Burt Gummer’s Rec Room- May 2012 Archive

A gathering place for firearms enthusiasts, paranoid survivalists and those who worship at the Church of Chang 

May, I would write something poetic here, but it doesn’t fit with the survivalist image. So instead, I’d just like to point out the exquisite gun rack on the wall behind. Grab a beer, it’s coming up for huntin’ season.

Disclaimer: This is the part of the Church that is the most no holds barred. None of it is intended with malice, and although it can on occasion seem a little bit fraught, it is banter rather than venom. So, be warned that this is like taking a naked swim in a piranha tank and not recommended for the faint of heart.

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1,814 responses to “Burt Gummer’s Rec Room- May 2012 Archive”

  1. tombando says :

    Also noticed the whole email notification blitz from here of late. Blocked’em and that took care of it.

  2. Just Pillow Talk says :

    I’ve gotta say, I enjoyed Fast Five much more the second viewing. It really is entertaining fluff.

    • Jarv says :

      Yeah, it’s fun. It does benefit hugely from basically not being F&F.

    • Droid says :

      Fast Five FTW!!!

      • Droid says :

        Unfortunately that cockwomble Luke Evans, who has taken over ownership of the “Sack of Cocks” from Bradley Cooper, has been casy in Fast Six.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve genuinely no idea who that is. But looking it up, he’s Welsh, so of course he’s a cockwomble.

      • Droid says :

        Tamara Drewe – Shite.
        The Three Musketeers – Utter garbage.
        Immortals – Awful.
        The Raven – Crap.

        He’s a shitty actor.

      • Jarv says :

        Not seen any of them. Pleased to say.

        Also, I think Cooper has recently been working hard to redeem himself. He’s been in quite a lot that I haven’t hated, and I haven’t instantly hated him in them. Midnight Meat Train, Limitless and the A-Team.

        Admittedly, he did blot his copybook with Hangover 2, but he’s now more a small bag of cocks than a sack.

      • Droid says :

        There was enough going on in The A-Team for me to ignore his smirking, smug rat face most of the time. Limitless was more difficult to get through, but it was a good idea (poorly executed) so I hung in there. Not a great film, and he wasn’t as annoying as usual.

        No interest in Hangover 2.

      • Jarv says :

        Midnight Meat Train?

        To be fair, though, when he’s supposed to be a cock (like, say, The Hangover) then I don’t mind him as much.

      • Droid says :

        MMT was okay. Didn’t want to take a shovel to his face during that one.

      • Jarv says :

        That ranks as quite a leap for him.

  3. Jarv says :

    Windies in a world of hurt again. All out for 200ish and probable loss by an innings. They’re better than India were last year though.

  4. Jarv says :

    In more important news-

    IRON SKY is on at the Prince Charles until next thursday. Do you fancy meeting up on say Wednesday and going to the 6.45 showing?

    I’ll get the missus to book if you can.

  5. koutchboom says :

    Jesus saw Ghost Rider 2, tremendous film. Probably one of the best comic book films ever. First time they’ve let the Cage be Cage since the towers fell. I now realize people find it more enjoyable to speak of Cageism in a manner of some high browed coy internet dork joke thing than do actual enjoy seeing Cage be Cage.

  6. koutchboom says :

    Bahahahah Neil Marshall directed an episode of Game of Thrones…yeah he’s fucking done, jesus how can you sink so low?

  7. Bartleby says :

    Hello all.. Back from the week hiatus.

    A few things.

    GOT isnt getting better. Xi and Jarv, you both have things more worthy of your critical grousing than this thing. It’s too easy to skewer, season 2 has been like fish in a barrel.

    Men in Black III is quite fun, about on par with the first, not quite as funny… million miles better than part 2.

    Chernobyl Diaries is almost worthwhile. The setting and the overall creepiness are effective, unfortunately the characters are complete dunces and the third act is a terrible mess. It shows promise only to disappoint. Frustrating.

    Iron Sky is far better than that non-review says it is. Still, adjust expectations.

    Ghost Rider 2 is indeed something tremendous.

    Finally… Baby Bart has arrived! with a full-head of hair and completely healthy. Huzzah!

  8. Jarv says :

    Brilliantly managed to jinx England yesterday. Note to self- Keep fucking trap shut and don’t tempt fate.

    • Jarv says :

      Watched Tin2 this morning.

      It’s OK. Not converted to Mocap. Best Berg in ages, though. Surprised at how good Bell was, Snowy was excellent as well. I’d give it 2.5.

      • Droid says :

        Probably as positive a reaction as one could hope for from you. Proves what a top film it is.

      • Jarv says :

        There are problems with it- the writing is weak, several times he talks about what we can see.

        The scene with the pickpocket’s apartment is annoying, but that’s because Thompson and Thompson are a bit annoying. Pre-haddock does drag.

        Oh, and not enough beds.

      • Droid says :

        The writing is quite good I thought. The occasional say what you see dialogue, which I didn’t really notice to be honest, is something from the source material. That might be one explanation.

      • koutchboom says :

        Tintin was nice, but it’s no War Horse. Now that was a fucking movie.

      • Jarv says :

        I thought that. It happens a hell of a lot though.

      • Jarv says :

        In all honesty, I wouldn’t go nuts for it. About what I was expecting being slightly better than average, not a “top film” but nowhere near as shite as certain papers would have you believe.

        I’m not a huge fan of Tintin, Spielberg or mocap. No dog in this fight.

        What was nice, and surprised me, was the lack of shitty prodding stuff at the screen 3D shots.

  9. koutchboom says :

    And dude Conti, here is my next script:

    http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/24/world/europe/norway-prison-bastoy-nicest/index.html

    If you steal it I’m sending Petty Officer First Class Xi and his Merry Band of Arizona Militiamen after you.

    But seriously read that and tell me you don’t see an epic movie in there.

  10. Xiphos0311 says :

    Jarv it seems that somebody listed to you about turning The Exorcist into a stage play.

    http://www.geffenplayhouse.com/more_info.php?show_id=137

    • Continentalop says :

      I was tempted to maybe see that, until I looked at the ticket prices. $70. No wonder live theater is a dying art.

  11. Jarv says :

    Weekend’s viewing:

    • Tintin- OK. Better than average. A better film in the year of meh
    • Repo Men- Surprisingly good. Even taking into account Jude Law. Twist was obvious, and I’m kicking myself that I didn’t call it. Like the girl from City of God.
    • Red Planet- Hilarious.
    • Big Fat Gypsy Gangster-meh
    • The Breed- Hilarious

    Probably something else, but I’ve forgotten.

    • Jarv says :

      OK. Iron Sky Tickets booked for Wednesday at 6.45pm. Huzzah!

      • Jarv says :

        Perhaps not. The Missus got an email telling her that it was a failure. She’s trying again after lunch.

    • Droid says :

      The problem I had with Repo Men is the twist. It’s totally unecessary. Only in there to give the film a smart assed ending. And I picked the twist from a mile off. That didn’t help.

      Kilmer flipping Mars the bird! FTW!!!

      • Jarv says :

        It makes me laugh how he’s so fat he can’t get in the suit.

        The twist was obvious, and I’m astonished I didn’t spot it. Usually I would. I suspect it’s in the book, though.

      • Droid says :

        The twist in Repo Men probably knocks it down half a chang for me. It’s a solid, entertaining 2.5 chang movie until the stupid twist. I’d have to dock it that .5.

      • Jarv says :

        I’d dock it from 3 to 2.5. Agree with you about the twist, but I still enjoyed it more. I’d approve it under the new rating, but with a huge caveat.

  12. Droid says :

    Big week at the cinema this week.

    Going to see Moonrise Kingdom, Men in Black 3, Snow White and the Huntsman, Prometheus and possibly Iron Sky.

  13. Droid says :

    Jarv, a new assignment.

    Amour.

    Here’s Cockshaw’s verdict.

    Haneke begins the movie with a flash-forward sequence which impresses on our minds and retinas a devastating memento mori motif, governing how we react to everything that succeeds it.

    What a douche.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/may/20/amour-haneke-film-review

    • Jarv says :

      *groan*

      Haneke. He’s Kraut Almodovar. Critics love him, but generally fecking awful.

      • Jarv says :

        Bradshaw is a one man source of comedy to us nowadays.

        The Guardian have done ANOTHER Iron Sky review. Which is bizarre, because the only cinema in the UK showing it stops on Thursday.

      • Droid says :

        Probably generates some hits for them. Can’t really think of any other reason.

      • Jarv says :

        I wouldn’t mind, but they’re all utterly negative. Smug and negative as well. That stupid history one actively angered me.

      • Droid says :

        I just saw that AIFN has 5! reviews of MIB3. FIVE!?!?!?! Surely that movie doesn’t need more than one.

      • Jarv says :

        To be fair, they’ve all got different viewpoints. Harry liked it, Capone didn’t. Still, 5 is excessive.

      • Droid says :

        Positive (4)
        MEN IN BLACK 3 Is An Entertaining Blast To The Past For Raven McCoy!!
        John Ary On MIB 3!
        Harry says MIBIII is a whole lot of fun!
        The Kidd Vs. MEN IN BLACK 3

        Negative (1)
        Capone calls MEN IN BLACK III a lazy, boring exercise!!!

      • Jarv says :

        I didn’t read 3 of them.

        So assumed that 2 of them were balanced, and one negative (particularly given the interview, where he insulted Sonnenfeld).

      • Droid says :

        I didn’t read them. I skimmed the opening of that Kidd fuckhead’s review to see what his opinion was and it was “I don’t like Will Smith, and I don’t like MIB 1 or 2, but for some reason I think MIB3 is the anti-MIB so I will concede that I like it.”

        That dude’s a complete fucknuckle.

      • Jarv says :

        He’s a twat.

      • Droid says :

        I can’t see how any film requires no more than 1 positive and 1 negative review, to allow for two opposing viewpoints.

      • Jarv says :

        Maybe a “meh” as well. But that’s at a push.

        No need for 5.

  14. Xiphos0311 says :

    Jarv do you still want to gangbang the Marshal ep of Game of Yawns?

    • Jarv says :

      I was thinking of the whole series, Xi- because I’m a few days behind you (got to steal it first) and there’s only 1 week left.

      How do you want to do it if we do?

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I haven’t watched the Marshal ep yet. Not sure lets let it marinate for a bit then see if if we can come up with something. I’ll email with some ideas when i come up something. Waiting for the finale is a good idea do an overview of the season.

      • Jarv says :

        I reckon we can overview the series. Give it a good, solid, kicking.

      • Jarv says :

        What do you think of the glorious news that the next book has been split into 2 series of nothing happening?

        Fantastic.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        A right proper kicking is a good plan.

        Split in two eh? So now they can double down on nothing happening, good plan. I think I’m done with GoY after next week. I will definitely be done if the ginger Scottish bird in the north gets naked. Or conversely I might watch next season until her feed bags come out.

      • Droid says :

        Surely there are less irritating ways to see some sweater puppies.

      • Jarv says :

        You would think. But it also sucked me in by making me think things were going to happen. Then by that point, I was at the half way stage.

        There were highlights- the Dink slapping Joffre, the sole fight in the series so far, the dutch bird’s allergy to clothing, and that’s about it.

      • Droid says :

        I started s7 of SN on the weekend. Only watched the first episode, which I’ve already seen. Man, I forgot how quickly they got rid of the Cas as God storyline.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s rough this series. The run in redeems a lot of it though.

      • Droid says :

        I also watched the last three episodes of the Community season. I swear to the flying spaghetti monster, that episode that was all done in NES style computer game graphics was one of the most painfully shithouse 20 minutes of TV I’ve ever seen.

      • Jarv says :

        I swear to the flying spaghetti monster, that episode that was all done in NES style computer game graphics was one of the most painfully shithouse 20 minutes of TV I’ve ever seen.

        Hehehehe. Asking for trouble.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s awesome. I’m saving that link.

        I’d already edited it.

      • Droid says :

        I uploaded it to our sites media so we always have it on hand.

      • Jarv says :

        Outstanding work.

      • Jarv says :

        Not like we won’t ever need it.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        There are better ways to see titties I agree however that particular set not so much. If she doesn’t flash the sweater meat I’m definitely done.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        The nerds went crazy over that episode of video game game Community. That one, to me, is proof positive that Dan Harmon needed to get shit canned ASAP as show runner and head writer. It was way to narrow and specialized for a network show. Plus it was monumentally unfunny.

  15. Droid says :

    This is from that AIFN TB where “Herc” did a radio show and talked to someone who’d seen GI Joe 2. It’s got spoilers, but really, who the hell cares?

    Caller X said the thing is a mess, and the Bruce Willis stuff looks like it was a part of a reshoot.

    SPOILERS—————————————

    You were warned——————————–

    Caller X stated Channing Tatum is only in the first 10 minutes, and his last scene is being told by The Rock he needs to babysit Rock’s children. Tatum and the rest of the cast from the first film are killed OFF SCREEN.

    Cobra Commander is freed, but he leaves Destro behind, saying”Sorry, we are kicking you out of the band.” No dialogue, so Christopher E does not return. Neither does the actress who played Baroness, and as I said it’s implied Scarlet was killed off in the attack mentioned in the trailer.

    The script is credited to the guys who wrote Zombieland, and the director did the first 2 Step Up movies and The Justin Bieber concert film.

    Bruce Willis is only in a few scenes, which to repeat what the caller stated, look like they were already part of a reshoot.

    Caller X concluded that they may have to scrap the whole film and start completely over.

    • Jarv says :

      That sounds suspiciously like crap to me.

      • Droid says :

        The comment or the movie?

      • Jarv says :

        the Comment.

      • Droid says :

        I wouldn’t know without hearing the guy, but nothing in the comment is anything that couldn’t have been assumed from the trailer. Apart from the Rock telling Tatum to babysit his kids. Whatever that means.

        From the trailer, I’d already assumed a) Tatum dies and b) Willis is only in it in the second half, probably towards the end.

        I’d have to hear his interview though. This comment is just one guy recapping the interview.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s too much. I refuse to believe that they killed basically every single character from the first film.

        It was an OK slice of stupidity that one.

      • Jarv says :

        They definitely aren’t going to scrap the whole film. That’s ridiculous.

      • Droid says :

        They killed off most of them. Wayans isn’t in it. Quaid isn’t in it. The red head isn’t in it. Sienna Miller isn’t in it. No JGL. No Ecclestone. The only one’s coming back that I’m aware of are Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. And Tatum, but he’s in one scene in the trailer, which is a ‘splosion scene where the team gets attacked. Then nothing. So I’d assume he dies.

      • Droid says :

        I like the first one. It falls into the Battleship category. Not very good, but goofily entertaining. And the Paris chase scene was well done.

      • Jarv says :

        Why would you do that?

      • Droid says :

        I can only assume that they weren’t happy with the first one, and saw the opportunity to get The Rock instead. I honestly don’t know. Maybe they should have just gone and made a totally new version, and pretended the other one didn’t exist.

        But they’ve continued on the story I think. The first one ended with the imposter in the white house. Vosloo and Pryce are in it. Who knows what the hell is going on with it. It’s not really worth thinking about.

      • Droid says :

        This is the director…

        Chu stated that his movie will be much different from the original. He said that they do address killing off the characters from the first film a little bit in his film, but his movie is about the new characters, and that it was partially his idea to reboot the franchise. According to Chu, the comic book interprets it in one way, and even the cartoon series switched theme songs in the middle, so everybody interprets it in a different way. “It’s the same world, but at a different point, so let’s pay homage to the old stuff, but also do new stuff.”

      • Jarv says :

        More AICN stupidity-

        Someone’s saying that the battle in GoT does indeed kick ass, but he’s upset because they didn’t show The Dink doing enough preparation.

        For fuck’s sake. Any more and I would have stabbed someone myself.

      • Jarv says :

        Oh oh:

        I havn’t read the books but this seemed like a huge letdown after all the buildup…the worst part was they fuckin kept cutting away from the battle every minute or so to show a LONG extended scene with Cersai sitting in that room with the other women…I swear they showed more of Cersai then they did the battle

        It’s shit then, and they’re wanking unjustifiably over it. This is what I was expecting.

      • Droid says :

        That sounds like filler for the battle. Not having enough battle footage, and trying to pad it out.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Just finished watching the ep. Marshal was able to inject a bit of life into it but he was severely constrained by a lack of budget and its not anywhere near the mythical level the nerds are making it out to be. It has a very TV movie of the week feel to it and the attack plan of Stannis made zero sense. The napalm scene(or whatever its called) was good until the bad CGI messed it up some.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      dude who wrote Zombieland wrote GI Joe 2? That is a rather large warning flag right there considering how bad ZL was.

      • Jarv says :

        I liked ZL. It was alright.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Some of the acting was good, the two females and Harrelson, they were able to shine a turd but overall the movie wasn’t very good, mostly due to poor writing and the whinny Facebook fucker.

    • koutchboom says :

      From the director of Step Up 3D, with Bruce Willis. Haven’t the last 3-4 Bruce Willis movies gone to DVD? Luckily he’s got Expendables 2 to fall back on.

  16. MORBIUS says :

    Only for the most discerning of taste(s) …

  17. Droid says :

    Jarv, you going to drop 300 euros on the Iron Sky collectors edition?

    • Jarv says :

      No.

      Frankly. That’s insane.

      • Droid says :

        And you call yourself a fan!

      • Jarv says :

        No I don’t. I’ve not seen it yet. Actually, considering the amount of Free PR I’ve done for them, then they should send me one!

      • Droid says :

        What free PR have you done for it?

      • Jarv says :

        None really. I was only joking. Published an article read by literally dozens of people, and sent the link round.

      • Droid says :

        That is free PR. Not sure it’s worth 300 euros though.

      • Jarv says :

        Well, when you throw in VAT, other taxations and my expenses, not to mention that the Euro is plummetting like a rock, I’m probably undercharging.

      • Droid says :

        Your expenses? Your employers really should be recieving the collectors edition as payment.

      • Jarv says :

        Shhhhhhh!

      • Jarv says :

        God damn it this is so fucking boring. I’m writing a paper on the pros and cons of E-Newsletter v Print Newsletter/

      • Droid says :

        Sounds like one heck of a page turner that read.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s fascinating. Riveting in fact. I need it ready for 1.20pm (not going to happen).

      • Droid says :

        The missus actually commented on how much publicity Iron Sky is getting. She said it’s “everywhere”.

        I wonder how they’ve managed it. Whoever’s responsible for getting multiple reviews in newspapers and whatnot really has done a superb job.

      • Droid says :

        Especially for a film that was coming out for one day at the cinema just a couple of weeks ago.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s a by product of how they raised the cash for it. Because it’s the first film to be entirely funded from Crowd Sourcing (hate that expression) it’s automatically interesting for Journalists. There are a number of angles- 1) Internet= end of studio system, 2)David v Goliath and so forth.

        Secondly, it’s got a huge following- all the people that bought War Bonds etc. The reason for it’s run in the West End is that the Prince Charles Cinema was inundated with requests for it.

        There’s a distinct media backlash to it as well. The snotty reviews are mounting up.

        What’s surprising, is that it’s managed this without any traditional advertising, and without a proper fucking release. Astonishing.

        It will become the textbook example on how to raise money for film on the internets, and how to publicise it.

        All of the above does not denigrate what a superb job they’ve done getting the word out. I’ve also seen the Director in places like the Guardian defending it. The Dude must never sleep.

  18. Droid says :

    Anyone see the first part of the Hatfields & McCoys miniseries last night? If so, any good? I’m quite keen on watching it.

  19. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Watched nada over the weekend, though I did drink a shitload of Belgium beer on Sunday. Paid for it yesterday. I sorely need a vacation, but that ain’t happening. Mrs. Pillow is traveling half of this week and all of next week, so there’s a 50/50 chance the kids drive me insane when it’s all said and done.

  20. Droid says :

    Why the flippin’ heck aren’t I in a beer garden right now?

  21. Droid says :

    Started writing the Total Recall review. How many uses of the word “awesome” is acceptable in a single review? 75? 100?

    • Jarv says :

      What was the review I used that used the word cunt about 40 times? Demon Cop?

      • Droid says :

        Think so. Wasn’t it because he was neither a demon or a cop?

      • Jarv says :

        That was one reason. I’ll go and check.

      • Jarv says :

        12 times in the review. More than once every 70 words. Including:

        This fucking gargantuan turd of a film, which by the way is not about a Demon Cop, was made by talentless cunts that I’m convinced deliberately set out to make as bad a film as possible- one that, Troma style, is hugely entertaining because of its rubbishness. That they failed is indicative of the complete lack of gumption that the fuckers had. This film is awful: produced by cunts, directed by a huge cunt, shot by a blind cunt, scored by a deaf cunt, acted by cunts, and written by a cretinous cunt without any sense of decency or any actual ability to assemble English words into a sentence

      • Droid says :

        hehehe

        One of your angrier reviews. Been a while since you’ve vented like that.

      • Droid says :

        Don’t tell me you’re mellowing in your old age.

      • Jarv says :

        I haven’t seen anything that’s actively pissed me off as much as that. I was inordinately rude about Dead Clowns.

      • Droid says :

        Oh, that was a love tap. And you were obscenely evenhanded with your review of New Years Eve.

      • Jarv says :

        I really wasn’t with the NYE review. That was a drawn out, structured demolition of it. Scott Pilgrim got an angry review, as did Martyrs. I haven’t done one in ages, though.

      • Jarv says :

        This was a good line:

        I’m running low on hatred for this load of shit. This is allegedly sexploitation without the sex but a shit load of exploitation. And it isn’t the film that’s being exploited. It’s the fucking idiots sitting through it waiting for a miracle to breathe life into their useless and sadly abused members,

      • Jarv says :

        I’m going to do that Vault retrospective. I wonder when the first review I ever did was.

      • Jarv says :

        April 23rd.

        Tits. I’ll do it for our third anniversary.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m a lot wordier now than I used to be.

      • Droid says :

        Blowhard.

      • Jarv says :

        I think it’s because I’m going for more difficult to review films than things like The Black Cat (contains this line: “Do I need loving close up after loving close up of a fucking cat’s eyes? Is it going to fucking act or something? What makes it completely unforgivable is that the incompetent cunt clearly forgot that he was filming more than one cat, and the close-ups give you a perfect chance to see that they’re different fucking animals, Fulci you useless, talentless bag of cocks.”)

        I couldn’t do that with Starcrash.

      • Droid says :

        There is a certain entertainment value in your ranty ramblings though. Never discount the amusement factor associated with calling some knobjocky a talentless bag of cocks.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve got some stinkers in the Birthday Series to unload on.

      • Jarv says :

        Ain’t it Fail News:

        Hey folks, Harry here… I’m a huge fan of Timur Bekmambetov’s work as director. NIGHTWATCH and DAYWATCH are films that I’ve watched and shown friends so often, as an example about excellence in detailed filmmaking. The conception of that two film universe is just exquisite. Then WANTED was just a rollicking tale, that despite what I felt was a painfully silly premise, I loved it all the same. But ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER – I think about WANTED in terms of action choreography and the richness of detail from his Russian works… and you can see it in this trailer. The loving attention to detail. Can not wait to see this one…

        Two shitty fucking Russian movies (the second is awful), I’ve not seen Wanted, but everyone thinks it’s wank. That means that fatty thinks Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter is a shitty mix of three shitty movies. Pity.

      • Jarv says :

        Just watched Aussie Trailer for Spidey. Looks like absolute honk. The Lizard looks like shit, he’s allergic to his fecking mask again.

        Like the webshooters, and that’s about it.

      • Droid says :

        Christ. Do you think they went a bit overboard with that throwing the football really hard bit? Yeah, no one blinks an eye when some kid throws a football from the stands so hard that it bends the goal posts.

        “Hey Parker, you wanna play football?”

        Fuck off.

      • Jarv says :

        Wank. Awful wank.

        I’m still thinking it may be the first major superhero bomb.

      • Droid says :

        Looks like shit that movie. Hated wanted. Not seen the others.

      • Just Pillow Talk says :

        Nightwatch and Daywatch were both pretty bad, and the ending is a horrible (Demon) cop-out.

      • Jarv says :

        The ending to Daywatch? It’s honestly one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. A boring and painfully insulting use of the magic reset button. Up there with “It was all a dream”.

      • Just Pillow Talk says :

        Si…absolute makes the viewer think “what the fuck was the point to this two movie arc? Pah.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s why it is so bad. Wiping out not one but two films. Dismal.

      • Just Pillow Talk says :

        Not that it needs to be said again, but Harry is one dumb fucking shit.

      • Jarv says :

        I know. Just occasionally he surprises me by plumbing new depths.

  22. Droid says :

    Anyone seen this?

    Dollman

    Brick Bardo (Tim Thomerson) is a cop from another planet who is forced to land on Earth in pursuit of criminals. Though regular sized on his home planet, he is doll-sized here on Earth, as are the fugitives who have landed as well. While Brick enlists the help of an impoverished girl and her son, the bad guys enlist the help of a local gang. When word leaks out as to his location, all hell breaks loose. Brick is besieged by an onslaught of curious kids, angry gang members, and his own doll-sized enemies, and he must protect the family who has helped him and get off the planet alive.

    The film also stars Jackie Earle Haley as Bardo’s human enemy, Braxton Red.

    Sounds incredible.

    • Jarv says :

      That was on my list, because there’s loads of them. Never got round to it.

      It’s Full Moon again.

      • Droid says :

        Have you seen it?

      • Jarv says :

        No. I’ll get to it soon.

      • Continentalop says :

        Yeah, especially since 1st edition rules are the only ones that count. If Gary Gygax didn’t sign off on it,
        It’s not official.

      • Jarv says :

        Who? That sounds like an STD.

      • Continentalop says :

        Gygax? He’s only the co-creator of D&D. Sadly he failed his last saving throw and has now passed on.

      • Jarv says :

        Lol conti.

        In all honesty, while it’s sad, I don’t really give a fuck. I intentionally find dismal films to watch, and am genuinely excited about seeing IRON SKY tomorrow, so I’m not really one to talk.

        If they like it, then fair fuck’s to them. Provided I don’t have to see them, smell them (because they’re bound to reek), or interact with them in any way then it’s fine, let them do what makes them happy.

      • Continentalop says :

        I think anyone can really like anything, as long as it is in degree. And as long as you don’t dress up in a fucking costume.

        That includes sports. If you’re a grown man who only spends all day watching sports, on the internet reading and talking about sports, calling into sport talk shows, and actually wearing a fucking team jersey even if you’re over 40 and fat, you’re just as bad as the D&D nerd in the elf costume and the cosplay freaks at Comicon.

        As soon as you start dressing up as Lep in the hood, Jarv, than you know you got a problem.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve got a Brazil shirt with Ronaldinho on the back. But it was a present, and I used to use it to play tennis in. Mrs. Jarv now sleeps in it.

        I like watching sport and whatnot, it’s one of many interests that I have.

      • Jarv says :

        As soon as you start dressing up as Lep in the hood, Jarv, than you know you got a problem.

        Wanted to. Too big for the costume.

        And I can’t rap.

      • Continentalop says :

        I like sports too, and I got a couple of jerseys as well. But I think wearing one once in awhile is a far cry from only wearing those. You know the type, 30-50, fat, and every time you see him he’s wearing either his team’s jersey or a jacket or t-shirt with their logo. Think Patton Oswalt in Big Fan.

        There is a fine line between wearing a Green Lantern t-shirt once in awhile and dressing up in the costume. Same with sports fans.

      • Jarv says :

        The cunts that get me are those poseurs that wear a rugby jersey (not one that you’d actually get now, an old style one) with the collar turned up under a blazer. The sight of them just makes my fists itch.

      • tombando says :

        Hey I wear a Red Sox Jersey while playing Battle Tech you watch it Comic Bookk Boy!!

        *Hides Essential Killraven behind stack of Bill James books.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        NERD ALERT!

    • Continentalop says :

      Dollman is ok because of Tim Thomerson, who plays his character like a tougher, meaner Dirty Harry, but doll-sized. The rest of the movie isn’t that good, including the villain played by JEH who seemed embarrassed to be there, if I remember right.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      I liked Dollman a lot back in the mid 90’s when it was a constant loop on cable. Dopey as hell but pretty fun like all Thomerson movies.

    • tombando says :

      Careful I resemble that remark. Your SAG card from Billy Jack notwithstanding (attemps saving throw w/ 20 sided Cubs dice)

  23. Jarv says :

    Man I’m struggling with this fucking The Breed Review. Not said one funny thing yet.

  24. Droid says :

    Chronicle is a 3 chang movie that gets docked at least 1.5 changs due to the worst found footage garbage since that jj abrasion shitfest. That’s infuriated me. Could’ve been a good film.

  25. Droid says :

    In the unlikely event that you’ve always wondered what a giant robot Nazi spider from the future bum raping an American WWII colonel looks like, then I compel you to check out The 25th Reich. If you’re not a complete cockwomble nutjob, and this holds no interest for you, I recommend you steer well clear. It’s utter shit.

  26. koutchboom says :

    So I watched the BEGINNING and the END of 80s era awesome movie making. FINALLY fucking saw The Howling (the beginning) and resaw Star Kid (THE END). Both fuck flicks, Star Kid holds up nicely. And The Howling was much different then I thought it would be, solid fun movie though top of the line B-Movie level movie.

  27. koutchboom says :

    This is on netflix if anyone still waste their time with that bullshit, I’ve heard good things.

  28. Droid says :

    So as mentioned last night, Chronicle is a waste of time. Could’ve been a lot better if it was shot as a normal bloody movie. Found footage really is shit (apart from Rec). The characters got a bit annoying after a while too. Could’ve overlooked that if not for the way it was shot.

    And The 25th Reich is abysmal. The first few minutes are mildly amusing, and the opening credits sequence is really well done. After that it’s utter shit.

    Iron Sky Day!!!

    • Jarv says :

      IRON SKY DAY!

    • Jarv says :

      Also as mentioned last night GoT was crap.

      Marshall turned in the best episode, but there was too little of interest in too much of it- They padded it out. Dink FTW again, and bits of it were good. Some nice stabbery, and some surprising boob.

      Unfortunately, this means the finale is on the fucking wall and Dany going dress shopping or whatever it is that she does now. Yawn. Cannot wait for this to be over.

  29. Droid says :

    Hollywood Reporter sums up Prometheus thusly…

    A visually stunning return to science-fiction by Ridley Scott caters too much to audience expectations when more imaginative boldness would have taken it further.

    • Jarv says :

      What does that even mean? For fuck’s sake.

      He/She/It is basically saying it wasn’t the film they were expecting/ wanted.

      • Droid says :

        I think it means it plays it safe.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s just nonsense that criticism. What did they want? Gigantic purple giraffes from the Dimension homo? That’s taking a risk, but would guarantee suck.

      • Jarv says :

        Also, I don’t realistically see how you can call it “unimaginative”. That’s a criticism that I level at many, many formulaic slashers/ action films, but doesn’t apply to a Ridley Scott Alien movie.

      • Droid says :

        I don’t know. I haven’t seen it. Maybe it just didn’t meet their expectations. If I get a Prometheus that turns out to be formulaic, even if it’s nice to look at, I’ll be disappointed. I don’t want purple giraffes from the planet homo but I do want something bold.

      • Jarv says :

        Maybe it just didn’t meet their expectations

        That’s my point- it’s a criticism used when the critic had something in their head first. The example I always cite is that dozy bint in the Torygraph’s review of TDK where she criticised it for not being gothic like Burton’s.

        I’ve got a totally open mind to it, and have no expectations of what it will be like.

        I’m nearly certain there’s going to be an element of formula to it, as it is an Alien prequel after all. However, that they’re trying for the whole Chariot of the Gods thing suggests that it’s not totally formulaic. If that makes sense.

      • Droid says :

        I didn’t read the whole review. That is just their “Bottom Line” summation at the top. Not actually part of the review. Maybe they clarify their POV. I don’t really want to read anything about it, but if you’re interested, here, read this: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/review/prometheus-review-ridley-scott-charlize-theron-michael-fassbender-330414

      • Jarv says :

        Shite. I wish films wouldn’t do this:

        As the survivors are pared down to a precious few, the grisliness and gross-out quotient increases; a self-inflicted Cesarian section may be a screen first (certainly the result of it is), while Fassbender’s fate is similarly imaginative and far funnier. This project started life as an intended prequel to Alien but morphed into something else. Unfortunately, the closer it comes to a climax, the more you feel the elements being lined up to set the stage for a sequel to this film, most of all in a coda that feels like a craven teaser trailer for the next installment.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I think it means that the movie looks good but that dickhead Lindolf from the entirely overrated Lost turned in a pedestrian as shit script. Also fuck the movie for using that Van Daniken Chariot of the gods horseshit.

      • Jarv says :

        He’s an idiot. He really is.

        It’s that Lost cunt writing is it? Bleurgh, that’s just put me right off.

      • Droid says :

        Also written by the guy who wrote Passengers (unseen by me, but terrible as I understand it), and The Darkest Hour (seen by me and I can confirm that it’s complete and utter dogshit, to put it politely).

      • Jarv says :

        Passengers is complete and utter honk.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I can’t believe anybody buys into that Van Daniken crap the jerk got lying in dozens of different ways.

        As for the Lost guy I’m sure he did the exact same thing as Lost didn’t plan anything waited to the last minute and wrote the dumbest thing he could come up with.

  30. Droid says :

    The Dictator cost somewhere between $65m (studio number) and $100m (“sources”). Either way, that’s an obscene amount of money to spend on what is really a comedy with very little broad appeal.

    • Droid says :

      If I were to give that movie a budget, I’d not go over $10m.

      • Jarv says :

        $65m? On fucking what?

        How are comedies so expensive now?

      • Jarv says :

        Heard at Trent Bridge from the Barmy Army:

        We’ve had a garlic naan,
        We’ve had a butter naan,
        We’ve had a plain, we’ve had a korma too,
        But our favourite naan, is Tim Bresnan,
        All because he hates the convicts too

        They need to tone it down, because that’s too “football” and not funny. It’s very funny up until that last line which just ruins it. I’ve stood up for them on countless occasions, but they’re getting too full of themselves now.

      • Droid says :

        Short memories. I seem to remember just a few months ago the Poms getting drubbed. Twice. And hanging on to the top ranking by their fingernails. Since then they’ve beaten a competitive, but clearly inadequate Windies side. I’d wait until they beat South Africe before starting up the boasting chants again. If they beat them, that is.

      • Jarv says :

        Think they’ll draw the series, personally, but I think the Saffas are the actual best side in the world.

        Bresnan didn’t play in the winter.

        Drubbed once, drew t’other. BTW.

      • Droid says :

        Ah, my mistake. But still, wasn’t your best winter.

        I’m actually quite interested in seeing the Saffa series.

      • Jarv says :

        No. It really wasn’t.

        A collective and disgustingly shit batting performance cost them 2 tests that they should have won. The bowlers were fucking magnificent- have a look at the stats for them- and ran through brick fucking walls for the batting to fail over and over again.

        Crap performance. Reminiscent of the 90’s. Totally overconfident, unprepared, unimaginative, technically inept turn from our alleged “specialist” batsmen. Only KP came out in the positive all winter out of all of them. Several should consider themselves lucky to still be being selected- Trott and Bell to name but 2.

      • Jarv says :

        Talking about which, if Pakistan do Sri Lanka, I think they can go 4th in the rankings. They’re 5th at the moment, behind Aus, India, Saffas and England.

        I’d rate them as a lot better than India, personally.

      • Jarv says :

        Yup, and if they whitewash the Lankans they go up to 3rd.

      • Jarv says :

        And if england win the next test v the Windies, then they only need to draw with the Saffas to keep it.

        However, I want them to win both. I still think this is nearly the end of Strauss though (back to back centuries notwithstanding)

      • Jarv says :

        Although, to be fair, they’ve also got problems. The funny thing about the Saffas, which is unique, is that they’ve actually got a better record away from home than at home.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        well they did shoot in NYC and its expensive with all the payoff to OC members in government.

      • Jarv says :

        Still though? That’s a lot of cash for a shitty comedy with no big names in it.

    • koutchboom says :

      Eh look up the cost of The Love Guru. The Dictators price tag still makes a lot more sense then the Bridrsmaids 35 million price tag.

      • Jarv says :

        Bridesmaids was ridiculously overexpensive. See also Your Highness, Scott Pilgrim and many others. Doesn’t mean that $65m on the Dictator wasn’t money wasted.

        Your problem is that you are incapable of functioning in anything other than binary choices. Just because one is stupid doesn’t preclude another one from being equally stupid.

      • koutchboom says :

        Naw at least the budget on Scott can be seen. Bridesmaids got money because of Crapatow. Dictator is as expensive as Bruno and he filmed it in New York….there’s a reason The Dictator looks like it was filmed in New York while Avengers looks like it was filmed in the shitty side of Cleveland. Dictators budget is fine. Had he gone way more after Bruno you’d have something but at least he kept it roughly the same. You forget Borat made like 300 million so SBC is a star. And Dictator will probably double its budget by the end, not great but not a flop.

      • Jarv says :

        Yes, but it doesn’t matter- they could have filmed it anywhere and the point would be the same. Seriously, Koutch, $65m is a lot of cash for a comedy with Anna fucking Faris starring.

        And what did they spend it on? There’s no special effects etc.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah but when you film “anywhere” then put NEW YORK at the bottom of your screen you get Avengers, some shitty looking stand in town…or see Bridesmaids and LA (though seriously with that money how could they not have filmed in LA?). There are some CGI bits in Dictator, there’s also shit in some non American country Idk where all that was filmed though. It’s a fairly big comedy. And seriously he didn’t balloon up to Love Guru cost so thats solid accounting work.

        Also I got no problem with movies showcasing stars with bigger budgets. I mean Funny People cost 70 million and the movie could’ve been made for less than a million but I’m guessing roughly 20 each for Judd, Seth and Sandler.

      • Jarv says :

        Sandler, to some extent, I understand. He costs $20m a movie, every film costs roughly $70m and they all turn in roughly $200m. That’s a close to a sure thing as is possible. He’s key to that.

        What I do not understand is a little film like The Dictator, spends possibly $100m and it’s all gone on set work? With no name stars (and SBC isn’t in Sandler’s league)?

        Bear in mind that Rise of the Planet of the Apes only cost $90m.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yes again Rise filmed in some stand in city and had 0 stars, Franco is still not really a star. Dictator isn’t a small comedy its fairly big and it was filmed in New York, and save for the speech scene there is no doubting that. Also it looks better and is bigger than any Adam Sandler comedy. SBC is a star ever retard knows Borat, maybe Bruno has done great in home video, SBC fucking got like 30 million for Dictator. So yes people still have faith in him. And again it was no more expensive than his last film so who cares? Had he come out of that perceived flop with some 120 million project then yeah it would look ridiculous.

      • Jarv says :

        Are you honestly, seriously, telling me that Dictator warrants being anywhere near the same budget as Rise?

        I cannot see why you would spend up to $100m+ Marketing on a comedy with very little CGI but 1 recognisable location when a film that was solid CGI practically start to finish and good CGI at that cost $90m. And what does it matter if he had a stand in city?

        You don’t make sense sometimes.

      • koutchboom says :

        Idk the whole break down, if SBCs 30 million is in that 65 million budget or not. What I know is that Apes they paid 90 million for some special effects, most of The Dictators budget probably went to SBC. Comedy is weird and comedic actors always seem to get paid the most, mainly because Hollywood realizes people pay to see the person not so much the movie. Where as action movies they pay to see the effects these days not so much the actors. Idk know how this doesn’t make sense to you? You sigh a lot maybe you are getting enough Oxygen to the brain?

        And again The Dictator is one of the better shot comedies.

        Also comedy stars who get a huge hit and become a name, are forgiven a lot more than action stars/directors. See Eddie Murphys career. I wonder if its a 100 million thing, because since The Love Guru Mike Myers has been dead. It’s like with a comedy star…..you keep it under 80 million and we will keep giving you chances.

      • Droid says :

        Jim Carrey has gone the same way too. Sunk to doing penguin movies and sequels to past hits.

      • Droid says :

        Now that Myers Shrek cash cow has finally (and thankfully) come to an end, how long until we get Waynes World 3 and Austin Powers 4?

      • Jarv says :

        Koutch- it’s that you can see every penny of that $90m on screen. You cannot say this about the dictator (I’m not sure I agree with you about it being well shot). It all went on “some” special effects, which is hugely disingenuous.

        Even taking $35m for the dictator, that’s still far too much money for a present day set comedy. There’s no effects really, so they can’t have spent it on that, Set fees accounted for all $35m?

        I haven’t found SBC funny for the better part of 10 years, because I grew tired of his schtick in the late 90’s. The Dictator looks to me like Ali G in da House again.

      • koutchboom says :

        Have you seen it? Well who cares what you find funny? You still think troll jokes are funny?

        And if the movie only cost 35 million, and they actually filmed in New York then the budget is fine. Tons of fucking worthless movies cost 35 million. Look at that fucking Albert Brooks movie that cost 100+ million over 50 of that was on the cast.

        I mean I get what you are saying and Hollywood does agree (see Taylor Kitcsh) that stars don’t matter as much as they used to. But Hollywood hasn’t found an effect to replace a comedian yet so that’s why big comedians get paid so much and are allowed a flop or seven.

      • Jarv says :

        Have you seen it? Well who cares what you find funny? You still think troll jokes are funny?

        What’s that got to do with anything? It’s my opinion, so every bit as valid as yours.

        SBC has limited time rehashing the same jokes. I understand that you’re slow, and things take a while to sink in but he’s basically been doing the same thing since 1997.

        You are missing the point. There is no way that an 80minute-ish comedy with no effects etc should have cost $35m.

        It’s the waste that I find bizarre- and that’s what it is, a fucking waste (particularly if it was as high as $100m). Furthermore, you keep bleating “whatabout this” or “whatabout that”, this is what I mean about binary thinking- they’re a fucking waste of cash as well.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well then with your logic everything you don’t like, you will see as a waste.

        I mean name one comedian whose ever changed their basic schtick. So you not finding him funny is moot.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s not that. Some Schticks have a specific lifespan, and the faux-interviewer ingenue abroad type, which is what he does, is one of the shortest. Basically, as soon as people are in on the joke, then that’s it- it’s over.

      • Jarv says :

        For example, one of the reasons he had to go to do Ali G in America was that everyone knew the gag here, so he tried a few times and it was disastrously unfunny. He took it to America, while bringing Borat in here (same gag, different character)- huge success. Ali G, gets spun off into a movie, so he moves to Borat and introduces Bruno.

        It’s still the same fucking joke.

      • Jarv says :

        To answer your question, though- Comedian that has changed schticks? Gervais.

        He’s unrecognisable now from his early persona.

      • koutchboom says :

        Dictator has a script? It’s not fake interviews its a basic fish out of water comedy.

      • koutchboom says :

        And sorry maybe shtick was the wrong word but style. Pretty much every comedian has a basic style they use throughout their career. That or they have a dramatic side.

        Rickey has been using the same type of humor and style since the first episode of the office. And that’s fine that’s him. That’s what he does. SBC does the character stuff and they are all roughly very similar in concept.

      • Jarv says :

        Right- OK.

        A) You’re wrong. You need to see his pre-Office stuff. Totally different.

        B) Sacha Baron Cohen only has one joke. He plays basically a version of the same character in every film (he’s not alone in this). It’s one I’ve tired of, and to be honest, I was bored of it by the time Ali G in da USA came around in 1999.

      • Droid says :

        I never really liked Ali G. And the movie was abysmal. Borat was a watch once film, and it was funny, but I don’t think I’d ever watch it again. No interest in Bruno. I might see The Dictator at some stage. My boss (who was very excited to see it) said it was terrible.

      • Jarv says :

        Did you ever see Ali G pre-movie? If you can find the first series, it was funny. But it’s basically Borat.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well pre office stuff doesn’t matter he wasn’t famous then. You got no point here except that you are tired of SBC, and judging from the Dictators box office he’s probably only got one more movie before the public fully agrees with you.

      • Jarv says :

        He was famous then. He was a household name here.

        Just because he hadn’t cracked it in America, didn’t mean that people didn’t know who he was.

      • Jarv says :

        Oh, and here comes, “blah blah blah, only america matters, blah blah blah”

      • koutchboom says :

        Well yeah but who gives a fuck about some regional comedian? Once they find their cash cow they stick to it and that’s what they will be remembered for.

        I mean do you wanna know about the great piano playing of Zach Galifinakas?

      • Jarv says :

        This is exactly what I’m talking about. 60m people in the UK, fuck knows how many everywhere the 11 o’clock show was on. Just because you hadn’t heard of him yet doesn’t mean that he wasn’t famous. The Office was a big stylistic jump for him. Then he went back and did stand up, which he’d never done before, and it was nothing like the office, then he did Extras and so forth.

        He’s “known” for the Office/ Extras and that style, but that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t evolved and adapted his style. In fact, his screen persona is nothing like his Office/ Extras role.

      • koutchboom says :

        Right I get it, you love Rickey G and think England is bigger than the world. That’s fine, but ever since he’s had international success comparing his different shit is like comparing Oranges to Tangerines not Apples to Oranges. And yes this is fairly true for most comedians they have a small range, but their humor type and style by and large remains the same. I mean to see the FULL extent of Jim Carry’s range just watch Liar Liar that showcases both his dramatic and physical abilites.

        Yes SBC has kept his range farily narrow it’s no different than any other comedian just you probably never found him funny in the first place. And you’ve gotten completely off topic because you never had a point beyond you don’t like SBC…good for you. Keep loving that ever changing comedy of Ricky G.

        And yeah there are comedians in America that probably make more money with touring shows or shows in Vegas than Adam Sandler…but I wouldn’t expect anyone to give a fuck about him. Right now we’ve got Louie CK who yes was probably as famous as Rickey G was in the UK before the office but I wouldn’t expect anyone to know who the fuck he is, he’s on the cusp of being relevant his Louie show isn’t that big. He’ll need to make Pootietang 2 before he becomes some known comedian.

        And yes his early stand ups from the mid 90s are a little different than his shit now but he’s still spittin the same kind of humor.

      • Droid says :

        I only know who he is because of parks and rec.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah that’s probably the biggest thing he’s done, and even that show isn’t that big.

      • koutchboom says :

        You’d probably like his new TV show actually. It’s not as great as everyone says but it has it’s moments.

      • Jarv says :

        You’re intentionally missing the point. Ricky Gervais was internationally famous and successful before the office. Do you think the BBC give series out to any old cunt that comes in off the street? Just because he hadn’t cracked America doesn’t mean he hadn’t already achieved a measure of success.

        And I don’t like Ricky G now. The cringeworthy stuff he does doesn’t appeal to me- whereas I did like the sarcastic and insulting thing he used to do. If you can find “Feminism” it’s worth a look.

        I did find Ali G funny, just as I found Ricky G, Daisy Donovan and the rest of them on the 11 O’Clock show funny- they all basically did this. Unfortunately, by the late 90’s, the joke was played out here (hence going to the states). The rest of them have gone on to other things and different styles, but SBC is just recycling the same jokes over and over again. As the numbers are declining, it appears more people are catching on. He’s been plowing exactly the same furrow for about 10 years, and this is probably his last run at it. Or it should be.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well your initial point was the dictator cost too much now since that was wrong you’ve moved to Rickey Gervias being a wunderkind. And so using your logic Jeff Dunham should be a household name, who will eventually make movies that cost way too much. Good glad that’s all figured out.

      • Jarv says :

        Once again.

        These are unrelated arguments, but you are too stupid to realise this. This is basically 2 turning into 3 conversations.

        Point 1. I stand by that- the dictator cost too much. There’s no justification for spending that amount of money on that film. None. Just as there was no justification for the amount spent on Bridesmaids, or Your Highness, or most Adam Sandler films (although I do understand them to some extent).

        When I see something like Iron Sky, or Rise of the Planet of the Apes, where every penny ended up on screen, it makes me despair that a film with little CGI cost between $65 and $100m. Why is this so difficult for you to grasp?

        Point 2. SBC is a one trick pony, as he always basically does the same thing, and I happen to think he’s done it for too long and isn’t funny.

        Which leads to…

        Point 3. I don’t think Gervais is a wunderkind. I just pointed out to you, repeatedly, that he’s changed style. You wanted an example, I gave you one. You then came back with “yeah but he wasn’t famous then” to which I pointed out that he was a household name in lots of the world. To which you said, “blah doesn’t count if its not American blah fucking blah” in direct contravention of the facts.

        Can we end this now? Before you go round and round in perpetuity ignoring what I’m trying to get across to you and pulling Non sequiturs out of your rectum.

      • koutchboom says :

        Hehehe yeah because Planet was so cheap the Dictator should’ve been made for 5 million. Hehehe yeah keep only listening to yourself.

        What time does the Jeff Dunham show come on over there?

      • Jarv says :

        Fuck me.

        The upper end quoted for The Dictator is $100m.

        That is more than the entire budget of Rise. Rise is an incredibly CGI heavy film. The Dictator is not. Even if they spent $30m on SBC’s salary, what have they spent the cash on? Because it’s not on the screen.

        Excess. This is the original point. Pure excess, with little value. Say the Dictator was $100m (unlikely, but you never know), then that’s $70m spent- $70m? That’s nearly the budget of Rise. Are you honestly saying you can see where the money went?

        The point of mentioning Rise is that, yes, $90m is a lot of cash, but at least you can see it’s all on the screen. Whereas with The Dictator there is no reasonable justification for the film to cost that much. See also John Carter.

        Also this:

        Hehehe yeah because Planet was so cheap the Dictator should’ve been made for 5 million.

        Why not? Every other industry tries it’s hardest to be as cost effective as possible.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s this excess that limits the type/ amount of films available. Look back through the various birthday series, and almost everyone has options every date. These options are shrinking and shrinking by the year in favour of obese shit like The Dictator. It’s wasteful, and I find it incomprehensible that Hollywood churns out 9th rate comedies for ridiculous amounts of money.

        Box Office Mojo is quoting it as $65m.

        Using the usual sums- that means in reality, including Marketing, it cost $130m. Gross to date (and it’s been out ages, so it’s finished) is $94m. On the assumption that the film needs roughly double the take to break even, then it’s so far $83m in the read.

        That’s a bomb, and hopefully it will kill his career stone fucking dead. So it appears that the world is catching on to him. Whereas if it had come in for a sensible amount of money, say $35m, then it would stand much more of a chance of making it in to the black.

        Case in point as to how to do it: Bad Teacher.

        Total Budget $20m. Means marketing inclusive is max $40m, but more likely $30m. Worldwide Gross = $216,197,492.

        That’s what the Dictator should have been.

      • Jarv says :

        Really, though, none of this is controversial.

        You’re basically being a dick because you like The Dictator and think it’s wonderful. We’ve done this with loads of films that have had too much money spent on them, and it’s just the same as them.

      • koutchboom says :

        Movies like the dictator keep the hope of the movie star alive. Like I said Hollywood can’t replicate comedy with CGI yet and they keep hoping for the next Borat. Without movies like these we are just allowing more and more Taylor Kitschs onto the screen.

      • Jarv says :

        So?

        That’s the shittest reason ever. Basically, this comes down to you liking the film, and finding any excuse to justify it being a waste of cash.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well Forrest Gump clips ain’t cheap. Movies budget is fine.

      • Jarv says :

        It clearly isn’t. Because it’s bombing. It’s a waste of money, and you know it.

      • koutchboom says :

        Like I said had he ballooned it up ala Mike Myeres you’d have a point, but he kept it roughly the same as Bruno so who cares? Yeah its not doing great and he will probably never get that money again, but this is all par for the course for big comedy stars. The big question will be what his next film does….granted he’s doing the typical comedy star route, after his comedy movies stop making mad cash he’s turning to drama with the Freddie Murcury bio, if that happens.

      • koutchboom says :

        Like I said had he ballooned it up ala Mike Myers you’d have a point, but he kept it roughly the same as Bruno so who cares? Yeah its not doing great and he will probably never get that money again, but this is all par for the course for big comedy stars. The big question will be what his next film does….granted he’s doing the typical comedy star route, after his comedy movies stop making mad cash he’s turning to drama with the Freddie Murcury bio, if that happens.

      • Jarv says :

        The budgets have gone up every time and the box office has gone down. He’s fucking done now.

        Let’s face it- reality is you like it, so it’s all fine. Anyone with half a brain can see they spent too much.

      • koutchboom says :

        I didn’t love the movie. Bruno was funnier. You hate him so you are nagging. The movie I saw looked like it cost $65 million or more so I’m fine with it. Had they not filmed in New York and it had cost that much then yeah I would be more willing to indulge on your hatred of SBC. But the movie looked good save for the speech scene which did piss me off.

      • koutchboom says :

        And I can’t find a valid budget for Bruno I remember at the time people said it was 60 million and it grossed back $130 million so its fine. Dictator looks to gross back roughly the same.

      • koutchboom says :

        I do want the soundtrack to The Dictator, that alone is worth 35 million.

      • Jarv says :

        I can’t be bothered with this any more.

        This is the last time-

        I don’t hate him. I don’t care about him.

        $65m was too much money.

        It is bombing.

        You like it, so are spouting shit to defend it. Whatiffery, non sequiturs, garbage and are just repeating yourself.

        It’s fucking obvious that they should not have indulged him. To anyone apart from you, that is. This should have been done on half the budget.

        Bruno hardly set the world alight being down on Borat. This is down on Bruno despite costing more.

        That’s terminal fucking decline.

      • koutchboom says :

        Hehehe you aren’t saying anything. You haven’t seen it. I don’t care how much a movie costs as long as it looks it. And Dictator looks about as much as it cost. Face it you just don’t like SBC and just like to see yourself speak.

      • Jarv says :

        Just fuck off you thick twat.

        You wonder why I accuse you of trolling.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yea trolling. Keep reaching with that. I hope you have a panic attack when you are bombarded by Dictator posters next time you are on the chube.

      • koutchboom says :

        And its funny because SBC is so funny looking anyway that its easy to imagine your lanky pale self getting woozy and crying while Dictator posters come to life and laugh at you and say “It’s nice” over and over.

        Then the slam cut to you screaming and everyone else around you wondering who let that crazy out, while you come to the realization you are losing your grasp of reality. You run away bumping into some obvious looking soccer fan who yells “oy watch it mate.”

      • Jarv says :

        Seriously. Fuck off.

      • koutchboom says :

        Unless you say mate how do I know you are being serious?

      • koutchboom says :

        I can’t stop laughing at the visual. Yeah its been done to death. But just imagine something similar to the scene in Werewolf in London but with a more effeminate version of Richard E. Grant and a lot more shrieking, there’s no way Jarvs not a shrieker. Just instead of wolf growls its echoing “Wa wo we wa!” and “its nice.”

      • Jarv says :

        So does Ali G in da House.

        What I mean is that it’s basically him as a fish-out-of-water in an unfamiliar environment over his head where he doesn’t understand things.

      • Droid says :

        Hey, I like fucking Faris!

      • Jarv says :

        I do too. But she makes terrible films, and doesn’t cost $20m per picture.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Ahh, Jarv and Kman exchanging sweet nothings, all is right in the world!

      • Jarv says :

        Afternoon TKD.

        How’s it going?

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Hello Jarv,
        Life is good.
        My wife and I took the girls and rufus to visit relatives in Ohio. I Visited one of my favorite places – Wright Patterson AFB museum.

        I ate too much drank too little and generally had a great time.

      • Jarv says :

        I ate too much drank too little and generally had a great time.

        Yikes!

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Yeah, I know. That surprised me as well. But I was the designated chauffeur, so I could not get blotto, even ol ruf had to keep the leg half empty.
        I caught about twenty minutes of rango, it looked decent. I will have to watch the whole thing when I get a chance

      • koutchboom says :

        Rango was solid. That and Tin Tin are about equal to me. Rango had better characters, Tin had better action.

      • koutchboom says :

        But if you remember driving….then you didn’t have enough to drink.

      • Jarv says :

        Rango>Tins.

        Enjoyed both.

      • Droid says :

        Tintin = Rango. Both are brilliant IMO. Tintin pips it because it didn’t “rape my childhood”.

        My Top 3 from last year are all even stevens.

      • Jarv says :

        Credit to Tins for not molesting my fond memories of it in French lessons.

        I think Rango was better, but not a lot better. I’d go 3 for Rango and 2.5 for Tins.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Yeah, Rango looked like it would be a solid flick. I thought Tin Tin was well made, but i just could not get into the characters at all, so I can see your point.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Jarv, i watched the latest GoT ep last night. It was good, decent although not great action, more than we are used to though.

        I watched an ep of Life too short with Warwick davis, it had some laughs. Sting was in it doing his Sting from Lock Stock and two smoking barrels – minus a few f-bombs.

      • Droid says :

        I watched three episodes of Lifes Too Short. It was basically Warwick doing Ricky Gervais, with added Ricky Gervais. Even for a guy who likes Ricky Gervais, it was just too much Ricky Gervais.

        ps. Ricky Gervais.

      • Jarv says :

        I watched a bit of Life’s Too Short. Not too bad. Reasonable few chuckles in it.

        It’s Gervais again, isn’t it?

        GoT- This was by a country mile the best episode of the series. By a mile. Some decent stabbery, it actually had some pace, Headey was fucking dreadful, the Dink was awesome.

        Not worth the wait.

      • koutchboom says :

        I saw an episode of Lifes To Short….and I just felt bad for Warwick having to stoop to that dickheads level. It was ok, Warwick is funnier than Ricky. Speaking of done being funny in the late 90s……

      • Jarv says :

        Warwick having to stoop to that dickheads level. It was ok, Warwick is funnier than Ricky. Speaking of done being funny in the late 90s……

        Some truth to that.

      • Droid says :

        By the third episode it becomes tiresome. It’s the same thing every episode. A desperate Warwick gets demeaned (made to wear a teddy bear costume at a Star Wars themed wedding for example), then he visits Ricky and Merchant, who don’t like him, and another demeaning scene, usually with a star like Depp.

      • koutchboom says :

        Hehehe and yeah Warwick is probably the only short person I like beyond a laughing at level. Dink will never touch his greatness.

      • koutchboom says :

        I did like Warwick bossing Cat Dealy around. What’s her relationship to Britain? Does everyone there hate her? Find her annoying? Over here she’s one of the better presenters of a reality show, when I was watching SYTYCD I loved playing the game, was Cat hosting hungover or not.

      • Jarv says :

        Cat Deely? Mildly attractive MTV VJ from the mid 90’s. Thought she was dead to be honest. Stopped even being thought about roughly 10 years ago.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Yes, I definitely see more Gervais than Davis, it does seem humiliating

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Jim Carrey, that is a sad case.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        I may be wrong about this, but I think the “biggest” comedian in America today is actually one of the smallest, Kevin Hart.

        My wife actually sawr Think Like Man with some friends from work, and she liked it even though she was not exactly the demographic

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        I may be wrong about this, but I think the “biggest” comedian in America today is actually one of the smallest, Kevin Hart.

        My wife actually sawr Think Like Man with some friends from work, and she liked it even though she was not exactly the demographic

        Posted in wrong place

      • koutchboom says :

        Are you talking about whose making the most money doing stand up? It may be him? I know his stand up movies did decent money for a stand up movie. I don’t think he’s some household name yet.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Yeah, I think he is the biggest stand-up draw in America today, even though he is not as widely known as Louis CK.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah it’s weird it’s never some HUGE name that makes the most money with stand up it’s usually just the guy with the right amount of buzz and probably a lot of tour dates. I remember a couple years back I think it was Frank Caliendo….and does anyone remember him anymore? Besides Jay Leno?

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah look at this list it’s old but you think any of these guys are considered HUGE at the moment? Or even that recognizable?

        http://www.therichest.org/entertainment/highest-paid-comedians/

        Dane Cook…it’s no longer 2003-2004. Jeff Foxworthy/Larry The Cable Guy I guess they are well known but if I showed their picture to someone outside of America I doubt they’d know who they were. Howie Mandel????? It’s not 1986 anymore, though he’s probably known for AGT but I bet people aren’t really sure who or why he’s a judge on it besides the fact the opening credits of AGT say he’s a comedian.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Dane Cook sucked, and everyone knew it and yet he still was a big thing – for a minute back in the early 2000’s and I have no idea how that happened. I even tried to watch his HBO show and i did not laugh once, not once. I turned it off. Foxworthy has genuine storyteller talent, but he sticks with the redneck humor, which is his bread and butter so i guess he is not wrong for doing it, but he really should try to broaden appeal. LTCG, is not horrible, much funnier than cook, but then again toe clippings are funnier than cook. Howie, I never got. All he ever did was to blow a surgical glove up with his nose. He was good on St. Elsewheer though

      • koutchboom says :

        Well whats crazy about Jeff is that he’s been able to maintain since like the mid 80s. I mean he was huge around 92-94 with all that “you perhaps are a redneck if…”. With Cook I liked his first two stand up cds, the bit about shitting on the coats, but yeah that show was awful, it was just a self indulgent suckoff fest.

      • Jarv says :

        Cook was never funny. He’s a cunt actually.

      • Droid says :

        Fucking loathe that Dane Cook cockwomble.

  31. Jarv says :

    Droid- I’ll be in Leicester Square ages before you tonight. I’ll wait for you in the All Bar One (shite but I can sit outside) in Leicester Square itself.

  32. Droid says :

    Geez, I’m a little dizzy. All the Trollboom hits in such a brief period of time. Makes my head spin.

    Minute 1: “amateur”

    Minute 12: “homophobic”

    Minute 14: “you really hate yourself”

    Minute 20: “real man”

    • koutchboom says :

      Hehehe again with the troll jokes? I feel like I’m stuck in 2010? Move on.

    • Toadkillerdog says :

      I see Kman as more of an agitator with a purpose as opposed to being a straight up troll.
      He may get under your skin, but at least he shakes things up and makes you defend your position.

      Where he goes a tad overboard is not knowing when to stop or change lanes

      • koutchboom says :

        See TDK gets it.

      • Droid says :

        Nah, an agitator doesn’t repeat a personal stock of catchphrases. He/she will “shake things up and make you defend your position” by referring to specific points. Not just say “a real man” likes this, or call people homophobic.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Well, I did say he goes a tad overboard and does not know when to stop!
        Maybe and agitator with trollish tendencies?

        To me a troll is simply someone trying to attract attention to themselves with no regard for what they say – in fact the more outrageous the better because they are guaranteed a hit. That is a pathetic person.

        i am not giving Kman a pass, just because I think he is an agitator as opposed to a straight up troll, does not mean he is not being an asshole

      • Droid says :

        A trollgitator?

        An agitatroll?

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        agittrol like agitprop!

  33. tombando says :

    NEEDS GIANT ROBOTS.

    So who here thinks they should do a sequel to Turdmen-anyone? anyone?

  34. tombando says :

    Not a fan of Borat there, no interest in DickTator, hate Adam Sandler, fond of greaseguns and strange looking manx as he is.

    • Jarv says :

      Adam Sandler. I hope to god Satan collects on this deal soon.

      • Droid says :

        I don’t mind Sandler. I don’t like the majority of his movies, but he’s pretty much done as well as anyone ever could with that level of talent. He’s carved out a very profitable niche for himself, and he doesn’t get in your face. You either choose to watch his movies or you don’t.

      • Droid says :

        The biggest evil that Sandler commits on the world (and why Satan should come for him sooner rather than later) is the shit he produces. Allowing all his hangers on to star in their own movies is his biggest crime.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Long overdue

  35. Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

    First reviews for Prometheus are in. And range from excellent to meh. So god knows!

    All I know is I have a ticket for 00.01 on Friday, and that can’t come soon enough! I’ve never gone to a midnight showing before. Which is either a sign of how excited I am, or how empty my life is.

    • Droid says :

      We went to the midnight showing of TPM. Was not a happy drive home.

      • koutchboom says :

        Horror movies are the only midnight showings I go to these days.

      • Droid says :

        Indeed. I’m almost over it now though.

        To be quite honest, I’m usually too friggin’ knackered to go to a movie at midnight. I prefer going to see movies in the afternoon. I like my snooze too much, and I really don’t get excited enough about new movies to bother with seeing them as soon as possible.

    • Toadkillerdog says :

      I have only seen three midnight shows in my life. First was Rocky Horror – awesome.
      Second was Batman 89 – ok
      Third was TPM – a let down

      I will not be seeing a fourth unless it is: Rufus: the alcoholic bulldog starring Maggie Gylllenhal

    • Toadkillerdog says :

      Looking forward to seeing Prometheus. That and TDKR and Spiderman should make for a great summer of movies

      • Droid says :

        The more I see of Spiderman the worse it looks.

      • Jarv says :

        I was thinking that. That Aussie trailer for it sucks balls, and I reckon The Lizard is awful. Not to mention the Mask Allergy.

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        I’ll give Spiderman a chance. It doesn’t look that bad. Can’t be worse than the 3rd one.

      • Jarv says :

        When you put it like that.

        True.

      • Droid says :

        Can’t be worse than the 3rd one.

        This might be true, but that’s not exactly aiming high now is it? It really should be about fixing the problems of the Raimi films. Bettering them, not just the third shitfest.

  36. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Xi – how much would a tank cost and could I get a deferred payment schedule worked out?*

    *Traffic was HORRID and I got a flat tire. Time to put some shitheels out of their misery.

    • Jarv says :

      Modified to fire pencils.

      Actually, go to Amazon. You can buy a tank on it.

    • Toadkillerdog says :

      Pillow, do you anticipate taking heavy combat direct fire or simply light arms i.e. the local constabulary?

      If the former, then you will need a heavy armored vehicle, if the latter, then uh, I may know someone who knows someone who might have a self propelled howitzer in his garage. Are you near Chicago by chance?

      • Jarv says :

        Can you imagine:

        “Pennsylvania man arrested after firing heavy ordinance during rush hour”

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Depending on where he lives in PA, and how much mayhem, carnage and flat our death he is willing to deal, and if he has a viable exit plan, then ‘arrest’ should not figure into it!

    • Toadkillerdog says :

      Jarv, it has happened before. I think it was in California. Dude stole a tank from an NG Armory went on a serious spree of destruction. I do not know, although i strongly doubt that the tank had live shells, in any case he never did or could fire but he did destroy lots of property. It took a very brave Cop who jumped up on the tank and open the unsecured hatch to end the spree with one bullet

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      getting even a 1st gen M1A would probably be cost prohibitive since we sold most of those off to our allies in the mid 90’s after a major upgrade happened. all is not lost you could probably get an M60 Tank(main battle tank before the M1) stripped down for under 100G. Here’s a pic http://www.fsmm.org/collection_images/m60%281%29.jpg.

      however I don’t think you need a main line battle tank. For one it will tear up your driveway lawn and street and those anal retentive, sweater over the shoulder, popped IZod collar wearing, clench jawed Connetticcers would cast disapproving glances your way over their martini glasses.

      Instead you should try for some like a a LAV(Light Armored Vehicle) since you live in a very damp environment this vehicle is designed to be amphibious which might be useful to you here’s a link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LAV-25. you could probably get one for around 80G I would think.

      Failing that an M113 Armored Personnel Carrier. They are tough proven and have been around for about 50 years or so. 40-80Gs i would guess http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M113_armored_personnel_carrier

      You could go for a Bradley Fighting vehicle personally I’ve never liked them and don’t think they are worth it but its an option. i would guess you could land one for about 50-90Gs. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bradley_Fighting_Vehicle

      Now personally this is they way I would go and its one of the very few things the Commies built themselves and didn’t steal, didn’t fuck up the metallurgy or the power plant, The BMP 1. Its a kick all sorts of ass amphibious tracked infantry fighting vehicle. You would instantly become an even cooler mother if you sported around town in this bad boy. I would guess around 50-60Gs http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BMP-1

      Toad the tank rampage(the one you are referring to) happened in San Diego. Legend has that Pendleton dispatched some AH1s and several Marines with M136 AT4 deployed around the Mex border in case he tried to ram his way into old Mexico. Don’t know if any of that is true but that’s the legend.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Hey Xi,
        That is not an impossible to believe scenario, although it makes more sense to me that the base was readying a rapid response in case they were asked to intervene directly in the city, by local authority. Without a doubt that would mean an AH-1. Just thinking about the implications of the Corp launching a hellfire on a domestic target, holy shit. Broadcast worldwide. It is one thing for folks to see grainy footage from half a world away, but if that had occurred in a major American city, regardless the circumstances, on live TV? Well fuck a duck . I would have loved to see that Cobra kick ass though, sucker is damn near a flying artillery platform

        Pillow here is another option, much cheaper too

        http://blogs.insideline.com/straightline/2010/02/animal-house-deathmobile-for-sale-on-ebay.html.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Yeah I figured they didn’t actually put anybody on the ground and at most they put a bird in the air but it never left Pendleton airspace. You know how much things get blown out of proportion.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Xi,
        I do indeed!
        Hey, I was at W.P.A.F.B this past weekend, renewing a semi-tradition my grandfather started when I was a child. Visiting nearby bases on memorial day.
        I happen to love the national museum. I had not been there in about 15 years. Just a fantastic place and its free.

        It was a great time to go, lots of families were there as well as old vets.
        I totally geeked out, the girls were laughing at me because I was acting like a kid in a candy store.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Man i haven’t been to WP in about 20 years. maybe i should do something about that soon.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Did you see any aliens, alien spaceships/technology or participate in any alien autopsies while there Toad?

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        The absolute funniest thing was watching the kids expressions when they reached the Missile room. Jaws dropped when they saw just how big those suckers are. I gotta take the girls to see a saturn 5 but i doubt i will find one standing.

        Damn what I would have given to be able to see a moon shot in person

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Ha! No, but rufus swears he saw some funny green men drink all his whiskey!

      • Jarv says :

        For one it will tear up your driveway lawn and street and those anal retentive, sweater over the shoulder, popped IZod collar wearing, clench jawed Connetticcers would cast disapproving glances your way over their martini glasses.

        Hehehehehe.

  37. Droid says :

    Fuck sake. Severe delays on the Jubiliee line. I’m going to have to take a punt on the DLR.

  38. Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

    UK crew, I’d be interested in your opinions of Plan B (Ben Drew)’s new film iLL Manors.

    In the interests of disclosure, I was Location Manager on it. And, incredibaly I have half a point in it! My first (and only) point to this date! It was a Film London Microwave film, which means it had (originally) a £100K budget. So I did it for mimimum wage. £365 for 6 day week, 16+ hour days! For two months! lol

    I went to a screening the other day, and I thought it was bloody brilliant! Complete Social Misery Porn, but a very stylishly shot, and edited film. Lots of visual florishes, and Ben’s music is woven through the whole thing. He was written an album that runs with the film. Each tune tells more story about the characters. Last years riots play a backdrop to the film, which is crafty as we shot it the before lol. But it wears its social conscience proudly.

    All in all, a hard hitting, and stylish film. It might not find its audience, but it wont be for lack of effort. Which considering he wrote the screenplay, directed it, narates it, and wrote and album to accompany it, I think its a real achievement.

    Oh, and I’m in it for one whole second! As the bad karaoke singer 😀

    • Jarv says :

      Awesome. I’ll be all over that. Is it in the London to Brighton, Down Terrace leagues?

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        I think its like no other film they’ve put out. Its really quite visually, and musically unique. Which in its self is quite an achievement. With Bens new celebrity status, I do think it will find an audience. It could be quite the talkikng point too, as, man is it fucking bleak! lol.

        Lots of first time actors too. Most do very well, but a couple show their lack of skill. But I think people accept it from films like the Microwave ones. Originality, heart, and flair is what sells things like this. And it has it in spades.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m genuinely convinced we’re in the middle of a mini-golden period in British film.

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        There have been some great indie success stories for sure. Ben Wheatley being one of them. I know Film London are hoping to see their profile raised by this, and some much needed coffers coming back into the Microwave budget.

        I’m a big fan of the scheme. Its good, old fashioned, supporting home grown talent. And you can’t have enough of that. They already have a couple of nice successes, with Shifty, and Fishtank, so hopefully if iLL Manors is a real success, then Film London could be in a position to commision, and get made a load more indie films. Like a mini studio really.

    • Droid says :

      I’d never heard of it until last weekend. Saw a poster in the tube, and I think the guardian had an article about it. Don’t really have an opinion on it. But I hope it does well, and you get something out of it. How much does a point get you anyway?

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        I honestly dont know. It is 0.5% of the producers gross. So what ever they get, I get half a percent of it. I have no idea how long it will take. If/when/who and all that crap lol. All I know is I’ve scanned the contract, emailed to myself and others, and my Dad back in Harrogate has the original!

        I would hope as Film London is a main partner it it, that no bastard producer is going to stiff me out of my share! If I get a couple of grand a year from now, that will be very nice. Stars Wars moolah it aint 😦

      • Droid says :

        Stars Wars moolah it aint

        Chump change compared to WOTM moolah. Don’t worry, we’ll all be rich when that comes out.

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        Could you let me know when you start pre production on WOTM, as I want to put a deposit down on a hot tub with built in tv and soundsystem.

      • Jarv says :

        Waiting on Droid to embezzle £30m.

      • Droid says :

        It’s gone up? I thought it was £20m?

      • Jarv says :

        Price of blow has gone up. Apparently.

        Government crackdown

      • Jarv says :

        Also, Elsa Pataky (my choice for hot latina Astrodyke) was in F5 last year, so might be more expensive.

      • Jarv says :

        OUTTA HERE!

        IRON SKY!!!

      • Droid says :

        Right. See you in a bit. DLR could be a nightmare.

      • Droid says :

        FOR IRON SKY!!!

    • Toadkillerdog says :

      Very cool Col! I shall keep an eye out for it if it washes up on these shores

  39. koutchboom says :

    Well looks like there is finally something for Jarv and Droid to look forward to.

    http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/05/30/care-bears-return-to-television-video/#more-87838

  40. Bartleby says :

    Well, this is a good sign. It means that Mon Chee-Chees and Paw Paw Bears can’t be far behind. Goltar FTW!

  41. Bartleby says :

    Finally got a start on my own Birthday series, beginning with Iron Sky which I had sat on for a long time, as a result of not knowing what to write about it exactly.

    Curious to hear what Jarv and Droid will think of it.

    http://wp.me/pV43n-26j

  42. koutchboom says :

    God damn between Green Lantern the Animated Series and Tron Uprising there isn’t any better TV. I’m glad DC is showing just how epic super heroes can be with the GL show. The music, action, comedy, love, friendship and comradery are all 100% better than what was vomited out in Avengers. Also there is no connection to the movie thankfully.

    And Tron Uprising is just fucking epic.

    Actually between Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness, Tron: Uprising, Green Lantern The Animated Series and Star Wars Clone Wars there is no reason to waste your time on live action tv ever again. It’s great how studios have managed to make greatness out of the longevity of these franchises. It’s also funny how the new Transformers and GI Joe cartoons have pretty much sucked.

  43. Jarv says :

    IRON SKY!!!!

    Really enjoyed it. Genuinely laughed out loud lots. Not at all what I was expecting.

  44. Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

    So I watched John Carter (of Mars).

    I really enjoyed it. Not brilliant, but very compitantly made. It looked great, and I thought it was well enough acted. Not enough James Purefoy, but few things do.

    I thought some of the inter tribe politics were a bit clunky, like Chronicles of Riddick. But certainly not the huge clunker that it was made out to be. I would gladly see a sequel, but I don’t think that will be likely.

    I feel the marketing on this actually did kill it. Also, Stanton was given too much budget *topical conversation point*. I wonder if he could have brought it in on $150M not $250M. Who knows?

    Shame, as there is a nice franchise in there if only it could have been cheaper to make, and hadnt been fucked by the marketing.

    • Jarv says :

      I also think they fucked that one on the marketing. I didn’t even know it existed until it was basically out of the cinema. Some of the worst marketing of all time.

      • koutchboom says :

        The trailers are better than the movie. It promises some bigger more epic thing then actually delivered. The problem was the movie.

      • Jarv says :

        Haven’t seen a trailer either.

        Worst. Marketing. Ever.

      • Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

        It all looked familiar. But that’s because every other film has stolen its ideas whole sale. Ultimately, it probably missed its chance to be made well a long time ago. This was a classic film that didnt need making, but it was a passion of a lot of people going back to their childhoods.

        But it was still well made, and even exciting in places. Just not anything we hadnt seen before.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well instead of embracing its sameness ala Avatar and just eclipsing previous movies it tried to circumnavigate basic concepts which usually strengthen the drama and emotion to those stories in favor of driving as much useless plot as possible. Case in point, the magic babelfish water. The movie never stops to take time and breath, which also ruins the forced romance story. This fuck can’t wait to get off Mars the whole time then at the end he is like naw I want to stay.

        Also the movie has no style of its own which hurts it, like Avengers. I see Carter and Avengers as very even in terms of blandness in cinema. There are no interesting artistic flourishes. There’s a great bit in the book about John being lost for 15 days and fighting monsters in the dark, Stanton could have used his animation background to make this an interesting animated scene, giving the movie some artistic merit. Instead we got a movie that feels like the whole thing take place over the span of 2 days not close to a year like the book.

      • koutchboom says :

        Also John Carter is Disney who cares how much they waste on movies? Movies only make up like 10% of there company. They knew it was a bomb coming out, hence no merchandise for it.

        But also fuck Disney for Avengers, that movie is the death of cinema. Because after that Disney movies will now be co financed by China, and lord knows what a great record the Chinese have with freedom of speech.

      • Just Pillow Talk says :

        I haven’t seen Carter, but in general, if a movie needs help from an animated scene, it’s beyond help.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well its Disney and from that Pixar fuck. If done correctly it could’ve been really cool. They should’ve made the whole movie more fun and light and heightened the romance. Instead its this boring one emotion character just plowing along for 2 1/2 hours.

      • Just Pillow Talk says :

        Nothing from the trailers looked interesting enough for me to see it, especially with such an uninspired choice for lead.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I think had Sam Worthington or Timothy Elephant been John Carter that would have improved the movie 100%, Taylor is just too much of a dickhead.

      • Bartleby says :

        I also quite enjoyed John Carter and am not surprised it bombed.

        I think the film certainly had style, but needed a stronger story structure and a better lead. Still, I had fun with it and I think it’s a good Disney live action effort.

        Have you seen Snow White and the Huntsman? Caught it the other night. If you are in the mood for a good 80’s-tastic fantasy, it’s worth seeing. Honestly, if I didnt know that Ridley was busy making Prometheus, I would have pegged this as one of his. It’s very much like Legend if you took it and fixed the problems that one had. Still, it’s also got that Ridley quality of not feeling complete. You can almost guess the places where there are extra character scenes waiting to be installed. Much better than I was expecting though, and Theron is mostly definitely wortthy of a Golden Chang for her performance.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah fuck even what’s his fuck from Prince Of Persia, probably playing that same role in John Carter would have given that movie something.

      • koutchboom says :

        I mean I take dumps and I’m sure they all have their own unique style but it doesn’t mean its anything but shit.

        The biggest issue with Carter is that Stanton was too worried about staying true to the plot of Carter while missing what made that story interesting and as impactful as it was. He’s just worried about getting from plot point to plot point without ever giving us a reason to care. It’s like reading spark notes. A real writers movie.

      • Bartleby says :

        Missed out on the Dictator convo above, but Jarv is right, there’s nothing in that movie that should have required 90 million. But, there;s too much taking place at his presidential estate in the beginning that wants to look flashy–some kind of faux grandeur that wasn’t necessary to the movie other than to give it a summer comedy sheen.That might have been where the money went, but it’s still excessive.

        They really should have focused more time and energy on the story. I’m not a SBC hater, but The Dictator is slop. Jarv is right about the fact he’s just the same schtick, and that schtick requires the hidden-camera aspect to really work. The problem with the Dictator is that he’s got a caricature that only sells the satire when its playing off unsuspecting rubes. Watching Ben Kingsley and a hideously frumpified Farris feign shock at his absurdity just feels like a wet blanket.

        In fact, just thinking about the Dictator increases my respect for Iron Sky, which does in a few scenes what the entirety of Dictator strains and strains to do. And Iron Sky looked AMAZING while the Dictator has none of that money up on screen in a way that matters.

        I second the idea of a 5 million dollar SBG movie. It would force him to either find a new schtick or really refine his faded one.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I agree the idea of Jarv getting chased around by the spirit of SBC is funnier than The Dictator. I did like it better than you though.

      • koutchboom says :

        And yeah you, you would agree with Jarv pah…….typical.

      • Bartleby says :

        Well it’s not just Jarv. I think it’s a pretty salient point–that these movies have hideously inflated budgets. I include Carter in this equation too. The thing I’d add is that I think the budgets are also partially responsible for the lack of quality. A little less might require a little bit more ingenuity.

        I like Carter, but look at Outlander and Solomon Kane. Both better movies and both made for significantly cheaper.

        I’ve also started to really tire of schticks, which is where I disagree with the idea that SBC has old-fashioned star power. I think it’s a schtick he’s been doing, and if he’s going to stay relevant he needs a new one or pursue an actual acting career. I think he’s got it in him. I suspect, that’s the last we will see of this one-man show thing from him for a bit.

      • Jarv says :

        Most films do. We’ve had this conversation a lot- last year we did it with Conan, which should NEVER have cost $90m.

        When you look at Iron Sky or Rise and see what was done for the same cash, then the likes of Conan and The Dictator (and Prince of Persia) are disgraceful. Let alone John Carter.

        This isn’t controversial. It’s just a film he likes starring someone he likes so he’s being obstinate.

      • Droid says :

        PoP had huge sets, and a lot of CG. Should it have cost as much as it did? No. But it’s large scale, and a lot of the money does end up on the screen.

        John Carter’s a little different. 95% of it is set on Mars, so all you need is a desert to substitute for the environment, and a little post tweaking. Location costs really shouldn’t be huge. It really shouldn’t have cost any more than Clash of the Titans did, which was half the price. I think the problem with JC was the storytelling. It was directed by someone who couldn’t see the forest for the trees. It all made sense to him, and would likely appeal to long time fans, but things just don’t get explained properly. They just happen, and audiences who are new to the stories are meant to follow along. A film for the fans that one.

      • Jarv says :

        Like Watchmen. For Fans Only.

      • Droid says :

        A little bit different. Watchmen slavishly dumped everything from the funnybook (apart from the end) on screen in exact sequence to the source material. It, at least, was coherently told. JC seemingly stuffed in as many references as possible, with no real explanation for the unfamiliar.

      • Jarv says :

        Gotcha. I’m vaguely curious to see JC. Anything that bombs that hard is almost always worth a look. Still, at least it means we will never get fatso’s version.

      • Droid says :

        Despite my criticisms, JC is alright. I’d rate it as about as enjoyable, and as heavily flawed, as Green Lantern. Bear in mind that I don’t despise GL as much as many of you.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ll be watching it away from the missus. She hated GL. Far more venom than the film deserved.

      • Jarv says :

        I agree with you that PoP did need a large budget, but a lot of the effects were frankly shoddy. Still, it’s not like $35m for Bridesmaids.

        How much did The Hangover and Hangover 2 cost?

      • Droid says :

        Hangover = $35m
        Hangover 2 = $80m

      • Jarv says :

        That $80m must be salaries and location. Hangover 1= Vegas, Hangover 2= Bangkok. Oh, and there’s a big helicopter/ speedboat and shit in it.

        $35m for Hangover is a lot, but it made a shit load. Bad Teacher bought it in for $20m and made a shit load.

      • Droid says :

        Really, no comedy like Bridesmaids, Bad Teacher, Hangover (ie. no huge stars and no special effects) should cost more than $10-15m.

      • Droid says :

        That said, I can completely understand why Hangover 2 got an $80m budget. Pretty much a guaranteed hit. Not quite as sure that the third one is as guaranteed though. I don’t think I’d give them more than $50m for it.

      • Jarv says :

        Bad Teacher was $20m. When you factor in Diaz’ salary, that’s probably about right. That’s what the SBC films should cost.

      • koutchboom says :

        Again I’ve explained this Hollywood can’t replicate comedy with CGI, they are still hoping for another Borat level success out of him so they are willing to throw him money. Watch Bad Teacher 2 cost 60 million. Bad Teacher 1 was Diaz proving ground she could anchor a comedy by herself and she did, now if they ever made a sequel itll have double the budget. Borat only cost 18 million. I mean see Eddie Murphys career for example. Or Jim Carrys this is just a typical trend for comdians.

        It’s like if you are a comedian who makes a decently budgeted or no budget comedy some 100 million dollar plus grosser you pretty much are given free reign for god knows how long. And SBC right now is no different.

        Comparing it to Apes or Iron Sky is just wrong and have nothing in common. Sure you’d like to believe and think comedies should be made on the cheap and star a bunch of nobodies and some times they do. But for a comedy to attempt to compete in the big leagues it still needs stars and money dumped into it.

      • Jarv says :

        Jesus fucking Christ.

        We’ve had this conversation about hundreds of films and this is the first one you’ve taken this line with. What’s the difference between this and Prince of Persia, say? You like this one.

        That’s it. That’s the sole difference.

        And stop it with the whataboutery- Jim Carrey films are overpriced too. That doesn’t make it OK.

        Let me point out, again, that there’s nothing in the Dictator in terms of effects etc to warrant this budget. The original point was “what the fuck have they spent the money on?” and you don’t know. Just some obnoxious bleating about “what about Mike Myers”. So, you liked the Dictator? Great, good for you. Droid like Prince of Persia, and he’ll admit that the budget was too high and mostly wasted. I liked Conan, and that should NEVER have cost $90m.

        Why is this such a problem for you? Seriously?

        PS- The Dictator won’t make it into the black. It’s on 95m at the moment. It needs to get to 130m to break even. Snow White and Prometheus are out this weekend. It’s going to be a fail, the only question is how much of a fail.

      • Jarv says :

        The reason, by the way, that I keep mentioning Iron Sky is that it cost about 1/10th of the Dictator, and looks fantastic. You can see every penny on screen.

      • koutchboom says :

        I got no problem with POPs budget its Disney they have money to blow.

        I’ve explained why I think The Dictators budget is fine. It’s roughly the same as Bruno for one, you’ve yet to show anything to prove other wise. I think the movie looked really good for a comedy and it was filmed in New York and that shows. You just don’t agree with my analysis so you are making shit up. And say The Dictator really only cost 35 million when you take away Borats salary then that’s even better.

        You wanna bitch, tell me why American Reunion cost $50 million and yet they fucked off to film in cheap ass Georgia because it was too expensive now to film where ever they filmed the first one.

      • Droid says :

        American Reunion cost so much because they had to pay about $20m to get everyone back again. I know you’ll probably say “they’re all desperate and they’ll work for peanuts” but I’ve seen an article that lists their salaries (or thereabouts) and most of them got over a million each. Biggs and someone else (probably Scott) got 3, 4 or 5 million each. Tara Reid got minimum wage. (Maybe not that bad, but she got hideously lowballed compared to the others.)

      • Droid says :

        And to be honest, American Reunion was a fairly safe bet, so $50m is not unthinkable.

      • Jarv says :

        This is whataboutery again from you. American Reunion cost too much as well.

        It’s not a binary choice. Bad Teacher was about the right budget for a comedy (shite film that it was). Anything over $35m for a comedy with no effects is a fucking waste of money, because it isn’t going on screen. What are they spending it on?

        And this is revisionism from you- you bleated like fuck about the budget about that film, and how it didn’t appear on the screen. That’s exactly the same point with the Dictator costing that much.

      • Jarv says :

        PS- There was no way a scripted SBC Schtick movie was going to make it to the black. No way.

        He’s fucking done- Borat was the peak, Bruno scored half of what Borat did, and the dictator is less than Bruno. Ali G indahouse only made $25m, so whoever the fuck thought giving him $65m to do the same with a new character needs shooting.

      • koutchboom says :

        I usually don’t bitch about a budget if it has a star. And I think the money is on the screen for Dictator. You won’t agree but it is save for the final speech scene. That was a let down.

      • Droid says :

        Personally, I’m more balanced when it comes to budget. I have to look at things like “who was this for?”, and look at the budget in that sense. American Reunion? There were reasons that contributed to the cost. Wages. You want everyone back, but that’s going to cost you. And it’s a pretty safe bet, so you don’t mind as much.

        Conan, an R-rated sword and sorcery movie with no name actor? $90m is three times too much.

        The Dictator, an R-rated comedy with limited appeal to those outside SBC’s fan base? $65m (at least) is three times too much.

        Hugo, a love letter to one of the early pioneers of film? $150m (at least) is three times too much.

        The fundamental flaw here is misjudging the appeal of these films. Kids don’t love Hugo. Adults (with some knowledge of film) do. SBC’s fanbase is far, far too small and he has limited appeal outside of it to justify a $65m budget. No one was crying out for another Conan film.

      • Jarv says :

        This is why I always excuse the budgets of Adam Sandler films (although I have no idea what they spend it on), because he’s always good for $100m profit no matter how sucky the film is. Each film always costs the same and always brings in the same amount of cash. It’s totally quantifiable.

        It’s films like Conan, Prince of Persia, The Dictator, Hugo ($150m?), John Carter etc where it doesn’t make sense.

        With comedies, I’m skeptical of anything that costs upwards of $20m. I’m doubly sceptical of Mike Myers shit like Cat in the Hat that costs about $100m, and nobody in their right mind is going to watch Mike Myers mugging dressed as a fucking cat.

      • Droid says :

        The mystery of Cat in the Hat is simply solved. The Grinch made shitloads.

      • Droid says :

        Yep, Sandler is a good example. And one we’ve talked about before. Apart from Little Nicky, all his films have made $180m+ I think. He also would be good for moving a bunch of dvds. His films are incredibly profitable. None of them are massive, huge hits, but collectively. Huge. He’s Mr. Consistent. So why not keep giving him $80m per pic, if it means you’re making that back on top every single time?

      • koutchboom says :

        Well I wonder with SBC how much credit he takes for Rickey Bobby. I mean Borat is a houshold name. I wonder if he just did the Dictator and changed its name to Borat 2 if it would’ve been a hit.

        I think people where thinking Bruno was just a little too much and why it wasn’t huge and Dictator is closer to Borat and they were probably hoping for another home run. Also Avengers doing as good as it did has surprised everyone which is messing things up.

        I mean Dark Shadows cost 150 million and I’m surprised no ones talking about that. But look at the talent involved and you don’t really question it.

      • Droid says :

        I can understand why they financed Dark Shadows though. Burton was coming off a billion dollar film and Depp is, well, Depp. They figured that’d be enough. I’m glad that bombed. Sonnenfeld did it a hell of a lot better 20 years ago.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I get it as well. And I wonder if Burton built a whole fucking town for it. DS is an interesting film not good, but probably the best Burton has been since the tower fell.

      • Jarv says :

        It wasn’t a hit for a few reasons:

        1) He’s fucking done. He’s been doing the same shite for the better part of 20 years.

        2) Said schtick doesn’t work in scripted environments. What it effectively is is fish out of water with an inordinately stupid central character. It’s meant, which is when it works in the likes of Borat, to provoke ordinary people into making arseholes of themselves or, better still, provoke famous people into making arseholes of themselves.

        3) It cost too much, far too much actually. It was asking an awful lot for that film to get in to the black.

        4) SBC can’t carry a film on his own. Faris was the costar, that’s the best he can do?

        5) The stars of the successful films aren’t SBC. They’re the stooges that he’s humiliating. Whoever greenlit this fundamentally misunderstood it.

        It may just scrape into the black, but he’ll not do this again.

      • koutchboom says :

        And how is me pointing out budgets of other comedies any different than you pointing out the budgets of SyFy films? At least my argument makes sense.

        Next you’ll be telling me how cheap movies where in the 40s as some means to try to prove you moot point.

      • Jarv says :

        Iron Sky is a comedy, numbnuts.

        The reason I keep pointing these out is that we’re always being told that the most expensive thing to make/ film is CGI. Iron Sky looks fucking fantastic, and was done for 1/10th of the Dictator (which looks cheap, frankly, in comparison). Rise of the Planet of the Apes was wall to wall with the most expensive feature of film, by a long way, and came in for $90m? That’s inconceivable that a film with a fully realised and convincing series of CGI animals only cost a bit more than a comedy with no effects.

        They’re all films, and one of them is jammed with the most expensive thing to film and one of them isn’t. If they can get the ones with this level of expense to screen for a relatively sensible amount of cash then what the fuck are they spending that amount on with The Dictator?

      • koutchboom says :

        Hehehe ok you aren’t listening to anything and just want me to agree with you. You are comparing some internet funded movie to a studio movie and some SyFY movie to a star driven film. This makes no sense. The only thing you sort of got is Bad Teacher, but get back to me when the budget of Bad Teacher 2 is the same as one. Bruno and Dictator as far as I can see cost the same, so who cares?

      • Jarv says :

        You thick twat.

        Who cares where or who it was funded by? What’s that got to do with what they spent the fucking money on? Seriously- because it’s a studio, you automatically add 10s of millions to the budget? That’s sensible.

        And for the millionth fucking time- CGI is the most expensive thing to film. Big Budgets are often justified because of the amount of CGI. The dictator has no CGI. So what did they, frankly, squander the overinflated budget on.

        If it’s a sure-fire bankable film, such as Hangover 2, then yes, you can see it because it’s going to cost more to get the cast back. The Dictator should have been on the same scale as Bad Teacher, Bridesmaids or The Hangover. Instead, it’s not going to get into the black.

        The only fucking reason you’re bleating on like this is because you like the film, and are burying your head in the sand.

      • koutchboom says :

        Hehehe ok so internet produced films and studio films are all on the same level. Ok. Hehehe. There’s just no talking to you when all you want to do is hear your voice.

        Again I’m not in love with The Dictator. And the movie was attempting to be Borat 2 really. I’ll admit they have failed sure. But the movies budget is fine. Until you can show me some valid site showing where it cost way more than Bruno I won’t give a shit about its budget. And yeah CGI isn’t the most expensive thing to film, its the thing you can dump the most money into needlessly. I mean you proved your own worthless point right there. If Iron Sky only cost Dick to make and looks fucking amazing…then why the fuck was Planet of the Apes so god Damn expensive? It didn’t star anyone that coat money? At least Dictator had a star that can demand a 30 million pay check.

        Find me one CGI shot that cost that much. There may be one? IDK?

        You can always cut the CGI budget to get the film done, if you want a movie star you are going to have to pay the full price.

      • Jarv says :

        You fucking half wit moron.

        So, you’re saying that just because it’s a studio picture automatically makes it ok to waste tens of millions of dollars that a non-studio picture wouldn’t spend? Is that right?

      • koutchboom says :

        I’m saying there’s no comparison on some fan made film’s budget compared to some giant ass studios movie.

        Who gives a shit how cheap Iron Sky was….look how many people saw it.

        I’m sure someone is probably getting fired over The Dictator but the initial reasoning is fine.

      • Droid says :

        A lot of people did see Iron Sky. I bet it took a giant dump on The Dictator on a per screen basis.

      • koutchboom says :

        Ok fine more people saw Iron Sky than The Dictator.

      • Droid says :

        Now, now. I didn’t say that.

      • Jarv says :

        I know, and this is why he’s so frustrating. Because he doesn’t actually engage with what you’re saying.

      • Droid says :

        Why the hell are we discussing this on the archived Rec Room?

      • koutchboom says :

        I may have done that because my phone app doesn’t show where the fuck comments are located. But please do not note this as my enagement as to what you are asking.

        Obviously droid got that I was joking, and when Droid has asked questions I respond.

        Jarv just calls people morons and that he’s right about everything not willing to engage in thought just in the notion that what he thinks is the Queens Standard.

        But seriously, you saw a Dictator poster on the chube last night and fucking laughed at it, I know Droid did.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yes but YOU JARV you are the penical of engagement. I’ve had to repeat myself like several times. And you keep bleating out the same shit. Yes you are a master of the conversation.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve been crystal clear, but you are either ignoring the point I’m trying to make or obnoxiously squealing “what about this, what about that”.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yes and what about Iron Sky and what about Planet of the apes…isn’t a what about this what about that senerio…yes ok I see that clearly now.

      • Jarv says :

        No. That’s a comparison- what I said was if these two cost X, and you can see it on the film, then why did The Dictator cost Y taking into account the differences in production standards etc.

        When I say whataboutery I mean that you don’t have an argument- you just say “whatabout x movie costing the same”. To which I reply, “yes, that’s fine, but that’s also too much.”

        You then come back with “well, whatabout X movie costing the same”

        and repeat.

        See the difference? I’m not thinking in binary- both of them are allowed to be excessive. I’m trying to get you to look at the point- that the money spent on these films suggests that there’s a lot of waste, when you see what can be done with a comparative budget.

        The exception to this is Sandler, because he’s nailed on 100m profit. Every. Fucking. Time.

        It’s money in the bank.

      • Jarv says :

        Although that was a good point about CGI being not the most expensive, but the easiest place to waste money. There’s some fucking truth in that- I’ve seen a lot of stuff and thought “did that have to be CGI”.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well remember that video Conti posted for TV shows, some producation company promo real are some shit. It’s crazy it was a bunch of TV shows and was showing the extent of Green Screen work is done on them. Which in some aspects shows how much cheaper CGI is compared to the real thing.

        ALSO Avengers CGIing in New York as apposed to paying the price to film in New York.

        What I was saying with that is that to GET SOME NAME ACTOR you are going to have to pay their price. CGI is very felxiable and can always be cut out, you can’t just hire Johnny Depp for $30 million then tell him, ‘OH no sorry we are cutting these five scenes so you are only getting $25 million’.

      • Jarv says :

        Yes, but what I mean is that his salary is included in it- OK, his salary raises it by 20m more (minimum) than it should be, so what the fuck did they do with the rest of it. If you take, say, Bad Teacher as costing 20m including Diaz (who’ll have been about 8m, I would imagine) then the non-star budget was 12m. the Dictator, the non-star budget was still 35m. That’s three times as much as Bad Teacher.

        Then when you throw in the promotion (because if you’re spending that then you need to make sure its a hit) then you’re asking for trouble.

        The non-star salary for a film with basically no effects should not be coming up to 30m- that’s obscene.

      • koutchboom says :

        I’ve never seen Bad Teacher, but from the trailers it looked like it had one main set, a school and schools are pretty fucking cheap at least Bad Teacher was filmed in LA. Dictator has a bunch of sets probably over 20, and most of which were all over New York and had a couple of CGI effects in it as well.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s a shite film, but it doesn’t “look” cheap.

      • koutchboom says :

        And speaking of dumping money into CGI, from one of the most expensive franchises in history (MIB3 is the fifth most expensive movie this year, I don’t know what the other 4 are? Avengers/The Dark Knigh 2/Hobbit I figure are in there, Battleship maybe? John Carter?)

        This is from MIB 1:

        After script rewrites looking for a more action oriented ending, the original animatronic Bug was discarded after 8 months of development. The new sequence using a redesigned Bug contain 45 CG shots, at a cost of $100000 each. According to director Barry Sonnenfeld “It was the best $4.5 million we spent”.

      • koutchboom says :

        It’s the same style of argument just my examples made sense yours don’t. I was bringing up similar comedies and showing how this is just a never ending trend in Hollywood, you were too worried about the cost of CGI in a film for some reason we will never understand.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s not. Look- what I’m saying is that if you look at examples where films look like they should be far more expensive than they are, then what the hell is the money going on? Whereas you’re saying, “This film cost this, so it’s OK”.

        Do you understand, I’m questioning it, you’re accepting because a comparative example exists. It doesn’t matter that that might be a fucking pisstake, but because Mike Myers can be paid 100m to dress as the twat in the hat doesn’t justify the Dictator in at 65m (just production).

      • koutchboom says :

        Again I was pointing out how this was all more of the same shit from Hollywood for better or worse I don’t care. It probably will never change with comedians because you can’t replicate comedy (or I guess now you can Three Stooges wasn’t a flop). And that’s the thing with comedy you can’t just CGI it in. CGI is getting cheaper and cheaper….you couldn’t have done Iron Sky before the towers fell, but you could’ve over paid a comedian to make a movie that only does so-so at the box office.

        I’m sure in 20 years there will be fan made movies that look like fucking Transformers and only cost dick to make, but some famous funny person will make some half assed looking movie that cost less than $100 million dollars production budget (i think when a comedian goes over $100 production budget thats where they start to get fucked) and people will bitch about where the money went.

      • Jarv says :

        But why is this a good thing, Koutch? Salary raises budget, yes, but the rest of it as well?

      • koutchboom says :

        I’ve never said it was a good thing, I said I didn’t care, it’s just something you can’t really stop. I said that it’s fairly logical how they justified it.

        As to if I agree with it? It’s a slipery slope….if you go the Avengers route then NO i don’t agree with it, I don’t want to see China making my movies. If you can keep all that money in America for the most part then yeah.

        We’ve talked about this problem before and yes maybe the goal for the American movie making world is to aim for these “LOW BUDGET” movies 20-40 million that get $100 on the back end, since yes it is starting to show we can’t seem to handle these $250 million dollar movies anymore. These 20-40 million dollar movies may be the wave of the future, like THOSE will be the tent pole films, then scattered throughout the year are bunch of $5-$10 million dollar movies. And like you’ve said with Iron Sky, we are close to no budget movies looking as good as real budget movies.

        I don’t know all the finances involved with Dictator and probably never will, but if they were able to keep all of that movie American then yea I’m ok with it. It looks like the movie won’t LOSE money as well. I honesly think SBC realizes he’s becoming a one trick pony and that he’s roles in Sweeney Todd and Ricky Bobby are probably more memorable than Bruno and Dictator, and I think he’s gonna go serious next.

        NOW will he demand $30 million to play Freddie Murcury? Would he even get that? He’s next movie is going to have to be a hit though that’s for sure, well if he wants to keep earning over $10 million for a starring role. I’m sure at this point SBC never has to work again and can just show up in random shit for a million dollars from time to time for the rest of his life.

      • Jarv says :

        He won’t get $30m for mercury. It’s lifetime movie of the week crap.

      • Jarv says :

        Apart from the $30m that’s gone straight out of America.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah just like Depp buying some Island somewhere. Fucking assholes.

      • Droid says :

        Forgetting about everything else, Koutch. Why is $65m for The Dictator “fine”? It’s a lot of money for a comedy. SBC is not a hit factory. He had one anomaly with Borat, which caught a bit of a wave and proved a big hit, but I think Bruno proved his limited appeal. I’ve not seen The Dictator, but from what I understand, nothing in it justifies that price tag. Shooting in New York? Maybe costs a little more, but for a film that really should have been made for around the $20m mark, how does $65m seem fine? Especially when something like Bridesmaids we’ve agreed cost way too much.

      • koutchboom says :

        Like I said, I heard Bruno cost 60-65 million. I can’t find solid numbers. And if he kept it in that same ballpark then someone has realized that Borat may have been a fluke.

        And like I’ve said before, once a Comedian gets some out of the park hit they are usually given free reign on budgets, and usually for far too long. Remember when Jim Carry got 20 million for Cable Guy and that flopped?

        Since there is little reason as to why some comedies make millions while others bomb, you have to take that chance. People thought SBC is a house hold name. I think Bruno probably was worse to his career than people thought. A lot of comedies have a flop after their huge hit then make a comeback with their third movie, its not unheard of. The Dictator was closer to Borat than Bruno and suits probably thought they could fool people. They didn’t oh well. Same could be said about Battleship tricking people into thinking it was another Transformers.

        And also I think the movie looked good. Usually for me I only bitch about the budget if the movie looks like shit and stars no one ie Beidesmaids, but again I wonder how much of that Apatow took.

        And I bitched about Funny People costing 70 million because it looked like shit. And was filmed like 90% in some houses. At less Dictator has different sets and locations and some CGI work and new York.

      • Droid says :

        I agree about Funny People, but that had Sandler, Rogen and Bana in it. And Apatow to pay. Costly.

        I think I’m going to have to start my box office bomb series. There’s a lot of mileage in talking about why certain films cost as much as they do and why they bomb.

      • koutchboom says :

        And yeah at the same time I can understand why so much money was dumped into Funny People.

        I mean what we have here is business vs what Jarv likes. And buisness sense wise Dictator’s budget isn’t that big of a deal, neither was Dark Shadows, and really neither was Hugo. That’s why you haven’t seen many articles bitching about their budgets like you did with John Carter. Looking at the other side of the movie before it was released financially speaking those movies seemed like decent bets, long shots sure but nothing too crazy.

        I mean Shutter Island was a pretty big hit for Marty and he’s been getting probably way too much money for movies for a long time, and that comes with his stature and predigree, and since the 2000’s he’s been able to make decent hits out of matieral given to any other director probably would’ve been a huge flop.

        And SBC was in Hugo and so was Ben Kings and they were both in The Dictator, so there you go Jarv….they jews are just too fucking smart with the money man.

      • Jarv says :

        Where studio money becomes important is after the film is made- it’s the marketing and whatever budget. This is where they make or break the film. Iron Sky had none of that support, and a distributor actively fucking it. And it’s selling out every showing.

        If Revolver weren’t such abject fucking cretins, and it had a marketing budget then it would have shat on the dictator.

        This is where you’re getting confused- the total Budget for the Dictator was $135m. $65m was Studio input on promotion. The Production budget is too high, but they had to spend that to try to amp it into the black.

      • koutchboom says :

        Also Bruno wasn’t some massive Flop. Had Bruno only done like 10 million they yeah, but it probably made all its money back and then a little.

      • Jarv says :

        No. This is true. But the signs were there- it made half of what Borat made.

        I’d have looked at that and thought do we really want to fork out $130m for someone who’s dropped by half?

      • koutchboom says :

        HEY at least we all agree there is only one comedian worth his spit in terms of basic hollywood paying too much for a movie, and that man is Adam Sandler. Whoever thought the Sandman would be the one guy to bring us all together?

        HOPEFULLY you all at least get more chuckles than groaners out of That’s My Boy, because then we can all be happy that there is still a big movie star comedian out there.

        But seriously I hope you guys like That’s My Boy, I found it hilarious, but I can see all of you hating it.

      • Jarv says :

        I think I’m the only person in the universe that actually liked Anger Management.

      • Droid says :

        I like it. Nicholson is funny. “I said over easy!”

      • koutchboom says :

        Hehehe that was the first Sandler movie I saw that I didn’t really like. But Jack was funny in it.

      • Jarv says :

        I think that’s the first time I ever wanted to bone Tomei as well.

      • Droid says :

        I’ve always wanted to bone Tomei.

      • Jarv says :

        First time I ever recall consciously thinking it.

      • koutchboom says :

        Ohhh so a CGI shot is more expensive to film than some movie star? When’s the last time you heard of a single CGI shot costing 50 million?

        There’s a reason Iron Sky looks good and is cheap because CGI isn’t as expensive as it used to be. And yes I know the idea of a film star is dying, but its not dead. And CGI can’t replace the film star….not yet.

      • Droid says :

        If SBC received a superstar paycheck the studio only have themselves to blame. He’s not a superstar.

      • Droid says :

        I wonder what Arnies getting paid these days. I wouldn’t pay him more than $5m.

      • Jarv says :

        $5-$6m, probably. Mind you, we wouldn’t have shat $65-100m on the Dictator.

      • Jarv says :

        Comedy, by the way, should have the same budget as the average slasher movie. An occasional sure-fire hit (usually a sequel) should cost more, because returning cast will want more to be in it (see the Scream Series), but the first film in the series should be made for peanuts.

        American Pie= 11m. Gross= 235m

        American Reunion= 50m. Gross= 220m.

        Inflation of salary to get the same end profit.

      • koutchboom says :

        And I do agree with you that Borat isn’t worth 30 million, when I heard that i was surprised. But I don’t make up his pay. I didn’t think Chris Tucker was worth 30 million either.

      • Jarv says :

        Ohhh so a CGI shot is more expensive to film than some movie star? When’s the last time you heard of a single CGI shot costing 50 million?

        Tell me the last time 1 shot of a “star” cost $50m.

        If the film is heavy on the CGI it’s going to be more expensive. Or at least that’s what we’re always being told.

      • Jarv says :

        We’re also assuming that he got $30m for it. If he did, then that’s some of the worst business ever.

      • koutchboom says :

        Depp got 50 million for 2 of the Pirates movies, maybe got 50 just for the most recent one.

      • Jarv says :

        Fucking hell:

        When’s the last time you heard of a single CGI shot costing 50 million?

        Comparing Depp’s Salary for Pirates is like citing Avatar as opposed to a photo of Tom Cruise.

      • koutchboom says :

        I wonder how much That’s my boy cost. The most I’ve laughed at a Sandler movie since Billy or Happy, but I see many typical complaints about his voice and this and that in the future. But it was pretty Damn funny. Funnier than the Dictator. This has been a crazy strong year for comedies as a whole, recently we’ve been getting what seems like one comedy a year this year we already for like 6.

        1. 21 Jump Street
        2. That’s My Boy
        3. American Reunion
        4. The Dictator
        5. Cabin In The Woods
        6. Probably The Lorax haven’t seen it yet.
        7. The Avengers

      • Droid says :

        8. Battleship.

        Hilarious.

      • koutchboom says :

        Oh yeah and Dark Shadows, put that above Cabin.

      • Droid says :

        Cabin wasn’t funny. At least, I didn’t find it funny. Haven’t seen DS. Not really interested in it. I’m pretty much done with Burton.

      • koutchboom says :

        Well yeah I don’t know what the fuck Cabin is either but I laughed more than anything else during it.

      • Droid says :

        Big budget comedies always bomb.

        Pluto Nash. Land of the Lost. Evan Almighty. Tropic Thunder (this didn’t bomb, but it cost $92m and made $180m, so it was really twice as expensive as it should have been).

        And the only thing Diaz proved in Bad Teacher is that she’s aging horribly.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah its like a self fulfilling prophecy. Love Guru as well.

    • Bartleby says :

      worthington I’ll pass on for Carter, but Olyphant would have been interesting…Someone like Hugh Jackman could have been decent, although a bit older than the role requires… or hell, if you are going for the young crowd, there’s Chris Hemsworth who has proven in Thor and Huntsman he can do that sort of swashbuclking thing well enough.

      Eh, none of us have to worry…there’s not going to be another Carter. Best I can hope for is some kind of director’s cut that maybe clarifies a few points. Looking forward to the blu-ray though.

      • koutchboom says :

        Worthington would’ve been way more believable. I never bought the romance, Taylor seems like he only loves himself. I wonder if you took the whole romance story out of the movie if it would make it any better, probably not because it would still be bland, but at least it wouldn’t be so shoe horned feeling.

  45. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Battlefield America.

    Interested in reviewing that gem Jarv?

    • Bartleby says :

      Battlefield America…..saw it, wish I hadn’t. When your movie is trying to be you got served and fails, well that’s a sign right there.

  46. tombando says :

    I liked John Carter, sad that it tanked, did some things right. Not a Cohen fan. Iron Sky looks like something I’d catch via Redbox. Not surprised Harold dislikes it/ ignores it.

  47. Droid says :

    There is one true movie star left. One guy that can open a film because of who he is. No one else can open a film regardless of what it is. Cruise can’t anymore. Pitt can’t (some of this is because he decided to take a different career path admittedly). Willis certainly cannot.

    The only true movie star is Will Smith.

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