Burt Gummer’s Rec Room

A gathering place for paranoid survivalists and those who worship at the Church of Chang

August 2015: Dryer than a bone, and hotter than the surface of the sun- yup, it’s summertime in Perfection and El Blanco is on the prowl.

Disclaimer: This is the part of the Church that is the most no holds barred. None of it is intended with malice, and although it can on occasion seem a little bit fraught, it is banter rather than venom. So, be warned that this is like taking a naked swim in a piranha tank and not recommended for the faint of heart.


4,328 responses to “Burt Gummer’s Rec Room”

  1. TomBando says :

    Ep Three-Zoo yr 3. Okay this one has: Mutated giant Vultures that…burrow under ground and are big enough to carry around SUVs in their claws. Baddies are being lead by Hero dude’s sister who is apparently down in the Yucatan mass producing them. Hero dude and crew cut Kop go down there. Meanwhile in the Elvis Jet over Greenland…Nerd guy has Reporter Gal and his Christina Applegate looking daughter…..do some Brain surgery on him while he’s lucid, out comes a drill, and for some reason they get a pig, velcro and lollipops. They find a metal doohickey inside that the Chile baddies put there, was some kinda mind controller that kills you dead. But if it’s taken out you get amnesia, so he keeps it in. Reporter Gal keeps one of the Chile guys in a cage down stairs and uses a cattle prod on him happily, and pries out all sorts of info from him. She is into torture and things like that now. Anyways. dad and daughter sorta bond while the brain is opened and pig hangs around in the back while the prod gets used to excess. Meanwhile in Michigan there’s a kid swap gone bad, then the uber villainess from the Monsanto like company shows up with her enforcers and makes a deal with the black dude and Michelle Rodriguez clone-go grab the Christina Applegate blonde and you can have your kid back. There’s a reunion of most of these guys in Yucatan in a suspiciously BC looking cabin right when the sonic Beckoning device-which communicates even better than Lions over a long distance, brings in a horde of flapping mutant vultures who begin to dive into the ground and make for the cabin. Thus onto ep. 4.

  2. TomBando says :

    Episode Fore. More Zoo. Okay, they wind up getting attacked in the YucatancoughVancouver and these super bad vultures…do a lotta flapping, burrowing and totally MISS our heroes. However they DO cause a CGI Volcano to blow, so there is that. They wind up spending most of the ep on the Elvis Jet, where the black guy is retconned as being a genius bio tech guy and they come up with a way of…blocking the beacon that the baddie is taking to NYC by using a combo of lemon juice, tinfoil and a box. I think. But it doesn’t work.. The vultures attack, the Christina Applegate lookalike gets kidnapped while running aorund on her Crotch Rocket-set up by Michelle Rodriguez Jr there, and they wind up luring the Vultures-all 23 of them?–by putting the Beacon on a drone which starts to sag, so they…go up in the Elvis Jet, do the Air Force One routine out the back bay door…and spear it with a Crossbow, hauling drone, beacon and Vultures out into the Ocean. Oh and during this the Reporter Gal shoots the Monsanto Baddie dead. Oh and the hero dudes evil sister gets away but was winged. They like having the mutant Vultures swoop at the camera. And you get the spreading red measles effect on the global map, you have 90 days to stop the dreaded mutants from taking over the world. There’s also another reference to the Vultures being able to communicate over long distances at 32 megazoidhurtz, ‘even better than the lions did’, so there’s that. Onto Ep. 5.

    • TomBando says :

      Okay, ZOO ep 5, Season 3. Lowlights-well lemme see-the Elvis Jet lures the Mutated Vultures all the way back down to Yucatan, where they….take the drone, put it into a Mustang they’re carrying, and drop it…into the CGI Volcano. The Gimp baddie from Chile had stashed himself into the Car and so he takes a dive into the CGI lava too, followed by the Vultures. All dead. Then, back in NYC, Nerd Guy and Shaved headed Legolas dude get some evidence via Morgue, and we find out that Monsanto types are mass producing some ‘head ache’ meds that they’re giving to the kidnapped 10 year olds. Meanwhile, Hero dude reunites back with his GF in Yucatan, where they find a Mayan witch who is keeping a CGI Babboon Mutant in a cage. Her guards and her shoot AK 47 blanks at the ground in the ensuing confrontation, just as a bunch of CGI Cougars some lurking into the village to save the Hero Dude’s skin. Same time his sister the baddie has her CGI Razorbacks come and save her, too. Oh and the Christina Applegate gal is preggers and being held by some Illuminati type group that is selling her Wonder fetus off to the highest bidder, this starts at 80M. I should add Reporter chick is using Nerd Guy as her lawyer and she really Didn’t kill the evil Monsanto head. So, onto show 6.

      • TomBando says :

        Okay Ep 6…lemme see here….Nerd Guy goes into Illuminati Baby auction alone with a gun, takes down 3-4 guards, and gets his daughter out. She does the Blazing Saddle Once False Move and the N***** gets it routine, and that seems to work. You’ll know it when you see it. Then, back in Yucatan, they shoot it out with baddies, hitch the Airstream trailer the CGI Baboon is being kept in to their truck and haul it into the Elvis Jet. Hero Guys sister was part of the whole Chile ‘Shephard’ group from the getgo, was working with Superstar Ken Olin(dad) to do whatever it was they were with the animals. I’m still not sure whether he wanted the sterility to happen to us or someone else did or it was just an accident. Anyways. Baddie Sister there raised the CGI Baboon ‘Abednego’ from the Beaker, it talks and has a Gollum look to it a little. She also was the one that saved Nerd Guy from the Razorbax at the end of the second year, sticking him into a ‘Stasis Tank’ and apparently using him to drive Vans full of meds and whatever else in their operations past decade, but he of course has no memory of this. Oh and Reporter gal walks out of the Precinct with Buzzcut Cop without so much as a second look despite having confessed to killing Monsanto head, turns out it was Baddie Sister who did this. Elsewheres, the kids have been moved to another location, as the SWAT team can’t find them, they are tracked via the low level doses of radiation from those red pills t he Monsanto types are giving the kids. You will notice people travel very quickly, totally bonkers things happen without anyone so much as batting an eye, and you can find out anything you need to by a quick use of the Google. I should also add that the Elvis Jet is on auto pilot, something about it being in ‘Tablet mode’. Refueling is not ever mentioned. And so, onto Ep 7. Not enough bugnuts CGI animal stuff so far, but they have to ‘take spinal fluid samples’ from the 6 types of animal hybrids to help cure the sterility problem-so we’ll get to see more of that..

      • TomBando says :

        And episode 7–let’s see-they track down the missing kids in some ‘deserted pharma factory’, they’re being shown doing what looks like Virtual Reality testing by Baddie Sister and her two(2) henchmen. The goodguys show up, seemingly unopposed, march in, get the kids, the baddies get out via ‘a network of tunnels’ which you never see and are conveniently written into the plot. The press gets a hold of this etc. The Elvis Jet then winds up in Peru where they go to find….a 60 foot super snake that turns invisible. Reporter Chick and Nerd guy are after it, you see them walking by poplars and white spruce which are very BC not Peru. Anyways. A Husky ‘Wolf’ attacks, leaps, vanishes, Nerd Guy is tranked, wakes up, it’s his dad who is into Cryptozoology, ummm they trace the Snake to a deserted Carnival, the Snake lives inside Bozo the Clown apparently. Thru the use of a fire extinguisher and mood lighting, they corner said Supersnake, who swallows Reporter Chick, she winds up doing the slice and dice routine from Inside. Voila dead Snake. Back on the Elvis Jet, they go to track down the baby’s Father, first time even mentioned in show, there’s a cat fight between Christina Applegate and Baddie Sister which involves tipped over carts mostly, she makes off with CGI Babboon. Lemme see, Nerd Guy’s dad is called Max, Max is seen swiping what looks like an Egg, from the Snake I guess? he wants to sell it to the Pentagon. Nerd Guy has them put daughter into the Stasis Tube as she’s got some kinda blood poisoning going on, ummm they have tracked the fetus’ father to Pittsburgh. Hero guy knocks on the door, apparently gets the wrong guy, who winds up shot, Sister Baddie is standing there and is going to take her brother hostage. Nerd Guy’s lost decade of developing bio weapons with Sister Baddie and her outfit is found out by Reporter Chick and that’s where they leave us for Episode 8.

      • TomBando says :

        Oh boys. Ep 8. This one borrows-steals liberally from-Snakes on a Plane, Return of the Jedi-yes-and Dyanne Thorne movie of your choice. Here, Baddie Sister has A: put a squid mutant on board the plane that screws with all the electronics, BL has Hero Guy chained up in a lair in Copenhagen complete with Tiger and Ipad, C: Nerd guy and his Dad are trying to fix that brain doohickey in his head, thru the use of a combo Cattle Prod-emp thingy, you need to use it three times on the patient, the second turns Nerd Guy blind, he’s cured by Geritol more or less-I think-then the plane begins to systematically shut down 45,000 feet in the air. They chase after the Monster with axes and guns-see the interior is bullet proof-the bay doors open and suddenly this is shown as being deadly instead of a walk in the park-ala spearing a drone being chased by Vultures-they manage to shut the doors while all manner of chaos is happening. Meanwhile, Baddie Sister has a remote control device that switches Nerd Guy’s personality into ‘Duncan’, the drone she controlled for a decade to build her bio weapons etc. Never uses it when it’s needed or useful in show til now, but okay. She is Trying to get Hero Guy, who is chained up from the ceiling, to get Really Angry-Feel your ANGER-LET IT FLOW-yes-so she can…steal the brainwaves via the Ipad and somehow use that to trigger her hybrid hordes world wide. Oh and the plane starts to tumble ala Flight 93. And it’s AI voice is Shaved Headed Kop’s voice, who is shown standing around in the HQ, they show graphics of spore molds that attacked Germans from mutant Dandelions. Yes it’s Happening. You are left with the Angry TIger leaping at Sister Baddie’s head, only to be shot and crash to its death in some carts. Oh and the plane looks like it’s about to do a crater when the credits roll. I think the Squid thing is cribbed from Space 1999 you know what monster I’m getting at. So that’s Ep 8. I liked this one.

  3. M. Blitz says :

    OK! So Mindhunter 5-8 was much better pacing-wise and blah blah blah, but those last 2 episodes were soooo good. The ending was perfect. Finally fully into this show, hah, and now it’s over.

  4. M. Blitz says :

    Try this again. “This was awesome”

  5. M. Blitz says :

    OOH! Season 2 is gonna be on the Atlanta child murders!!

    Here’s some alternative facts on that shit:

    Seriously, read that cuz it is amaaaaazing.

  6. Judge Droid says :

    Recent viewing…

    Wind River – Taylor Sheridan seems to make my kind of movies. It’s not quite as good as Hell or High Water, but it’s really good.

    Criminal Law – 80’s thriller starring Gary Oldman and Kevin Bacon. I’d never heard of this before, and as it turns out, there’s a reason why this has been forgotten. It’s utterly terrible.

    War for the Planet of the Apes – Pretty good. I still like Rise the best of this trilogy.

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