Tag Archive | Zombie

WORLD WAR Z: Mr. Jolie and his fabulous Redfordesque hair saves the world

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So everybody knows about all the trouble that plagued this production right? I don’t feel the need to recap it so I’m going to skip all that noise and just jump right in. is WWZ any good? Well dear readers it’s like this… Read More…

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Made in Britain: Colin

Colin was a film that flashed briefly into the public consciousness on release in 2008. The director, one Marc Price, made a virtue of how cheap his film was, costing, allegedly, £45 to make. Now, whether this is true (and I’m somewhat sceptical) the reality is that he used equipment, both camera and editorial that he was either given or already had in his possession. Were I to make a film, then it would cost me a hell of a lot more to both rent the camera and gain access to Adobe Premiere. Nevertheless, the focus on the cut-price nature of the production does, to me, reek of trying to cover over limitations by focusing on one extraordinary feature, and as such excuse the obvious knock on effects of those problems. Read More…

Post Millennial Trauma: Pontypool (2009)

This sounds like a strange thing to be writing, but I do believe that this is the first of these Post-2000 horror films that I’ve done that features that mainstay of horror: The Zombie. Zombies are one of the most abused monsters out there- hacks like Snyder and Anderson fundamentally don’t understand what makes zombies effective, and so insist on having them run, climb buildings etc, while arguably the father of the genre, George Romero, also has them doing astonishingly stupid things (using tools) in the name of “social commentary” that’s about as subtle as a brick. Basically, zombies are scary for two reasons: they’re relentless, brainless killing machines solely driven by the need to feed, and that there’s usually a horde of them. One zombie by himself isn’t frightening particularly given that they shamble, are hugely clumsy, and any old mug can get away from them. Even the kind of mug that appears in a Romero film. Nevertheless, the 21st century has produced a couple of first-rate zombie films- just not America. Britain turned out horror comedy Shaun of the Dead, France popped up with The Horde, and Spain produced the magnificent Rec films. However, easily able to stand and be counted with those heavyweights is Canada’s 2009 effort: the unfairly overlooked Pontypool. Read More…

Video Game Adaptations: Resident Evil

Fuck I hate this film, and my sister gave me a copy for my birthday years ago on the basis that “you like zombies and shit so you’ll like this”.

Now, for some fucking idiotic reason, probably derived from my myriad character failings, I now can’t bring myself to throw the fucker out. Read More…

SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD: ALMOST, GEORGE, ALMOST

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Upfront honesty here Mr. Romero, I don’t pray at the altar of your alleged greatness. I think Night of the Living Dead is your best work (out of all of your movies) and every single zombie movie after that one has a sharp decline in quality.

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Cronenberg disturbs Jarv: Rabid

Before I get into this review of Cronenberg’s sophomore film, I just want to hand out a “twat of the day” award to Richard Corliss of Time Magazine for this comment in Marilyn Chambers’ obituary:

The sad news is that Chambers, to quote the title from a 1974 movie she did not appear in, is 99 and 44/100% dead.

There’s being rude, and there’s poor taste in an obituary. That comment is offensive for the sake of being offensive, and seems so pleased with its own cleverness that I didn’t read the rest of the article after that. Aye, very good Corliss, you know she was the Ivory Snow soap model. Revolting.

All digressions aside, Rabid is Cronenberg’s somewhat disappointing follow up to the promising Shivers, and I can’t say that I really like it. I think, if anything, Rabid represents a real step back for him. Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Maniac Cop

“Whole city’s goin’ to hell. You can’t take a pee anywhere anymore.”

Jarv’s Rating: 2 1/2 Changs out of 4

It was bought to my attention the other day that despite all of us loving to some degree the work of the largest chin outside of Mount Rushmore there was not a single Changian review of a film featuring Bruce Campbell. Clearly, as the man seems to love frolicking in the bargain basement, I am the man to rectify this heinous omission. Read More…

READING WITH XIPHOS


EPISODE II:

Wherein the intrepid author takes a spin down tough guy street and comes back with a busted nose, three cracked ribs, a black eye and excellent books with tough guys in them.

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From the Vault: Schlock in the 21st Century

This century hasn’t been kind to schlock. Needless to say, here’s a list of some I recommend and some I really, really don’t. Some of these I’ve already reviewed, some I haven’t. It’s not a top ten, rather just films from the bargain bucket that I think are worth a look. Read More…

Jarv goes to the EU and comes back with a searing hatred of red tape, rampant xenophobia but also the 10 best European movies of the decade

As part of my moronic round the world in films quest, I’m moving on to the continent, and I’m genuinly surprised by this list. Not because any of the films are left field, but because several of them make my overall best of the decade. Also, looking at the European films, I know that I’m forgetting loads, and haven’t seen some, but I was stunned to see that 5 of my potential 10 were British. Read More…