Burt Gummer’s Rec Room August 2011 Archive
A gathering place for firearms enthusiasts, paranoid survivalists and those who worship at the Church of Chang
August. The finest month of the year. I hear there are some ass-blasters on the horizon though. Best break out the mounted weapons.
Disclaimer: This is the part of the Church that is the most no holds barred. None of it is intended with malice, and although it can on occasion seem a little bit fraught, it is banter rather than venom.
Barfy
kloipy
Echo the Bunnyman
Judge Droid
Jarv
ThereWolf
Xiphos0311
Werewolves On The Moon 
Watched this weekend:
VMA – Ehhhh crap like always. It was a mess and a failure
Jersey Shore – OF COURSE THE FIGHT WAS OVERHYPED!
Mars Needs Moms – Its a mess, but its not as bad as they say nor as good as some say, its saved by the last half hour. Folger’s mumbling character didn’t mesh well with Well’s clanging movie, its funny because now having seen The Time Machine and Mars Needs Moms I can see why the big guys have given Wells a chance (Spielberg oversaw his first film BALTO and Zemeckis oversaw Mars Needs Moms (and some speculation as to Gore Verbinski’s involvement in THE TIME MACHINE)), I would say Wells is more of a Spielberg LITE than JJ. Also so is the Time Machine….he’s just NOT QUITE there in terms of film making ability as those two but I can see what they like about him. Need to check out Balto one of these years I’ve always heard good things. Whats also funny is inbetween Mars and Time Machine I can see a sense of style formed from those two films (not saying its good or bad just that he has one…take that as you may because I know you lot hate The Time Machine because it raped your childhood or whatever). But I think had they spent a good month on Alien design and worked on the sound better so you could hear more of what Fogler was saying, also maybe a little brighter physically you could’ve had a decent kids film. As it stands now its a bit of a loud mess, I do like how it just fucking GOES. But by the 20th FALLING DOWN scene I was getting a bit of a headache. I’d call it an interesting failure.
Thick As Thieves – Interesting film, again a bit of a mess and a failure but interesting.
Finally BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA – AND again…a bit of a mess and a little bit of a failure least of a failure in the bunch. I can see where the lore of it all is and in many respect it’s not a failure, I’m not calling it a failure on some like colossal level, I can just see why it failed to really pick up with the general public. I kind of loved it. I just wish Kurt wasn’t so annoying in bits.
It was just a weekend of messy stuff.
Right…Hurricane Irene has knocked power and phone out at my place since very early Sunday morning. I’m at my parent’s house right now. No work since they are all fucked up with no power or phone too. I watched Wayne’s World and The Temp on Saturday night, but have not been able to do write-up’s. Who the fuck knows when we’ll get power back.
And I love Big Trouble in Little China. I sort of feel invincible.
Result.
No work
Damn sorry to hear about your hero Droid:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/29/joseph-hyungmin-son-austin-powers-rape-torture-_n_940181.html
Watching Scott Pilgrim.
This is easily the worst film I’ve seen in ages.
If it doesn’t dramatically improve then it is an orangutan of doom film.
It’s annoying, he’s a Cunt and I want to bitch slap him so hard at the moment.
Yup, not a good film. Safe to say I will never revisit it.
It’s just jumped up the review list.
This is just an extended ode to douchebaggery.
I think I found a replacement pic for Orang of Doom:
JAWS OF DEATH?
Email sent to ya Jarv…Wayne’s World and The Temp reviews…
Cool. Will sort them tomorrow AM.
I’ve just been thinking about my birthday list, which I am actually going to do, honest! I’ve even downloaded a few, but 1974 (Gold) has been stuck on 82% for a couple of weeks. Then I found out I can stream it on Love Film (what a cool fucking site!), so no excuses now! It just will be slow due to the stupid hours I often keep with work,
Anyway, I had relised I did not have a pick for this year, so I looked on http://www.filmdates.co.uk for 12 Sept, and it didn’t have any. But on 14th Sept a film called Big, fat, Gypsy Gangster is released! Which I not only worked on, but was intricately involved. Perhaps the film I’m most proud of (in a purely how much shit I got done, and how well I did it). I;ve still not seen it, and I know its going to polarise people as its an “edgy” black comedy done in a mostly mockumertary style. There;s a good chance I;ll hate it myself, but if illegal dwarf fighting rings and dwarf farms aren’t your cup of tea, then I just can’t help you all! 😉
But surely its a sign. 2011’s film for my birthday list is Big Fat Gypsy Gangster! Time to get off my arse and start (badly) writing some reviews.
http://www.filmdates.co.uk/films/2830-big-fat-gypsy-gangster/
Yeh, Lovefilm’s got most on my expected Birthday list. I’m still missing a few hard to track down ones though.
‘Free’ download sites keep asking me for card details. No chance…
I’ve done a ‘Star Trek 3’ review – finally. It’s a shit review, I don’t like what I’ve done at all.
Won’t put it up yet coz looks like there will be plenty of stuff going up soon anyway.
Morning. Weekend round-up…
The Innkeepers A good movie, but not a great movie. For a haunted house movie, considering its peers over the last 10-15 years, it’s very good. But it pales in comparison with the far superior HotD, of which it feels like a beat for beat remake. Good performances save the first hour which could’ve been incredibly dull as the film veerrryyyy slowly builds up it’s sense of dread. The last 20-odd minutes were satisfactorily spooky and tense. I won’t mention the Sally Sensitive jumping at shadows sitting next to me.
In Bruges Genius.
The Right Stuff Bloody long movie, but a good one. Perfect bank holiday afternoon kick back and relax movie. And Ed Harris looks exactly the same as he does now, minus a few wrinkles. In the words of Marty McFly “Didn’t that guy ever have hair?”
My Soul To Take Aside from the funny opening scene, this movie is unwatchable. Absolutely fucking dreadful piece of shit. Wes Craven can go fuck himself.
Mystery Men Casanova Frankenstein FTW!!!
Agree with all of that.
My soul to take was garbage.
Weekend Roundup.
As above- The INnkeepers, My Soul to take and Mystery Men.
Also add The Beastmaster (funny, but second act really drags), Rango (good), The Running Man (mint), Priest (half of it) (meh), The Wolfman (what the fuck was Hopkins’ accent?), The Castle (good), The Other Guys (meh), and Scott Pilgrim (utter piece of hateful shit and can have an orangutan of doom).
I forgot about Beastmaster and Running Man. The middle section of Beastmaster is mindnumbingly boring. Apart from that it’s entertaining. RM is classic.
Hopkins was hilarious in Wolfman.
I love how all you guys get so worked up over Scott Pilgrim. It’s quite amusing.
Fucking hated it. Not as much as the Mrs hated it, but close.
Did Priest have the sound problem?
Half way through. It was OK up till then, so I thought it may have missed it.
Not a good enough film to worry about that with.
Forgot one: Thor.
Really quite enjoyed it. Collossally stupid, but I had fun with it. 2.5 is probably fair. Unexpectedly good.
Yeah, it’s just more action and a showdown on a train. It’s an okay diversion that film, but entirely forgettable.
I’ve almost completely forgotten the half I saw already. Aside from the crap animation.
I’m drunk and about pass out, but before I do:
I got a “spy” to see a rough cut tomorrow night of the movie I was “fired” from. Can’t wait to see it.
Accomplished the triple threat of defending westerns, mma, the US military and even rural people from some friends during a debate.
Got a couple of decent gigs.
Now I can pass out happy. Good night all & congrats Col.
Be sure to the let us know what you think of your film when you see it.
I’d love to have a beer and a chat with you one day about slugging it out in the minors. Preferably when we’re both in the majors 😉
I bet we both got some serious war stories lol
Deal. We’ll exchange “war” stories over drinks at Canne some day.
I was going to say we invite Xi too, but no way is he going want to hang out in France…
And even before my spy reports back, I know that it is shitty. I just wanna know HOW shitty it is.
Yes, I am a petty man.
Dude I’ll go anywhere if somebody else is paying!
Ok you’re invited Xi. Now we just have to figure a way to stick Don “Seven Chins” Murphy with the bill…
Conti would giant robots or cgi cagney have helped this?
Unfortunately no, because it would just be a colossal waste of giant robots or cagney. Better they don’t get tainted by the crappiness.
Lesbians, however, would have been a great addition.
Review schedule for today and tomorrow.
First up is JPT’s Wayne’s world. As per his review, because I’m not too lazy to photoshop half a chimp, I’ve edited the rating for him. His initial review says that he knows it should be X.5 but can’t be arsed to do half a monkey. I have however saved the original rating so I can put it back if needs be.
This evening is either the completion (Yay!) of the Birthday Series, OR an extended rant at that shitburger Scott Pilgrim. Depends.
Tomorrow AM is JPT’s The Temp review.
Then it’s the other one that I didn’t pick as mentioned above.
Thursday, oh lucky me, is the Almodovar film and post-mortem on The Birthday Series- I’m just going to stuff both up at the same time.
If anyone has anything they want to put up, let me know, and I’ll shunt things around.
You’re off again today aren’t you?
Yup
Bastard.
And Friday as well.
Double bastard.
I’ve got ‘Star Trek 3’. Not in any hurry to post it though.
When do you want to post it mate, because I just schedule stuff, so I can move dates and times easily.
To be honest, the Scott Pilgrim review is just me calling him a cunt for a while, so that can easily be shunted back or off.
The usual late, late show.
Cool. I’ll leave a nice big gap between them then.
It’s a shit review. I hate it. I’m just sat here, staring at it, hating it more every second.
Get rid of it as quick as possible then. That’s what I ended up doing with Trailer Park of Terror. Otherwise it’ll sit there like a particularly annoying turd blocking the U-Bend and you will grow to seriously despise it.
And it will block you.
Pillows newest nightmare is up.
Amd The Temp is scheduled for tomorrow AM.
hehehehe
Right. Off to see Conan.
Ciao.
Morbius!
Guess what was on TCM last night?
Yes!
FP in all its glory!
Who cares that i just watched it a month ago for the umpteenth time?
I had to watch it again last night.
BIEHN IS BACK BABY!!!!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1100051/combined
Too fucking right he is!
FROM THE DIRECTOR OF THE REMAKE OF WHEN A STRANGER CALLS AND THE WRITER OF CURIOUS GEORGE AND SPACE COWBOYS COMES…..THE EXPENDABLES 2.
Conti – Thick As Thieves and Spiral. Seen? Thoughts if so?
Did we all see the news that Triple-chin has Lucased Jedi again? Chunk by chunk he’s hacking away at his remaining good films and turning them into the wretched bowl movements. What a useless cunt.
Wanker.
I wish he’d stop it.
Conan-
Well, review coming this afternoon. Jonah is right, it’s a massively entertaining Beer and Pizza movie.
It’s not Howard’s Conan, though.
Christ. Have you seen the amount of Spam we’ve got?
Do you think any of it is legit and just been caught or is it all horseshit. I’ll check tonight.
It’s all crap. Bin it.
There are a few that I’m going to check at home- it’s caught them as spam, but I don’t think it is, because the website looks like the guys netflix profile. 99% of it is obvious shit, though.
Have we talked about how good the movie Spiral is? Make note of it for your next DECADE of horror for the 2007 slot.
I think so. It’s the dude that made Frozen isn’t it?
Yeah. Starring Chuck and the dude from Avatar/Hottie And the Nottie.
Have you seen it?
Seriously this doesn’t piss anyone else off:
FROM THE DIRECTOR OF THE REMAKE OF WHEN A STRANGER CALLS AND THE WRITER OF CURIOUS GEORGE AND SPACE COWBOYS COMES…..THE EXPENDABLES 2.
Not really.
Jesus Christ. He’s been allowed to work again? That film is fucking terrible.
Well he also did Con Air and The Mechanic which are movies….but jesus Sly just a weak choice. Simon is mostly passable fodder, I’m more concerned with the screen writers. While Space Cowboys was actually pretty good, I’m mostly hoping that they just turn it into a remake of The Generals Daughter, with Sly in the Travolta role and Travolta in the James Cromwell role.
That film is complete and utter shit. Insultingly so.
I liked The Generals Daughter. Good old fashioned Hollywood whodunnit thriller. Old fashioned being the 80’s.
Up to the end, when they put the insulting and entirely disingenuous piece of text up about rape in the services, it’s a solid 2 Chang film. The thing to do with it is stop before they put the “message” up.
Yeah I enjoyed The Generals Daughter as well. West is a OKish director, haven’t seen Stranger Calls remake. Just he’s a piss poor choice for Expendables 2, I mean I figured it would be dumber but I didn’t realize they were going for that dumb.
However, Con Air is shit. The Mechanic is shit. Tomb Raider is shit. And I haven’t seen WASC.
But it’s Expendadulls 2. Not really bothered.
Con Air is good.
The Mechanic- is that that Stath thing? Meh.
Tomb Raider: shit.
When A Stranger Calls: Shit.
Not a great record.
Ugh. I don’t remember any text at the end. That seems a bit crass.
Yeah, I’d dally between 2 and 2.5 for it.
It’s really insulting and automatically makes me knock a chang off what otherwise is a perfectly respectable whodunnit.
Anyway, the real question is… Why isn’t Sly directing it?
TO FOCUS ON HIS ACTING! Bahahahahahahahaa. Fuck they should’ve just had Dolph direct it.
Dolph could do it. He’s got the power of Awesome.
Yeah seriously why didn’t Dolph/Sly/Van Damn just fucking rotate? I mean I wonder if Sly is hoping Simon is another George P. Cosmatos type, just takes care of all the bitch work while Sly is still really the director.
Just seems like Sly doesn’t really care about it I hope its really good Expendables is one of the most decent action outings in recent. Hopefully they have a stronger final battle. Also Van Damn needs to make up for his lack of Kung Fu in Kung Fu Panda.
He didn’t do any Kung Fu in that? Surprising.
Forgot to say, I watched Congo again last night. “I’m not a pound of sugar I’m a primatologist.” has to be one of the worst lines of dialogue I’ve ever heard! Goddamn that’s an amusingly shonky movie.
Also watched The Green Hornet again, and I really enjoyed it. Again!
Droid:
http://www.espncricinfo.com/sri-lanka-v-australia-2011/content/current/story/530506.html
Yeah, I know. Mr Cricket again. They all got starts and no one went on with it (with him). Still, small steps and if we can keep them down to a competitive total, the pitch is more suited to bowling last.
WE NEED MORE BULGE!
Snyder sure does like blue dong, doesn’t he?
Nothing about this film is good. Nothing.
Yeah for starters there is a women behind the camera?
It has a good cast. I like Costner, Lane, Crowe, Shannon. That’s about it though.
GOT IT! I know Droid’s been holding his breath this whole time:
Arnold overall gross: 3,684,788,767
to Slys: 3,719,291,928
BUT Sly has 38 movies to Arnolds 23 and Sly’s fifth highest grossing film is Spy Kids 3D. Soooo yeah.
LUCAS YOU FUCKING CUNT!!
http://www.wwtdd.com/2011/08/seriously-fuck-you-george-lucas/
He’s gone and fucked with them AGAIN. And managed to make them even fucking WORSE. If this isn’t a joke (and I sincerely hope it is), Lucas deserves to be chin-raped to death by rabid Tusken Raiders wearing hardened Ewok skin dildos.
What a cunt. That is all.
That’s got to be a spoof. There’s simply no gain in changing that scene by sticking a “No” in there. You can see the decision being made behind the mask without the need for a vocalisation.
This Birthday list thing is intriguing. I’ve been digging around a bit and had to revise it coz of hard to get titles so my new list is as follows (this is for around Jan 30):
1965 – 36 Hours
1966 – Shop On Main Street
1967 – Night Of The Generals
1968 – Up The Junction
1969 – Some Girls Do
1970 – Wild Bunch
1971 – Countess Dracula
1972 – Under Milk Wood
1973 – Last Tango In Paris
1974 – Lacombe, Lucien
1975 – Towering Inferno
1976 – Cria Cuervos
1977 – Cross Of Iron
1978 – Preparez Vos Mouchoirs
1979 – Love On The Run
1980 – Guyana: Crime Of The Century
1981 – The Incredible Shrinking Woman
1982 – The Border
1983 – Danton
1984 – Broadway Danny Rose
1985 – Phenomena
1986 – Down And Out In Beverly Hills
1987 – Radio Days
1988 – Braddock: Missing In Action 3
1989 – Three Fugitives
1990 – Milou En May
1991 – Eve Of Destruction
1992 – Shining Through
1993 – Matinee
1994 – Blink
1995 – Before Sunrise
1996 – Bed Of Roses
1997 – Shadow Conspiracy
1998 – Desperate Measures
1999 – Jawbreaker
2000 – Eye Of The Beholder
2001 – Brotherhood Of The Wolf
2002 – Count Of Monte Cristo
2003 – Biker Boyz
2004 – Perfect Score
2005 – Creep
2006 – Annapolis
2007 – Blood & Chocolate
2008 – Untraceable
2009 – The Uninvited
2010 – Edge Of Darkness
2011 – The Rite
Yeh, I’ve played fast and loose with a few release dates. Dunno about 2012. Possibly one called ‘The Grey’. There’s also ‘Amityville Horror: The Lost Tapes’ due out.
The CONSULTANT
A Marvel short.
Agents Coulson (Shield) and Stillwell at a diner
conversing about getting ‘the Abomination’ for
the AVENGERS.
http://www.slashfilm.com/watch-marvel-short-film-the-consultant-linking-the-incredible-hulk-agent-coulsons-short-thor-dvd/#more-110997
Jarv, see the cricket? Lankans all out for 105. The “groundsman” Nathan Lyon took 5 for 34 off 15 overs on debut. Took a wicket with his first ball. Not too shabby.
Yup. Saw it.
Fair play to him. Doesn’t change that he’s the fucking Adelaide Groundsman, and do I need to remind you of Jason Kreja’s figures in his first few tests (before it went tits up for him).
Not that I’m worried, course.
What with England being NUMBER ONE IN THE FUCKING WORLD in two of the three types of cricket, and inflicted another defeat on India last night.
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Actually, I’m deeply confused by this competence. I’m used to them being shit.
So by your reckoning, aspiring cricketers aren’t allowed a day job. Do they each get a money tree while they play grade cricket?
No matter what happens with this guy, good or not, your “groundsman” hang up is pretty lame. But keep plugging away with it.
And Kresja never had figures anywhere near this good in his early tests.
If England picked someone with the same CV, then you’d give me no end of shit and you know it.
Tell you what though, given the damage the Aussies have just done to SL, and that England did to Australia and India, I’m wondering how good England actually are.
Deeply, deeply perturbed by this.
Number one ranked team in cricket. I’d like to see you play the Saffa’s. That’d be interesting I reckon.
Me too.
Saffas have got the best seamer and all rounder in the world and a batting lineup that is scary. Lack a spinner, keeper and that cunt De Villiers makes me want to kick every Saffa in the head.
I think England would win in England and lose in SA, although they did hang on for an extremely lucky draw last time.
Not as good as you are starting to believe they are. Don’t forget the rubbish nature of the opposition. Australia were pretty bad in the Ashes. As were SL and India were embarrassing. England are playing good cricket, but look at the opposition. And until you play and defeat SA I won’t believe that England are the best team. It may be the case, but I require that first.
I don’t believe they’re good. I’ve been hurt too many times by them before (1997, 2006)
The argument against that is that Australia are currently murdering Sri Lanka. Therefore it goes that England are making the opposition look bad.
Last time out v SA was a draw in SA. I think the side is better now as well.
Not to burst your bubble or anything- Australia are 5 for 2.
Oh dear.
Well, Aussies are 2/5. Phil Hughes is still in though. Hasn’t scored any runs yet, but I’m sure the floodgates will open soon.
Clarke needs a captains knock here, to dispell any doubts. And Hughes needs to score some runs to actually score some fucking runs for once.
Coffee meet keyboard.
Fucking BRILLIANT.
Is this a fucking nightmare pitch or what? That’s 8 wickets for 18 runs.
Must be. They were saying yesterday that it’s going to be very difficult batting last, which is why the Aussies score wasn’t as bad as it looked. It seems shit now, let alone in a day or two.
It sounds terrible from Cricinfo.
Lousy bounce etc.
Who’s this Copeland kid?
Yeah, he one of the new bowlers we were talking about a few weeks ago. I think he’s the Glenn McGrath type, line and length seamer. Seems like he’s got potential. Took 5 the other day. Bowled well today.
Just finished reading it. He kept it very tight.
Bowled well. As did Watson.
Still, Mitch is still there for the comedy.
Random (crap) movie news…
Taylor Lautner, Dwayne Johnson Offered Roles as David and Goliath, directed by Scott Derrickson.
‘Die Hard 5’ to Be Directed by John Moore. The new Die Hard movie has a script by Skip Woods and is said to feature McClaine’s son, with some saying Fox may be setting up a passing of the baton.
Terrible news. Both of them,
Which reminds me, that trailer for Abduction or whatever it’s called was on before Conan. That film looks shit.
That Lautner kid can’t act.
He really can’t can he?
In great news, I managed to get out of the Almodovar film, by duty of getting Mrs. Jarv pissed.
Is it off, or just delayed?
Delayed. But I can’t see it being in Camden Odeon for another week.
Fingers crossed, anyway,
Hows the hard drive going?
Brilliantly, I’ve watched quite a lot off it so far. Thanks very much.
Most of it (SP excepted) has been surprisingly good. Mrs. Jarv loved Rango, for example.
Yeah, I loved Rango.
I enjoyed it as well. Films I’ve seen this year in terms of ranking:
1) Norwegian Wood (love me some misery porn)
2) Rise of the Planet of the Apes
3) Rango
4) Conan.
5) Thor.
That’s not too shabby at all.
My top films this year are…
1. Rango
2. Fast Five
3. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
4. The Green Hornet
5. The Innkeepers
I’d rate The Innkeepers the same as Thor, Changwise, but Innkeepers would edge it.
Completely forgot Innkeepers and Green Hornet.
Let me revise it:
1) Norwegian Wood (love me some misery porn)
2) Rise of the Planet of the Apes
3) Rango
4) Conan.
5) Innkeepers.
6) Green Hornet
7) Thor.
My top films of the year in order:
1. Battle LA it’s the only one I’ve seen.
Heh.
What’s interesting about that list is that the top 3 are all only 3 chang films. This may be turn out to be a terrible year for film.
Battle LA would make my top 10 if I did one. Stuff it, I’m bored enough…
My Top 10 of 2011 so far…
1. Rango
2. Fast Five
3. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
4. The Green Hornet
5. The Innkeepers
6. Hanna
7. Thor
8. Paul
9. Battle LA
10. The Lincoln Lawyer
True. But I may be talked into (by myself) giving Rango and Fast Five 3.5.
Well, I did actually review both NW and Planet and rated them as 3. Rango wasn’t quite as good as them for me, but I’d still rate it as 3.
Animal Kingdom was January here, I could be talked into going for a 3.5 for that.
Bottom 5 of the years so far…
1. Sucker Punch
2. Pirates 4
3. Transformers 3
4. I Am Number Four
5. X-Men Babies
Sucker Punch in as clear worst of the year? Yowsers.
I still need to see it.
Animal Kingdom was a 2010 film IMO. Still, it qualifies for the Golden Chang awards as it was October I think.
I’ve got a feeling it went in last years.
I would rate Battle LA as solid 5.
It’s the only film I’ve not been able to sit through this year. I lasted 30 minutes.
Hughes gone for 28.
Shit, I’m so compelled to see that film.
I take that back it’s a solid 4.5 they lose some points for making Butt Chin a Staff Sergeant and for that scene at the beginning at FOB Santa Monica when they run off the helo for no reason.
Need to see that as well.
I had a look on the posts for last years Golden Changs and Animal Kingdom wasn’t on it. I had it in my year end top 10 though.
So it wasn’t. Only a month to go before we do them again. I can’t be arsed to do the site one this year.
Wait a mo, new Rec Room needed. I’ll just do it.
Yeah, fair enough.
I would be more impressed if they made a Davey and Goliath movie. That Lautner kid looks like claymation.
He fucking does, doesn’t he.
He’s laughable in that trailer trying to be badass.
yeah a 4.5 foot tall kid that loos like his mom still drives him to the mall isn’t convincing as a bad ass. That being said I have not seen the trailer you are talking about so I could be wrong. Something tells me I’m not.
You aren’t. And he’s got a squeaky poof voice.
There’s one bit in the trailer when he delivers the “I’m coming for you” line and I swear I heard laughter in the cinema.
“I’m coming for you” was heard by the audience as “I telling my MOM!”