Jarv’s Musings 2009-2012

Film reviews and other thoughts

Welcome to the musings of Jarv:

Inside the mind of Jarv.

Connoisseur of low rent films, bitter vitriol and unfettered anger.

All thoughts marinaded in Guinness and the product of a disordered brain.

Still, at least the soundtrack’s great.

To see cynicism made word, just click on one of the pictures, or a link for the reviews.

Latest Reviews:

Latest Reviews:

The Top 10 of 2000-2010:

The Worst of the Decade

The Regional Best of the Decade

Staked! Good Vampire Films

The Cronenberg Series

Horror Movie Series

Latest Reviews


Science is yet to explain the mystery of the simultaneous brain-neuron failure of the noble Changians. For some reason, that will no doubt be pondered for eternity, we decided to take on all 5 Highlander films in order over 5 days. As the humble Changian scribe, it was my duty to document them.

Fuck knows what we were thinking of, but if you’re interested, here they are:

Top series this one. Well done to E4, and it’s nice to have some actual quality to be watching that’s made in Britain.

Video Game Adaptations

They do, you know. Nevertheless, with more and more of them coming out, I’m reviewing video game adaptations as I bumble across them. I’m sure I’ll find a good one.

A man called Casper…

Now I know this isn’t a good idea. Still, almost every Casper Van Dien film features him fighting something, so I’m covering as many as I can before I start to hate him. Read below, but I do have to say that the vast majority of these films are terrible.

Jarv’s favourite novels

As well as watching a lot of films, I also read a lot of novels. Originally, believe it or not, I studied English Literature at university. As a result, and partially as a refuge from the endless barrage of sub-standard cinema I inflict on myself, I’m going to put up reviews to some of my favourite all time novels. I’m going to attempt to be more mature in the reviews than usual, but I’ll try not to be too boring. To read my thoughts on something I’ve read, pick a link below.

Made in Britain: Movies from the UK

Stop laughing at the back, Britain still does have a film industry. I blunder across these a lot, and when I find one that doesn’t fit in any of the other open ended series that I’m doing, I’ll put it here.

I grew up with The Planet of the Apes TV series every Sunday. As I hit my teens I discovered the actual Planet of the apes films for myself, and generally loved them (despite several being utter turd). Now with the surprisingly successful relaunch of the series with Rise of the Planet of the Apes, I’m taking this chance to review all of them.
A truly daft idea of Droid’s this. However, I’ve finished it, so can happily report that it wasn’t that hard really. The rules are it’s any film that got a cinema release somewhere as close to 23rd August as I could find. Simple, Huh? Here’s the films:


There are three GIANT PIG movies out there that I know about, and I’m reviewing all of them. Should be fun, eh?
Other Reviews:

2 responses to “Jarv’s Musings 2009-2012”

  1. Jarv says :


    Just Pillow Talk has pointed out that it isn’t necessarily clear what to do here- so if anyone is interested in anything I have written (on your own heads be it), click on one of the icons above to get to them


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