A Droid Premiere: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)


BvS DoJ Header

It feels like this movie has taken forever to get to the big screen. I vaguely remember Wolgang Petersen being attached at one point in the early 2000’s. This was before ‘Superman Returns’. Before ‘Batman Begins’. And then there was that Times Square billboard in ‘I Am Legend’, teasing the possibility that the two most famous superheroes of all time would one day go toe to toe for our viewing pleasure.
Read More…

A Droid Premiere: Triple 9 (2016)



Surprise! Yes, it’s your old mate Droid here with a review of the new film ‘Triple 9’. Since it’s been a surprisingly long time since I wrote one of these, I expect it to be pretty terrible. So… par for the course, really.

Read More…

Made In Britain: Kingsman

Kingsman poster

Well, colour me surprised. After the terminally shit Kick Ass and Kick Ass 2, and the less than wholly whelming (to put it mildly) X: Men prequel, I’d written Matthew Vaughan off as someone that had it once, lost it, and cannae get it back. As such, and given that Kingsman was from a funnybook by Mark Millar, I had the film also written off as another lame Bond spoof along the lines of Jonny English. Except, given Millar’s involvement, probably more unpleasant. Imagine my surprise, when it proved to be quite entertaining and a highly watchable, albeit flawed, film- so much better than I thought it was going to be.

Contains Harry Palmer Gentlemen Spies and spoilers below Read More…

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Apocalypse, part 3: Snowpiercer (2014)

Snowpiercer poster

I once toyed with the idea of doing a film series called “The Overrated” and jamming it full of terrible films that receive a vigorous critical nut massage, either by legitimate critics such as Bradshaw of The Guardian (looking at you, Bridesmaids), or from fat, terminally virginal “geek” reviewers (take your pick, there are millions of them), or even films that achieve massive critical and commercial acclaim across the board while, frankly, stinking (paging Forrest Gump). Anyway, I discarded the idea on the basis that each review would be a mixture of me ranting and being bewildered, or sometimes even supplying a bit of bewildered ranting. Nevertheless, I’m more than a little bit disappointed to have my shiny new Apocalypse series tainted by one of this category with 2014’s insanely overrated Snowpiercer chugging out of the station.

Contains a worse train service than Thameslink and Spoilers below.  Read More…

I wish I was dead: Death Wish 5

Death Wish 5 poster

Everyone remembers the Simpson’s gag with an ancient Charles Bronson in Death Wish 9 saying “I wish I was dead, Oy”, and now we’re at the film that it best applies to on my little journey following the Kerse’s violent retribution on Street Punks. Death Wish 5: The Face of Death is the film where the series finally topped out, and is, frankly, a pretty poor way for the Kerse to check out. This is a franchise that should have been put in an old folk’s home after the third installment.

Contains bizarre transvestite hitmen with dandruff and spoilers below. Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Maximum Overdrive

Maximum Overdrive Posetr

Fucked if I know, Bubba. Fucked if I know.

It’s been a while since I did a Vault review as I’ve been attempting to be a bit classier in terms of my viewing choices. However, having said that, I did decide to launch an apocalypse series and stupidly asked for suggestions below the line. Amongst all of them, Maximum Overdrive stood out as something I’d always meant to watch but never really got round to. So, up it came, and having watched it, it’s not apocalypse material, but it does fit right in to the Vault as a massive, cheesy, lump of unashamed Schlock.

Contains death by coke machine and spoilers below.  Read More…