*H*I*G*H*L*A*N*D*E*R*P*A*L*O*O*Z*A* The final fiasco, in fact this is THE SOURCE of all fiascos

Well, we all managed it. Some thought that we would be defeated by The Quickening, others thought that Endgame would be the end, but eventually 3 battered fools staggered right to the end of HIGHLANDERPALOOZA.

Do we regret it? Are we ashamed? Have we all learned a valuable lesson from this? Who can say? Probably not.

Highlander: The Source is an utterly terrible film. It’s incomprehensible, moronic, more than a bit dull on occasion and there is nary a boob sighting (not even a sideboob). However, it does have one thing going for it that neither part 3 or 4 had- it’s completely insane.

The Source is Highlander: Endgame, were Endgame to take a few weeks off its medication. It’s a film that realises that trying to make psuedo-sequels to a film which hinged on the premise that “there can be only one” is a daft and ill-considered option. Instead, The Source decides to chuck all the rules out of the window and produce a complete and utterly insane version of the whole mythos. There’s no real head slicing, which is a shame, but there is also nothing at all that could allay this film to any of the predecessors- not even Christopher Lambert.

Adrian Paul reprises his role as Duncan Macleod and this time he’s involved with a less than intrepid band of immortals to reach, for no reason other than that his ex-wife (Thekla Reuten) seems to think that they need to, The Source. Nobody (including conveniently precogniscant ex-wife) has the slightest idea what the Source does or why they need to get to it so badly. Oh, and also, again for no real comprehensible reason, The Source comes with some guardian cunt called, imaginatively, The Guardian, who resembles an albino auto-erotic pervert. The Guardian is, incidentally before I forget, a “riddle that cannot be solved”. I don’t believe that, I think he’s more a Speedy Gonzales on crack immortal, and I think that if you cut his head off, then that’s a riddle pretty much solved.

Included in the party are Methos (Peter Wingfield) the Oldest Living Immortal, a couple of Trans-atlantic immortals and the blatant kiddie fiddling Giovanni (seriously, he’s a priest, has a weird blond douchebag haircut and is intensely sanctimonious. Honestly, I believe this dirt merchant has left a whole battalion of sore-bummed orphans behind him). They serve no real purpose and only exist to wander around with Macleod and Anne.

Eventually, the script arbitrarily decides that they’re getting close, so makes them all mortal, some die, some fuck off, and Macleod defeats the Guardian to be told that he isn’t the one, his child is.

Erm. What the fuck?

Shit, completely forgot that the Cosmos is coming into alignment as well. For some reason. Not that I think this matters, just that I do like to be thorough.

There are so many problems with this film that I’m actually not sure where to begin. Firstly, and this is a huge problem for me, is that Lambert isn’t the Highlander. I know there was a relatively successful TV series starring Paul, but that ended in the mid-90’s and this was made in 2005. Lambert, by this stage, was far too long in the tooth to take on the role- he’d be the adult diaper wearing OAP immortal, but Paul is no spring chicken either. As a result, of this a lot of the “action” is clunky, slow and dumb. Furthermore, when they require something spectacular (as in the final fight with the Guardian) they resort to really cheap and shabby special effects.

Secondly, the acting is pretty dismal. Paul looks like he’s suffering from a combination of constipation and rheumatism, Reuten is absolutely irredeemably awful (for reasons that aren’t her fault that I’ll come to in a second) looking slightly sickened and a touch annoyed for much of the film, and Christian Solemino is just completely un-intimidating as the Guardian. However, the really, really bad performance is from Fell. Giovanni is the least sympathetic character in any of the films so far, and he’s certainly the least likable. However, even giving that and his whole “warrior priest” persona that they were clearly going for, he just isn’t badass. He’s a creepy and disgusting child abuser.You actually cheer when he buys the farm. I did anyway.

PS- I don’t think all catholic priests molest children, before anyone complains. I just read in the papers that it isn’t unheard of for the odd one, particularly those in places like Ireland, to have been placed in charge of a home of vulnerable youngsters and committed a few cardinal sins.

 

 

Giovanni's Babysitting service was not going well

 

The real problem with the film, though, is the writing. It’s uniformly terrible. There’s no character motivation- Macleod just seems to be on the mission so he can sniff Anna’s hair when she’s not looking. Furthermore shit just happens for utterly spurious reasons because it is essential to the narrative that it happens, e.g. they all turn mortal. This is fine, embrace the lunacy and whatnot, but they then repeatedly try to explain it by quoting the incomprehensible piece of prophecy that poor old Anna recycles. As if that isn’t bad enough, the dialogue is absolutely risible. The exchange between Anna and Macleod where she’s explaining why she dumped his moping ass contains the worst piece of acting in the film, and the reason being is that the dialogue is so fucking bad, contradictory and cliché-ridden that Reuten looks actively sickened to be doing it.

Nevertheless, this isn’t the worst film I’ve ever seen, and it isn’t even the worst of the Highlander films. It’s kind of fun, actually, seeing them throw so many completely demented and contradictory ideas at the screen in the hope that a few of them may stick. None of them do have adhesive qualities, obviously, but this really is the equivalent of Asylum art. I did, despite my growing hatred of Highlander, quite enjoy bits of it and roared with outright laughter in the final scene.

Overall, it’s toss, obviously. However, it’s mildly and unintentionally amusing toss and going by The Quickening laws of rating, it’s therefore not a candidate for the Orangutan of Doom. On every level of film it’s a fail, yet I do have to say that I’ve always going to have a soft spot for any movie that embraces its inherent insanity with quite as much gusto as this one. Utter Crap, but I give it a Chang.

That’s this finished, thank the lord, and I honestly now never want to hear the phrase “there can be only one” because it is simply not true. There can be only one until we decide that we need to invent some more to try to squeeze more money out of the series. Who want’s to bet that there’s a remake starring David Tennant as a flying Spanish Japanese Egyptian expert in ninja and latently homosexual in the works?

I’m back reviewing an Underrated film when I return so…

Until next time,

Jarv.