Burt Gummer’s Rec Room January 2012 Archive

A gathering place for firearms enthusiasts, paranoid survivalists and those who worship at the Church of Chang 

Welcome to 2012. This is meant to be the end of the world this year, but luckily we’re well stocked up for the collapse of civilisation with enough ammo to satisfy the Chinese Army, and plenty of rations.

Disclaimer: This is the part of the Church that is the most no holds barred. None of it is intended with malice, and although it can on occasion seem a little bit fraught, it is banter rather than venom. So, be warned that this is like taking a naked swim in a piranha tank and not recommended for the faint of heart.

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3,428 responses to “Burt Gummer’s Rec Room January 2012 Archive”

  1. tombando says :

    And garbage writers it must be said.

  2. Echo the Bunnyman says :

    morning all. Bando, X, Jarv.

    anyone here know anything about a movie called The Hunter? Looks like its about dafoe hunting a tasmanian wolf or something.

    Hulk humping bus=about par for the course considering its a bunch of mouthbreathers who worship Eli Roth

    • Jarv says :

      Yup. Bunch of weirdos.

      I’ve never heard of it.

      Forgot to mention, last night I watched Logan’s Run as it was on TV. Forgotten what a lousy performance York gives, but it is great fun spotting how many times Agutter accidentally flashes her minge at the camera.

      I was thinking about doing a dystopia series and including it, but it really isn’t a very good film. At all.

      • Jarv says :

        In strange news,

        Mickey Rourke set to star in Biopic of homosexual rugby player Gareth “Alfie” Thomas.

        Leaving aside that Rourke is a)too old. B)Not at all like Thomas and c) Not an accent specialist, who on earth thought that was a good idea. More to the point, who on earth thought the film was a good idea.

      • koutchboom says :

        He’s been taking about that for ages. He needs to get on Immortals 2 damnit, if he’s in it.

      • Echo the Bunnyman says :

        Rourke needs to start taking inventory again before he goes Travolta and pisses away another comeback. That movie with him as a drifter and Megan Fox as an ‘angel’ was tripe.

      • Echo the Bunnyman says :

        Im thinking Rourke might need a stint on television…let him play a heavy on something, or better, give him a show tailored for him…the way it makes sense for Ron Perlman to lead a biker clan on Sons of Anarchy.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s weird. While there probably is a film to be made about Alfie, in that he had a massive mental breakdown due to being in the closet, and the Welsh coach was shagging his wife, I’m not convinced that now is the time and even less convinced that Rourke is the man to play him.

        To make it even more strange, apparently Rourke has been looking at Raging Bull for inspiration. I don’t see how that fits at all.

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        What a weird idea. Who thought Rourke could play a gay Welsh rugby player 20 years younger than him?

        Terrible!

      • Jarv says :

        Shocking isn’t it.

        I heard about the film a bit ago, but this is odd casting. Extremely odd.

        Also Alfie was in the closet suffering his psychological trauma in his 20’s- and playing for Wales (as if that isn’t trauma enough). How the fuck is 60 year old Rourke going to do that.

    • tombando says :

      You’re serious about that one Jarv-the Hulk doing a Bus->?! Someone thought this was going to be a good idea over at Harold’s? Beaks must be writing in the TB section as somebody else again-

      He’s the guy who thinks the Belluci gets raped film was the best of the past decade right-?

      • Jarv says :

        Irreversible isn’t a bad film, in fairness bando.

        It’s just solidly unpleasant. It isn’t best of the decade.

      • Bartleby says :

        I disagree. It isnt a poorly made film. I think it can easily be categorized as a bad film.

      • Bartleby says :

        that should read ‘it isnt poorly made but can be categorized as a bad film. I think his intentions and motive are suspect, and what he achieves actually caves in on itself because the rape instead of gaining power because of it, like he wanted.

        Proof is that almost everyone, high-minded or not, that recalls the film only talks about that rape scene.

      • Jarv says :

        I disagree with your disagreement. It successfully achieves everything it wanted to.

        And on that score, lots of people talk about the structure of it, as with memento.

        What I think we can safely agree on, though, is that it isn’t in the 100 best films of the last decade.

      • Bartleby says :

        I disagree with your disagreement of my disagreement. Hehe.

        I dont know. It depends on whatit set out to do. If it set out to make some deep point about cyclical nature of violence and the price of revenge, then yes, I think it did fail because the central event. My thing is that cleverness–the structure–doesnt always equal good. Something can be smart or clever, without being wise or prudent, and that also doesn’t always equal good.

        If he was trying to make a movie geeks would talk about, then yes he succeeded.

        But even if the film is ‘successful’ by its standards, I still think you can say it isn’t ‘good’. For example, I suppose Hostel or the like could be deemed ‘successful by their standards’ but that doesn’t make them good.

  3. tombando says :

    Well, both James Farentino (73) and Nicol Williamson (76) have died, always liked Nicol as Merlin back in the day. Farentino I remember seeing overact as some editor or businessman or cop on ‘Police Story’ usually. But both were familiar faces. RIP both.

    Mickey Rourke needs to do something like Year of the Dragon again.

  4. tombando says :

    Do you remember seeing Year of the Dragon? Saw it once in the theatre fall of ’85 and haven’t since. Roarke, lotsa Yakuza style violence and etc. from what I remember-

  5. Continentalop says :

    Hulk humping a bus? For fucking real.

    5 will get you ten that whomever said that is a big fucking Feast fan.

    • Jarv says :

      Yup. I hope he was joking.

      • tombando says :

        I bet Harold said it.

      • Jarv says :

        Nah- it was a TB’er. Forgotten who. Although I wouldn’t put such idiocy past Harold either.

      • Jarv says :

        Talking about Harold, he’s splooged all over Chronicle. It’s being pushed really hard here, and I was mildly curious about it, even if it does look like the bastard lovechild of Heroes and Misfts.

      • tombando says :

        Yeah its the Wonder Twins making cars flip over. Not so sure about that.

      • Bartleby says :

        it’s not being screened in these parts–in either DC or Baltimore, for critics or press. That’s sort of questionable.

        And they show it to Harry.

        what that could be telling me is that they only expect hardcore genre fans are gonna like it

      • Jarv says :

        Not interested in the slightest. Harry basically wrote a plant review, it’s found footage *again* and I’m not at all convinced about this idea of using his Telekenisis to move the camera.

      • Bartleby says :

        that meant to say ‘for critics, press or the public’

        either they are trying to preserve the secrets or…its Cloverfield all over again. Im guessing latter.

      • Bartleby says :

        next week is all about Woman in Black for me, here’s hoping they make it half as scary as the stage play.

        For everyone else though, Kill List and Innkeepers finally get theater time in the U.S.

        That’s looking like a damn good weekend for horror.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s two of the best horrors of last year. Moving them into 2012 means that this may be a storming year for Horror in America.

        Have you seen The Woman? Sounds like TP to me, and I think Lucky McGee is a fucking hack, but fatso was splurging over it. Again.

      • Bartleby says :

        No. I made a resolution this year that if something looked wretched and depraved and people backed that sentiment up, I wouldnt bother watching it to verify.

        I can gurantee you its crap just from the content.

      • Jarv says :

        I may give it a shot if it’s free. If it sucks, that makes that Lucky fuck 0 for 3 and that means I’ll never watch another one of his films.

      • Jarv says :

        Also, I would make that resolution, but I’d have fucked it already with Bare Behind Bars. Which was reprehensible smut.

      • Bartleby says :

        the movie is about a group of guys who kidnap a feral girl and beat and molest her to ‘reform’ her and she gets revenge.

        you and I both know, no matter how well made, that given this things genre, that its going to be redeemable.

        Just say no. You want to see something, go find Cold Sweat. That one you can enjoy.

      • Bartleby says :

        that should be ‘unredeemable’

      • Jarv says :

        Right. I will probably pass. Lovefilm keeps trying to inflict that Neighbor film starring America whatshername from Bitch Slap. Except I know that’s TP, so I’m avoiding it.

      • Jarv says :

        Have you seen Red his third film? Because if I watch that, and it isn’t TP but is utter shit like May and The Woods, then I can strike him off forever due to that one. I hold out no hope that he’ll ever make an actually good film.

      • Jarv says :

        From Fatass’ summary of The Woman:

        I know people that love this movie – and I know people that couldn’t make their way through it. This is horror that pushes buttons on people – but I still haven’t seen it. Lucky McKee is one of my favorite working Horror directors. He’s pretty much working completely outside the confines of studio horror… and that is their loss. If you wanted to make a horror film on par with someone like Polanski… McKee might have it in him. Actually, I think Lucky could work miracles with a budget and top actors. But why? He’s making fine films on the down low. I’m dying to get this. TOMORROW. The film is about a Feral woman that a family captures and keeps. Shit happens that family newspapers would burn if the print fell upon the pages. There’s a lot of female brutality in this – and brutality in general. This could cause a reaction – in fact when it premiered at Sundance last year – there was one guy that literally went insane after the film. Find the Youtube… it is kind of classic – and any movie that can break a brain is one worth checking out for me.

        The first three bits in bold prompt the question: based on what? May was utter wank, and is getting some sort of weird rehabilitation despite it being a boring and pointless film. The Woods was bland and almost beyond lame. So, to claim his in the calibre of Polanski (who isn’t really a horror director, frankly) is laughable.

        The other bit is in bold because I cry bullshit on it, and anyway, if it did make someone lose their mind “literally” then it just strengthens the case for why films such as this and A Serbian Film or The Bunny Game should not be made.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I would say Polanski is a past master of the horror genre after all he directed a lifetime of horror for the children he raped fucking scumbag. Yes I know because short eyes makes “art”(he doesn’t he makes fucking movies) he gets a pass or whatever the child raping lovers say but fuck him and them.

      • Jarv says :

        OK, leaving aside his paedophila for a minute- He doesn’t make “horror” the same way that McKee fuck does. The only out-and-out horror he’s made is Rosemary’s Baby. Compulsion is psychological and the rest just aren’t.

        Now, looking at him being a fucking scumbag- he should be in prison, fact, and to bleat on about the DA reneging on the plea bargain just makes me want to stomp him

      • Bartleby says :

        One could argue The Tenant and Ninth Gate are also horror. Replusion as well.

        As for him being a scumbag, there’s no question there. And he should be in prison.

        His last movie was a whinging mess too.

        Lucky McKee is nowhere near as good a director (let’s face it, even monsters some time have talent) as Polanski was back in the Rosemary and Chinatown days.

        Also, not defending, just asking, as maybe I dont know the story that well. Xi, you said ‘children’? He did it multiple times? I always thought it was down to that one situation.

      • Jarv says :

        I haven’t seen The Tenant. The 9th Gate is maybe a horror, but not really. Repulsion is a psychological horror. Fuck knows why I called it compulsion.

        Re, the story. He drugged, raped and sodomised that girl, fact. However her parents basically pimped her out, because they knew about the parties and what took place there. It’s not an unreasonable deduction to assume that she wasn’t the first. Or the last.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        You don’t wake up one day and decided to make a fairly elaborate “seduction” scenario to incapacitate your victim by drugs and alcohol then violently anally and vaginally rape a 13 year old girl. for every one time the rollers take down a baby raper doing his thing there is a least 3 times they get away with it its how theses vampires work.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve seen some absurd justifications for it. Someone also wants to look at Nicholson’s role in it.

      • Bartleby says :

        probably not, but I was curious if you wre talking about other actual cases or speculation.

        Turns my stomach talking about the whole thing anyway.

        Well, May is psychological horror too, and The Woods is , while in the genre, about as ‘real horror’ as The Ninth Gate. More like dramas with some vague supernatural elements.

        They were also both crap.

        You know what’s funny bout Harry…He goes on forever about guys like McKee and Roth, but do you hear him–Harry specifically–ever mention guys like Ti West or the Stakeland people, or Ben Wheatley. I mean you look at my top list of horror for the year, and except for obvious exceptions like Dont be Afraid of the Dark, has Harry himself ever pimped a single one?

        So clearly an agenda there.

      • Jarv says :

        This also doesn’t help his supporters:

        In 1976, Polanski started a romantic relationship with Nastassja Kinski, who starred in Tess. She was between 15 and 17 years old, and he was 43. Their relationship ended at the completion of filming.[59] [60]

      • Jarv says :

        May is such an astonishingly shit film. It gets a huge amount of totally unmerited love, and it basically fucking stinks. I don’t know what he’s trying to say, and it fails as a horror movie in that it isn’t either scary or entertaining.

        Fucking wretched load of arseberries.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        its not unreasonable to assume that at all in fact its true.

        Also for the record Nicholson, who I am mortally sure got a taste, and the kids mom should have been buried under the prison along with director short eyes. In fact they should have Tracy Lords all of the baby rapers “art” and that was after forcibly returning the child rapist back to Hell A.

      • Jarv says :

        What fucks me off about it is how unrepentant he is. Even now he refuses to admit that there was anything wrong with what he did to her, and the level of self-justification is frightening.

        If he showed some remorse rather than coming out with the same self-serving crap about how everyone other than the short arse who inserted his penis into a 13 year old girl’s rectum is to blame then it would do him and his supporters so much good.

      • Jarv says :

        Oh and apparently the fucking maggot didn’t pay up his damages to her.

      • Bartleby says :

        no, Xi, I agree… I’m not gonna say 100% here that it happened again, but with him being who he is, Im sure it did. Afterall, he’s living in a place where he could just about do it and not raise an eyebrow.

        I was curious because actual additional standing cases existing, pushed under the rug, raise even more questions about the justice–or lack thereof–involved here.

        Surprising how nonchalant the Hollywood community is over somethinfg like this, but so many will tear up Heston because he was a member of the NRA or something.

        Not trying to make a political statement, just consistently baffled by the extreme nature of double circumstances in that whole world.

        Nicholson was in on it too? It happened at his place right?

      • Bartleby says :

        unfortunately Hollywood’s first concern has never been protecting children…

        Polanski is the wolf we know, think of the ones we don’t.

      • Jarv says :

        Nobody tries to stick up for that Jeepers Creepers fuck either. It’s just because Polanski is some kind of “artist”

      • Bartleby says :

        Victor Salva… Both he and Polanski, I boycott when I can. Got roped into that Carnage movie, but usually skip their stuff.

        Not absolving him of anything at all, but at least Salva did jail time for the crime.

        Polanski ran, and likely, just picked up doing what he did here elsewhere..

      • Jarv says :

        Yup.

        Kinski, for example, was 15 when he started fucking her- although that was before the DRS incident. There’s no way he stopped.

      • Bartleby says :

        Salva is creepy though because he keeps putting stuff in his movies that just feels like a dormant predator.

        I didnt even know about the charges and the jailtime when I saw Powder, but I rermember thinking it was incredibly creepy, particularly the way the camera lingered over a teen boy’s body while in the locker room or the whole nature of the Powder character, who felt like this misfit that Salva identified with.

        At least in Jeepers Creepers, he seems to be mostly relating to the monster who preys on young boys to get what it needs.

      • Jarv says :

        Not seen that. I thought you meant the British film about the Grams. Which is a good book (a bit dated) but I bet is a lousy film.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah luckily Sam Rockwell kept his mouth shut. I still wanna see Clownhouse.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Jonah recently there was another women that came forward and accused the “artiste” of under age rape of attacking her when she was around 14-15. I believe she was able to obtain a civil judgement against the piece of shit. Also Nicholson was present for at least part of the attack and could have stopped it at the beginning but he chose to run away instead and came back later before the girls mom came and got her.

        Jarv, all that bothers me to no end also plus the other argument that since he survived the holocaust his wife was murdered and he makes “art” the same standards don’t’ apply to him. So by that reasoning anybody that had seriously fucked up shit happen to them they should get a pass also but NO it doesn’t work that you have to be an artiste to get shined on for your actions.

      • Jarv says :

        No, Nicholson was in Vale. Angelica Huston was there, and tried to stop it, but bought Polanski’s shit about the photo shoot. However, the girl had been to “parties” with her reprehensible mother which Nicholson definitely had been at.

        Totally agree with all of your second paragraph. The cycle of abuse should be no excuse. Being able to control ourselves is one of the things that separates us from monkeys.

        Also, the self-serving fuck has been using Tate’s murder as an excuse/ “muse” for fucking years when it suits him.

      • Bartleby says :

        thanks xi. I suspected as much.

        Even so, if he only did it once and never touched anyone after, guess what, he still did it that once…and there’s a price for those actions.

        A price he has no intention of ever paying.

        Scrap Hollywierd and force everyone to make indie movies in their back yard. the result would probably be better.

      • Jarv says :

        Even Kinski was fucking dodgy. She was fucking 15 when he started “the relationship”. T

      • tombando says :

        *Kinski being 15. Yeah that’s still too young, even for Hollywood.

        *Of course Polanski shoulda done 10-20 years for what he did. Gag. I still admire the Pianist, for whatever it’s worth.

        *Jaack hangs around w/ some real sleazebags, including Robert Evans. You gotta know that guy was involved in some stuff that would have bounced him into Sing Sing if his name was Fred Smith.

        *As for Harold–well you know he has Zero credibility, he is co-opted by wanting to push his hollywood ‘Friends’ pics (Roth etc), and is most certainly paid off to do it, too. I’d avoid any of his alleged reviews like the plague just because. Rancid is as rancid does.

        *Blame the Monkey.

  6. Jarv says :

    Cricket is much better than the last test. England blew Pakistan away in three overs this morning, and only lost the expected wicket of Strauss.

    Cook and Trott just need to hang around for a while, until the ball softens and then the more destructive batsmen below them can do some real fucking damage. It would be nice if they back up the bowlers properly, unlike the last test.

    • Jarv says :

      This is inordinately boring cricket. But that’s exactly what the doctor ordered. Just grind the fuckers into the dust of Abu Dhabi.

      • Jarv says :

        Fucking hell. England batting collapse.

        Should get a lead still, but they’re contriving to find a way to fuck this up. This has to be the end of Morgan.

  7. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Watched Rango last night, which was a bit bizarre, but a movie I warmed up to by the end. The animation was pretty awesome, characters were okay. No way would it crack a top ten for me.

  8. Jarv says :

    My work computer is completely fucked and I’m struggling to get on to the internets. Which is a cunt, given that almost all of my work is on the internets.

    I’ll try to pop in every now and again today, but it’ll be more likely when I get home.

  9. tombando says :

    WHERE is Jarvs partner in crime Droid?

  10. Bartleby says :

    morning all…hows it going?

    watched that new show Touch with Jack Bauer. crap, it’s clearly trying to be another Heroes and Kring lost me the first time out.

    This one isnt even interesting in the pilot.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      how was Jack Sack Bauer in it since he’s playing the complete opposite character from 24? Does he still growl yell his lines?

      • Jarv says :

        Outta here. See you later. Will try to post something tonight, as I’ve got a bit of spare time and it’s been very quiet recently.

      • Bartleby says :

        there are moments where he forgets he isnt Jack Bauer, but he’s really the only interesting part.

        I’ll probably give it a second chance just to see if Sutherland can pull it out of the fire.

        Funny thing is that Sutherland spent the first part of his career almost only playing bad guys–my fave is his Peter Lorre-esque mad scientist in Dark City–and then the rest of it playing Mr. Hero.

        Seems far off now, but I remember a time when if kiefer even showed his face in a movie, you knew something bad was about to happen.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I’ll probably give it look myself at some point I’m sort of a sucker for the premise and I like Bauer. good point about him I had forgot about how he use to specialize in playing the bad guy/dick head now he’s the hero. Pretty odd arc he took.

  11. Jarv says :

    Just watched shutter. Ignore imdb: it’s shit.

    • Jarv says :

      Right.

      RAnt time. A plague on some of the J-horror out there. Boring, drab, uninteresting films with crap ghosts and some kind of tragic act in the past. Irritatingly they all end the same way (on a downer). Given that the end of Shutter was a great shot, although it did break its own rules, I honestly can see why they remade it. I don’t think it warranted it, but I can at least see the argument.

  12. koutchboom says :

    Watched Smashed, it was a lot of fun. Much better than Extremely Loud and Incredibly 24. I doubt anyone here is gonna be man enough to enjoy Smash though. Surprisngly Houston wasn’t a super bitch (Devil Wears Prada rip off) that the trailer made her look like. Also the show was fucking moving which I liked. And the music was good.

  13. koutchboom says :

    And I don’t what the fuck this is, and it looks pretty low rate, but it also looks like it could be pretty fun. That’s if I could ever get my hands on it.

  14. Jarv says :

    Pity Skippy’s away. Australia finished annihilating India tomorrow and rumours of England suddenly being shit are proving exaggerated.

    Monty’s back in the side and in the wickets. I love Monty, he’s great.

  15. Jarv says :

    Hee hee.

    On Lovefilm’s movie quiz the question was “Which producer did Tarantino beat in a fight”

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      Answer: himself in front of a mirror while an obscure film he’s planning to rip off, fuck up and make way to boring with a lot of shot of chicks feet is playing in the background*

      *yes I know it was fatty what’s his face

      • tombando says :

        Cokey needs to make F Troop and just get tbe retro stuff outta his system.

      • Jarv says :

        I think Cokey should remake Barbarella.

        This has numerous advantages:

        1. I don’t care about the original.
        2. He can’t fuck it up any more.
        3. There’s an inordinate amount of boring talking in it.

        Works.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Taranhackatino he would still fuck up Barbarella by adding even more talking to it. Mostly likely a gaggle of females talking so much about nothing it turns into white noise. The usual suspects suffering from fatal cranial rectal inversion will eat it up and proclaim banana heads “genius” because of it. Fucking tasteless cocksuckers

      • Jarv says :

        There’s fecking Loads of boring chat in Barbarella though-

        Can you imagine when she starts talking to the Angel about what’s going wrong- he’ll throw in a reference to Coldplay’s first album.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        yes but he’s a genius!

      • Jarv says :

        Obviously I’m being dense here, and any change to insert pointless pop culture dialogue about bands that nobody cared about even when they were releasing singles would fit in with a future world.

        Anyway, it’s not like he ever gets it wrong…

      • tombando says :

        Rather see Cokey go forwards w/ the long digesting F Troop re-do, Stiller and Owen need the work.

  16. Jarv says :

    IRON SKY!

    Space Nazi’s premiere at Berlin Film Festival in February. Finland release on 4th April, with German release on 5th.

    This means that there’s a fairly good chance we’ll get a UK release in April!

    Yes!!!

  17. Continentalop says :

    Sorry, but you guys are all wrong. There is no comparison between Polanski & Victor Salva.

    Salva actually served his time.

    (Snart intended).

    • koutchboom says :

      Yeah I wonder how much of his silence has helped Sams career?

      • Bartleby says :

        nothing at all to suggest Rockwell, 18 at the time, was remotely involved in the situation other than starring in Clownhouse.

        Also, regarding Salva serving ‘time’ he served 15

      • koutchboom says :

        Well that’s because he knows how to keep his mouth shut. You seen Clownhouse?

      • Bartleby says :

        sorry, meant to say..

        Also, regarding Salva serving ‘time’ he served 15 months of a 3 year sentence.

        Im sure the kind he molested didnt get over it in 15 months…

    • Bartleby says :

      Well, I said that above regarding Salva and the jail time. Still, I think it’s not exactly the height of intelligence to put him at the helm of movies that feature teenage boys as the central characters

      Getting caught and serving your time isn’t heroic, nor does it ultimately clear him of what he did back then.

      It only makes Polanski worse because he hasn’t served time and is ultimately given more leniency than Salva. No one makes excuses for Salva–nor should they–but Polanski, regarded as a master, is given afar too much leeway and even defense.

      I’m also not against letting Salva continue to work, but I do find that his ‘issues’ find their way into his movies often and usually leave me feeling dirty.

      The Creeper sniffing Justin Long’s underwear in the first film before the denoument where the thing takes him back to its lair and you hear him screaming endlessly as it takes what it needs ( I realize it’s harvesting organs, but still).

      Or the second film with the barechested foortball team lined up urinating in a panning shot….really?

      • Continentalop says :

        Not justifying or defending Salva other than the fact that he legally served out his sentence. In that regard, he is much more deserving of our “respect” than Polanski is.

        Salvas’s films, however, I admit cause me to raise an eyebrow. Like you said Bart, everyone seems to be an ode to young male bodies. It’s as wrong as if Fatty Arbuckle had been guilty and made a series of coca-cola commercials.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        “respect” for a short eyes, not in this lifetime. Piece of shit deserves nothing more then knife in the throat.

      • Jarv says :

        With Xi on this one.

        Particularly given the sentence the cunt served.

      • Continentalop says :

        Hence why I put “respect” in quotes.

        Just to reiterate, Salva is a POS and despicable but he did serve his sentence, as light as it was. Polanski couldn’t even do that. So in that regard, Polanski is a much bigger POS than Salva.

      • Jarv says :

        Yup. With you on that one as well.

        Fucking scumbags.

  18. Continentalop says :

    I have to say I’m a big fan of Polanski’s films – Knife in the Water, Fearless Vampire Hunters, Chinatown, Rosemary’s Baby, etc. I just refuse to see the films he made after being charged with rape and fleeing.

    Yes, I understand he was probably molesting and sleeping with underage kids before that, but he hadn’t yet been charged. So I refuse to punish Mia Farrow, John Huston, Fay Dunaway, Cassavettes, etc for working with someone who’d turn out to be a child rapist.

    But his later films, fuck it. Those actors – Harrison Ford, Sigourney Weaver, Jodie Fostet, ect – choose to turn a blind eye to his crimes, I don’t.

  19. Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

    This trailer for Indonisian stabbery-fu fest The Raid looks brilliant. My sort of film.

  20. Jarv says :

    I think I need to do something about the Musings page. It’s getting ridiculously big now.

  21. koutchboom says :

    UNKNOWN – LIAMS THE BAD GUY ALL ALONG! THERE I JUST SAVED YOU TWO HOURS.

    POINT BLANK (FRENCH FILM) – FUN

    NOW GONNA WATCH BEST SELLER, NEVER HEARD OF IT BEFORE I THOUGHT O KNEW ALL MY FAMILIES OLD VHS DON’T REMEMBER EVER SEEING THAT, LOOKS GOOD.

  22. Droid says :

    Ahoy Changians. Snowboarding was good. I gradually got better as the week went on. Hard work though. I’d rather not be at work today. Anyhoo, hope everyone’s had a good week. Here’s what I watched during my holiday.

    Battlefield Earth – Forget about the terrible acting, script, story… The thing that makes this a strong candidate for the worst film ever is the direction. It is so inept it really is quite astounding. And using a Star Wars style wipe to transition between every scene just makes it even worse. I stopped counting the wipes when I got 6 in the first 10 minutes.

    Take Shelter – Good film built around an excellent performance by Michael Shannon.

    The Thing – If this was called “Deep Freeze” or “Sub Zero” or some other generic unrelated title, then it would be a meh, forgettable, sunday afternoon diversion. But since it’s called The Thing, and therefore insists on being compared to the Carpenter film, it blows. It’s not scary in the slightest, and replaces dread and tension with “BOO!” scares. Crap.

    The Big Year – This is alright I guess. It’s not really very funny, which I expected from Martin, Black and Wilson. Kind of innocuous, and very forgettable.

    The Great Muppet Caper – Not the greatest Muppet film ever, but still entertaining.

    A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas – Shit. Striving very hard to get laughs out of characters that only just worked well enough for one film.

    The Interrupters – Pretty good, but a step down from Hoop Dreams (one of my favourites).

    Paradise Lost 1 & 2 – The first one is very good, and very effective. But without their pretty amazing access to important people involved and also to trial footage, the second one didn’t feel like it was that necessary. Could’ve been a half hour update and not a 2 hour doc.

    Black Snake Moan – The best SLJ performance I’ve seen in… well, I don’t know how long. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve thought of SLJ as much more than a joke, but I thought he was pretty damn great in this movie, which I liked much more than I expected to.

    Deja Vu – The good version of Source Code. Probably review this for my Quantum Droid series.

    In Time – An intriguing concept (Andrew Niccol is good with these), and some interesting ideas that seem to have been lost in a muddle of screenplay conventions. What this film could’ve been if Niccol had the opportunity to explore that world properly is anyone’s guess.

    • Jarv says :

      Black Snake Moan – The best SLJ performance I’ve seen in… well, I don’t know how long. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve thought of SLJ as much more than a joke, but I thought he was pretty damn great in this movie, which I liked much more than I expected to.

      Huzzah!

      I think BSM is a really underrated film. It’s genuinely good, and Ricci and SLJ are superb in it.

      • Jarv says :

        Also, I was thinking about this, but BSM must have some of the worst marketing ever done.

      • Droid says :

        I don’t remember the marketing for the film. Just that I wasn’t very interested in seeing it.

      • Jarv says :

        They tried to sell it as exploitation. It clearly isn’t.

        SLJ is brilliant in it, and understated. I love the soundtrack as well. Talking about which, I’m going to see the Black Keys soon

      • Jarv says :

        Paradise Lost 1 & 2 – The first one is very good, and very effective. But without their pretty amazing access to important people involved and also to trial footage, the second one didn’t feel like it was that necessary. Could’ve been a half hour update and not a 2 hour doc.

        Agreed. Totally. The second one felt extraneous, because it felt like an attempt to nail the stepfather.

      • Jarv says :

        Weekend viewing:

        1. Chaw: GIANT PIG!!!! Review coming. Not to spoil my own review, but felt a lot like Korean Twin Peaks.
        2. Return of the Living Dead 3: Awesome
        3. Super: Shit. Utter shit. Mean spirited and hateful. By far the worst of the three “Not really superhero” movies of 2010. Hated every minute of it, and we’re it not for Juno’s performance then I would stringly be considering an Orangutan of Doom for it.
        4. Defendor: This is the film Super wishes it were.
        5. Alien v Ninja: Huzzah!
        6. Stakeland Still very good. Actually, I think I may have underrated it on first watch.
      • Droid says :

        Defendor FTW!!! I really have no interest in Super. I don’t like the main guy, the trailer didn’t appeal and all the mean spirited talk about it just makes it a nono for me.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s shit. You’ll hate it, I can practically guarantee it.

      • Droid says :

        Yep. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that he was the only one that would talk to them, and without other people to talk to, or trial footage, it focused all its efforts on on painting him with circumstantial evidence. And it felt a bit like they were doing to him what had been done to the three convicted boys. He’s a dodgy guy, but a lot of what he says is to get his face on camera.

      • Jarv says :

        I think, from reading about it, that he is a legitimately realistic suspect. However, they really fucked up the investigation- the guy found washing blood off himself in the diner, for example, was never identified.

        I think he’s served a shit-load of time as well.

      • Droid says :

        Sure, he’s suspect. I don’t disagree, but the way they tried to link a bite mark (which was disputed by the prosecution) on one of the kids face to the fact that Byers had his teeth removed or lost his teeth (whatever the story was) 3 years after the crime just seemed like throwing the proverbial spaghetti at a wall and hoping something will stick. Firstly, the bite mark was never pursued in the first trial. It was deemed to be a belt buckle mark then. So to try to say that Byers just up and had them removed 3 years later on a whim, just in case they got a retrial and then someone decided it was not a belt buckle but a bite mark just seems absurd to me. Nothing about Byers suggests that he would ever think that it could link him. He’s just not that smart. And if he was, he’d have done it a long time before. Not 3 years later when he’d already gotten away with murder (supposing it was him).

      • Jarv says :

        I agree. It felt like they were making the exact same mistakes as the prosecution did initially.

        Bloody lucky the kid didn’t get executed.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, Ricci was good. But SLJ was excellent. Really, I’m so used to him being in OTT in junk that it’s a huge surprise when he’s actually good in a good film.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Super is that the one with the Dwight from From the American Office? If so that movie is terrible.
        What a waste of time most of the funny book movies are dire enough why would anybody want to watch some goof without any powers?

      • Jarv says :

        That’s the one. Utter shit.

        I’d love to rant about it, but it would be really spoiler-y. Particularly regarding the end which I hated with a passion that could be charitably described as being of the fire of a 1000 suns.

      • Droid says :

        I already know something very spoilery that happens in the film. And it’s so obnoxious and mean spirited that it automatically became a “not interested” movie.

      • Jarv says :

        If it’s what I think it is, then it’s truly unpleasant, and feels really awful in context. It’s another example of Watchmen’s post modernism in action.

        When you take that, and the end, then the film is an absolute pile of shit. The more I think about it, the more the ending actually pissed me off. It’s a massive fail, a stomp to the bollocks and an all round kick in the tits.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        The only accidental amusement I got from Super was Dwight using a pipe wrench as his super weapon for some reason that made me chuckle. I guess giant forehead girl was amusing in a total nut job sort of way.

      • Jarv says :

        The start, to be fair, with Super Jesus or whatever he’s called is quite good. It works for a while, then it just goes completely to pot in a really mean spirited and virulently unpleasant way. The last act is so many shades of wrong.

        The pipe wrench is a good gag, once, but the film abandons it as well.

        Fuck it- Spoilers below:

        This is where the end is wrong. The whole film works to have Dwight rescue Liv Tyler from Bacon. Gradually the film reveals that she’s a crack whore and has gone back to him willingly. She’s also been fucking all sorts for cash. He hooks up with Juno, who rapes him in costume (there’s no other description of it, before the big showdown (Juno gets her head blown off, and nobody gives a fuck). He rescues Liv and then….

        She leaves him anyway. The film tries to pretend it’s because she was “special” and he was saving her. However the problem is that you don’t have any sympathy for her on any level. She’s a crack whore, and that’s it. Furthermore, we don’t “know” her, and are almost indifferent to her fate.

        So, he’s left sitting on his arse with a pet rabbit (FFS) feeling happy about how he enabled Liv to go on to better things. The whole film is an enormous kick in the knackers, and it simply has not earned this ending. He isn’t Defendor, he’s simply not a retard and as such it is almost insulting to see this.

      • Droid says :

        SUPER SPOILER

        “Juno gets her head blown off, and nobody gives a fuck”

        This is the spoiler I know.

      • Jarv says :

        Well, I’ve just blown that Juno is mentally unbalanced. And I’m not joking, she rapes him.

      • Droid says :

        I guessed that she was mentally unbalanced from the trailer.

      • Jarv says :

        I never saw the trailer. It completely missells the film by the way.

        To rate them: Defendor is far and away the best of these films, then Kick Ass, then Watchmen, then Super. That’s right, it’s more obnoxious than Watchmen.

      • Droid says :

        If Kick Ass is the second best of the lot, then that doesn’t say very much for these types of movies. But, I’d put Boy Wonder up there with Defendor. I think I prefer Defendor, but Boy Wonder is excellent.

      • Jarv says :

        Haven’t seen Boy wonder. Who’s in that?

      • Droid says :

        No one. But the kid who plays the main character is terrific.

      • Droid says :

        I’ve got it. I’ll put it on the hard drive when I next get it. Got loads to put on there.

      • Droid says :

        And I’d rate Watchmen as better than Kick Ass. That’s how much I hated Kick Ass.

      • Jarv says :

        I much preferred Kick Ass to Watchmen, in that I didn’t hate it. It wasn’t any good, but it didn’t make me want to drown a puppy.

        Avoid Super like the plague then.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah Special is probably the best.

      • koutchboom says :

        No Special, it also was sort of the first one of this most recent run.

      • Jarv says :

        Never even heard of it. I may do a series of the lot of them once I see it.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Can’t disagree with you Jarv you nailed it. I would add the other things that bugged me was the movie was overall pretty boring. I can forgive a lot if I am entertained by what I’m watching but if I get bored I notice every problem. the other thing is that there was actually a decent movie hidden inside of all the shit. conceptually there is room to explore in the idea which they didn’t do at all. There was some potentially interesting characters like Kevin Bacon(who was good I thought) who’s bad guy started off trying to the right thing in the wrong way. jumping into the story with Tyler already gone and trying to slow reveal her background was dumb. the goofy religious super Jesus was funny.

        See lot’s of potential killed by terrible execution.

      • Jarv says :

        Aye.

        There were some good performances. The best scene of the film was Bacon eating the eggs.

        Even taking that stuff about Bacon and whatnot, though, I reckon the end of it is so horribly mean spirited it would have fucked it anyway. A far better ending would have been to either have him die, or continue on fighting crime with Juno (her death was very badly handled) and losing his wife to drugs. To retrospectively try to paint her as a saint was offensive.

        Also, there were good ideas in there that it just kind of abandoned, like him going wrench happy, completely crazed with power and lost all sight of right and wrong. Yet nothing came from it. Also Dwight doesn’t have the intensity to bring the anger to the part. He just has one facial expression (Sad sack) and that’s it.

    • tombando says :

      Think the only one of both Droid And Jarvs lists that I have seen is The Muppet one.

    • Just Pillow Talk says :

      I didn’t really like Deja Vu when I saw it, but to be honest, I can’t really remember shit from it.

      • Droid says :

        It’s the second time I’ve seen it. First time I was a bit meh about it. Just thought it was okay with a really good car chase. But after watching Source Code, which is remarkably similar, I really enjoyed it on the second viewing.

    • Bartleby says :

      Welcome back Droid.

      Agree with all of those except good version of Source Code. Then again, I remember very little about Deja Vu other than ‘this needs a different director.’

      In Time was a real disappointment because it felt like the movie was hijacked by generic action script #3.

      Shannon was amazing in Take Shelter. Think it’s a real shame he wasn’t nominated. What did you think of the ending (without spoilers)?

      I liked it actually,

      • Droid says :

        I honestly think Deja Vu deserves another look from you guys. It’s a lot better than people (including me prior to watching it again) give it credit for. I was really surprised at how similar a lot of the plot is to SC, and how much better it does it. But that said, Deja Vu has the advantage of it’s main character not having to steal a Fentress brand meat suit for the film to squeeze out a happy ending.

        Take Shelter is a good movie. And I’ll be honest, I expected the ending to come. It’s hard to go into without giving anything away, so I’ll just say that all through the film I thought it is how it ended.

      • Droid says :

        Also, Chastain was very good in TS.

      • Bartleby says :

        With TS, I think they did such a good job with it that my initial suspicions about it changed and I thought, huh, maybe….and then when it comes it felt different than I expected it to feel..

        Chastain’s nom for The Help feels like an honorary when it should have been for TS.

        I think you will find, too, that TS gets better on second viewings. I saw it months apart from the initial, and liked it even more.

        Im willing to give Deja Vu a second chance, especially since it will probably feel like the first chance. I’m honestly struggling right now to remember it, but I can distinctly picture certain scenes so I know I saw it.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve never seen Deja Vu, but it’s on Lovefilm’s watch now, so I’ll give it a shot.

        As a series, I was thinking about doing Lovefilm recommends- there’s about 10ish films that they “recommend” and I was thinking about reviewing them all. I may come back to it.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m really struggling with this Chaw review. For a start, I’m not getting the GIANT PIG voice right, secondly, it’s a bastard to review.

      • Droid says :

        Lost your knack for the voice eh? Just go back to the old AICN threads and re-read what you wrote.

      • Jarv says :

        It wasn’t me. The problem is that GIANT PIG only ever appeared in one line. Whereas I’m trying to do a whole review. I may bin this as an idea, because it’s laboured, isn’t scanning well, and isn’t funny.

        Maybe if I do it properly, and then just have an interlude from GIANT PIG at the end.

      • Droid says :

        You could introduce the film as GIANT PIG. Like a welcome message from GIANT PIG, he introduces the film and then gives it over to his subserviant personality good friend Jarv.

      • Jarv says :

        I never even thought of it. I always thought it was either Kloipy or Frank.

      • Jarv says :

        Binned it. Am starting again.

      • Jarv says :

        I think I may stop doing this, as I’ve started reading on-line reviews for inspiration.

      • Droid says :

        What are the films Lovefilm recommends?

      • Jarv says :

        Tron, Cashback, Anuvahood, Help I’m a Fish, Rise of the Footsoldier, Honey I shrunk the kids, Dead Man running, A Prophet, Mr. Nice, The Runaways, Rare Exports, Robot Chicken Star Wars, 50 Dead Men Walking, The Losers, The Ghost, Red, Oldboy, Hurt Locker, White Bits, Disappearance of Alice Creed, The Machinist, Chopper, A Single Man, Super Size Me, 3:10 to Yuma, The Proposition, Arn: The Knight Templar…

        and why I’m not doing it:

        The Lives of Others, Splice, Twilight: Eclipse.

      • Droid says :

        On what basis does Lovefilm recommend those films?

      • Jarv says :

        I have absolutely no idea. That’s why I thought of the series- there isn’t any common link between them.

        Also, they don’t know how to categorise the films properly.

      • Droid says :

        Is it a personnal recommendation or a general Lovefilm wide recommendation? One would presumably be based on viewing habits I suppose.

        What the hell is Help I’m a Fish?

      • Jarv says :

        It’s Lovefilm wide.

        Help, I’m a fish (I have actually seen this) is a cartoon about a little boy and his mates that get transformed into fish. It is, needless to say, rubbish

      • Droid says :

        Okay, so someone’s just thrown a dart at a board covered in movie titles to decide what to recommend.

      • Droid says :

        Speaking of Lovefilm. The undercutting douchebags have dropped their streaming only to £5 a month to undercut Netflix by a pound.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s not bad- if you have any interest in foreign movies, that is. However, most of it is crap, the interface is terrible and it is riven with problems.

      • Droid says :

        I had trouble streaming them so I won’t bother.

      • Jarv says :

        Don’t bother then. The interface is awful, frankly.

      • Droid says :

        Jarv, the Apes box set is £24.79 at Play. If you’re interested.

      • Jarv says :

        Yup.

        It’s below £20 in Morrissons, so will be getting purchased when I next go.

      • Droid says :

        Is that DVD or Blu?

      • Jarv says :

        Dunno, Mrs. Jarv told me. If it’s DVD then I’ll get the blu off play. Having recently watched all of them bar Burton’s POS, I have to say that I really like the series.

      • Droid says :

        I think it might be the dvd. It’s 18 on Amazon for the dvd, and 31 for blu. The play deal is a today only code that discounts it to 24.79 from 31. So it might be worth checking at Morrisons on the way home or something. Because that £20 would be a great deal for 7 movies on bluray. Especially including a brand new one that still goes for 14 on it’s own.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ll have a look. Even the 18 for 7 DVD’s is a great deal. Particularly given that the original and Rise are exceptional, while Escape, Beneath and Conquest are good. Only Battle and Burton’s POS is a “bad” film.

      • Jarv says :

        It makes no sense at all, which is why I thought of doing it, it’s a truly random selection of films.

        Some of them are more interesting choices than others, but often it seems like they’ve just jammed in anything they’ve got recent.

        The foreign section in Lovefilm is actually really good.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, there’s some really good movies in there. The Proposition, Chopper, 3:10. But then you’ve got crap like Red. Who recommends Red? It sucks.

      • Droid says :

        I know what you mean. My first thoughts were option 1, but then option 2 began to lay in some doubt, but 1 was my overriding expectation. It’s well handled and still would’ve worked either way. Which is it’s strength. And Shannon is superb. It’s the directors first film isn’t it?

  23. tombando says :

    Weekend viewing? Well the 6 hour Djokovic/Nadal marathon comes to mind. Some Great tennis there, all in Droids backyard(so to speak).

  24. Droid says :

    What a shitty looking Oscars line up. I’d give Best Pic to Moneyball out of that lot.

    And WTF is Tintin not even nominated in Animated for?

    • Droid says :

      Best Supporting Actress – Melissa McCarthy

      Sweet jesus. That’s pathetic. And a best screenplay too? Fuck off.

      • Jarv says :

        Uninspired selections to say the least. Why is Bridesmaids getting all this love? Is it that funny?

      • Droid says :

        It’s crap. Long, boring. I didn’t laugh any more than a couple of chuckles. Literally two or three chuckles. And it suffers from that SNL syndrome of dragging an unfunny joke on and on and on. Scenes go on twice as long as they should. It’s really baffling why it’s considered good. Because it’s about chicks probably. The Hangover is better, and I’m no fan of The Hangover.

    • tombando says :

      Moneyball was good

      • Droid says :

        I agree. And since everyone under the sun has said that Incredibly Loud shit is garbage, how on earth is it nominated for Best Pic?

      • Jarv says :

        It’s about a retard and stars Hanks.

      • Droid says :

        I have the feeling that The Artist will clean up. It’s the “cool” choice.

      • Jarv says :

        I have less than 0 interest in the artist. And it actually annoys me that they’ve made a silent film in this day and age. Do you think back then that if they’d had the ability to make Talkies, they’d have done it silent? Of course not, even Chaplain eventually had to make The Great Dictator- even though he knew that talking would be the end of the character.

        It’s exactly the same as the faux-grindhouse stuff with fake grain etc on the film.

      • tombando says :

        The Artist comes off as a retro one off novelty nothing more. I will watch it certainly but dont have much interest in it otherwise.

      • Jarv says :

        Agree. Totally. May watch it at some point, but not for a long time. Certainly will not go out of my way to see it.

      • Bartleby says :

        with The Artist, I can understand your sentiments…but there’s more to it than ‘they made a silent movie’.

        Grindhouse just threw on some grain to make a point.

        The film itself is about the silent era, and it isn’t just, here’s a black and white silent film–the quality and technology continues to change as the years go by. It’s not always the same style, and not always the same effects–it’s like giving you a history of the progression of film technology without some awkward moment of explanation from characters who have no context for it.

        My ppint is that its not a one-off, likely to be forgotten, because the style in this case is layered into the theme and story. That in and of itself is a novelty because usually it isnt.

    • Bartleby says :

      That list really needs a bit more diversity. I’d trade Take Shelter over several of those. Even The Descendants, which I really liked, isn’t a ‘best picture’ choice in my mind.

      I do think Hugo, Artist and Tree of Life were worthy.

      Tintin getting snubbed is absurd, since it waltzes circles around Warhorse.

      You see The Artist yet Droid?

  25. Droid says :

    What happened in the cricket, Jarv?

    • Jarv says :

      Fuck me. What a fiasco.

      I fucking watched every painful ball of that second innings. They just can’t play spin at all. Still, I think this is the end for a few of them (Morgan).

      Bowlers played exceptionally well in both tests, and Broad in particular was fucking magnificent.

      They’re making changes for the dead rubber- see who’s available.

      This summer will be interesting. I suspect what we have at the moment is a lot of teams that are very good at home, and shite away. Certainly looks like it.

      • Jarv says :

        In all honesty, the only bright spot out of this series that I can see for the batsmen is that they aren’t going to play Pakistan again for a long time, and no other nation they may play has a semi-decent spin attack. Certainly not of the quality the pakistanis can put on at both ends.

        They just let them get on top, and it was death by 1000 cuts. I was furious.

      • Droid says :

        Who else is over there? Bopara? Not much of a change from Morgan.

      • Droid says :

        That said, may as well give Bopara another go. Morgan is shit. Either way, neither should be in the side.

      • Droid says :

        Marsh looks likely to get dumped from number 3 for the Aussies. He’s had a shocking series. A couple of iffy decisions went against him, but I think he only made double figures once out of 8 innings. Which means Ponting will probably move up to number three, and Watson will come back in at 6.

      • Jarv says :

        Fuck him.

        Taylor is with the Lions in Bangla. Call him out. Or Davis is out there as cover for Prior. Both him and Prior can bat and neither could be worse than Morgan (who’s technique looked shot. He’s all over the place).

        The problem is that the bowlers have been exceptional, it’s been the batting that has been shit. England have a habit of messing with the bowling lineup when the batsmen fail. Much of England’s success in the last few years has been down to the bowlers- bar Cook and Trott, the Batsmen are either in bad form (Bell), Past it (Strauss, KP), not international standard (Morgan, Bopara) or untried at test level (too many to go into here)

        Monty was great, incidentally.

        Morgan, and England are just going to have to come to terms with this just isn’t a Test Player. He’s inventive and able to improvise and score in unusual areas, he’s got a really good record in T20 and ODI, more so than any other English player. However, he’s just not suited to test matches.

        This is how far England have come, in the past I’d have accepted this loss, but I’m actively cross at it.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, a colleague said he took 6 for something. Good effort. Outbowled Swann apparently.

      • Jarv says :

        I like Monty. Bowled a marathon stint, and someone has taught him a few variations. That arm ball is practically unpickable.

        If only he could hold a bat and catch.

        Broad was far and away England’s best player in that match.

      • Droid says :

        The thing I liked about the Aussies bowling is that pretty much every innings a different bowler took a bag. And Lyon took 4 in the last innings and was apparently turning it a bit and bowling well.

      • Jarv says :

        Hunting in packs. That’s how England have been doing it for the last few years.

        There are a few huge problems with the Aussie bowling:

        1) Inexperience. Will sort itself out.
        2) Injuries. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong, but they seem to be breaking down a lot.
        3) Hilfenhaus is still there.
        4) Lack of proper spinner. Best of luck to Lyon, but it’s hard to say this early in a spinner’s career.

        Nevertheless, the problems with Australia as a whole aren’t the bowling. It’s the batting. Ponting back at 3 is a walking wicket to any decent bowling attack. He should just bugger off now (relative high point). Warner is a T20 batsman. He came spectacularly good once, but aside from that didn’t do it. I think Cowan is potentially very good though- and I think they’re potentially a very good partnership. Should keep Hughes a long way from the Baggy green anyhow. Marsh/ Usman are riven with problems as well.

        Haddin needs replacing.

        All the major sides have problems of some kind, still could be worse. We could have India’s.

      • Droid says :

        Warner has two centuries to his name so far. I’m pretty sure he’ll be the opening batsman come the Windies tour. And Cowan, although he needs a good score soon, looks like a good opening partner. Marsh looks like he needs to get his form back, as he came back from injury straight into the test side. Get him some state cricket and see how he goes. From what I saw of Ponting in the Sydney test, he looked better than he has in about 3 years. India have bowled him back into confidence, and therefore form. It may not last, but he’s not going to get dropped now after a century and a double century. The problem remains for replacements for Ponting and Hussey, but since they did fairly well (Ponting especially) they’ll remain in the side. Particularly when there’s a question mark over the top 3.

      • Jarv says :

        Agree with all of that. I’d add the caveat though that that India bowling is so shit that it’s nigh on impossible to tell what sort of form Punter is in, or how Warner will do.

        Warner and Cowan deserve a nice run to bed in, because that looks like the classic blocker & basher opening partnership, and could potentially be very good. Warner, I think, is more of a question mark than Cowan, because of the crap about being the next Sehwag (which isn’t as good a thing as it’s made out to be).

        Still, Clarke’s in career best touch, Hussey can do a job, and Punter appears to be back.

        The first change to make is to drop Haddin for Paine and Marsh for Watson (I’d be tempted to put him in at 6 with Clarke at 3), I think.

      • Droid says :

        While I would say that Punter against quality bowling is still a mystery, the fact that he batted long enough to get a double century in Adelaide tells me India have bowled him into some form. Because they were no better in Sydney for example, and he got himself out for 130-odd. In my experience, out of form batsmen tend to get themselves out more so than the bowlers getting them out. The fact that he batted for so long without doing that tells me he’s in better form now than at the start of the series (when he wasn’t in any form whatsoever).

      • Jarv says :

        This is true. He is in some kind of form. What I mean, though, is how good form is he in, because we can’t tell.

        Say he comes up against Edwards on a spicy pitch and gets one that rips through the gate and smashes middle stump- do the doubts come back?

        You Aussies need him to hang on until the next Aussie winter, just so you can try to get some transition in place. Haddin, though, has to go now.

  26. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Watched…

    Date Night – it’s okay…

    Predators – no matter what anyone says, it blows away the AvP films. It of course pales in comparison to the original.

    Gross Point Blank – I really like this movie, it’s been eons since I watched it. This movie still cracks me up.

    Strange Invaders – heh, whether this was intentional or not, this is a pretty bad early 80’s alien invasion (well, sort of) with Nancy Allen. Direction, acting, all horrible. The aliens take over a town in Illinois and take away all the citizens by sucking out their souls??? into a blue ball of light and storing them away for 25 years. They put on a mission impossible type mask to cover themselves while they study Earth and decide what to do with us (also impacting their home world somehow, guess it’s dying or something, never explained).

  27. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Heh…dvr’d Splice last night. I’ll have to give it a go one of these nights.

  28. Bartleby says :

    Jarv, regarding Chaw…go with your Korean Twin Peaks correlation. I never thought of it, but when you mentioned it..bang on.

    Here’s how I reviewed it:

    http://www.moviemobsters.com/2012/01/15/monster-madness-chaw-2010/

  29. Kloipy says :

    Gotta jump in on the Super discussion. I didn’t love the movie, but I thought it was miles above KA. I liked it much more than everybody else here, but I still don’t think it’s great or anything. However I must vehemently disagree about the ending. I think the ending was the best part of the movie.
    SPOILERS AHEAD

    I think any other movie would have wrapped it up in a nice package with having Tyler and Rainn stay together and things are happy. But Frank was honestly unstable and would not be good for her. He needed what she gave him without being in a relationship together. It’s better for him to just see that he did make a difference, at least in her life, but they would not be a good couple for each other

    • Jarv says :

      This is true, but we just don’t give a fuck about her. Which is why it doesn’t work

    • Jarv says :

      Further from this- it’s also as false as the ending you mention.

      The film has provided no evidence that she even has the potential for reform. In fact, it’s almost gone as far out of its way as it could to show the opposite.

      First time we see her she’s doing drugs. We’re then informed that she gave up with AA. She shacks up with the dealer and fucks him for gear, and at the climax she’s about to go off and be gangbanged to ensure more gear.

      She’s a crack whore. There’s absolutely no reason at all for anyone to think that she will reform at the end. I maintain it would have been better if she’d either died in crossfire, left him fair and square and died (would have been a great “Can’t save them all, but maybe one day I can make a difference” type ending. Juno needed to survive for that.

  30. Continentalop says :

    Anybody know if Chronicle is any good? I was invited to see it this weekend. It looks like crap but considering how Apes & Battle: LA were way better than I expected, I’m hoping this too will be a surprise.

  31. Bartleby says :

    Jarv, where did your Chaw review go? I was just about to comment when it disappeared..
    I guess it got chawed by GIANT PIG

  32. Droid says :

    Just watched the extended version of Salt. It’s substantially different to the theatrical version. The last third is almost a different film. If any of you guys have watched that version and not the theatrical version, I recommend you check the theatrical version out. It’s a lot better. The closest thing I can compare it to is the original and post reshoots versions of Joy Ride. Elements are the same, but one is miles better than the other.

    And in reference to our conversation the other week about women fighting in movies, she lands about 8 or 9 punches in the film, but only beats the blokes by kicking, kneeing or pistol whipping them. And she gets her ass kicked by Schrieber at the end.

    • Jarv says :

      I’m wondering which version I saw, because the one I sat through was mediocre at best. I may dig out the theatrical cut to see if it makes any difference.

  33. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Presently watching Splice…

    Um, the actress blows, like she’s really awful.

    The movie itself…meh.

  34. Droid says :

    Last night I watched…

    Salt – Extended Cut… As mentioned.

    What’s Your Number? – To my great surprise I didn’t hate it. Well, the first half is pretty entertaining, but once the checklist of rom-com conventions kick in in the second half it’s not that good. I like Anna Faris. Not sure why. She’s never really been in anything good. It might be because she reminds me of an ex of mine. And Chris Evans is likeable. Overall it’s meh, but in comparison to all the other dreadful 2011 comedies I saw, this one has a couple of good laughs.

  35. Droid says :

    Bored. Really fucking bored.

  36. tombando says :

    Jarv revisit Turdmen and give a review of that. Should do the trick.

  37. Just Pillow Talk says :

    So Splice was not good. Characters I could give two shits about, the woman doctor who was horrible, and I had to see monster rape again. I know, not *quite* the same as The Beast Within, but fuck, what the hell.

    And then I watched Conquest for the Planet of the Apes, which was good until the Caesar speech at the end where it shit the bed with his “put down your weapons for now” bullshit. If they just ended it after his rant and then with his proclamation of we will rule a planet of apes, so much better. That pretty much undo’s what just proceeded it. Horrible decision to backtrack.

  38. Droid says :

    Any of you yanks watched the tv series version of The Firm with Josh Lucas? And if so, is it any good?

  39. Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

    Speaking of cheap films, let me introduce you to the next film of mine that is seeing the light of day.

    This was the third ever film I worked on, back in March – April 2009. I found the most amazing 16th century Elizabethan manor house, complete with moat for them. And they ran around like naughty school children in the place. Fucking nightmare crew!

    Anyway, Martin Kemp is a nice guy, so I wish him well with this. It stars a loads of the usual Black & Blue films gang, like Colin Salmon and Billy Murray (not the good one). A twisty, pyschological thriller/haunted house film.

    Again, the house is good, right?
    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stalker-DVD-Colin-Salmon/dp/B005GDJA0W/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1328014934&sr=1-1

    • Jarv says :

      Funnily enough, I’ve just put that on the list.

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        I’d love to hear your views on it when you finally watch it. Perhaps you can watch that Big, Fat, Gypsy Gangster for your Made In Britain series.

        Then you can confirm that I have been working on a load of crap, as I have always suspected! lol

        I’m doing TV and adverts now for a bit. The producers and crew are better around here!

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve also got that listed. I seem to be stalking your career at the moment.

      • Droid says :

        Better start wearing cast iron underwear, Tigh. Jarv doesn’t choose his stalking victims lightly, and he doesn’t mess around.

      • Bartleby says :

        Tigh Fighter I saw BFGG. It wasn’t really that bad. I was amused.

        In what capacity did you work on the film?

        Droid, The Firm is decent–Im not really into it right now, but its interesting enough Ill probably grab the other eps once the season ends and watch them. I like Josh Lucas though, and he’s pretty central to the show’s sucvcess. If you, like others, think he’s just poor man’s Matt McConaughey, then maybe it won’t work as well for ya.

      • Jarv says :

        Goody. One to look forward to.

        In the meantime, Lovefilm are sending: Rise, Cap, and X:Foetus.

        Not sure how pleased I am about that combo.

      • Droid says :

        Weren’t Crap and X-Spawn on the hard drive I gave you?

      • Jarv says :

        Cap was but not the cap you’re talking about: it was the awesome 1990 Cap! Which was fucking hilarious, and I think we should post it to pillows.

      • Droid says :

        Ah, righty-o. Yeah, along with the Almadovar ones.

      • Jarv says :

        We need to organise that. Been very lazy. I wouldn’t want him to miss an erotic drama about a paraplegic basketball player, or an erotic comedy about a schizophrenic who keeps a porn star tied up, but it’s ok because she falls in love with him (I’m not joking about that).

      • Droid says :

        Nah, I quite like Lucas. Mostly because of Undertow and Red Dog. I also like McConaughey. Although his tendency to act in garbage is annoying. I wish he did more films like The Lincoln Lawyer.

      • Jarv says :

        He’s actually got quite a few good ones. Things like Days and Confused.

        Then, admittedly, there’s crap like that horrid betting thing. Dude is patchy.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, that’s back when I liked him quite a bit. But he had a string of about 8 years where he made nothing but unwatchable romcoms.

      • Jarv says :

        He hasn’t. You’d be surprised.

        http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000190/

        The thing is, though, although he has been in a lot of Romcoms, it’s that they stink so badly that they obliterate when he’s in something more interesting. 2003-2006 was a bit heinous though.

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        Bartleby, I was the Location Manager on it.

        I’m actually quite proud of my work on the film. We had a troubled production, and I had a lot of freedom in the locations I found for them. Nearly everything we used is something I found for them that they just went with, which isnt always the case.

      • Bartleby says :

        well, excellent job with the location scouting. seriously, though, I do recall thinking that it was well produced and filmed, and although the thought didnt hit me at the time, I remember thinking that the setting for the film was better than most similar styled indie movies. You know the kind, where they want to tell a crime story, but have clearly filmed it in some totally inappropriate place that looks like their neighborhood grocery store or the rec center.

  40. Droid says :

    So bored. Might have to go get a coffee and have a smoke. If it weren’t so damned freezing outside it would be a lot more inviting.

  41. Droid says :

    Matt

    My Boyfriend’s Back – Unseen

    Dazed and Confused – Great

    Angels in the Outfield – Meh

    Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation – Unseen

    Boys on the Side – Crap

    A Time to Kill – Complete shit

    Lone Star – Great

    Larger Than Life – Rubbish with one laugh out loud hilarious scene

    Scorpion Spring – Unseen

    Amistad – Meh

    Contact – Great

    The Newton Boys – Meh

    EDtv – He, Elfman and Woody just manage to make it endurable.

    U-571 – Crap

    The Wedding Planner – Dreadful

    Reign of Fire – I like it but it’s not very good in all honesty. He’s hilarious in it.

    Thirteen Conversations About One Thing – Unseen

    Frailty – Great

    Tiptoes – Unseen

    How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days – Painful

    Paparazzi – Unseen

    Two for the Money – Shit

    Sahara – FTW!!!

    We Are Marshall – Meh

    Failure to Launch – Garbage

    Fool’s Gold – Watched 10 minutes and turned it off.

    Tropic Thunder – Funny

    Surfer, Dude – Unseen

    Ghosts of Girlfriends Past – Seen about 15 minutes of it.

    The Lincoln Lawyer – Good.

    • Droid says :

      It’s the quadrilogy of The Wedding Planner, How to Lose a Guy, Failure to Launch and Fools Gold that make his CV look much worse than it really is.

    • Jarv says :

      Fair enough:

      My Boyfriend’s Back – Unseen

      Dazed and Confused – Great

      Angels in the Outfield – Meh

      Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation – OK. Not as bad as you’d think

      Boys on the Side – unseen

      A Time to Kill – Complete shit

      Lone Star – Great

      Larger Than Life – unseen

      Scorpion Spring – Unseen

      Amistad – Meh

      Contact – crap

      The Newton Boys – Meh

      EDtv – He, Elfman and Woody just manage to make it endurable. agree

      U-571 – Crap agree

      The Wedding Planner – Dreadful

      Reign of Fire – crap. But he is funny in it.

      Thirteen Conversations About One Thing – Unseen

      Frailty – Great

      Tiptoes – Unseen

      How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days – Painful

      Paparazzi – Unseen

      Two for the Money – Shit

      Sahara – FTW!!!

      We Are Marshall – Meh

      Failure to Launch – refuse to watch it

      Fool’s Gold – refuse to watch it

      Tropic Thunder – Funny

      Surfer, Dude – Unseen

      Ghosts of Girlfriends refuse to watch it.

      The Lincoln Lawyer – Good.

      As I said, patchy.

      • Droid says :

        Contact isn’t crap. Although I don’t think he was particularly good in it.

      • Jarv says :

        I think it’s an awful movie. I really do not like it at all.

        It’s a marmite film, that one.

      • Droid says :

        I know I’ve said it before, but Tropic Thunder could’ve been one of the best comedies of last decade if it had starred Vin Diesel. Stiller was completely the wrong choice.

      • Jarv says :

        The Rock would have been brilliant in that role as well.

      • Droid says :

        See, I’ve thought about The Rock, but ultimately I think he’s too well known for kidding himself. IMO it needed a more “serious” action star. Someone less knowing about their hard man status. To me, The Rock is much more self-aware. That’s why I land on Vin and not The Rock.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m not sure Vin could do the retard bit. The director would have to tell him to recreate his XXX shaking scene.

      • Droid says :

        I think you’d need to come at it a little differently than how Stiller did it. The Stiller one was so obviously played for laughs that it’s unrealistic that anyone would think that was a legitimate film. But if you put Vin in a movie like Radio, or I Am Sam, then it becomes more plausible, without losing the ridiculousness.

      • Droid says :

        The other movies they spoofed were more believable. The Farts or whatever it was and the gay priest movie.

      • Jarv says :

        The action thing Stiller did was believable as well.

        It was just the retard thing. The gay priest was bang on.

      • Droid says :

        The other actor I thought of, but I doubt he could pull it off, is Christian Bale. He seems to be so humourless that I think it would fit the character better. Stiller’s too jokey, and I never believed him as the big action star.

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        Contact is a great film!!! But he’s not the best thing in it.

        Jarv, Hell for you would be eternity with my DVD collection! lol

      • Jarv says :

        Nope. I think it’s awful. However, I do concede that there’s never any middle ground with this one.

        Also, I would pass on your DVD collection- the complete works of PWSA and Contact make me shudder even thinking about it.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Mad Mel would have been a good choice for Stiller’s character. The bonus you get with Mel on board is they could have turn over the direction of the action sequences to him so there would have been gallons of blood, body parts everywhere, Christ allegories galore and plenty of suffering.

      • Droid says :

        Yes, that’s a good call.

  42. Bartleby says :

    Reign of Fire is what I wish SYFY movies were really like.

    Lincoln Lawyer was very good.

    I always liked Lucas in that one with Walken, Around the Bend I think it was. Good movie. Also enjoyed Tell Tale.

    • Jarv says :

      Reign of Fire needed to actually have London being trashed. That’s what it promised.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        How could you tell if London was being trashed?

      • Jarv says :

        Depends on the bit of London. The dragon could be quite noticeable though

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        aren’t there dragons in every council estate?

      • Jarv says :

        Beasts, sure. Not usually as large and scaly. Also tend to have more hair.

        On their backs.

      • Bartleby says :

        Actually that conflict is really at the heart of the movie, what Xi is talking about. Bale is hoping that hunkering down and growing crops and raising kids will slowly rebuild the civilization—it’s why he keeps the stories and the myths alive. He’s counting that eventually, even with the dragons, they will be able to carve out a way for the human race to go on. They definitely aren’t living an aimless existence, but then McC makes a good point—carving out a better life isn’t going to be possible until the dragons are gone.
        That’s the character progression for Bale. I liked that basic arc, I just didn’t like the dreary execution and the poor special effects and the somber tone.

      • Droid says :

        He’s counting that eventually, even with the dragons, they will be able to carve out a way for the human race to go on.

        Yep. And this is what I’m talking about. Sitting around hoping the problem will magically go away.

        McC makes a good point—carving out a better life isn’t going to be possible until the dragons are gone.

        And he’s 100% right, because instead of hiding and humanity dying the death of a thousand cuts, McC forces them to get proactive and hey presto! A solution to the problem! Geez if only someone had thought of it earlier.

        They definitely aren’t living an aimless existence

        It might not be aimless, but it certainly is futile. With only one inevitable outcome.

    • Bartleby says :

      this is very true. The posters made me think a diff movie entirely.

      It’s not great, but it’s amusing. I will say, it needed to be schlockier, it’s too dreary. Everything should have been pitched at same level of Matt’s psychopath. I think had they moved him a little away from being the villain, and more an antihero, and made him the main character over Bale, it could have been better. Just this nutzoid dude hunting dragons.

      Also, like everything lately, needed more of the main monsters.

      • Jarv says :

        it’s too dreary

        Now this I totally agree with. All the moping around in bloody cumbria in the rain was just dreary as hell.

      • Droid says :

        The film also needed to give the humans something to live for beyond survival for survivals sake. It’s such a depressing existence I just thought “why bother?” Bale kept saying they needed to survive, but never really gave a good reason why they needed to survive. What hope was there? Huddled together in a castle, eating tomatoes and watching bad star wars plays as entertainment. What a life!

      • Jarv says :

        This is also a good point.

        No. That’s not a good film at all. Needed to be almost cartoonish, and it’s just a fail. That showdown at the end is fucking awful as well.

      • Droid says :

        Give McC credit. He makes it much more entertaining that in would otherwise be. Apart from a great performance in American Psycho, I haven’t been impressed with Bale’s performances. He tends to bring a really somber vibe to his movies.

      • Jarv says :

        McC is that film’s saving grace. It sparks to life when he’s on screen. The rest of it is just Bale moping around.

        Bale was OK in Shaft as well.

      • Droid says :

        Ah, true. He and Jeffrey Wright were the only good things about that movie.

      • Jarv says :

        Crap film, that, as well.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        The film also needed to give the humans something to live for beyond survival for survivals sake. It’s such a depressing existence I just thought “why bother?”

        Why bother? becasue being alive is 100% better then being dead no matter what the situation is.

      • Droid says :

        Is it? So spending your whole life unwashed, hungry, shut inside a castle for fear of being eaten or burnt to death is a life worth living? Eh. You can take it.

        Now, if they’d been fighting the dragons, guerilla style, or doing something positive to better their pitiful existence then yes, I’d agree with you. It’s like the difference between that existence and the existence in future war of The Terminator. They’re living and dying for a cause, and while they’re still fighting there’s still hope. In RoF there is no cause apart from a hopeless miserable survival instinct.

      • Jarv says :

        Don’t underrate survival instinct. It’s hard wired at a genetic level and is one of our most strong motivations. The things people do when driven by it are astonishing.

      • Jarv says :

        Shitty meeting time.

        Ciao.

      • Droid says :

        Off too.

        Adios.

      • Droid says :

        I don’t doubt it or underrate it. But in that specific situation, I think I’d rather risk death for a cause rather than live a shitty hopeless existence.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        being alive is categorically better then being dead.

      • Droid says :

        So you’re saying that in that situation you’d hide for the rest of your life?

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Nope but I’m not talking about me in specifics but about life in general. I’m talking about being alive is better then being dead because once you’re dead that’s it there’s nothing else. There’s no’ “better” world of wings and all the pudding you can eat while living on a cloud. There isn’t 72 virgins waiting for you in paradise. There isn’t any after life there’s nothing else this is it. Might as well stay alive and have the possibility of taking a dragon or whatever with you when before you go. So like I said being alive is better then being dead I’m sure if you could ask the dead they would agree.

      • Droid says :

        hmmm.. Seems like you’ve confused the issue because I never mentioned afterlife, a better world of wings and pudding or virgins. I’m quite clearly saying that in that situation I’d rather attempt to better my situation, or die trying instead of sitting around living a pitiful hopeless life until I get old so I can try to take a dragon out and then die.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        isn’t bettering their situation what Bale and the survivors were doing by holding up in the stone castle which would offer some protection from dragons, growing food having children and teaching them to survive?

      • tombando says :

        Found that it needed Giant Robots. You can kill dragons w an axe down their throat but nukes didn’t do the trick?! Surrrre. Fail.

  43. Xiphos0311 says :

    here you go Pillow:

    Jan 31, 2012 8:02:51 AM CST

    Raylan’s the baddest motherfucker to shit behind two shoes.

    by 2for2true

    Come on, ten o’clock….

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      this reply was to him is funny:

      Jan 31, 2012 9:16:54 AM CST
      2for2true – thanks for clearing that up, I was about to punish my dog.

      by cletus van damme

      No one shits in MY hallway!

  44. Jarv says :

    6 Nations starts this weekend. Probably my favourite sporting event of the year.

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