Burt Gummer’s Rec Room

A gathering place for paranoid survivalists and those who worship at the Church of Chang

August 2015: Dryer than a bone, and hotter than the surface of the sun- yup, it’s summertime in Perfection and El Blanco is on the prowl.

Disclaimer: This is the part of the Church that is the most no holds barred. None of it is intended with malice, and although it can on occasion seem a little bit fraught, it is banter rather than venom. So, be warned that this is like taking a naked swim in a piranha tank and not recommended for the faint of heart.

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6,169 responses to “Burt Gummer’s Rec Room”

  1. Jarv says :

    Here’s a great day-killer (thank you internet)

    Great Posters for shit movies.

    1) https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/d3ja8nwj2vdqyf4ncpwc.jpg

    Alien Covenant.

    This poster makes me want to watch it again, and i know it’s a bad film

    • Jarv says :

      Superlols:

      Dietland centres on Plum, a 135kg (21st)-plus woman working in the glossy-magazine industry. Plum isn’t overweight in the usual Hollywood sense – think Jan from Grease (a regular-sized woman wearing a thick jumper) or Amy Schumer in the recently released film I Feel Pretty. Plum is fat, and the story centres on the diet industry, objectification, fat shaming, terrorism and feminist rage

      One of these things is not like the rest

  2. TomBando says :

    For example, I’m pretty sure Harold would weigh the same as your average grand piano no matter how much his family tree resembles an Arkansas tent pole.

  3. Continentalop says :

    Saw that you mentioned Miyamoto Musashi on the other page, Xi.

    You ever see the Samurai Trilogy starring Toshiro Mifune from the mid 50s? Pretty awesome.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      No Conti I have not seen the Samurai Trilogy. Is Musashi in it?

      • Continentalop says :

        Yep. It’s all about him. Mifune plays him. Three movies about his biggest duels.

        Warning: it isn’t 100% historical accurate (little is known about him anyways). Think of it like old Westerns about Wyatt Earp & the Gunfight at the OK Corral – not 100% accurate to say the least (but usually awesome)

  4. Jarv says :

    Fuck me, Bradshaw’s lost it:

    Bullock remains a magnetic screen presence

    When has she ever been a magnetic screen presence?

    I have no interest in Ocean’s 8 (could they not find 11 actresses or something), but that review makes it even worse.

  5. TomBando says :

    Ocean’s 8 looks like it might be okay, who knows? I’ll wind up netflixing it if I do ever see it. The Clooney flix were fine but assembly line.

    • Continentalop says :

      Yeah Ocean’s 8 bothers we way less for some reason than the female Ghostbusters.

      Certain films make sense or work with an all female cast. A heist with an all female crew works for me; female Ghostbusters just means I’m watching Ghostbusters with women.

  6. Continentalop says :

    American movies have gotten so bad that three of the movies I’m most excited about this year are Destination Wedding, A Star is Born and The Sisters Brothers.

    The reason is that all three seem like the type of movies that used to be common just 2 decades ago but are now really rare.

    • Judge Droid says :

      You mean you’re not excited for this garbage?

      • Continentalop says :

        A) that looks like shit.

        B) I mean, that really looks shitty.

        C) so London is the bad guys and some Chinese cities are the good guys?

        D) I can’t get over how shitty that looks.

      • TomBando says :

        THAT was so….ummmm….I saw it in the theatre yesterday. I donno WTF. No I can’t imagine wanting to sit thru 90 minutes of this.

  7. TomBando says :

    Speaking of Tia Carrere–there’s a show of hers that has randomly started being run on the H and I network–Relic Hunter?! Sounds like a Raiders/Mummy kinda thing? 199-2002. I for the life of me cannot remember it at all. Did anybody here ever see that? was it okayish?

  8. TomBando says :

    Valerie Galino was our friend from those Charlie Sheen Hot Shots flicks, right? yeah I liked her.

  9. Judge Droid says :

    I can’t connect anything in what I’m seeing in this trailer to the book. And Depp, please fuck off. I’m sick of your antics.

  10. tombando says :

    Watching Emperor of the North. You don’t see them like this now. Lee Marvin.

    • Continentalop says :

      Love that movie. And yeah, they don’t make them like that anymore. That style of action from the 60s & 70s is gone.

      Also, one thing I love about the 70s is that there is entire sub genres that are sadly no longer around. Hobo action movies (Emperorer of the North, Hard Times, Boxcar Bertha, etc.), trucker movies, women in prison, etc.

      • TomBando says :

        I like that whole aesthetic-Emperor of the North, ummm Charlie Varrick, Eddie Coyle, etc. Seven Ups. They shot them on location, did practical stunts, cast guys that you bought in the parts, and weren’t douchey about it. Here’s the movie, take it or leave it. Emperor of the North is really good.

  11. Xiphos0311 says :

    Congratulations to Blitz’s Washington Capitals for winning the Stanley Cup. i hope when she resurfaces from celebrating she’ll see this.

    • M. Blitz says :

      Bahahahah still reeling (and still waking up)!

      I am very superstitious so have to lay low *during* any series. Cuz ya never know.

      Congrats to GK’s for making it so far first year! So many of those dudes have been a source of major irritation on the ice over the years. And yall are lucky to have Schmidt! I miss him.

    • M. Blitz says :

      Soooo do you totally love hockey now??? It is so clearly the BEST sport.

      Now for the long slog:
      2 weeks til the draft
      3 months til training camp
      4 months til pre season!

      I am only sad that Craig Laughlin wasn’t in Vegas with the team. My fave Caps announcer and a former longtime Cap. Used to watch him as a kid. Wish he coulda announced too! NBC is fucking atrocious.

      And just remember……you can always blame McPhee 😉

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I like hockey have for along time, seen a lot of pro and semi pro over the years in different places I’ve lived. Unlike you though I haven’t had a ‘team” I grew up with. Hockey is one of the top three sports to see live..

      • M. Blitz says :

        Learn to love the Hurricanes maybe? Lmao

        Was cool to see Manon Rheaume again. I was so stoked on her back in the day.

        Sucks hockey tickets are so goddamn expensive anymore. When I was a kid they were like….$10. And you could wander down to the glass.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I went to some semi pro games that were like five bucks and it was 2 for 1 beer nights. By the end of the first period It was like a scene out of Slapshot

      • M. Blitz says :

        Man that sounds amaaaaazing.

        I miss the old Flyers games lol full team brawls! I was at this one:

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        There is a reason they’re the Broad Street Bullies…

      • M. Blitz says :

        Vividly remember the moment the goalie said fuck it and skated all the way across the ice to jump into the fray.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I love it when goalies get into the shit, especially since they’re weighted down with all that equipment.

      • M. Blitz says :

        Yeah goalie fights are amazing. Don’t see as much of that anymore. The fighting in general has come down A LOT.

        Not like it was, back when dudes were restitching their sleeves to be easily torn off lol

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Yeah goons and fighting are gone in the name of player ‘safety” but I think the opposite has happened. certain types of injuries are sky rocketing that in the past were prevented by two players drooping gloves and having a go. i think that I read somewhere. Oh the other hand you don’t have players trying to decapitate each other with a stick sadly enough.

      • M. Blitz says :

        Yeah it’s like a release valve for the players! Def keeps everybody safer on the whole.

        Thank god we still have dudes around like Tom Wilson. Fucking love that guy. Bought his tshirt his rookie year.

      • Continentalop says :

        Can’t believe you guys went this long talking about hockey and never once mentioned the best thing about it – the hair.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Naw Conti i mentioned Slap Shot….

      • Continentalop says :

        You telling me the hair in Slap Shot isn’t awesome?

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        The hair in Slapshot is glorious.

  12. M. Blitz says :

    Bummer about Bourdain. Read that Kitchen Confidential book the first time i kicked. Really nice distraction from the utter misery of cold turkey.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      That’s weird. I read his book when I was in the hospital after my Iraq misadventure. that was a great and interesting book I enjoyed the hell out of it.

      • M. Blitz says :

        I feel like they shouldn’t have printed the shit about kate spade hanging herself with a red scarf. Something about that particular detail…..red scarf. It’s just way to evocative and rich and concrete for those who are prone to suicidal thinking.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        That does seem like an unnecessary piece of info release but what can you expect by a group that lives by the motto “if it bleeds it leads”.

      • M. Blitz says :

        That detail for some reason hit me with a craaaaaaazy force. Like being physically struck.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Why? is it the color or the scarf itself or that they mentioned it? Or all of it?

      • M. Blitz says :

        I think just the specificity of color and material. It was pretty weird how strong of a reaction it elicited. Weird.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Is everyone reporting this? I haven’t read anything about it.

      • M. Blitz says :

        Dunno. I only read a little about her in the nytimes right after the story broke. I imagined if the times put it in the rest would have too.

      • TomBando says :

        I always liked him, his shows on Travel Channel and Food Network and CNN-him and Andrew Zimmern there both do good stuff. Different approaches but it works. Was sorry to hear that Bourdain did this. He had a pretty rough spot in his 20s and 30s from the sounds no joke. Yeah suicide is lousy, it was hard when a friend of mine from HS and College did that at 21 just before Xmas–and he was a case study in Least Likely Too Do That among us–and it was just as bad when another friend did this about 6 years ago at I think he was 55. Another extroverted nice guy. You just never know.

      • M. Blitz says :

        Sorry you had to go through that Tom, it sucks. Really weird and tough to shake off. All the people I’ve known who took that route were very different from each other, in temperament and circumstances, and all but maybe one were a near total shock.

        Lotta death in my teens and early 20s, car crashes, suicides, violence…..ughh at least a dozen, it was fucked…..then it stopped, amongst people i knew.

        Appears to be ramping back up though, as several friends have lost siblings to suicide the last couple years, as well as the suicide of a friend who was sweet, smart, active and highly engaged in his community. Mindblowing.

  13. M. Blitz says :

    PLEASE let me be present next time someone wants to kick a sleeping homeless person.

    I am not a particularly violent person…except in very limited circumstances…..and this shit would qualify. Dude needs to get his fucking leg snapped for real.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      FYI snapping a leg isn’t all that difficult.

      • M. Blitz says :

        What is it…..like 30 lbs pressure to the side of the knee to take out the knee??? I know it aint much. I imagine i could snap a shin too if properly motivated.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        once you take out a knee and they’re on the ground then you can go about inflicting pain. as a precaution take the other knee. If you can’t stand you can’t fight. eyes and throats are good also if you can’t see or breath, can’t fight.

      • M. Blitz says :

        I will prob dream of that tonight. Cant get that skinny beanied fuck out of my head. Wanna go hunt him through the streets of SF.

      • M. Blitz says :

        Once at the movie theater i worked at as a teenager, this dude snuck up behind me and put me in a headlock. On pure instinct, cuz it happened really fast, he got his toes broke and almost caught a punch to the throat. Don’t play like that!

        Another dude hid under the screen one time to jump out at this girl Phaedra and caught a kick to the face off her instincts. Do. Not. Play!

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        dudes like that are complete assholes.

      • M. Blitz says :

        Yeah when you surprise somebody….anything can happen. Cuz it’s not like you have control over what happens. Even in a friendly situation. I was wrestling with a dear pal one night and he accidentally dropped me on my head onto essentially a cement floor. Everything went black when i hit the floor but when the blackness lifted a second later, i found i was already on my feet with my fist cocked back, surrounded by friends’ horrified faces. No conscious intention involved. God i love wrestling.

  14. Jarv says :

    Because this dead horse hasn’t been flogged enough, the bbc are doing a miniseries of His Dark Materials.

    McAvoy is the lead.

    Count. Me. Fucking. Out.

  15. Jarv says :

    Fuck me. Danny McBride talking sense. PS- who let him write a Halloween film:

    “I was pushing for that removal right off the bat,” McBride said. “I just felt like that was an area where he wasn’t quite as scary anymore, it seemed too personalized. I wasn’t as afraid of Michael Myers anymore because I’m not his fucking brother so he’s not coming after me.

    https://io9.gizmodo.com/heres-why-the-new-halloween-ignores-all-the-sequels-1826674444

    • Jarv says :

      On this note, this is now another attempt to reboot the series-

      1- Launch
      3- Reboot 1
      4- Reboot attempt 2
      7- Reboot attempt 3
      9- Remake 1
      11- Remake/ Reboot attempt 4

      That’s insane. Totally insane. 50% of the Halloween films since the original are an attempt at rebooting/ moving away from The Shape.

      • Jarv says :

        On the plus side, though, old age Jamie Lee Curtis is back, and gets to fire a shotgun.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Plus Jaime will be regular throughout the production.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Supposedly the million simulations they ran had Brazil being the favorite to win. My idea is that games aren’t played in simulations and when you get on the pitch anything can happen.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s also knock out football. Probably the only sport where legit giant killing happens often. It’s totally possible for an inferior side to skank a goal and then grimy cling on for the rest of the match.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        there is that aspect also. Games are weird because they involve humans. No number of simulations can compensate for the human factor.

      • Jarv says :

        REcent-ish case in point was Portugal winning the last Euros. They’re a shit one-man team, and that one man didn’t perform at all, yet they basically ground their way to the title.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        the most boring kind of footie there is in the most boring organized activity there is.

      • Jarv says :

        Oh, England have been far worse in recent years. There’s the match against Algeria a few world cups ago where they played like utter shit, got bood off by England Fans, and then Fat Grannyshagging Shrek had the temerity to complain about the crowd.

        Seen the boxing recently? Fury’s back. Well, sort of. Had an easy bout to ease his way back in, but it was a total joke. When Joshua cleans up Wilder, Fury is the last major name standing. And he’s a fat pikey with mental issues.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I have not kept an eye that much on boxing lately, however I did see Fury had a tomato can match and there are a couple of decent bouts on the horizon.

      • Jarv says :

        Heavyweight is pretty barren. There’s AJ- who I think is pretty mediocre, Wilder- who in any other generation would be a bum, then? Fury? Whyte?

        It’s dire. If Fury gets back to his best he can take AJ.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        heavyweight division has been fairly barren for nearly a decade for the most part. All the best fighters are now in middle and welter weight.

      • Jarv says :

        Cruiser has some decent fighters too. The GGG division has some storming fighters in it.

      • Jarv says :

        This made me laugh.

        https://disneymovierewards.go.com/articles/marvelstudios10?cmp=DMR|VANITY|ARTCL|HUB|Marvel10|

        Ignoring Marvel releasing a pretty wank poster with a pretty wank slogan of everyone that ever appeared in a Marvel celebration of mediocrity, this one is at least witty. Compare to, say, Scarlett Witch’s semi-porny pose one.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Yeah that’s true I should’ve wrote that better and say the lower weight classes have good fighters.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s only really heavyweight and it’s been bad (Klitchkos aside, and they really lose points for not fighting the only other decent fighter in the division- each other) since Lewis. And it was pretty crap when Lewis unified.

      • Jarv says :

        So. For reasons I don’t understand England played Australia.

        Beat them. Easily. Yay.

      • Judge Droid says :

        No Starc.
        No Hazlewood.
        No Cummins.
        No Smith.
        No Warner.
        Debutant opening batsman.
        Inexperienced bowlers (that I’ve barely heard of)
        A captain who probably wouldn’t have made the one-day team as keeper if he wasn’t captain.

        Yikes. What a team we fielded.

        Taking 44 overs and 7 wickets to chase down 214 runs against this mob isn’t much of a positive for the Poms.

        Why are we touring England?

      • Judge Droid says :

        I know it’s womens cricket and it’s against Ireland but a 17 year old Kiwi hit 232 not out and then took 5-17 in a one-dayer. Fuck me. That’s impressive.

      • Jarv says :

        That kiwi side now have the record for the highest odi score full stop

      • Jarv says :

        In all honesty that was a workmanlike win. At best. The problem is that we’ve got a side with 2 shit-or-bust batsmen in the top 3, so we’re always running the risk of being fuck all for 2. I don’t think we’re particularly set up to chase either.

        Root is pretty much guaranteed 50-80, and that’s it nowadays. Morgan is patchy, and really only in the side for his captaincy. Our fast bowlers are garbage- although Rashid and Mooen are good ODI spinners.

        Then there’s Buttler. On his day, he’s unstoppable- but he’s another all-or-nothing player.

        We’re missing a few as well- Stokes notably, but I don’t think he changes the all or nothing nature of the side. This is why we’ve set English record ODI scores with this side, but there’s also been a lot of miserable batting performances in between.

        You can’t complain about Warner and Smith being absent given what they did. I’m still stunned that they managed to keep Starc out, because there’s no fucking way that at least one of the fast bowlers didn’t know what they were up to.

      • Jarv says :

        And, while I’m on this, Australia should categorically NOT be touring England for a shitty ODI series of 5 matches. It’s purely for the money.

        We’ve got Pakistan over here already, and should be playing a test against them instead of this pointless series. We’ve got India coming, but the first test against them isn’t until August, and the last finishes in practically fucking October- which is just about the dumbest time to try to play Cricket in England. Instead, the body of our summer is being pissed away on wanky nothing series like this one.

        I could just about see us playing Pakistan in ODIs at the moment, but they’ve been packed off to Ireland for reasons I don’t really understand either.

        It’s bullshit.

      • Judge Droid says :

        Who’s complaining? Just remarking at what a shitty side it is without any of those players.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s not completely awful. Mitch Marsh is a decent ODI player, and Maxwell is at least fun.

      • Judge Droid says :

        When those are your standout players, it’s a shitty team. Finch alternates between great and terrible. And that’s about it.

      • Jarv says :

        I left Finch out as I’d been rude about both Hales and Roy and they’re exactly the same.

        Head’s not bad.

  16. Xiphos0311 says :

    Doesn’t The World Bribery Cup of Football start this week?

    • Jarv says :

      Yup. Struggling to give a fuck. Mind you England just lost in both the sports I do care about, so I might have to.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I don’t give a fuck its just the internet will be flooded with that horseshit.

      • Jarv says :

        Oh no doubt.

        We’re in the cycle here already:

        Stage 1

        England are shite. The team is shite. The manager is a clueless cunt. They’re tactically, technically and in every other way totally inept.

        Stage 2

        Win a few friendlies. All of a sudden “England are considerably less shit than we thought”

        Stage 3

        We’re gonna win it. ROAR

        Stage 4

        Draw or lose with a “lesser” nation. We’re the worst disgrace to ever kick a football

        Stage 5

        EITHER

        Put in a credible performance and top group. In which case NOTHING CAN STOP US. ROAR

        OR

        Eke out just enough points to scrape out of the group. In which case NOTHING CAN STOP US. ROAR

        OR

        Flop out of group. Worst team in history. Burn the cunts at the stake.

        Stage 6

        Lose to the first decent team we face in the knockout rounds. Probably on Penalties. Depending on performance either TOTAL SHIT. BURN THEM AT THE STAKE or PLAYED LADS. HEROES ONE AND ALL.

        We’re currently in Stage 2. There’s a rumour of a Stage 7 (win the fucking thing), but that’s not likely.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        According to Goldman Sachs Brazil will win The Bribery Cup so that means Goldman has probably bought them the Cup.

      • Jarv says :

        I’d be surprised. South American sides struggle in Europe. It does look like one of the usual suspects will take it, though, so Brazil as good a shout as anyone.

  17. tombando says :

    Finally caught Mad Max Fury Rd there. It’s okay, the stunts are great, the orange landscape def. is all encompassing, I thought Theron was good, the choice to emasculate Max for half the flick was a mistake, the plot-go here, then turn around and go back, MEH, overall I liked this, but I don’t need to see it again. Def missed Mel.

    • Jarv says :

      The plot kills it. I know the exact point that film started sucking balls. When they turned around. Just made it completely pointless.

      Finn loves it, because CGI cars going bang is just the greatest.

      • TomBando says :

        Yeah, you would have thought they could have come up with some bogus ‘Green Place’ there and had the Green Place People fight off the baddies chasing them, end of movie, cue Tina Turner song, etc. That is so basic. But instead-they went BACK?! I was thinking this was just not making sense.

        Finn has good taste and has Tonka Products in his immediate future I am sure.

      • Judge Droid says :

        It’s amusing that Fury Road’s plot boils down to essentially the same plot as Waterworld if halfway through the movie Costner turned around and went back to the atoll.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s also the same plot as basically every John Wayne movie ever made.

      • Judge Droid says :

        Sure. Wagon train under siege nonsense. I was referring to Waterworld getting knocked for being a Mad Max on water rip-off. Then 20 years later Fury Road’s plot is very similar.

      • Jarv says :

        I always felt that was an unfair accusation to level at Waterworld, that. Any post-apocalyptic thing is going to have echoes of Mad Max in it.

      • Judge Droid says :

        True. But its an easy target. I really like Waterworld because I find it highly entertaining. If a movie is derivative I don’t care as long as it’s entertaining.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s batshit mental. On so many different levels it’s a total fuck up. Yet it’s entertaining, and the first attack is great.

        Do you remember the original ending that they never filmed? It was much darker.

      • Judge Droid says :

        I don’t. What was the dark ending? Never finding dry land?

        FYI. Netflix are giving Lucifer a season 4.

      • Jarv says :

        Seen the cricket? Meh

      • Judge Droid says :

        When my nephew was about 3 or 4 he was obsessed with cars so I cobbled together a VHS montage of car chases in movies like Speed and The Rock. He watched it on a loop for about 3 months straight. Boys love cars going fast and crashing into things.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Good news about Lucifer.

        So far I have managed to keep my Furiosa Road rage rant under control.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Water World was great fun and that catamaran was cool as hell.

      • TomBando says :

        Oh sure it’s very much like Stagecoach-that’s the entire plot. I am just baffled. If they wanted to bring things around so they takeover the baddie’s city-then Make it Be About that, instead of the weird Roadrunner/Dukes of Hazzard nonsense which leads them Back there. Not great thinking.

  18. Continentalop says :

    Finally watched season 5 of Arrested Development. Got to give it credit, it did something I didn’t think possible: it made season 4 seem much better in comparison.

  19. TomBando says :

    I kinda like Waterworld. The guy at the bottom of the tank when he sees the lit cigar heading down his way-THANK GOD-

    • Jarv says :

      Wooooo! World Cup up and running with probably England’s best performance since 2002. This is the least hateful England side since probably 1998 as well. Ref was a complete cunt and Tunisia are a disgrace. Still, should squeak out of the group to get fucked out of the Tournament on penalties against someone like Poland.

      • Jarv says :

        The cricket is weird today. The Aussies have used 8 bowlers, which is pretty dismal. England could be on for a record score here.

      • Jarv says :

        Who is this Tye fucker? He’s properly shit. Banging in short pitched stuff at not-particularly-fast speeds. He’s getting absolutely slaughtered.

      • Jarv says :

        This Aussie side is total shit.

      • Jarv says :

        Genuinely the worst Aussie performance in any form of the game in a long time. The only comparable one was Broad mincing them at Trent Bridge.

      • Judge Droid says :

        Hideous. Only saw the scoreline. Backs up my previous comments about the players that WEREN’T in the line up. It’s a bunch of hacks. Why are we in England playing meaningless one-dayers? It’s not for WC prep because nearly every player in the team won’t be at the WC next year.

      • Jarv says :

        I genuinely have no idea what Australia are doing sending this side to England for a pointless series. There’s probably 3 players in that side who would get in the Aussie full strength team. They’ve also taken Lyon for some reason but have him sitting on the bench, it’s completely inexplicable.

        Still, you send shit, then you’re gonna get hammered, and you can’t really complain about it.

        That Tye geezer might be the worst Aussie bowler I’ve ever seen. He’s like Aussie Jade Dernbach bad.

      • Jarv says :

        Australia getting thrashed again. This is so weird

      • Judge Droid says :

        Wooooo! World Cup up and running with probably England’s best performance since 2002.

        England 2
        TUNISIA 1

        Winner in the 91st minute.

        That it’s probably true that it’s the best England performance in 16 years is very sad and very funny.

      • Jarv says :

        Tunisia are apparently the best African side, ranked one place below England (not that this means shit). It also took Spain (who are frankly miles better than England) until the 84th minute to break them down recently.

        Did you see the game? The first 20 minutes was the best football any team in the WC has played so far. I was astounded. It was also a disgraceful one-sided reffing performance. England were kicked out of the game, the Tunisians were diving all over the place (their penalty was a fucking joke), England had 2 nailed on pens ignored.

        BUT

        Having said all that-

        England have been an embarrassing mess for the last 16 years. Compared to some of the painful shite we’ve endured that looked positively electric. If they can keep it up, they’ll definitely make the quarter finals before being eliminated on penalties.

        There is one serious problem though. The rest of the team not called Harry Kane can’t finish. At all. Lingard by himself missed about 5 he should have scored.

  20. Xiphos0311 says :

    Things watched lately:

    Strike which is a private detective story set in London and based on a series of books by of all people JK Rowlings who wrote them under a Pseudonym, its very adult and well done. Strike of the title is Corman Strike, former military investigator, who lost a leg in Afghanistan and is the bastard son of a British rock legend and a grumpy as hell bastard. I recommended it.

    Luke Cage. Christ this thing is a shit burger. The first series wasn’t that bad, it was just boring, this time out though they made a bad show. its lazy, its terribly written and all over the place, the plotting is stupid and nonsensical, and the acting is almost universally atrocious. Add in a shit ton of misogyny, every trope available to Hollywood, stereotypes to the roof, and weirdly enough, since almost all the creatives behind it are black, a whiff of racism. Oh and a heaping helping, like a double hand full, of daddy issue. Avoid this wreck like your ass was on fire and your head was catching.

    • TomBando says :

      I might be the only one here that liked the first season of this, and I’m not so sure I wanna wade into more. I’m sick of the taking 13 shows to do an 8 show arc and still have padding stuff.

    • Jarv says :

      The first series was terrible. I’d say it was worse than Iron Fist, and definitely the Defenders thing. I’ve never been so bored. Christ. Not to mention the monumental stupidity of killing the interesting villain half way through for no good reason.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I disagree Iron Fist was so incompetent that it set a new standard for the word incompetent.

  21. TomBando says :

    Okay lemme see what have I seen lately…

    *Jurassic World TOO: Saw that this afternoon. It’s like the first one, different director, they made a point of de-bimboing(sorry but true) Ron Howard’s daughter in it, ummm Chris Pratt is Chris Pratt, it starts out with the Dino Island going Blooey with the volcano stuff, then you wind up back at what looks like the Hearts estate in California with all kinds of dinosaur chase stuff afterwards. I don’t think you will be surprised by anything in this if you saw the others, it still has the usual bit with dinos stalking kids in a house and all of that, jump scares etc.

    Unfortunately Jeff Goldbloom is NOT in this long, what you see in the ads is kinda it, there’s Toby Jones and this guy who reminded me of Deadpool guy but isn’t, hrmm..couple other faces you’ve seen before, B.D. Wong, etc.

    I think it’s a decent non-think matinee, check it out for that. You’ll not remember all that much afterwards though.

    • TomBando says :

      And what else–A Farewell to Arms with Rock Hudson and Jennifer Jones, ’57. Basically played as a soap opera, we cut into them deserting Italy in a rowboat to Switzerland, 1917. She’s preggers, loses the kid and then dies at the end. There’s a passing mention of the disaster of Caporretto, which sent the Italians reeling in the fall of 17, but no scenes there or anything. Both the leads are fine but it’s not that involving. Icy sorta production. I missed the first half so there’s that.

      They’ve been showing a bunch of westerns with Audie Murphy and James Stewart of late, the Murphys are hit and miss, but I think he’s always worth checking out just because. Bend of the River is one of the Stewarts that they like showing, great cast and worth your time.

      • Jarv says :

        England thrash Panama 6-1 much to my surprise. We aren’t total shit and a National Embarrassment.

        Yesterday was a sporting unicorn day- England WON every sport we were playing, including finishing the whitewash of Australia in the cricket. I genuinely can’t think of the last time this happened.

      • TomBando says :

        And worked my way through Apes 1 and Too again, the new stuff. I still say this is a really good reboot, it should SUCK and be SHITE and all that, but there’s little to dislike. I thought the Monkeys broke thru the Gates too quick in Too and the finale was a too much a typical cliche, showdown and all that-but they make this work. Three was fine just not crazy about the whole avalanche thing.

  22. TomBando says :

    Oh boo Harlan Ellison is dead. THough I sorta thought he already WAS dead…anyways, enjoyed reading some of his stuff back when and seeing him crop up on TV, he was a prickly SOB and all that but worth while.

    • M. Blitz says :

      Super bummed about that, amidst all the other things the world has given us to be bummed about this week. Have to break out my Dangerous Visions books. Prickly SOB is the perfect description. I wanna say he has been kinda approaching death for the last 15 years or so! Guess it pays to be stubborn sometimes.

  23. TomBando says :

    Enjoying my annual Jaws run through, currently at the Indianapolis scene. You know Jaws is better than anything that’s been released in the summer the past what, 15 years? more or less? It really really works and holds up.

    • TomBando says :

      Oh duh also Hard Times with Bronson, Coburn etc. That one’s his best starring vehicle, at least I think so. Works really well.

      Watching Constantine with Keanu-and totally forgot Rachel Weisz was in this! Hmmmm. And Shia LaBeauf. Okay. Had remembered Tilda Swinton and Leb from Armageddon…It’s Okay. Things happens. Blow up. They move on.

  24. TomBando says :

    So we do a ‘Bad Movie Day’ marathon here at a friends’, a few times a year. Lemme see what we waded thru today:

    *Yor, Hunter of the Future. 83 You know-Reb Brown with a goofy David Lee Roth Grin, Tarazan get up, goofy blonde wig, Caveman lasers, bad Dinosaur attack footage/scenes, incoherent Cavemen vs. Other Cavemen stuff, instant flood, blonde space gal who was the co star in Moonraker, and a real bad Vader/storm troopers ripoff finale. Wow. I haven’t watched this in years. It’s still-mighty bad. And I still-get a kick ouf of it.

    *Snow Devils- 65 really goofy Sixties Italian Sci Fi epic about some bloo skinned hairy aliens doing global warming here, and then some big space fight in the asteroid belt involving papier machet asteroids, guys on cranes and little plastic miniatures. It’s-pretty silly. Part of the Green Slime series.

    *Megaforce. 82 Oh Wowsers. Where was I? Never seen all of it. I am STILL taking in that…closing…flying Motorcycle scene where Superstar Barry Bostwick winds up in the back of the Plane. Holy. That–was something. Were do you start with this? the goody computer bank/base that looks right out of fifties Monster movies? the rock-launching honda bikes that take out take battalions? the VIllage People unis these guys wear? the headband from hell that Bostwick has all thru the movie? It has Henry Silva trying to be a semi funny baddie, it has the bald gal from Star Trek I as his nominal love interest-I mean Barry’s, it has Michael Beck from Houston Knights and the Warriors, it has a token black guy, Chinese guy, and Indian. It has really good stunts and some horrific, bad fakey segments too. Hal Needham plays a guy in a trailer hitting buttons and manning the controls, he also directed this mess. I can see why it bombed.

    *Island of Terror-I think this is called. Has Peter Cushing and Eddie Byrnes on an Irish Island, they are under attack from some..starfish/turtle/blob mixes who make weird droning sounds, suck out your bones, and somehow climb walls, trees, etc. The big plot is to irradiate all the local cows and have them get eaten and thus killing off the monsters. Which happens, after the monsters get done chewing thru the villagers hiding in the town hall. This-isn’t great, but has a decent atmosphere if nothing else. I never heard of it before. 1966

    • Jarv says :

      Yor and Megaforce are gold. Megaforce in particular. Snow Devils is shite.

      • TomBando says :

        Oh Megaforce was special. Trust me I know Special when I see it. Wow. Yor never ceases to have the best of both worlds-Caveman Lasers and 9 buck dinosaur f/x. Shot in Turkey, too!

        The whole Asteroid Belt Scene in Snow Devils-that’s the sort of F/X you expect to get in Captain Scarlet or Johnny Sokko. It was memorable as well. Not for the right reasons.

      • Jarv says :

        Never mind that:

        England!

        It’s coming home!

      • Judge Droid says :

        If you don’t at least make the final it’s an abject failure. You’ve had the easiest group, with the two worst teams in the tournament (by far) and the imbalance of the knockout stage is ridiculous. Columbia, Sweden, Russia/Croatia to get to the final? This is definitely the best chance you’re ever going to get.

      • Jarv says :

        Nah. They’re still garbage. They’ve actually already exceeded expectations.

        But, if they can do Sweden, then who knows?

      • Judge Droid says :

        If exceeding expectations is beating Tunisia, Panama and Columbia then soccer’s in worse shape than I thought in England.

      • Jarv says :

        This is revisionism. Before Tunisia, it was “best side in Africa” etc. sure, Panama were always poor, but Colombia were very highly rated.

        Kane aside this is not a good side.

      • Judge Droid says :

        Just as Germany were proven to not be the best side in the world, Tunisia are not the best side in Africa. Tunisia and Morocco gave up 7 and 9 goals in two games. Columbia are a good side, but hardly highly-rated. They’re the 5th best South American side in the tournament. If you think it’s revisionism and not reality you’re delusional. England were in the weakest group and they’ve ended up on the weakest side of the knockout stage. Anything less than a qtr final is below expectation. Personally, anything less than a final you should be disappointed. This side of the draw has opened up for you.

      • Jarv says :

        Of course it’s revisionism. You’re talking about expectations. You can’t then say “ they’ve turned out to be” and use that to justify it.

        Colombia are probably the third best South American side, BTW.

        Then there’s England themselves, who were embarrassing shit less than 1 month ago. Expectations for them were never lower. The most optimistic prediction I heard was “scrape out of the group, crash out to first good team they meet”. Well, that has been exceeded.

      • Jarv says :

        Furthermore, this is an England side that managed to see its own fans walk out.

        In an away match.

        I’ve never known expectations lower than this.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        England’s side has by far exceed expectations and they did what they had to do, feast on weaker teams, and get to the next round. good for them.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        You still have to beat the teams in your bracket. They didn’t make the brackets but they still have to win.

      • Judge Droid says :

        Not the point. England should be expected to have reached this far playing these weak teams. If getting this far is “exceeding expectations” then somethings wrong.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Incorrect its exactly the point considering how much they have under performed in recent years. And once again they don’t make the pairings you have to beat the teams you play no matter there skill level. Shitty teams have taken out good ones in the past and England while it has some decent players isn’t great. Hell Spain which some books had as a possible world cup winner get taken out by the Soviets and they aren’t a great team.

      • Judge Droid says :

        Nope. Who or what makes the groups is irrelevant. They were in a very weak group. Regardless of past performances the expectations of an English side should be more than beating the two worst teams in the tournament. Which is specifically what I’m talking about. Jarv said getting this far is “exceeding expectations”. My argument is it’s not, based on the quality of competition. Past performances and who made the group? Irrelevant. If they hadn’t made it this far it would be deemed a disappointment. Therefore expectations are higher than Jarv’s comment would indicate.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        once again you are wrong. You. Still. Have. To. Win. or what passes for winning in football.

      • Judge Droid says :

        Are you not getting it on purpose? Winning or losing is besides the point. I’m talking about expectations. Germany and Spain were “expected” to be a strong contender. They didn’t meet expectations. France, Belgium, Brazil were all expected to contend. They have met expectations. In a weak group and the fact that England are England and they carry an expectation anyway, getting this far is not exceeding expectations, it’s matching them. Before the tournament reaching the qtr’s should have been the minimum expectation for England. You’re stance about having to beat the team in front of you belongs in a different argument.

      • Jarv says :

        Again, revisionism. They were not perceived as being this shit until England beat them.

      • Judge Droid says :

        See previous comment.

      • Jarv says :

        And there we go. Sweden disposed of.

        Russia next, please.

        (Both Belgium and France are waaaaaaaay better than us.)

    • Just Pillow Talk says :

      I remember that Island of Terror movie…haven’t seen it in years and years. I remember the bone sticking removal trick they did, not much else.

  25. TomBando says :

    What is this soccer thing that you speak of?

      • M. Blitz says :

        i am sorry but I find this hilarious.

      • Jarv says :

        The Neymar fussball table. You seen the one at the kids practice? It’s even better.

        And fuck you all. It’s coming home.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        So what? they’re only beating people in their bracket big deal.

      • Jarv says :

        Yeah. I know. But this is the furthest they’ve been since I was 11.

        Belgium are going to win it.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I was being a bit cheeky with that post. hope they go far.

      • Jarv says :

        Oh for sure. We’re still less than a year from our own fans staging a fucking walkout on them.

        I think Droid is overrating England, but they’re a shit load better now.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        they’re winning so that’s all that matters to the fans.

      • Jarv says :

        Furthest they’ve been since 1990.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        yeah but that’s not overachieving.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s the context. We’re only 2 years on from probably the most humiliating tournament loss I can think of (not the opponents the way we played). We’re less than one year off from England’s own fans staging a walk out at an AWAY game they’d traveled to fucking Malta for. We’re also less than one year off from them being booed off the pitch at home games.

        Beforehand, the predictions were that they’d lose or draw to tunisia, beat Panama then need a result against Belgium which they might or might not have got- thus probably exit at the group stage. If they did make it through, they’d lose against the first good side they’d face (Colombia) on Penalties. Quarter Finals were the absolute best anyone expected.

        In reality, what happened was that a likable, young, fast side with an actual fucking plan (I can’t believe it) turned up. Admittedly, we’re lucky to have a legit world class striker. They beat Tunisia, and it could have been by a lot more, walloped Panama, then rested the starting team as the Belgium match didn’t count for shit. This meant we were fresh and because they’re young they had no fear of Penalties- so bye, bye Colombia. Then they absolutely eviscerated Sweden. Not a lot on the score, but it was the most completely one-sided match against decent opposition that I’ve seen England play in a long time.

        Whatever happens now, and we’ll probably lose, they’ve done really well.

      • Jarv says :

        They’ve also scored as many goals as they did in 1966 when we won the fucking thing. Kane may well lift the Golden Boot, which is the first English player to do so since 1986.

        All things considered, this has been kind of historic.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Soooooooo, overachieved?

      • Jarv says :

        Very possibly.

  26. Xiphos0311 says :

    I must congratulate the Disney marketing people, they made great ads that made Ant Man and The Wasp seem like a fun very non MCU type of super hero flick. Unfortunately it was not a fun non MCU type of super hero movie. It was a very MCU movie meaning it was not very good, not very fun, with a crappy bad guy(s) and a horrible third act. In other words it was a Marvel movie in every way.

  27. TomBando says :

    Think Cloak and Dagger started after I bailed reading comics back when. Might give it a looksee donno. As for Ant man and the Wasp-well might see it? i liked the first one.

    • Jarv says :

      It’s ok. No more. The third episode is easily the best, but is basically 2 huge abstract (and unsubtle) dream sequences.

    • Jarv says :

      It also has pacing issues. Bad ones.

      • Jarv says :

        So I’m now up to date, and it’s nothing like the funnybook. This is both good and bad. The telepathy/ hope and fears mindreading stuff is cool, and well handled.

        However, Cloak still doesn’t have a grip on his powers at all, and the Roxxon stuff is weak and boring.

        6 out of 10. Good enough that I’ll finish the last 4 episodes, but not stellar.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Maybe later on in the summer I’ll give it another look.

  28. Barfy says :

    July 10th
    BEST DAY EVER!

    Happy Birthday Xi
    xo

    P.S. Happy 10 too

  29. TomBando says :

    Ah Xiphos–AKA the Noted_Sage Xiphos-is having a Birthing Day. Well happy birthing Day. May you show up in the sequel Billy Jack Goes to Apache Jct some time and get your residuals.

  30. TomBando says :

    Lemme see, caught Bridge of Spies last night. Tom Hanks, Mark Rylance, ummmm Hawkeye Pierce, etc. Whole u2 incident/spy swap with the Russkis in 60 thing. I liked it, very formulaic, predictable, hits all the expected stations of the cross along the way, atmospheric, oscar-baity, Hanks is solid if typical Hanks in it, Rylance is good as the Aldrich Ames type dude who’s passing secrets to Russia-he’s a KGB plant etc-Hawkeye is Hanks’ boss who has what I call a perfunctory role as, you know, the boss.

    Hanks is an insurance legal eagle who is the stooge defense guy for Rylance when he’s caught by the Feds and charged with nice Snowdenesque type things, he winds up in prison and then is swapped at the end for the now captured by the Russkis U2 pilot Gary Francis Powers. There’s a 3rd prisoner involved I won’t give that one away.

    Not a whole lot happens-Hanks drives around E Berlin shadowed by Spooks, KGB’ers and has his house shot up by a driveby in NY as he’s now quite infamous and a ‘Pinko’, in the news and etc and notorious. He gets the Berlin-job if you will almost by default-well you DID get to know the spy, you DID defend him, and it can’t be a Official Gov’t rep-so–you’re it, Tom.

    For the most part it’s believably told, has the usual Spielbergy touches, I liked it well enough and it held my interest for most of it. Russki dude isn’t developed a whole lot but is played rather well by Mark ‘Guy who drove the boat in the sweater in Dunkirk’ Rylance, I donno how much I need to watch this again however.

    So that was Bridge of Spies.

  31. TomBando says :

    Yeah the one that springs to mine is Catch me if you Can–and that was 2002. He must have made something since I liked.

  32. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Shame England lost, would have preferred to see them against France.

    Of course I wanted Belgium, what with the delicious beer and all.

  33. Continentalop says :

    Finished season two of WESTWORLD.

    Jesus that was pretentious. Talk about mudding your waters to make them look deep.

    • M. Blitz says :

      Ok I love West World BUT (spoiler for anyone who cares) that bit in the finale with Clementine on the horse and the hosts all lined up? Oh my god it was beyond stupid. Also, the death of Sizemore was just pointlessly stupid and i didnt buy it one bit from him (unless maeve ends up making a host version of him, hmmmm, and even then). Most of the finale can be filed under stupid, actually. And everything involving Maeve’s daughter (despite liking Maeve, i have never managed to give a fuck about her reuniting with the kid). Also most Dolores stuff this season.

      Logan may have been a bit of a douche, but is/was the only sensible human on the show. Bernard is my favorite of the hosts, but i was cackling at some of his dramatic moments this season. I kept randomly shouting SHOW YASELF a la Bernard and laughing to myself for a solid week after it aired.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      I was pretty bored by WW this season. It took a very very long very circuitous route to get to, nothing really? The entire point of the season was Robots good people bad.

      • Continentalop says :

        I hated the one-sidedness. They really needed an actual good human character to make the argument on mankind’s pov.

        “Yes, it’s horrible that we treated you like playthings and wiped your memory. But we didn’t know you were sentient. And the one scientist that made you with a conscious and the ability to suffer and feel pain, Ford, who you consider your God, also made you to exterminate and replace the human race.”

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Besides the writing stinking of Lost levels of make shit up as we go along, much of the acting was just bad. One look, monotone, can’t emote, might be a real robot Evan Rachel Wood was particularly awful.

  34. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Not to delve down the comic book path too much here, but my oldest daughter has gotten into watching all of them.

    To that end, we did see the latest Avengers flick, which was like 356 movies to get to Thanos. On the flip side, Justice League took, what, 3 movies to get there?

    Yet I could say I did not feel anything that happened to a Marvel character resonated with me more. Amazing accomplishment that.

    My youngest has been on a Harry Potter kick, so going through those, which I think do resonate more than the Marvel movies as a for instance, warts and all.

  35. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Golden boot!

    That’s something.

  36. TomBando says :

    Hey it’s Pillows! Welcome sirrah. I have seen most of the Harold Potters now, as my ladyfriend is a fan, and ditto the last 2 of the Pirates flix. I cannot tell THOSE apart, so–it didn’t make much of an impression. But the Potters aren’t bad, they grow on ya.

    The Marvels-I liked them. I have yet to see Antman, and am not sure if I will go see Tom Cruise hanging off plane doors here next, but maybe? It sounds like it’s a fun time at least.

    What did I watch recently hrmmm….GI Jane, which is really dated, I like some of it but it’s-well it’s GI Demi you know, and a best of Magilla Gorilla. Yes I know. It had hillbilly cat chasing hillbilly Meeces and ricochet rabbit. They’re interchangeable.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      Gi Jane(which was a stupid title since it was about the Navy not the Army) was actually prescient. They have lowered the standards enough now to force women to go to specialty schools and graduate. Before everybody jumps on their SJW white horse, they’ve had to lower them for the worthless”male” millennial applicants also.

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