Burt Gummer’s Rec Room January 2011 Archive
A gathering place for firearms enthusiasts, paranoid survivalists and those who worship at the Church of Chang.
Welcome to 2011. Apparently we’re less than 12 months from the Mayan Apocalypse. Best stock up on weapons and other essential survival gear.
Disclaimer: This is the part of the Church that is the most no holds barred. None of it is intended with malice, and although it can on occasion seem a little bit fraught, it is banter rather than venom.
Barfy
kloipy
Echo the Bunnyman
Judge Droid
Jarv
ThereWolf
Xiphos0311
Werewolves On The Moon 
Just finished City Of Angels.
God damn you, Nicolas Cage, you are not making this challenge easy on me at all. You magnificent bastard!
I just read a review for a new british film called ‘Tyrannosaur’. Its directed by Paddy Considine. There was a line in the review:
Which I thought was funny. But what movie you think started the turn for this? Was there something before ‘Nil by Mouth’ doing this sort of thing? Or what?
It’s well established. Goes right back to plays and whatnot. Mike Leigh, Ken Loach, Lynsey Anderson and a whole host of black and white films which are usually excellent deal in misery porn. We like to be miserable.
Check out Loneliness of a long distance runner, or this sporting life. Both yonks before Naked etc, but really heavy misery films. This Sporting Life in particular is almost suicide inducing urban working class misery- see also Saturday Night, Sunday Morning.
Cool. I’ve seen Naked. But I can’t remember shit about it.
Genuinely- Saturday Night, or This Sporting Life are fine examples of British Misery Porn.
More recent ones include things like My Name is Joe or intimacy. Nary a smile to be had.
I guess I was also sort of thinking ‘This is England’ you think that would fall into that category as well?
Not really. These are typically purely Kitchen Sink. This is England doesn’t really fit the pattern
Misery porn is the fucking blight of the UK film industry. I’m authentically working-class, come from a benefit family (Dad had a major work-related accident the year before I was born, and there were zero ambulance-chasing lawyers in our neck of the Midlands in 1971 – Mum was his carer) and still live in a rough-ish area. And you know what? It ISN’T all misery. In fact, most properly broke families round here just get on with it, try to get their jollies where they can, and generally keep on keeping on.
As much as I hate to admit it, the most realistic thing on TV regarding poor people in the UK is probably SHAMELESS.
Sure, it’s over the top, it puts too much negativity on one family then tries to pass them off as a “close” family, but that ain’t it. If you split the problems the Gallaghers have in SHAMELESS over an entire area, you’d get the part of the Midlands I live in. There’s houses of ill repute, there are houses everyone knows to be where you buy your gear, there’s the pubs you know you can buy hot stuff from and there’s the ones you know your family would be safe in. Your level of involvement in the criminal underbelly of the area depends entirely on how much you choose to immerse yourself in it – most of the time, people keep a wary eye on their neighbours and keep themselves to themselves.
But you don’t often see misery on the level Ken Loach creates, or that Gary Oldman brought us in NIL BY MOUTH (though, when you do discover such families in your midst, you avoid them like the fucking plague). You see a lot of benefits-related ingenuity, lots of taxman-dodging, lots of people working hard to keep rooves over their heads, and a lot of kids unfairly demonised by a mainly middle-class media who have no fucking clue what’s going on. Which bringd me to the main reason I hate misery porn – because it’s what the middle classes of this fucking country THINK it’s like to be working class, NOT what it actually IS like. And yes, I have thought about rectifying this by scripting something of my own, but I keep falling into the same cliches I’m slamming here and I really can’t be arsed.
Misery porn is mainly just bad writing, thoughtless prosetylising by people who don’t know nuffink and a lamentable lack of any kind of research whatsoever. Though if SHAMELESS really is based on the family life of the show creator, God help that poor bastard. Thankfully, my life experience is nowhere near as pointless and dumb as THAT.
Jarv – I recommend KES as the ultimate example of British working class misery porn. Fuck that movie is depressing, And, just based on the fact that it spends so long looking at the effects of nuclear war on the working class as well as the ruling class, the misery porn sub-genre that is nuclear war. I bring you THREADS – arguably the most miserable movie ever made.
Threads and kes are brilliant.
Required watching if you’re from Sheffield
Didn’t even think of that, Jarv – but you’re right! A mate of mine here in Derby was originally from Sheffield, said he saw THREADS when he was about 10. Promptly almost pissed himself with fear.
As fucking terrifying as that movie is (I’ve still NEVER got to the ending, which is apocalyptically depressing by all accounts) I’d imagine it’s even worse if you recognise the area it’s set in.
And KES… I got to read the book AND watch the movie for English at school. What the FUCK were they trying to do to us? And the next book/film combo? LORD OF THE FLIES. It’s amazing I haven’t gone postal. Yet…
Drunken Cinema postponement. As we’re out of people aside from me and droid- what say we kick it back either by a week or until a week before payday?
Suggestions?
I can’t do it this week or next week. After that, everything’s up for grabs.
I’m easy. If we put it to the end of February nearer to pay day, like the week before, that may be the idea.
I’m with Frakie D – any time after this week and next week is awesome. Still doing KLOWNS, then SPLIT, then the next etc??
Watching Fringe. She has a fivehead. Also, the memory story is quite interesting. Makes her less irrelevant as well
I don’t get this fivehead business. I understand that people can mistake her for a bad actress early on in the show because the character she’s playing was so flat back then, but her forehead always looked perfectly normal to me.
This is the first time, I’ve agreed. She was standing talking to the guy in the vault’s missus and her hair was pulled back tight. I wonder if she’s botoxed.
She’s still channeling Gillian Anderson badly.
Does a “fivehead” mean she has a big forehead or something?
Yup. It isn’t actually that big. I think she’s Botoxed
Well that fivehead thing doesn’t apply to Anna Torv. Mena Suvari for example has a forehead you could land the space shuttle on. Torv does not.
You need to see Stuck where Suvari has cornrows. It gives her a ninehead
I’ve heard that movie is terrible.
Awful
Truly dreadful
Good Lord, Jarv-that X-men quote sounds like the worst kind of rubbish. They’re Mutant spies?!? Fucking retarded.
I’d vote to move the drunken cinema, as well, we need lots of people for Killer Klowns.
Let’s see this weekend, I actually sort of watched Green Zone, while have bracing conversation with Xiphos about survival movies.
That always ends well-ha ha.
Green Zone-I can almost 1000 percent guarantee Mr Xi would really really hate the shit out of that movie-though it had some decent action sequences in the first third.
It devolves into preachy,nonsensical horseshit very quickly-insufferable paranoid piffle.
Twitter was both very interesting and very stupid all weekend-bloody Sundance schenanigans mostly.
I’ve been elected a hero of twitterverse for calling a moratorium on even talking about a certain director and his new movie.
Finally, http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/01/the-inside-story-of-how-facebook-responded-to-tunisian-hacks/70044/
this article is actually very interesting-it was a country-wide government cyber attack that was literally recording an entire populations log-ins and passwords.
And people say I’m paranoid with detestation of facebook.
Jarv, I’m 99% positive I’ll be posting something tomorrow evening. Just a heads up you prolific bastard.
Dead Space 2 review, Jarv.
http://uk.ps3.ign.com/articles/114/1145331p1.html
That sounds identical to the original. Which is a good thing. It’s revealed at the end of the first one that Isaac has been going nuts
Wow. Something interesting happens at SunDance:
http://www.badassdigest.com/2011/01/24/new-lucky-mckee-movie-premieres-to-bedlam-guy-wants-it-burned
I’ve never read Jack Ketchum, but I ran into him on Twitter.
Point being, other literary types compared him to Rex Miller, who’s an older Horror/Splatterpunk author. Very nasty stuff-sounds like this little flick is one master bugger.
damnit I meant to type nasty bugger. oh well this looks quite funny:
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/piranhaconda-proves-team-sharkopus-is-not-out-of-ideas/
Yeah Jack Ketchum is big in the rape scene you’d probably dig his stuff LB.
Not even funny. not one even a little bit. Why don’t you grow the fuck up?
OK friends, here we go again: AD Lane is 25 minutes away from launching his 85 hour Tweetathon.
You don’t need twitter to watch you can pop in to watch at IndywoodFilms.com.
You can pop in for a couple of minutes to realize what he’s doing.
There has never been anything like this in the history of Indie financing.
I don’t mean to preach, but if you think your week is going to suck-believe me, his is going to be worse.
Anyway, he’s actually a really person-you should check it out.
damn, my typoes this week have gotten really bad.
I meant to say, he’s a really nice person, and it’s very inspiring to see it actually happening.
this is neat- an interview with ex-Marine Jim Beaver from Supernatural. : http://somebodysbasement.com/vids/2360
So you know, the interviewer is Leah Cevoli who was on Deadwood. Further, she’s the gal who won the eye surgery.
Very nice gal!
For Xiphos, in particular-I didn’t know he was USMC…
OK just wanted to say-I’m on one of my posting sprees again-A Lot of stuff is coming out of Sundance, so please be patient and realize I’m only posting about maybe 1 percent of all the crap i hear about here at moonwolves.
So I apologize if it’s annoying-but with the time differential it works out that I end up posting as you guys are headed to work.
Just saying…
No worries Bronco.
Post away- I’ve got nothing today
I like your updates, Bronco.
Today I’ve learned that Piranhaconda is on the way (awesome news), Jim Beaver used to be a Marine, and everyone is upset about Lucky McKee’s new film (meaning I’ll have to watch it at some point just see what the fuss is about) – and I haven’t even started work yet.
You are providing a valuable service, sir.
Lucky McKee is an uber-hack.
Dude makes wretched films.
I liked May, didn’t like The Woods. So he’s 50/50 for me.
The Woman sounds like it’s worth a watch just to see what people are getting so angry about. Any time I hear about people shouting at films or injuring themselves from running away from the film so fast they fall over – that is a film I want to see. Just out of curiosity.
Yes, me too.
However, I didn’t like May and despised The Woods, so he’s 0 from 2 for me.
Thanks guys, it means a lot.
Hope Droid hasn’t gone insane at this point.
Troll Hunter is actually pretty good, but slowly paced.
I would categorize it as similar to CloverField-not a lot of High Quality CGI.
Totally second-hand reporting gents.
There are a few other films/documentaries, quite a few, but I wasn’t taking notes.
OK funny story:
Stuntcock Mikey started/propagated story from Gingertown and it hit every single site shortly after.
Ends up, it was complete horseshit. It’s a fictional actor speaking about Matrix Sequels.
The fucking thing went viral through all the movie websites 2 Days ago.
Today, Redactions were published.
nobody Hates me-I actually retracted the story 12 hours before everybody else did.
It was fucking hilarious-and maybe me and Mikey were both culpable.
Laughs Out Loud !!!
Right.
After much consideration, today’s Post Millennial Horror is…
Dumplings.
I didn’t want to do it, but 2004 was a shit year for film in general and Horror in particular. So, I’ve had to go for something truly fucking minging.
Pah.
PS- I’ve disqualified Saw because Frank did it recently, Shaun of the Dead and Seed of Chucky for being comedies and the rest of them I hate. I nearly did Creep, just so I could be rude about it, but that’s hardly the point of this series.
I did something recently? That doesn’t sound like me at all, I rarely do things. You must have me mixed up with another Frank Marmoset or something.
Groan. Here we go. Nausea about to set in even thinking about it.
I’m 2 for 2 in the disappointment stakes! My next two entries in the Birthday series are childhood favourites, and both I haven’t seen in a long time. Upon rewatching, ones a kids only movie and the others simply not nearly as good as I remember. I’M RAPING MY OWN CHILDHOOD!
Last night I seen City Of Angels, which turned out to be just as sappy and boring as I expected. It’s also a perfect example of Hollywood taking something they don’t quite understand and making their own insipid plastic version of it. Terrible film.
The only entertainment I got from it was spotting a younger and slimmer Ron Fucking Swanson in a bit part.
So, not the best experience, but I am now down to only eight remaining Nicolas Cage films. Soon, the quest will be complete. Soon, I will have seen them all. Soon, I will stand atop a mountain, shake my fist triumphantly at the heavens, and bellow for all the Gods to hear: ‘WHO AMONG YOU CAN STOP ME NOW!’ Or something like that.
Have you seen Season of the Witch?
Nope. Damn, I suppose that puts me back up to 9 films again.
Plus Drive Angry is out soon, which will bump me up to 10 films needed to complete the 100% Cage quest. I will never finish this challenge if he doesn’t stop cranking out films at such an insane rate.
At least you can take some consolation in the fact that Drive Angry will be AWESOME.
Okay, the new hit list – revised to include Season Of The Witch and the potentially awesome Drive Angry – is as follows:
Drive Angry
Season Of The Witch
The Ant Bully
Sonny
Christmas Carol: The Movie
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
Deadfall
Amos & Andrew
Racing With The Moon
Valley Girl
That’s 10 films left. 10 films. It was 9 films yesterday, then I watched City Of Angels, and now it’s 10 films. Because that, sirs, is how hard the 100% Cage Challenge is. But I will defeat it despite its mathematical trickery. I MUST DEFEAT IT!
Christ, he’s got another two films coming out this year on top of Season Of The Witch and Drive Angry. And another three slated for next year.
He must owe the tax man a fortune.
I can’t figure out how he owes anyone anything. It’s not like Wesley Snipes who simply stopped paying tax because he ran out of gigs. Cage makes at least 2 films a year every year. Surely he’d get at least a couple of mil each film.
But therein lies the many mysteries of the Hairpiece.
Those rugs are expensive. Clearly.
I don’t think its the individual roadkill thats expensive. It’s the sheer volume in which he orders them. I imagine much of his expenses goes to the Indiana Jones style warehouse full of crate upon crate of fresh hairpieces.
Yeah, I saw it. It’s got some okay shots in it, the rope bridge sequence is the best action sequence, Claire Foy steals the show as a sexy-possible-witch (I’m spoiling NUFFINK!) and Ron Perlman and Cage make a good pairing. The main twat from MISFITS is horribly annoying as the wannbe-knight who tags along, and fuck knows what accent Stephen Graham was going for as a dodgy guide.
Spectacular anachronisms, horrible dialogue, no insanity from Cage, and shitty CGI beasts. Yep, SEASON OF THE WITCH is a clunker – and not a so-bad-it’s-good clunker. It’s more so-bad-it’s-meh.
And yes, Frank, CITY OF ANGELS is a great concept (with some beautiful visuals – the angels receiving their daily orders fom the sunrise on the beach, for example) absolutely fucked over by banal direction and a muddled, confused script, and the requisite Hollywood weepie ending. The song “Iris” just about redeems it, though. Amazing track.
I saw City of Angels at the cinema way back in whenever it came out. Bored me shitless, and then I hated the horseshit ending where he becomes human and she immediately dies, but they cherish those few fleeting moments together. My god that movie fucking sucks. I’ve had the orignal movie at home for yonks. Never got around to watching it though. I wanted to shoot those Iris cunts after the 6 millionth time I was subjected to that song. The most overplayed song since the Brian Adams Robin Hood song.
I will watch Season of the Witch when it is made available on the internets accompanied by mucho beer. Maybe that will help.
I just had a quick read of Wikipedia and it seems like he’s as nutty and over the top with money as he is with his acting. This is a quote from his business manager:
This is my favourite part, though:
A quarter of a million dollars for a dinosaur skull! That’s when you know you’re living the high life.
I think they ripped that off on Entourage. A coked up Vincent Chase bought insanely expensive dinosaur bones, which got immediately smashed in a scuffle.
Right-
It’s done. I saw that you’re putting something up tonight, Droid, so I’ve done Dumplings as the PMT and pushed it out this morning.
Yuck, yuck, yuck. A fucking vile film.
Alright Cunts:
Here’s a fucking movie:
Disco Exorcist:
http://www.horror-movies.ca/horror_19881.html
It was a gal. Bloody hell!
Fuck my job. Fuck this place.
“Can you just put together a media dissemination document, oh but we didn’t give you any warning, so can you have it done by 12.30 for a meeting and then polished for 3”
Oh,
“Thanks for your initial ideas, but I actually really want to go with my idea regardless of how bad, inappropriate and downright embarrassing it is. We value your opinion, so keep trying”
And
“Sorry you haven’t been able to get Key Messaging meetings, however, if you can just pen the whole prospectus and present it on Tuesday that will be great. Don’t worry about guesswork etc.”
Not forgetting
“Thank you for doing the bit of the website that fits the pupil’s personalities. However, although it took a shit load of effort and some good photoshop work I have now decided that the photographs are too scruffy and the stick up my arse is determined to drain any sense of fun out of the only bit of the site that doesn’t look like a bank. Can you go and take more photographs but make sure they look proper”.
Fuck this. I feel like I’m trapped in some hideous cross between Brazil and Office Space.
Did you get the memo?
Apparently not. Apparently, as well, I didn’t get the one saying that My Budget had to be spent on what they want although I have to answer for it to head office and I am now fucking miles over.
The same memo that said “interview designers, but we’ve already decided to go with the most ludicrously overpriced ones around”.
The same memo that said “please make sure you’re the only marketing person on the planet that starts work at 8AM, oh and we expect you to work late and 2 out of every 4 weekends”
I was actually talking about the memo about the TPS reports. It’s just we’re putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports before they go out now. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that’d be great.
But seriously, work bureaucracy is for the birds. I deal with this shit every fucking day. Twice the BAU as well as getting lumped with massively time consuming “urgent” projects. It’s a wonder I’m as well adjusted as I am.
I can’t bring myself to go through with this fundamentally terrible idea my boss has had. It’s humiliating, shameful, damaging in the long run, and worst of all I don’t think it will work.
On the other hand, my idea is Cost Effective (almost free) won’t take that long to do, and appeals to our target market. But clearly a glorified accountant that previously business managed a cinema is going to have better ideas than someone who cut his teeth in one of the most cynical markets out there.
I don’t know why the word “manager” is in my job title. It should clearly be “bitch”.
On a more cheery note, I was sitting in the meeting and there was a four foot long sword (probably a prop for something) sitting in the corner.
I was having Highlander fantasies about beheading them all and screaming THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE to the empty room.
I’m in a right funk.
May have to go to the pub at 5.
Are you OK with postponing Drunken Cinema for a while as we’re out of people and it’ll just be me and you otherwise?
Also sending you an email at some point.
I’ve got no prob with postponing DC.
I’m trying to lay off the booze in the midweek, but this fucking job is driving me up the wall and it’s almost MORE necessary to drink midweek than it is on the weekend.
Cool.
Spud, wolf and the monkey have commitments this weekend and next weekend. So perhaps for The Weekend of 11th of Feb?
Sorry to hear about your work woes.
Here, for cheering up purposes, is a picture of a monkey riding a parrot. Or, judging by the psychotic look on its face, a picture of a monkey trying to rip a parrot’s throat out following an intense binge drinking session during which he watched Road House six times back to back and decided he wanted to be more like Patrick Swayze.
I would do that thing where the picture shows up here but I don’t know how to do that.
I am “forbidden” to click on the monkey rides parrot pic.
Clearly it’s a rallying cry for all workers against cuntish work bureaucracy, and there’s a conspiracy to hide it from said workers.
I too am “forbidden” from the inflammatory image that would surely, if one were to lay eyes on it, lead to an employee revolution in which we throw down our mice and storm the corner offices laying siege to upper management.
A-ha!
That would also explain why I no longer have access to #2 pencils!
The world is on the edge of revolt, only to be rejected by IT monkey fuckheads!
I am much preferring the second book of the Temeraire series. My issue in the first book of secondary characters not being fleshed out is slowly being realized a bit in this one. Plus she can focus on moving the story along now after the introductions have been made.
I’m enjoying it so far. It’s easy readability is good because I can get in a quick 10-15 pages on the way to work. They’re at the training ground and he keeps mistaking females for males. Which is understandable as a navy man.
There’s still a bit more of that issue in the second book too, though not with Laurence but some other navy men.
And you’re right, I’m able to read a chapter here and there in-between doing other things, which is nice.
Last night though I decided to read most of the second book, since I’m much more interested in what happens with this one than the first.
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS….and the winner is…….. Hereafter!!!!!!
BAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
At least How to Train Your Dragon got a score nom and The Way Back got a best makeup nom it’ll lose to Rick Baker.
The two most overrated films of the year have got a lot of nominations. The Fighter and TSN. Neither Fincher nor Russell deserve a best director nom. Danny Boyle, Peter Weir, Ben Affleck, David Michod, Jacques Audiard. Any of those were better than the Cohens, Fincher, Russell, and Hooper. Aronofsky is the only deserved nom.
Well The Fighter is at least American, very American.
Umm what about The Kings Speech getting a directing nom. As Richard Roeper tweeted:
I mean Kings Speech got the most noms.
Bahahahah Aronofsky is the only deserved nom? Bahahahahahahah sure sure. I mean I agree with you about the ones left off, but he deserves to be lumped in with the rest of those guys.
Yes, we’re all well aware of your opinion Koutch. But what you fail to see is that your opinion is not shared by everyone else. Nearly no one else in fact.
Naw a lot of people see that fact, just not here.
Seriously how did you not laugh when they did that jump cut to her mum lumped over in a chair next to her bed as she’s rubbing one out? Even my wife laughed at that. Seriously, like I’m honestly surprised Droid that you like it so much. I figured you’d probably call it out as well. Seems like your more interested in hating on The Fighter.
I mean I haven’t really heard your opinion on Swan beyond ‘ITS GREAT!’ and ‘YOUR WRONG KOUTCH!’ What about it effected you so deeply? Do you really dig crazy chicks?
And I know I sound coy saying that. But I honestly want to hear your opinion about the film.
Christ, you’re monotonous. I don’t care if you don’t like the movie. I’ve stated my opinion that The Fighter is overrated about three times. You crap on and on about Black Swan every day. You’re a one track record. If it’s not “too many shots of the back of her head”, its “not enough feet”. Or now its “jump cut to mum” thats getting you riled up. You’re boring when all you do is crap on and on and on about Black Swan, Koutch. Get over it. You hate that film 6 months before you saw it. It’s time to move on.
Well way to be a dick, but I really want to here your opinions on the film. I don’t know how to state that any clearer.
also thats the first time I’ve brought up the biggest laugh of 2010 with that jump cut SCARE scene. Don’t know how thats being monotonous, when I bring up a new subject on the matter.
Also we are talking the Academy Awards that just got posted today? I’ve seriously only brought up this film like 10 times. Its not that bad. Maybe you are just having a tough time pretending its really good?
Good to see Jackie Weaver get a nom for supporting actress. But she’ll get (undeservedly) beaten by Melissa Leo. Why on earth is Amy Adams nominated? Because she’s not playing a ditz for once? Theres absolutely nothing special about that performance.
James Franco in a landslide against those other nominations. Fucking Jesse Eisenberg? Christ.
Naw Firth will take Best Actor.
Not if I had my way.
And out of the supporting actors it’s Rush all the way. But I wouldn’t put it past Ruffalo getting it. I base that on nothing but I sense something a bit unexpected from that group and I don’t think Bale will get it.
Fincher shouldn’t have been nominated for Button either.
His next film is that Girl with the Dragon Tattoo remake the the world wasn’t crying out for as well. He’s getting worse by the film.
All in all that’s a fucking insipid list of Nominees. Predictable doesn’t cover it.
Hopefully Franco wins and more importantly Jacki Weaver. Not a chance though.
Hahah fucking ebert tweeted something like:
‘I can’t believe The Illusionist beat out Tangled for a best animated feature nom.’
That was like the most predictable 3 noms of all time in that category. God he’s fucking useless now.
The news that no one can see the picture of the joyriding and/or murderous monkey is very disappointing. Here I am, trying to do something nice for those poor unfortunates under the boot heel of their jobs and the internet denies me.
Damn you, internet! You and I will come to blows one of these days!
I saw it frank. It was mint.
My fingers are crossed that Exit Through The Gift Shop wins best documentary. This is partly because I don’t think anyone from Bristol has ever won an Oscar before (Aardman Animation are based here but Nick Park is not Bristolian by birth so he doesn’t count. Also, Cary Grant never won an Oscar) but also because I’m interested to see who Banksy sends to collect his Oscar for him.
I would also like to see Jeff Bridges win best actor two years running. Just because, that’s why.
That is the limit of my interest in the Oscars.
Yeah I’d be cool with Jeff winning, should’ve been nominated for Tron though. That movie is his baby. I’d be cool with Exit wining as well. Though that brings the notion that now documentary’s can possible be fiction based films, or staged are whatever. Not just fact based films.
That goes well beyond my interest, which is to say, zilch.
I seriously can’t get past the fact that ‘Hereafter’ got a best visual effects nom, while 2012 and The Day After Tomorrow didn’t. Thats fucking funny.
2012 and Day After Tomorrow weren’t that great. I was glad neither of them got a nod.
Yeah but 2010 and Day After Tomorrow, like them or not revolutionized the flooding visual effect. Its ground breaking work in both films. The fucking flooding effect in Hereafter looks like it was done on Aftereffect’s at my buddys house.
WHY Emmerich feels the need to revolutionize the flooding effect over and over again? I DON’T KNOW? But someone had to fucking do it.
Seems like quite a few of you guys liked Animal Kingdom. I’ll have to check that one out, although the idea that something good came from Australia that does not appear to involve Nick Cave in any way is very confusing to me.
It’s got Guy Pearce in it, though. I like that guy.
It’s gritty. My biggest complaint with it was the main dude, however the family of scumbags were great and Weaver in particular was scary.
You meant the kid? He was a first time actor. I was a bit unsure about him at first, but I got used to his performance being subdued compared to the more manic and “showy” performances. I think it helped keep him apart from the family. He doesn’t fit in.
I like gritty crime stuff as long as there are no subtitles and the film is not from some weird, made-up-sounding place like Bra-Zil or France. He he. Bra.
I’m definitely going to give this Animal Kingdom a try.
Well, this may be a year of firsts. Something good coming out of Australia and Bristol. Who woulda thunk it?
And how bout we give it up some more for Aussies Noyce and Wier with thier movies EACH getting one nom!!!
Seriously can’t believe this shit about The facebook film score getting a nom and probably a win. FUCK hopefully Dragons can come through in that department.
I still think Weir is the greatest living director never to have won a best director oscar. He is certainly the most deserving.
Yeah. Its between him and Alan Parker. Hopefully Wier never works with Kevin Spacey aka the Career killer. Wait fuck has Weir already worked with Spacey….
No doesn’t look like it, hopefully he knows to stay away.
FUCK my wife is asking me now if Kings Speech is showing in theaters or on DVD yet. Looks like we won’t be seeing The Rite this weekend.
Ohh wait, 127 Hours expanding I can distract her with that!
Echo….nothing against The Kings Speech, but I’d rather not and say I did.
The Kings Speech is a rental. See 127 Hours on the big screen.
Yeah I figured. Its really fucking odd though, like my wife is not a Boyle fan.
EVERYTHING about Slumdog says she would’ve liked it.
She likes that sort of ‘real life fairy tale’ stuff. She enjoys the non ultra violent/nudie foreign films. She even likes the nitche idea of bollywood stuff. But for the life of me she FUCKING HATED Slum Dog. And every time I’ve tried to get her to watch any other Boyle film she doesn’t care to.
BUT! She likes Franco. So maybe he can turn her around.
It was funny because she complained Slumdog was too stupid and was annoyed that the girl only came to the guy once he got the money.
BUT for the life of my my mom fucking LOVED Slum Dog, and she went in thinking she would fucking hate it. We were visiting her for christmas and it was the only movie showing I wanted to see (well except Valkyrie) and my mom thought I was dragging her to see some stupid film she’d never heard of that has subtitles (which she hates). And afterward my mom was smiling like an idiot enjoying the dance scene at the end, and my wife just looked pissed.
127 Hours is miles better than Slumdog, a film I don’t really rate. That cricket question was a joke.
Yeah even I think I knew the Cricket question.
No the bigger joke of the movie was that Bollywood star question, because it was one of the higher ones. Maybe if it was the first question. Also the final question being about The Three Musketeers isn’t that hard. All the questions were like pop culture references. But the questions weren’t really the point. I mean how where they going to show that he knew what the biggest mountain rage that ran through the Kingdom of Prussia was?
That question was scandalously badly thought out. As if a fucking indian wouldn’t know that.
And I think it was the second last one. If it was the second one it wouldn’t matter.
What was funny though is before the movie I kept hearing from Boyle and other people on the film about HOW HARD Indian Millionaire was. That it’s much tougher than in the states. So when I saw the film I couldn’t help but think ‘FUCK! I would destroy Indian Millionaire’.
Q1-Who was the star in the 1973 hit film Zanjeer?
Q2-A picture of 3 lions is seen in the national emblem.What is written underneath it?
Q3-In depictions of God Rama,he is famously holding what in his right hand?
Q4-The song “Darshan Do Ghanshyam” was written by which famous Indian Poet?
Q5-On an American one hundred dollar bill there is a portrait of which American statesman?
Q6-Who invented the revolver?
Q7-Cambridge Circus is in which country?
Q8-Which cricketer has scored the most first class centuries in history?
Q9-
Q10-In Alexander Dumas book “The Three Musketeers” two of the musketeers are called Athos and Porthos.What was the name of the third musketeer?
Ohhh ok the Bachchan question was the first one, thats not that bad.
Oh yeah Droid A Prophet was last year. It got nominated for best non-english speaking film.
Fuck ME!
“Which cricketer has scored the most first class centuries in history?”
I know that without the options, but as I remember the options were fucking ridiculous, and what made it so bad. It would have been fine if he’d been asked afterwards by the cops and said “cheated? With that question? I’m fucking Indian you know?”
I think it was Don Bradman, Ricky Ponting, Sachin Tendulkar and Jack Hobbs.
And it didn’t win?
No it lost out to that Law and Order movie. ‘The Secret in Their Eyes’. WHICH was directed by a guy thats directed a bunch of Law and Order episodes!
I’ve heard its good, never seen it been meaning to. But its a procedural film. Ehhh probably a sign of things to come, TV in movie form wins best foreign film over a classic. SOOO just like always America is behind the times and this year a TV in movie form will beat a classic (Facebook film over Inception).
Going back to oscars, everyones favourite subject. THe other performance that should’ve been recognised is the girl from True Grit.
Amy Adams? Seriously?
Also, Nolan should feel slighted.
That girl did get a nom.
Oh, so she did. I stand corrected. But seriously, AMY FUCKING ADAMS? Were the coalition of bloodnuts threatening to protest the red carpet, therefore creating a gharish colour clash?
I mean I do agree with you about Leo and Amy Adams, they were fine they worked. Maybe it should be best ensemble cast. I’d say Marky Mark was better than Adams and Leo because he did something we haven’t seen him do. I honestly think Jackie Chan got snubbed with no Karate Kid nom. I mean Jackie will probably never make a movie like that again and if we can give Bollock the award for Blind Side then why not Chan for Karate Kid. He’s really good in it and makes the movie. I mean I get it would sort of be an honor thing? Ehhh hopefully they’ll at least give him a lifetime achievement thing, the dudes nearly lost his life a million times all in the name of entertaining us that more then I can say for most Lifetime Achievers.
But are you on the MILA GOT SNUBBED CATEGORY!
And are you going to give me your ‘Deep Thoughts’ about Swan or just hide behind its over saturated praise?
Leo was fine. But she played a repugnant character. Adams character could’ve been any nobody and had the same impact. And you can guarantee there’d be no chance of a nomination if it wasn’t Adams.
Don’t really care about Kunis. Doesn’t bother me. She was good, but not in the same class as Weaver, or even True Grit girl.
Can’t comment on Chan or Karate Kid because I haven’t seen it. I do like Chan though. Mostly because it’s humanly impossible to dislike him.
I was just talking about this with my Renner nom theory. He was fine in ‘The Town’ but nothing great. But my theory is if the first movie you are in that gets NOTICE gets you an Oscar nom and you are some reletively unknown. Then you follow it up with a pretty highly praised movie (not just some cashing in junk) then you will get noms for life.
Sure Renner has been around for a while (dudes fucking 40) but the first film that ever made his name worth knowing was The Hurt Locker, he got a nom. He followed that up with (well the TV show the Unusuals but only I watched that, it was fun) The Town. The Town was a highly priased movie, so he get a nom.
Amy Adams got notice for her work in Junebug (not her first movie) and got a nom she followed it up with some well praised stuff. Sure she was in some silly films like Talladega nights, but that movie was well reviewed and liked. Small cameo roles don’t count (Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny).
But its like if the first film you get real notice in get you a nom and you stay away from junkie films you’ll keep getting noms for anything you do that dramatic. I bet if Encanted had been terrible and flopped she wouldn’t have gotten a nom for Doubt.
There are other cases of it that I can’t think of at the moment. To a lesser exten Helen Mirren, but she’s been racking up awards for forever. She’s just had a resurgence since The Queen. I’d say it’s more so in actresses because most actresses have 0 staying power, they’ll get a nom then make a bunch of junk and can never be taken seriously again. Surprised Kidman was able to bring it back.
Kidman not fading into obscurity after winning her Oscar is my nightmare realised. Loads of other actresses do it! Why can’t she just fuck off?
And Renner was good, but not nom worthy.
Yeah see what I’m saying.
She’s waiting until she can do a clean sweep of all the awards for her critically (and Droidally) praised turn as that Welsh Bird that’s currently Aussie PM.
The only turn that will ever be praised Droidally is the death bed recanting of sins turn in which she apologises for spending years infecting the public consciousness in women mags and on 60 Minutes. The particular part I’ll be praising is when they turn the life support off.
Isn’t the Aussie PM ginger as well as being Welsh. This is a part made for Kidman.
The problem is Kidman now speaks with a faux international accent (as does Kylie Minogue) and she’d never appear in a movie with a full on Aussie bogan accent, which the PM has. Her character in Australia wasn’t even Australian. For some completely useless reason she was from England.
It’s fine. She can start out with a Welsh accent and then gradually go into Bogan territory. It’ll be the greatest performance since Sandra Bullock’s heart rending portrayal of autism in All About Steve.
Nicole Kidman in a film about a Welsh red head with a bogan aussie accent? Christ, I’d rather go on a date with Sandy Bollocks character from All About Steve where I take her for dinner at a chinese restaurant then a movie at the arthouse cinema to see some highly regarded asian film called Dumplings.
You guys bitching about Academy Award nominations? That is the definition of futility.
I don’t expect the Academy Awards to nominate the best films, just like I don’t expect us here at the CoC to always give the Golden Chang to the most deserving. Some people you just instantly associate with Oscar and will get a leg up on nominations – just like Don Murphy will always be front runner for asshole of the year.
Nope.
I’m discussing Tara Reid’s tit job on the AITD 2 thread.
Fuck the Oscars. Seriously almost nothing makes me less want to watch a film than “Academy Award Winning”. Particularly if it’s followed by “Best Actress”. This is usually a guarantee that I’ll hate the film.
USE IT!
Koutch, was Save the Green Planet 2005?
Shit.
2003.
Damn it.
I’m picking King’s Speech to win it. Who is the biggest voting block in the Academy? Actors. And the majority of the Academy is older people.
So what movie will cater to the most voters? How about a historical drama that takes place during WWII and involves characters that learn the power of how to say words.
Start engraving King’s Speech on the Oscar right now.
No its not that at all Conti.
Weinsteins FOR THE WIN!!! THEY ARE BACK BABY! DON’T EVER COUNT A RICH JEW OUT!
Thereby guaranteeing that I will never see it.
Christmas 2011 DVD FTW!!!!
Why wait until Christmas? I’m sure it would make an excellent birthday present.
Excellent idea! It’ll be a very happy birthday for jarv this year!
Oh yeah saw The Fighting Owl’s movie last night. It was fun. Looks amazing. Its very Bluth in nature, they just go right into the story not a whole hell of a lot of set up for this crazy world your in.
The only thing I didn’t like about it was that use of fucking Owl City in a montage scene. God fucking awful. I hope Droid earmuffed himself during it because I know how sensitive he is. FUCK I wish I did, if there is one band that makes Droid’s lifestyle choices seem to make sense it’s Owl City. I’ve managed to not hear a complete song of there’s until last night.
Not only was the song bad but its also so fucking forced in there. I wonder how they chose a song by the popular at the moment band called OWL city for a movie about fucking OWL’s, genius! Imagine that fucking production meeting.
They should’ve kept with the medevil sounding score they had going over the training/learning montage instead.
Are you still straining your dim bulb to squeeze out enough juice for an insult?
???? What’s insulting about the truth?
AND WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR BLACK SWAN REVIEW! OR if you’ve already posted something about it, tell me if you have. Don’t be another number, show your pride about that film.
Just post it, I won’t even say anything about it. I just am trying to understand how it touched you so deeply.
Owl City blow
That is all apart from
Fuck you. Cunt
Also…did anyone see ‘The Kids Are All Right’? I know Echo did.
I like the kid cast of that film. And Being and Moore I like. I just don’t like Ruffalo. He’s slowly winning me over though. I like that he’s the world’s laziest actor.
Is anyone really surprised that ‘the illusionist’ got a best animated film nom? Over say ‘Despicable Me’ or ‘Shrek 4’? I think its par for the course in terms of Oscar nominated films, because they always like to include some small ass animated film no ones heard off, add in the fact that that director has already been nominated once before (albeit a much weaker year, there were only 5 animated films in 2003 Nemo/Brother Bear/Triplets (all nominated) and Sinbad and Rugrats 3: Die Hard With A Vengance, which both were flops so they are automatically seen as bad (Sinbad was pretty good though)).
My response to the Academy Awards? Meh. Pretty much the same as every year. I think allowing ten nominees for best picture lessens some of the interest and intensity (what little existed). Since Oscars won seem to matter less than nominations garnered (when it comes to getting other works greenlit or finding credentials for a poster or pitch) this expansion of the column helps more films get that little badge of honor. We can, for instance, now say Inception has been nominated for a best picture. If this ten entry approach had existed in 2008, TDK would have grabbed a nom. So, yea, there are movies there not as worthy, but the big one is a film that’s one of the frontrunners: The Social Network. I have zero interest in seeing this one win anything. Other than that, the nice thing is it will give some people stuff to root for.
Interestingly, on my first year as a legit critic, I picked as best picture the same film the Academy nominated for most Oscars. Guess I’ve sold out and become pompous self-important film critic. Money better follow.
My suspected reasoning is that it has to do with screeners. Never got full-fledged screeners until I was critic and now have the opportunity to fast-forward, pause, repeat scenes and sequences. A movie like TKS actually benefits from that. Incidentally, so does Black Swan. Most voters also receive screeners as method of viewing movies. So, it’s not always best movie getting nominated as much as ‘what movie best plays in the comfort of your own home’.
I actually agree with Droid’s assessment that 127 Hours is better on the big screen than AKS.
Several of them are really good movies though, and none of them I hated, although I express a ‘meh’ with The Kids Are Alright.
I think I’d most like to see Black Swan win to be honest.
HARVEY GOT TO ECHO AS WELL!
You’d want Swan to win over Inception? Now your having a laugh.
The thing with the Oscars these past couple of years, in this media saturated world we live in these days. WE HEAR ABOUT EVERY GOD DAMN WORTHLESS AWARD SHOW AROUND. So its no big surprise when the Oscars come around.
Like I’ve said before, Christoph Waltz/Ledger/Jeffrey Dean Morgan winning 30 awards isn’t fun.
But I think the addition of True Grit (which I think will be for moot in the end) due to its late release date adds in a little fun for the Oscars.
But seeing The Kings Speech come in with the most awards I’m feeling a Shaspearean style of upset. Never count the Weinstiens out.
All I can hope for is that Swan rightfully gets shut out (then hopefully Jarv can enjoy it with a nice bowl of pot noodle).
GOD I HOPE WARREN BEATTY is still as important and powerful as I think he is.
Look at this fucking cast:
Elliott Gould Terrence Howard Nicky Katt Alanna Ubach Keith David Lukas Haas David Arquette John c McGinley
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116714/combined
Uwe boll cast. Awesome
Let it be known from this moment forth I am watching a terrible actress pretend to play the piano in…
STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI!!!!
Where’s Chris Klein!?!?!?
NASH OUT FTW!!!
There he is! It’s Charlie Nash! “I love this job!” hehe
That nefarious evil mastermind Bisons scheme for Bangkok domination is a Lex Luthor style property scam?
HA! Nash is macking on the cop. “That had to be done.” hehe Fuck Klein is classic in this movie.
Upon rewatching Street Fighter, I can officially say that every second that Chris Klein is onscreen is AWESOME and every second he’s not is NOT AWESOME.
News for the morning.
Got hammered due to work related hatred last night.
Feel ill.
England are going to lose the ODI, and have stupid amounts of injuries, but really what the fuck was the point of picking 7 Batsmen? Unless they don’t give a toss and are trying to work out places for the WC. Which I wouldn’t be surprised at.
Have to go and take pictures of truculent teenagers in a minute, and don’t want to.
Boss still a dick.
Music taste has gone awry. Walked into work listening to Faithless “To all new arrivals” and despite the fact that I know that it isn’t good, I now believe it to be great. And that includes a special guest appearance by
dildoDido.Also on this note, got that stupid pocket full of sunshine song on Easy A stuck in my head.
Okay, I gave that Animal Kingdom a try last night. Maybe it went over my head or I was in the wrong mood for that kind of film, but I didn’t enjoy it all that much. Not that it’s bad, just sort of forgettable and a little dull. And it didn’t help that the main character was such a complete non-entity.
I agree that Jacki Weaver was very good, and it gets bonus points for some first class mustache work by Guy Pearce, but otherwise it left me pretty cold.
What is it you guys like about the film?*
*Please note this is a sincere enquiry from someone who may have missed the point of the film, not a childish and asinine attempt to goad any of you into a pointless squabble. Thanks.
Australia are making a right hash of this run chase. Trott hit a ton and now has 2 wickets. Still wouldn’t have him anywhere near the one day side. He gets the batsman at the other end out, because they don’t believe he can score quickly enough so hit out.
Mind you, England gifted Smith (who’s still shit) 3 wickets as well.
No, it’s not over yet. We’ve got some bloke named John Hastings in. He’s the “x factor”. As in, I have no idea who the fuck he is.
He really is the x factor. Shit.
This has been the weirdest game ever.
Reading the obo, it’s just been utter shit for every dismissal on both sides.
Strange.
Harvey Cuntstein is re-editing The Kings Speech so he can release it as PG-13, and therefore make more money. The fact that it’s R because of a few swear words is pretty crap I will admit, but the two main scenes where he swears helps humanize him and it would be to the films substantial detrement to lose them.
Happy Australia Day everyone!
Well, since respectful requests appear to be useless, I’ll have to try a different approach, one that is a more time-honoured method of provoking a response on this here internet.
I therefore submit that Australia is for homosexuals, which is to say men who enjoy penis. In Australia – especially on Australia Day – it is commonplace for men to insert the penis of another man into any available orifice such as the mouth, the anus, the armpit, and so on. Droid himself probably has various penises about his person as I type this inflammatory post.
Furthermore, the only good thing to ever come out of Australia is Nick Cave, and he’s lived in Brighton for years so I’m pretty sure he doesn’t count as Australian anymore and is more than likely deeply ashamed of his grubby origins.
In conclusion, Animal Kingdom is a film made entirely by and for gaylords – unless someone can adequately tel me otherwise!
Don’t knock armpit sex until you try it.
Also, Kylie Minogue is unattractive.
And nicely, we’ve helped you celebrate it by beating you in the one dayer.
Right- someone, say an office dodging west country simian needs to watch this and tell me what it’s like:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0496328/
It sounds mint.
I’ve actually been tempted to watch that one because Guinevere Turner is in it, and she’s surprisingly foxy for a lesbian film maker.
My one reservation is it seems to be a proper film about proper lesbians, which might not be my thing. Generally, I prefer films about very attractive, straight European women who are pretending to be lesbians for pornographic purposes.
Oh god, is it?
Well, strike that then. I don’t want to be lectured by militant clam-bashers. I much prefer Frank’s interpretation of Sapphic drama
I was trying to figure out where I knew the name Guinevere Turner from. A look at Wiki tells me it’s American Psycho.
Yep, she’s worked with Mary Harron a couple of times. She also wrote The Notorious Betty Page, which I quite liked, and not just for the copious Gretchen Mol nudity.
I haven’t seen TNBP but you’ve aroused my interest.
Here’s a quote from a comment on imdb about Itty Bitty etc:
Which sounds terrible except for that last part.
I don’t know, man, I am sort of tempted. I’ve never really seen a film about proper lesbians, maybe this could be something new for me to get into. Especially if they throw in a little sauciness here and there to offset all the angry stuff.
Frank,
Regarding your question about Animal Kingdom. I liked it personally for the writing and for the performances, particularly Weaver but not limited to her. However, I don’t think I was as high on it as most here either.
I give the film a strong rating–3 out of 4– but I think there’s a point where it becomes more about admiration than enjoyment. The characters, particularly the main character, get a bit cold and the lack of having any real empathy in the later sections made it feel kind of mechanical for lack of a better word.
In the end, it felt more like a B-movie crime thriller to me.
http://popcultureninja.com/2010/09/03/animal-kingdom-review/
Aha! My faith in reasonable discussion is restored!
Thanks, Bartleby. I just read your review and I pretty much agree, although it would probably be a 2 out of 4 for me. You mentioned the film being a little detached and emotionally distant, and I think that’s the main problem I had with it. The story never grabbed me like I hoped it would, and it all played out in a very matter-of-fact, uninvolving way. Consequently, there were times when it seemed like it was trying to be suspenseful but I didn’t really care because I was never invested in what happened to any of the characters.
It’s a well made film, though. I would definitely watch whatever the director did next.
In other news I saw Statham’s Mechanic and actually enjoyed it. It’s a pretty workmanlike revenge film but good stuff from Statham, Foster and Goldwyn. It actually delivers what it’s selling. Good Don Sutherland cameo too. It’s not awesome, but for a winter action pic, it’s worth seeing.
The best thing Simon West had directed but I dont know as that says much.
I think my fave line is from Goldwyn to Statham was something along the lines of ‘Im gonna put a price on your head so big that when you look in the mirror your reflection is gonna want to shoot you in the face.’
Review coming Friday.
That’s good news. I like me some Statham action, but that guy tends to disappoint far more often than he delivers. Good to hear The Mechanic is at least fun.
And Simon West will never top his masterpiece, Con Air, which is one of the most magnificently dumb films ever made.
To put in perspective, here’s my feelings on Statham movies;
Transporter 1–amusing.
Transporters 2 and 3–meh.
Name of the King–hilariously awful.
Crank and Crank 2–STFU. These damn things are terrible. Scott Pilgrim but for pussies.
Bank Job–good.
Expendables–wasnt a huge fan but he was prolly best performer in the group minus Rourke’s cameo.
Death Race–idiotic but I was somehow entertained by it. Not much mind you, but enough not to turn the channel or turn off the dvd.
Transporter 1–amusing.
Transporters 2 and 3–crap, particularly 3.
Name of the King–hilariously awful.
Crank and Crank 2–STFU. Crank 1 is fucking awful. Refuse to watch Crank 2
Bank Job–Not Seen.
Expendables–NOt Seen
Death Race–Paul Anderson shit of the rankest sort- once again taking a property and stripping everything out of it that made the property unique. Woeful, hideous shit. FRANKENSTEIN FTW!!!
I completely forgot about Frank’s reasonable request due to being sidelined by lesbian chat.
However, I don’t agree with all of Jonah’s review although I do agree with the rating. It’s a 3 star film. What I really don’t agree with was this:
I think he was by far the weak link in that film- unlikable and lacking presence. When he killed Pope at the end, which Pope richly had coming and signed himself to a life of being the next generation of criminal in the family- arguably the head- it was about the only time in the film I thought he did anything resembling acting.
It also didn’t feel like a B-movie to me at all. In fact, it felt like one of those films banged out by Britain and Australia in the 90’s- the likes of ID or Romper Stomper.
I do take Droid’s point that it was a first performance, but I just didn’t like him at all in it.
See, I guess what it comes down to is that I dont thik his character was asked to do anymore. That moment you mention, involving Pope, was the big scene i was thinking of when I wrote that, also a bit near the beginning with his mom. The problem is down to what the character is supposed to be.
When I say B-movie, I’m not talking schlock as has become synonomous here. I think of many of those Brit and Aussie crime pics from the 90s–and their forefathers in the 40s and 50s– as B-movies. Second tier casts and a bit of freedom to be less glossy and more menacing.
So, that’s where Im coming from with the B-movie comment.
Fair enough- it didn’t feel like a Hollywood blockbuster, but at the same time I went to see these films in the Cinema and for me “B” is the movie that comes before the main feature at places like the ABC- for example, I saw loads of Disney cartoons and whatnot as the “B” picture in the 80’s.
Animal Kingdom/ ID/ Trainspotting/ whatever, would have been the A film for me.
Ahahahah anyone knocking Crank 2 = automatic fail. That movie is gold. Scott Pilgrim wishes it was half as inventive and fun.
Regarding Death Race–yea, it’s a piece of crap and awful in regards to the original. But honestly, when I saw it on dvd or tv (cant seem to recall) I was amused enough to finish it. It’s a 1.5 star movie, maybe 2 if you want to be generous on it, but I didn’t think it was the end of the world.
2?
Fuck no. It’s a Horny Pooch of Fail film, and ducks the Orangutan because it isn’t Anderson’s worst film. That’s it, that’s the only thing I can give it credit for.
I dont think it’s Orang worthy but Im not going to argue for Death Race. It never should have been remade. And if so, not like that.
In other news, Lynchfest continues. Just finished Wild At Heart.
Damn, that’s a strange movie even though it’s less weird in some ways than usual Lynch. The combo of 50’s lovers on the run tropes and that Wizard of Oz absurdity somehow makes it feel odder than something more surreal like FFWWM.
Being said, I still like it quite a bit, but it’s an odd one for Lynch. I’d give it 3 stars but I can understand how Jarv dislikes the second half and why Frank likes it best of Lynch work.
I really do need to rewatch that-
Did you see Jonah, I cracked with 2004 horrors and ended up doing Dumplings? Yuck.
Jarv and Droid were asking for a lecture earlier this morning, and obviously I am more than happy to oblige. The title of today’s lecture is:
HELICOPTERS ARE NOT SURPRISING
by Professor Franklin T Marmoset, MD (Medical Deviant)
If you have seen any films, particularly action films, you may have noticed that from time to time characters are surprised by helicopters. Something will be happening in a scene, which will probably take place on a cliff edge or a roof top, and a helicopter will pop into frame suddenly, taking everyone by surprise in a ‘Holy shit, where eff did that helicopter come from?’ kind of way. I would refer you to Lethal Weapon and the recent Date Night for excellent examples of this kind of thing.
My thesis, ladies and gentlemen, is that this is bollocks.
I don’t know how many of you have ever lived in an area plagued by rampant burglary and car theft, but if you have you will have noticed the frequent presence of police helicopters, which hang in the sky (the way bricks don’t, to quote Douglas Adams) shining their shiny spotlights on some deluded fool as he makes a futile attempt to escape the police by running through people’s gardens.
What these helicopters also do is make a spectacular shitload of noise. From over a mile away, you can hear them buzzing away like giant, annoying gnats – usually at night – waking in everyone in the area for the sake of arresting some asshole who will probably end up going free to do the exact same thing next week.
I therefore submit that the notion of characters in films being surprised by helicopters, or of helicopters sneaking up on people, is preposterous due to their extreme noise levels. You would, almost certainly, be alerted to the presence of a helicopter waiting just below a cliff edge or roof top on account of the tremendous racket it would make.
This phenomenon is part of a larger problem in films – the idea that if an object or person is not in the frame it somehow magically ceases to exist and cannot be seen or heard by anyone – but that is an issue for another day. For the time being, I believe it is entirely reasonable to request that Hollywood, and the various film making communities around the world, put an end to the clearly ludicrous notion of surprising helicopters. For obvious reasons, an exemption can be made for Airwolf, which is equipped with a stealth mode and is therefore plausibly able to sneak up on whoever the hell it likes.
Thank you for listening, ladies and gentlemen. Please feel free to take one of my leaflets providing further information on this topic as you leave.
Not to mention that Airwolf is awesome.
This is a great idea for a series- things Hollywood does that are bollocks. I might steal that little essay and post it with pictures, snide captions etc. later.
Me and special lady friend were talking about this stuff at the weekend. She mentioned she finds it annoying when she sees an actor drinking from a mug and it’s obvious the mug is empty. Which made me think of all sorts of little niggly things that bug me in films, like actors pretending to smoke unconvincingly, or obviously fake tattoos, or the helicopter thing.
You’re right, it would make for a decent series. I would do it myself if I weren’t so damn lazy. Please feel free to steal whatever you like.
I shall do it- It’s a good idea. But I shall do it when I get home as I’m too lazy to do a review today.
Also, one thing that always gets me is that only in films can people buy sheets that are shaped like an L- you know, cover the man just above the bollocks, but then turn a right angle and cover the woman up to the throat.
And Kate Thornton. I hate her. She really bugs me. Just the fact that we live in a world so banal that that pug-ugly vacuous cow who once wrote an article in Smash Hits about how “Take That are really lush, particularly Mark Owen” has a career on TV.
Or used to, I’ve not seen her in ages. Which is a good thing. Still, that she ever did is annoying.
And some prick called Piers Hernu. He’s a cunt as well.
I was happily oblivious to him until the BBC put this ridiculous Faux-Camden hipster Loaded writing twat on TV to defend Richard Keys and Andy Gray. Within seconds he’d displayed himself as a cro-magnon fucknut, lacking even the basic ability to manage his behaviour to not offend over 50% of the population.
And no, you cunt, it is not “banter”.
Along similar lines to the sheets thing, it’s always annoying when characters have sex, the woman gets up, and she’s got panties on. I realise they can’t always show nudity, but couldn’t they just frame the shot differently rather than show she can apparently be penetrated through her underwear?
It just occurred to me I may have made a mistake by encouraging Jarv to talk about things that annoy him. Can of worms and so on.
No, you’re lucky. I think I’ve got it out of my system.
Wait, why does Frank live in a area where there are heliocopters are flying around constently monitoring for car hijackings? Seems like overkill? Do you live in a Mega-City? Or 1996 Los Angeles during the reign of Detective Sergeant John Spartan? Or perhaps the OCP run section of Detroit?
No. He lives near Wales and they take Sheep-jacking awfully seriously down there. The helicopters are actually on the other side of the Severn.