The Birthday Series–The Lost Boys (1987)

Droids Birthday Series 1987It’s been a while between drinks, not only for the Birthday Series, but for reviews in general. But I’ve got a couple in the bag now, ready to go, and the first back from my work imposed hiatus is a teen vampire love story. No, nobody gets all sparkly in this one. I give you the ‘The Lost Boys’.

The Lost Boys PosterI was going to begin this review by opining about the recent resurgence of vampire films, and comparing it to the mid to late 1980’s when there also seemed to be be a multitude of films about vampires. But looking over a list of vampire films, there really never was a resurgence. Every single year has seen vampires in various incarnations hit the big screen. It just seems worse now because two of the most popular series, Twilight and TV’s True Blood, are complete garbage. We look back fondly at the time when we were given movies like Near Dark and Fright Night. Another film we look back at fondly is Joel Schumachers tribute to baby oiled, musclebound saxaphone players ‘The Lost Boys’.

Newly divorced Lucy Emerson (Diane Weist) has moved back to the California town of Santa Carla with her two boys Michael (Jason Patric) and Sam (Corey Haim). Living with their hippy grandfather (Barnard Hughes), Michael meets a bunch of local thugs, led by David (Kiefer Sutherland). But when Michaels initiation into the gang results in his becoming a vampire, it’s up to Sam and the Frog Brothers (Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander) to kill the head vampire and save Michael.

The Lost Boys 2I hadn’t seen ‘The Lost Boys’ in about ten years, and what I was struck with early on is that it’s not nearly as good as I remember it being. It’s a fun movie, don’t get me wrong, but the problems begin with the script. There’s a lack of detail to the vampires, and no real attempt to explain the lore. The vampires can fly. They have superhuman strength. They hang upside down like bats to sleep, complete with bat type feet. Some are effected by holy water, while others aren’t. The screenplay by Janice Fischer, James Jerimas and Jeffrey Boam seems to have no real rules. It’s a scattershot approach and a different vampire related cliché is used if and when it suits. There’s also not much in the way of a compelling story here. Family moves to town, Michael gets seduced by a bleach blonde Kiefer Sutherland (under the pretext of wanting to bone Jamie Gertz). An all action finale solves everything.

The Lost Boys 4The performances are a mixed bag. I’ll start with the bad. Firstly, Jason Patric just isn’t very good as Michael. He’s a strange actor. He can be a brilliant, exciting actor when he’s playing darker roles, such as in Rush, After Dark My Sweet, Narc or Your Friends and Neighbours. But in more conventional roles, such as this one or Speed 2, he’s bland, and quite frankly, appears disinterested. I suspect that he simply isn’t the type of actor that makes the material better. But he’ll rise to the challenge of more difficult, interesting material. Alas, he doesn’t find that here. The other performances that don’t work are Max (Edward Hermann), as the romantic interest of Lucy who may not be who he says he is (it’s completely obvious that he’s not), and Star (Jamie Gertz), Michaels love interest. Both roles are poorly written so I don’t hold Hermann or Gertz entirely responsible. With a bit more effort in the script stage these characters could easily be more interesting.

The Lost Boys 5On the other hand, ‘The Lost Boys’ features some good performances. Weist is likeable in another of the films underwritten roles and Grandpa provides some amusing moments. Kiefer Sutherland has always had a great screen presence, and it’s no different here. The character is never developed beyond being menacing, but Sutherland does his best and makes it work. But this film belongs to the two Coreys and Jamison Newlander as Sam and the Frog Brothers. These three kids are directly responsible for the films success. All three are ceaselessly entertaining and deliver the films best dialogue with great timing and enthusiasm, such as Sam yelling “You’re a creature of the night, Michael! My own brother a goddamn shitsucking vampire! You wait until mom finds out!” or after the Frog Brothers are attacked by a young girl vampire one of them says "Holy shit! The attack of Eddie Munster!" These three are great, memorable characters and make the film a lot better than maybe it had any right to be.

I wasn’t really that familiar with Corey Haim until about six months ago beyond that of a child actor who never fulfilled his promise and died young. But after watching him in ‘Lucas’, ‘Silver Bullet’ and now this, I can understand why he was one of the most exciting young actors of the 80’s. He was hugely likeable, had terrific energy and was able to control the screen against more notable actors. It’s a bit of a shame in retrospect that his career faded away.

The Lost Boys 3The other problematic element of ‘The Lost Boys’ is the direction by Joel Schumacher. There are so many highly stylised musical interludes, with slow motion, smoke effects, soft lighting and the aforementioned oil slicked saxaphone player that it becomes tiresome after a while. If Schumacher set out to make a ninety minute music video then he has succeeded and then some. There’s also moments that are inexplicable. When the Frog Brothers dump one of the vampires into a bathtub of holy water and he proceeds to melt, the house’s entire plumbing goes batshit and blood pours out of taps, the toilet explodes and blood is everywhere. It doesn’t make a lick of sense and is only included so shit can blow up. And while the pop songs on the soundtrack were very likely popular at the time, viewing the film today does two things. It dates the film badly (the wardrobe department also eagerly assist in this) and it gives the film a really cheesy feeling to it. What was cool in the 80’s is kitsch today. 

The Lost Boys 1Now, I’m aware that I’ve focused largely on the negative aspects of the movie, so while I stand by these comments, I will also readily admit that the film moves along at a cracking pace and it’s never dull or boring. Some of the characters are, but the film never stops long enough for it to become too much of a problem. And it also features three great performances from the kids. All things being considered, it’s an entertaining film that doesn’t quite live up to it’s reputation.

Because this is my birthday series, I’m going to be very generous and round ‘The Lost Boys’ way up to…

two and a half changs


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About Judge Droid

In between refining my procrastination skills I talk a lot of shit about movies and such.

96 responses to “The Birthday Series–The Lost Boys (1987)”

  1. Droid says :

    I was very tempted to give this 2 Changs. It gets a generous bump up to 2 1/2 from 2.2500000000000000000001

  2. Jarv says :

    Lost boys.

    Man I loved this when I was younger

  3. Jarv says :

    The frog brother FTW.

  4. Spud McSpud says :

    THE LOST BOYS is a stone cold classic of its time. Like trapping the 80s in amber, preserved for this ungrateful generation to discover and fucking GLEE up, the way things are going.

    Saw this on the big screen midway through last year, and it is still awesome. It’s in my Top 20 greatest 80s movies ever – if I’m feeling nostalgic, possibly Top 10.

    The Two Coreys FTW!!

    • Col Tigh-Fighter says :

      Amen Spud!

    • Droid says :

      The Two Coreys help make this what it is. As someone that doesn’t have the affinity you obviously do with it, I find it harder to forgive the problems. But I don’t begrudge anyones sentimental favourites. Lord knows I love me some terrible movies.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        That’s EXACTLY it, Droid – if you saw it at a great time in your life, it’s a classic movie. If you saw it for the first time recently, I can imagine you’d wonder what the fuss was about. For us 80s kids, it’s just great.

        And pretty much anything Haim did was entertaining. He had his shitty movies, but who doesn’t?

  5. Col Tigh-Fighter says :

    I loved this film as a kid. When I was about 12 I had a genuine flying dream where I was a Lost Boy vamp flying over the water with that weird sound effect playing lol

    I guess I know its not perfect, but its such a big film in my growing up that it gets a pass.

    I even have the soundtrack on my ipod 😉

    • Droid says :

      The soundtrack is pure 80’s cheese. It must be one of the most popular soundtracks of all time I’d say. My sister had the cd and played it constantly.

      • Jarv says :

        The soundtrack is the Doors. I feel you need to be sent back to darth douche for repairs

      • Frank Marmoset says :

        It’s not The Doors, it’s a cover of People Are Strange by Echo & The Bunnymen. Eighties as hell.

      • Droid says :

        The soundtrack has INXS and Cold Chisel on it. Two AWESOME Australian eighties rock bands. It gets a very cheesy pass.

      • Jarv says :

        My fault. I should have explained. The Doors are covered, so it’s not quintessential 80’s cheese. Not fucking Spandau Ballet singing Gold followed by Rick Astley and whatever suicide inducing overrated shite from the Smiths.

        If that makes sense.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Good call Jarv – the Doors influence is all over THE LOST BOYS. Right down to Jason Patric’s performance as Jim Morrison playing Michael Emerson…

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Frank – Echo covered PEOPLE ARE STRANGE which was originally by The Doors. And their version was fucking awesome…

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Sorry Frank – I see what you said. Yes, THE LOST BOYS version is the Echo cover – but I see Jarv’s point – THE LOST BOYS feels like it was made by a Doors fanatic, which it was – Joel Schumacher loves the hell out of The Doors…

      • Frank Marmoset says :

        I know it’s a cover. My point is that The Doors version is not in The Lost Boys.

    • Spud McSpud says :

      LOVE the soundtrack!! Nothing better than blasting out “Good Time” by INXS and Jimmy Barnes with the windows down on a hot summer’s day (which means last time I did that was about 6 years ago here in the UK). But there’s so many classics – and who doesn’t get a shiver up the spine listening to “Cry Little Sister”?? Awesome stuff!!

  6. Col Tigh-Fighter says :

    Death, by stereo! FTW!

  7. Spud McSpud says :

    Droid, to further your Corey Haim education, I point you in the general direction of two acknowledged Two Coreys classics – LICENCE TO DRIVE and DREAM A LITTLE DREAM.

    LICENCE IS DRIVE is the one you may have heard of. Haim wants to get his licence so he can hopefully get a date with a very young Heather Graham, and therefore become a MAN, driving cars being the rite of passage to manhood in htis movie. He steals his grandfather’s Cadillac, the pride and joy of said grandparent, and thus begins a screwball comedy that, if you let yourself go and ride with it, is a laugh riot from start to finish. Feldman gets all the choice lines, but Haim gets the action sequences (and the girl), and there’s some great stuff where the movie cuts together Haim doing his test (an urban gridlocked nigjhtmare of an ordeal) and his sister, Nina Siemaszko, doing hers (a gentle flat ride round a rich, seemingly deserted neighbourhood).

    It’s a great movie.

    DREAM A LITTLE DREAM is the one nobody’s heard of, has a dream cast of loads of proper stage-trained thespians onboard, and is massively under-rated. Jason Robards is Coleman, and old man who is researching dream theory – he truly adores his wife (Piper Laurie) and is aware he’s getting older, and he has a theory that if he can learn to enter a dream consciously, he might get to live in a dream forever and never die, thus getting to live forever with his wife. Properly romantic. Utilising tai chi and meditation to do this, his main problem are the layabout kids who keep trashing his front yard daily as they cut across it to get to school – Bobby (Feldman), Dinger (Haim) and Joel (William McNamara). But one night, as Coleman and his wife Gina are working the meditation – and it begins to work – Bobby and Joel’s girl Lainie (Meredith Salenger) cut through the yard. All four collide, bodies get switched, and it becomes apparent that if the bodies don’t get unswithed, some souls will be lost forever, and Coleman’s experiment will have gone drastically wrong.

    It’s featherweight stuff, but handles such heavy philosophical concepts as whether or not you’d want to live forever, the nature of love (is it so important BECAUSE it is finite?), the passions of youth versus the wisdom of age, and so much more. The cast make a deceptively light yet meaty script into something greater than its parts, and the heavyweight casting of Jason Robards, Piper Laurie, Harry Dean Stanton and Susan Blakely immediately give it a legitimacy lacking in most 80s comedies. As a result, Feldman gives a career-best perfrmance, Haim isn’t far behind, and what you end up with is a fantastic rumination on the nature of love, passion and youth vs age and wisdom, the value of long-standing friendships, the beauty of young love, and how dreams should remain dreams because that’s what they’re meant to be – just dreams. It’s a great, great movie, and I fucking LOVED it.

    Just avoid the sequel, it utterly stinks.

    Good review, Droid, and while I plainly love THE LOST BOYS more than you do, I broadly agree with what you say (Patric needs to wake the fuck up before doing his scenes, and Max is the most obvious bad guy EVER). For me, it’s four Changs and then some.

    • Droid says :

      Cheers Spud. You make those movies, especially Dream A Little Dream, sound great. I will have a look for them.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Don’t trust my judgement – as Jarv will attest, I always end up over-emphasising how great I think a movie is. Problem is, when I love a movie, I really LOVE that movie – and DREAM A LITTLE DREAM is Top 5 of All Time for me. I just found some real profundity in what was a decidedly lightweight script, and it’s so romantic at heart, it hit the big soft sod in me…

      • Droid says :

        Too late to backtrack Spud. I’ve already located and the acquiring has commenced.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        I’m confident you’ll like them ;D

  8. Frank Marmoset says :

    This film does not deserve a score of two and a half Egg Shens out of four… it deserves a score of AWESOME out of four!


    • Droid says :

      I point you to my Commando review. I think I gave that 3 1/2. That is in no way a 3 1/2 Chang movie. I just think it is. Lost Boys seems to be yours. And Spuds. And Tighs.

      • Frank Marmoset says :

        Yep, fair point. Although I would also award Commando AWESOME out of four.

        I might have to watch that one again, actually. Haven’t seen it in ages.

        Let off some steam, Bennett!

      • Droid says :

        Don’t disturb my friend. He’s dead tired.

        Awesomely quotable.

        Make sure you get the US cut. The UK cut is hacked to pieces.

      • Jarv says :

        I gave Flash Gordon a maximum.

        Everyone has one of those films

      • Frank Marmoset says :

        I eat Green berets for breakfast! And right now I’m hungry!

        Okay, I’m definitely watching Commando again, maybe tomorrow night. Thanks for the advice about the different cuts, I’ll keep that in mind when I acquire it.

  9. Droid says :

    Has anyone watched the DTV sequels? If so, are they worth watching?

    • Frank Marmoset says :

      I’ve seen them. Lost Boys 2 is nothing special, you can probably skip that one, but Lost Boys 3 was surprisingly entertaining (by DTV standards). 2 tries a bit too hard to copy the original, whereas 3 is a full-on Frog Brothers film.

      • Col Tigh-Fighter says :

        I couldnt even make it through the 2nd one it was that bad. Shameful cameo from Tom Savini too, the old ham!

  10. Tom_Bando says :

    Yeah this is a good movie, quite dated but fun. By all means thanks for the fine review there Droid.

  11. Droid says :

    I never once used the description “quintessential cheese”. That would imply that I was stating that the specific songs on the soundtrack were the most typical or defining pop songs of the 80’s. In the review I said the pop music soundtrack gives the film a “cheesy feeling” and dates the film, and in the comments I said the soundtrack is “pure 80’s cheese”. Unlike the word “quintessential”, “pure” and “feeling” are non-specific. They are not identifying particular songs, just a broad description of the soundtrack overall. And any soundtrack that features Echo and the Bunnymen, Cry Little Sister, Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me and a heavy dose of INXS in my opinion can be described as “cheesy”. And 80’s INXS were awesome. Cheese doesn’t necessarily have to have negative connotations.

    • Jarv says :

      Righto- when I see the phrase “pure” in front of something, I think that you mean that it’s nothing but cheese, and crap cheese at that- Hence the snide reference I made to The (s)Hit Factory that plagued the late 80’s, New Romantics and those overrated designer angst merchants the Smiths.

      INXS to me wouldn’t come under that heading. Also, weirdly, and I’m not sure why, but Echo and the Bunnymen covering the Doors wouldn’t either.

      Duran Duran would though. Mostly because I think Simon Le Bon is a cunt.

      • Droid says :

        That’s where our views differ. I use the term “pure cheese” affectionately. For example, I call movies “pure cheese” because while they may not be an example of technical or creative brilliance, they are hugely entertaining and you forgive them their faults. I’d call Commando pure cheese. Because that’s what it is, and that’s why it works. It’s the same with music.

      • Droid says :

        It goes back to the negative connotations you place on the word “cheese”. I will specify if I am placing negative connotations on the word “cheese”. Usually by following “cheesy” with “crap”.

        I like cheese.

      • Jarv says :

        It doesn’t.

        It goes back to negative connotations I have towards music from the 80’s.

        Cheese+ Pure+ 80’s is usually a bad thing for me.

        The 80’s were great for films, but sucked for music (and thus, Jarv guaranteed that all the revisionists crawl out of the woodwork to say things like “Ultravox were actually good and really misunderstood”, and “The Smiths are great and not at all self indulgent designer misery wankers”.

      • Droid says :

        Whatever it is, it’s your personal agenda, not a universal one.

      • Jarv says :

        Of course it is personal, it’s subjective taste. I’m not pretending otherwise. I don’t have an agenda- I just meant to clarify something above.

        No need to be snippy. I wasn’t criticising.

      • Droid says :

        The soundtrack is the Doors. I feel you need to be sent back to darth douche for repairs

        You did lead with this though. Your initial response reveals the assumptions.

      • Droid says :

        Anyhoo, enough pedantry over the use of the word cheese. I could really do with a ham, cheese and mayo toastie right now.

      • Jarv says :

        I was responding to this:

        “it gives the film a really cheesy feeling to it. What was cool in the 80’s is kitsch today.”

        Agreed though. Enough semantics or we’ll get a lecture from the work at home monkey about the phrase “exception that proves the rule”.

      • Droid says :

        Just quickly, before the monkey shows up, you said the soundtrack “is the Doors”. There were loads of other songs on the soundtrack, all 80’s.

      • Frank Marmoset says :

        I’ll lecture both of you good and proper if you don’t drag your asses over to the rec room and explain why you liked Animal Kingdom!

      • Jarv says :

        I know. It was an alcohol induced typo- that’s why I expanded on it this morning.

        I managed to fuck up the post on the i-phone which was meant to read “it has a good cover of the doors” rather than whatever my boozy co-ordination failure put in.

        My old room mate at School played that fucking soundtrack constantly.

        Now, quick, enough- before the monkey shows, enough pedantry:


      • Jarv says :

        Damn it.

        Not quick enough.

  12. DocPazuzu says :

    This came out the year I turned 20 so it didn’t do very much for me. I liked it, but not much more than that. I actually enjoy it more today than back in ’87. I was a vampire fan then, when the only sad bastard vamps were to be found in two — TWO! — Anne Rice novels. Now I mostly hate them in any form.

    Oddly, Monster Squad came out the same year and although geared towards much younger kids, I liked that one a lot more.

  13. DocPazuzu says :

    Oh and Ultravox’s The Thin Wall was the epitome of NR cool in 1981.

    Haters can take a Midge Ure moustache ride to hell.

    • Jarv says :

      Midge Ure is a cunt, and the New Romantics blew.

      Search inside yourself, you know this to be true.

      Next thing you’ll be defending Toto:

      “Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you,
      More than a thousand men or more could ever do,
      I miss the rains down in AAAAAFFFFFRIIIIIICAAAAAA”

      *repeat until Jarv gets on stage and bludgeons the lead singer to death with the bassist*

      • DocPazuzu says :

        The greatest Toto concert review I ever saw was in a Swedish newspaper. It was an entire column consisting of one long “Zzzzzzzzzz….”

        I hate Toto, in case you were wondering.

        New Romantics blew? I laugh sarcastically in your general direction.

      • Jarv says :

        Yes, and your father smells of elderberries.

        There can be no defending Culture Club, Jimmy Sommerville, Adam and the Ants (I AM THE DANDY HIGHWAYMAN, WHO BRITAIN NEEDS TO SECTION), Culture Club, Simon Le Bon, Spandau Ballet- (Seriously, listen to True and Gold back to back, they’re the same fucking song and not even a good one) or Culture Club.

        Poor Americans, so starved for quality music that they have to seek out a group of faux-ironic poseurs pretending to be both talented and sexually ambivalent.

      • Jarv says :

        And I missed bloody loads of them off that list by accident- Visage, Flock of Seagulls (who were the very definition of a one hit wonder, and are now only remembered because of that ridiculous cunt’s ludicrous barnet. Seriously, who can actually name that song?) etc. Possibly due to my intense hatred of Culture Club,

      • DocPazuzu says :

        How sad. Your knowledge of the music of the time is confined to Now That’s What I Call Music 2. You need to come after me with something less rubbery than the population of a 1984 top ten list. There’s trés toolery to be found on a 1994 top ten list but do you see me use that as a righteous truncheon upon thy bonce? No… at least not yet.

      • Jarv says :

        Says the man with the Ultravox catalogue.

        Of course I am, I’m looking back at it- I was 6 in 1984- therefore my knowledge of the period is limited to BBC documentaries called things like We HEART 1984 fronted by awful talking head cows (Kate Thornton. I’m, well, not looking at you because you’re too ugly so I suppose gesturing in your general direction) who say things like “Ya, everyone listened to Duran Duran, and we all had spacehoppers and it was lush”, Timelife ads for “The compelete 80’s” which have straplines featuring things like “do you feel you’re missing that essential Visage B-side? well, search no more, for just £3.70 you can have the complete collection of music too lame to be used in insurance ads, comes on 19 helpful CD’s, and you get the bonus CD of “Best of Yes! Why 90 hour piano noodlings don’t suck ass”, my parents record collection, the radio and so forth.

        So I can categorically state, that much like Helicopters are not surprising, the New Romantics blew and Boy George is a cunt.

      • Jarv says :

        PS- this isn’t to defend 1994, which was stocked with crap, or (even worse) 2004.

        Also, the New Romantics are directly to blame for two things:

        1) The Designer misery bollocks that STILL ruins music

        2) Stock, Aitken and Waterman, which in turn leads to Jive Bunny.

      • DocPazuzu says :

        Again, I can’t take you seriously since you’re only regurgitating the neuveau kitsch take of the 80s, what with compilations, ads, superficial retrospectives (yes, with interviews with complete mongs) and anything churned out by the nostalgia industry.

        Your leap from NR to the truly diabolical Stock Aitken Waterman oeuvre is as alarming as it is baffling in its vastness.

        Still, out of respect for my fellow colonial, I’m not going to continue hijacking this thread for the purposes of musical debate. I’ll catch up on the subject at some later date and somewhere else.

      • Jarv says :


        I love this argument, and that rant has made me feel much better.

        It all comes back to when you first become musically aware. Everything before then was stuff listened to by your parents and therefore automatically naff and uncool. Not that this is New Romantic especially, but my mother loved Godley and Creme (I think the tuneless bastards were called). Honestly, it was heinous stuff to young ears.

        I actually heard a teenager comment about the Manic Street Preachers (who I despise) as being “shite my dad owns. Slipper and cardigan garbage”, which really made me laugh.

      • Jarv says :

        And the fucking Blow Monkeys (Not just a clever name). Yuck. Wannabe Smiths Neo-socialist fuckstains who thought it was clever releasing an album called “She was only a grocers daughter”.

        The fucking 80’s were painful.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Okay, Jarv, now you called down the tuber’s wrath! Midge Ure was shit, and I’m with you all the way on The Smith’s and their designer angst wankery (well put, by the way) – but I will defend to the death – nay! to the PAIN! – my unabashed love of the cheesy 80s soft metal ballad!!

        Ditto anything by Journey or Boston, Bon Jovi, and anything on any album with the words “soft” “metal” “ballad” in them.

        AFRICA was fucking awesome. As was anything that involved power balladry in the 80s. Bryan Adams pisses on your cynicism!!

      • Jarv says :

        What about the ongoing catalogue of atrocities that is The Scorpions?

        (Admittedly I’ve got a soft spot for Def Leppard, and Rick Savage used to live down the road from one of my mates and signed our football)

    • ThereWolf says :

      Doc – your love of Ultravox is noted and admired.

      But did you like ’em when John Foxx was front man?

      I go all misty eyed at late 1970’s/ early 1980’s synth.

      And The Smiths were good. Some of the tunes make my toes curl now though. Don’t know what “designer misery” means.

  14. Spud McSpud says :

    I’ll give you The Scorpions. There is absolutely no excuse for ANYTHING that band ever did – except for a song on the FREEJACK soundtrack called “Hit Between The Eyes”, which was at least bearable.

    Heh heh. FREEJACK fucking ruled!

    Def Leppard, though, are truly great. Not a bad song in their entire catalogue.

    • Jarv says :

      Also, seeing as you mentioned journey- they are the music played in the elevator to hell.

      I was quite content with the knowledge that appearing on one episode of Scrubs was their rightful place, and the occasional ironic reference in something like Family Guy, but then bloody Glee came along and, Damn it, the fucking song is everywhere again.

      • Jarv says :

        And, I’ve just discovered that the really annoying song on the Easy A soundtrack (pocket full of sunshine) is by Natasha Bedingfield (sister of Mr. Potato Head Daniel) who should have buggered off into obscurity ages ago.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        GLEE is the crotch-itch on the genitals of His Infernal Majesty. There is nothing more evil in this universe than GLEE. Forced fucking optimism – it’s like Nazis in Disneyland outfits. I fucking loathe that shit.

        And EVERY cover produced by the spawn of that pustulent abomination of a show is like paraquat to my soul. They are destroying everything good in this world by marketeering and merchandising plastic forced happiness, creating an army of emotionally numb plastic adolescent satanspawn that will eventually see the extermination of every bit of original thought and genuine creativity by the force of their absolute banality, which is infinitely powerful and boundless.

        I fucking HATE that GLEE…

      • Jarv says :


        I merely dislike it strongly, but that’s impressive rage to focus on what is, basically, a chick show. Or a show for gay people. Anyhoo, I don’t think we’re it’s target audience

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah Spud, Glee just another rich white kids and their problems genre fare but with singing.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        As for Natasha Bedingfield – after “I Wanna Have Your Babies”, I’ll be AMAZED if that delusional clingy lunatic EVER gets laid again. Just having that song in existence should ensure she never gets asked out again, ever. A more obvious paen to the ever-more-loudly ticking biological clock I have never heard…

      • Col Tigh-Fighter says :

        Ha! I love Glee 😀 But Im sort of in its demographic. I rather like that they’ve introduced a whole new generation of kids to different music, including Journey! lol As I have never bought a song on itunes in my life, I cant comment of that.

        Although total bollocks on the rich white kids comment, Kouch.

      • Jarv says :


        Mrs. Jarv has asked me to express her sheer and insane (frankly) agreement with that.

      • koutchboom says :

        OK OK OK COL…..upper middle class white kids. I’ve seen the show, none of those kids are wearing hand me downs.

      • Col Tigh-Fighter says :

        Mrs Jarv sounds like a classy lady, and one who has impecible taste 🙂

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Cheers, Jarv! Rage levels nowhere near yours at full effect, but I’m glad it registered. I have trouble trying to articulate fully my absolute white-hot hatred of it. I fucking hate musicals to begin with, but GLEE… It must be a sign of the Apocalypse, musn’t it??

        I actually think it’s the most obvious coming-out metaphor on TV, but way more simplified, moronic, and far too eager to please. And this from someone with not the slightest hint of homophobia – just an absolute hatred of musicals and anything they are associated with. But the Glee kids are all ostracised, looked down upon, but secretly have their own support network, their own sub-culture, and shun the company of non-Glee-ers for their own… not exactly subtle. I don’t think Darren Star would be ashamed of having written this series.

        But mainly, I just hate the artifice of all the fake happiness and their admirable determination to ruin every great song of the 80s. Bastards. Absolute bastards…

    • DocPazuzu says :

      Freejack was TERRIBLE.

      • Jarv says :

        Is that the Emilio Estevez and Mick Jagger thing?

        can’t remember it at all.

        However, Jagger has only been in one good film: Performance as I was told by someone.

      • koutchboom says :

        heheheh I’ve had Performance/Outback/The Man Who Feel To Earth sitting in my DVR since the dawn of time.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        FREEJACK is squarely in my so-bad-it’s-AWESOME zone. Double-team it with JOHNNY MNEMONIC for a night of true SF so-crap-it’s-AWESOMEness!

      • Jarv says :

        JM is hideous. And boring too.

      • koutchboom says :


        JM is awesome.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        “It’s a fish!”

        JOHNNY MNEMONIC is one of the most quotable bad movies in existence. Honestly, Jarv, I cannot fathom your hatred for Keanu Reeves movies – if anything is a mine of golden schlock ready to be exposed to the world, it’s the career of Keanu Reeves. He’s a Zen genius of bad movie performances.

        Though frankly you’ve been a miserable bastard for a few days, helped, in no small part, probably by your fucking incomprehensible colleagues at work no doubt. When you’re in a better frame of mind, give yourself over to the Keanu. POINT BREAK, JOHNNY MNEMONIC, THE MATRIX RELOADED (if only for the insane genius of The Architect Speech), DEVIL’S ADVOCATE, FREAKED, both BILL & TEDS, SPEED, PARENTHOOD, PERMANENT RECORD, MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING, BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA… any one of those movies in guaranteed to have me talking in pseudo-Keanu for DAYS afterward, much to the utter chagrin of Mrs Spud-To-Be. Duuuuuude!

        Jarv, the Keanu awaits. He is calm. He knows, in time, that you will come to him… and then he will turn you to the Ted Theodore Logan side of the Force.

  15. just pillow talk says :

    I still like this movie, and will always watch it if I pass by it while flipping through channels.

    BTW Droid, this is an excellent idea for a series, you should do more of them.

  16. Continentalop says :

    Did you ever hear what the original script was like? It was supposedly a dark version of Peter Pan with a ancient pre-teen vampire gathering children for his “Lost Boys.”

    It might of sucked but that concept almost sounds like it could have been another Let the Right One In.

    • Jarv says :


      Kiddie Diddling on an epic scale.

      • Continentalop says :

        Well obviously Schumacher couldn’t be the director.

        And I think it would be a great criticism of Twilight – just because a 80-year old guy looks like a teenager doesn’t make it ok with him stalking a teenage girl; he’s still a pedo in kids clothing. Take that Edward.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Oh, TWILIGHT. Let’s not go THERE. Teenage angsty emo chick has to choose between centuries old paedophile dead man (necrophilia) or creepy imprinting-at-birth can’t-control-his-monthly-hormones animal guy (bestiality)??

        Either way, it’s fucking LIFETIMES of therapy for that fucked up wench…

    • Spud McSpud says :

      Did you read the early 90s LOST BOYS sequel screenplay doing the rounds? It was some girl Sam Emerson fell for investigating rumours of more vamp goings-on a few years after the original movie. Much the same stuff, but lots of smart dialogue, and the added fun of Sam being infatuated with a badass vamp-slaying chick who barely notices him until the end of the movie. It was a great read – I’ll post a link if I ever find it again…

  17. Continentalop says :

    Droid is getting closer and closer to Anthropophagus.

  18. ThereWolf says :

    The Lost Boys was okay at the time. I’m not overly keen now – though I haven’t seen it in a good while.

    “Ooooh, you wait till mom finds out, buddy…” is the line I always quote!

    The Coreys win the film, hands down. Right about Patric as well – nothing doing every time he’s on screen here…

  19. Bartleby says :

    Its funny because even in the 80s I remember liking this, but favoring Fright Night, Near Dark over it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: