*H*I*G*H*L*A*N*D*E*R*P*A*L*O*O*Z*A* Highlander Endgame.

Fuck me.

I can’t believe I’ve now watched almost all of these. Anyway, review below.

Shite.

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got to say about it. Utter shite, boring, dull, TV Spin-of crap. This is the worst of the series, purely because I wasn’t distracted by Debra Kara Ungar’s norks.

That’s not a shock is it?  utter shit.

PS. Highlander 3 is also shit.

Anyhoo. If you are dumb enough to take on the highlander films, ditch this and part 3. Useless, un-fun crap.

Ciao

Jarv

PS The source is much better.

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About Jarv

Workshy cynic, given to posting reams of nonsense on the internet and watching films that have inexplicably got a piss poor reputation.

51 responses to “*H*I*G*H*L*A*N*D*E*R*P*A*L*O*O*Z*A* Highlander Endgame.”

  1. Jarv says :

    Worst review ever.

    I actually cannot summon up the effort for this

  2. Jarv says :

    Oh and by the way, I want to retire the phrase “there can be only one.”

    Fucking feel like my brain has been raped. I’m looking forward to the Kabasinski series.

    I hope the dude will give me the interview to end it with.

    • Continentalop says :

      THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE…ORANGUTAN OF DOOM!

      I love that fucking primate. He sums up exactly how I feel watching some movies.

  3. Droid says :

    Nah this a was miles better than Highlander 3. And by miles better I mean the distance between 1/2 a Chang and the Orang of Doom.

    • Jarv says :

      No.

      Hated it. Connor teaching swordfighting was the worst moment of the series.

      “This move is unstoppable”.

      To quote the monkey:

      BOOB

      MINKY

      ASS

      FTW!!!

  4. Jarv says :

    What’s interesting though, is that The Source, despite being a complete fiasco, WAS the third best film of the series.

    The Guardian was a crap villain though. Spinning on sand until he’s dug himself into a hole that stops at neck height? And then spontaneously exploding or whatnot.

    And I didn’t get why the bird was The Source and whatnot. Confusing.

    • Droid says :

      Nothing in The Source made any sense. But it seemed as though they just said “Fuck it. We won’t explain anything.” Like why the guardian had a massive neck brace at the start, but never had it ever again.

      It’s a shit film, but occasionally entertaining because its so daft. Not as awesomely terrible as The Quickening though.

      • Jarv says :

        The bit that got me, was about 3/4 of the way through the film when they’re just arbitrarily mortal again. Because they were “nearing the Source”. Apparently.

        Oh, and that blond choirboy diddling cunt was a cunt. I actually cheered when he died.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah I called for his head to be chopped off about 25 minutes into the film.

  5. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    I’d give this one the nod over Highlander 3 purely for Donnie Yen. Otherwise, they’re both pretty shit.

    What’s most important, though, is that we made it. We made our way through the treacherous territory of all five Highlander films, four-fifths of which are complete cack, and we lived to tell the tale. To quote Captain Mal: “We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.”

    Or, possibly, that makes us very, very stupid.

    • Jarv says :

      I blame you entirely for this.

      So, next tuesday, what utter pos shall we get drunk and livechat?

      • Franklin T Marmoset says :

        That was the end of the line for me. I’m retiring from watching film series and I’m not watching any more films I know will be shit. Maybe now and then for special occasions, but otherwise I’m out.

        It’s a brand new day, Jarv. Strictly quality from now on or I’ll just read a book instead.

      • Jarv says :

        NOt even for a special tuesday live chat/ beerfest.

        Even if it’s something hilarious? Like say, Blind Fury

      • Spud McSpud says :

        I have the perfect Tuesday night so-bad-it’s-great movie.

        SPLIT SECOND.

        Search your feelings. You know this to be true.

        REALLY BIG FUCKING GUNS!!

      • Droid says :

        Two words…

        DEADLY PREY

      • Jarv says :

        Both excellent suggestions, but both have been watched very recently.

        Ditto The Convent, which would also work.

        I’ll have a look through the schlock bin to see what I’ve got that may be covered in awesomeness.

      • Spud McSpud says :

        If it were at ALL easy to get a hold of, I’d suggest NINJA III: THE DOMINATION, which is every flavour of awesome. Lucinda Dickey of BREAKDANCE 2 fame, playing a nightclub dancer who at night gets possessed by the dead spirit of a recently assassinated ninja, who uses Dickey’s body (stop sniggering) to go after and kill the good ninja squad who had him killed! Then a good ninja exorcist (I shit you not!) goes after Dickey to exorcise the ninja out of her – and obviously it has to end in a big ninja on ninja fight! Sho Kosugi is in this somewhere, but I’m damned if I can remember if he’s a cop, the evil dead ninja, or the good ninja exorcist. It’s been YEARS since I watched this on my ratty VHS copy – but it deserves to be seen.

        To any Changians who live out that way – do they still have warring feudal ninja gangs still rumbling in the hills of California? ‘Cos in THIS film, they do…

      • Jarv says :

        Oh, that sounds great.

        what are Ninja one and two like?

      • Spud McSpud says :

        You know what? I have NO FUCKING IDEA!! It’s just occurred to me that I NEVER heard of a NINJA I or NINJA II movie. It’s one of those really small scale production company movies that I found at my local corner shop when I was about 16, so it must’ve been around the end of the ’80s. I’m off to further investigate!!

      • Spud McSpud says :

        But I DID find this:

        And yes, the movie is on youtube in pieces…

      • Spud McSpud says :

        Here’s the lowdown:

        This was part I – ENTER THE NINJA:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enter_the_Ninja

        Then part II – REVENGE OF THE NINJA:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revenge_of_the_Ninja

        Then the glorious awesomeness that is Part III – The DOMINATION!!:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ninja_III:_The_Domination

        I am nothing if not thorough…

      • Jarv says :

        I am compelled to see those. Was there a part 4?

    • Tom_Bando says :

      Oh you’ll be back Mr Marmoset. If not for Gamera then I’m sure you’ll be sucked into watching the entire Police Academy run, 7 movies and a Cartoon series.

      Guttenburg, Winslow and G.W. Bailey for da win.

  6. Jarv says :

    Damn it. Highlander broke Frank.

  7. Tom_Bando says :

    Yeah these sound Terrible.

    And to think Mr Marmoset was SO up for this, too!

    Time for Gamera, Mr Marmoset. The 60’s-70’s Gamera, mind, not the actually half-ways decent ones of past 15 years. Baragon is your friend.

    • Jarv says :

      Huzzah!

      Mullet? check.
      Hot pants? Check.
      Superb concealment skills? Check.
      Idiotic mercenaries? check.
      Man beaten to death with own arm? Check.

      Awesome.

  8. xiphos0311 says :

    So is Frank going the Merchant Ivory route now since those flicks are all like serious and shit?

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