Moonwolves Presents Drunken Cinema: Number 1- The Pit
Huzzah! Welcome to the first Drunken Cinema.
This is how it works, periodically we will select a film of dubious artistic quality, and get completely and utterly shitfaced while watching it, commenting as we do so. Think MST3K but with less Americans, worse films, and more alcohol.
First up, is the underrated (ha!) Early 80’s classic: The Pit.
I reviewed this absolutely ages ago here (quite spoilery, consider yourselves warned) and really quite enjoyed it. It is a fundamentally terrible film, sure, but it does have a lot of charm, killer teddy bears and an autistic kid.
So, with no further ado, let the boozing commnence.
Film starts at 9PM.
Bring your own liver.
Jarv
*next morning*
Christ I feel ill. Anyway, I’ve got to rate this film now, and in the spirit of good fun, I’ll try to do it honestly.
The Pit is a fundamentally terrible film that is hilarious in its utter wrongness. I originally gave it some Changs (because I did quite enjoy it), whereas on second viewing without weed it is much worse and much crazier. It’s clearly not an Orangutan of Doom candidate, because it’s fucking loopy so it’s time to unveil the new rating for batshit insanity on screen: The Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez of Med Skipping Lunacy!!! To be used for films that are completely insane:
The Ramirez of Insanity!
Gotta love that.
Next time up is the even crazier but vastly more entertaining Lifeforce. I dunno when though.
Werewolves On The Moon
Fuck it.
Knew we should have done Lifeforce.
Epic shite,. And I enjoyed it much less this time, because I’m undrug assisted.
Huzzah! Wow, what’s next? I feel like that was a warm-up.
Thank fuck that’s over. Jarv I hate you.
Yea me too. Wish we had done Prophecy. That one is actually fun while you are watching it.
Sorry Droid,. This one was my suggestion. I was thinking it was less rapey than it actually was
Damn you jonah! Whens the next aussie adventure. I still have to watch last ride.
What’s next?
Feel like I need a bath.
On a brighter note, I’m quite pissed. And still making sense (i hope).
Really should have been called The Pit and the Perv
Are we gonna orang of doom this sucker?
No way.
It’s completely insane.
I think my drug addled first watch overrated it. I’d give it a chang and a batshit loopy Juan Sanchez.
This would get the Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez of Doom for being astronomically shit, but mildly entertaining.
I move for Lifeforce next.
If we’re doing stupid, then nothing is dumber and more awesome than that.
That was far less amsuing on second watch.
Troll 2- I suspect will be worse.
Feel free to tell me to fuck off, but my suggetions for this stufidity are:
Lifeforce
Deadley Prey
Split Second
First Power
Haven’t seen lifeforce, but the rest are awesome.
Lifeforce is naked space vampires.
Awesome.
I can’t believe we lost Frankie to Bring It On.
Well he’s ill.
Something as stupid as this needs commitment.
Can I just say…
pistachio’s are AWESOME!!!
Mrs. Jarv is pissed at me for that.
Shit.I may have to sit through beaches and pretend I care.
hehehehe
Sucker!!!
Enjoy Bette Midler!
Nobody enjoys Bette Middler.
That film is fucking awful
Anyway. Off to get hammered.
I think I might shoot some 13 year old american kids in the head with Call of Duty.
wait, he wasnt hammered while this was happening
you are deeply undererstimating my capacity for booze.
I’m just starting the evening over here, need a good film lineup, the wife is out tonight, and I already watched Hausu…
Lifeforce is a fun movie for sure. And I think it should totally be the next one. Especially if Droid hasn’t seen it.
Jarv, what about Metastorm: The Destruction of Jared Synn? You see that one?
Or, hell, Sword and the Sorcerer…
NAKED SPACE VAMPIRES.
I mean after the naked space vampires, dopey.
Look beyond the bloodsucking jubblies for a moment…
Lifeforce, incidentally, was another movie I saw when I was 7….very confusing. very.
What happened to LB – I thought he was tuning in to this as well?
YEAH! WOOH! AWESOME!
GO TOROS! GO TOROS! GO, GO, GO TOROS!
Hey, what the hell, man. Where did everyone go?
Lifeforce is minty. I’ve got the ‘directorial cut’ on DVD.
There’s a directors cut?
I have to own this.
Honestly, my life won’t be complete until I’ve seen the directors cut of lifeforce.
Not so much a ‘directors cut’ – more just an extended version, by 15 minutes.
I got it on Region1 DVD. Don’t think the extended version is on R2…
Amityville Horror is boring. I can’t watch anymore of that.
Just put a short film a director sent me in the PS3. called worm.
Its this one:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1500273/
Won’t let me play the clips without registering.
Sounds interesting though…
I think you should watch Thundercrack!
If not,
then. I would go for some utter crap- Spit Second (for example) or The Convent are always reliable.
If you want something sleazier- Werewolf in a Women’s Prison.
Or- the sheer fucking awesome testosterone driven stupidity of 80’s War movies.
One man, with a mullet, obviously, takes down an entire army.
Or, for an urban environemnt- The Extertminator.
DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT, WATCH THUNDERCRACK!
Split Second is awesome. But don’t get suckered in by Jarvs shenanigans.
You haven’t seen Thundercrack!
I know! And for good reason! What you described last weekend sounded fucking painful! Say NO to Thundercrack kids!
Jarv, hows Beaches? hehe
It would actually be better than what I am watching- it was Busta Rhymes halloween, but I vetoed that, so now instead I’ve got Saw 4.
This is shit.
Fuck.
I’d rather watch the pit again than this, Koutch- you’re nuts. This is terrible.
Who’s Busta Rhymes? Is that a real person?
Elm St Update
Acquiring Dream Warriors. Coming up on 4 out of 9. Just have to watch em now.
For the record, I had seen Thundercrack (like Conti) prior to your foolhardy antics. I pleaded with you not to watch it, but the power of cack compelled you.
I even tried to dissuade you while watching it. I still remember your haunting words “The guy looks rohynoled and this other bloke is just pounding away at him” or something to that effect.
Random thought… Has anyone sat through that Lohan stripper movie? I think I know who killed me or whatever its called.
Thats gotta be gold, surely.
no, alas..its just awful.
ok, I think Ive got the lineup:
First off, it’s The Leopard Man, per Conti’s (real) suggestion…
then it’s Peeping Tom crica Jarv’s suggestion..
and then, who knows. I got a thing here called ‘Gorehouse Greats’ which has a number of potential ‘gems’ on it.
Im leaning heavily towards watching Nakijima, some asian vampire nonsense.
Right now,Im watching walking dead.
I’ve seen the first ep of WD. Pretty good. What ep you watching?
Watching Saw 4 on tv. Its shit.
Christ. Is this piece of shit representative of the Saw sequels? Because its a load of shit.
I have. It isn’t.
It’s really, really boring.
Walking Dead ep 1. The first one airs here sunday night.
So, I watched saw 3d last night after tron footage, and it was worthless. The biggest wtf was bringing back Cary Elwes from the first movie as a survivor.
First ep of WD is good.
Didn’t Elwes die? My memory of the first saw is hazy, so I could be wrong.
Naw you see him crawling out down the corridor at the end. But I sort of recall them saying that they found him dead in 2 or 3?
3-4 suck, 5-6 make up for it though.
No, he crawls down the corridor, then they say that Amanda killed him in 3.
May I recommend something for Drunk Cinema?
http://tinyurl.com/lvw9g7
Just done the edit for this- rated with the brand new, shiny RAMIREZ OF INSANITY!!!
RAMIREZ OF INSANITY! That’s funny.
I’m about to embark on another stupid mission. Watching all 9 Nightmare on Elm St movies in a weekend. Wish me luck! I’ll need it!
All 9? Inculding the remake?
Ouch.
One down. Eight to go. First ones a great movie.
What the fuck is going on here? Nearly half way through Elm St 2 and Freddy’s been sighted about twice!? Fucking crap about some kids air conditioning and his coach’s S&M fetish. This is fucking shit.