Tag Archive | Stephen King

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Maximum Overdrive

Maximum Overdrive Posetr

Fucked if I know, Bubba. Fucked if I know.

It’s been a while since I did a Vault review as I’ve been attempting to be a bit classier in terms of my viewing choices. However, having said that, I did decide to launch an apocalypse series and stupidly asked for suggestions below the line. Amongst all of them, Maximum Overdrive stood out as something I’d always meant to watch but never really got round to. So, up it came, and having watched it, it’s not apocalypse material, but it does fit right in to the Vault as a massive, cheesy, lump of unashamed Schlock.

Contains death by coke machine and spoilers below.  Read More…

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Man’s Best Friend: Cujo (1983)

Now we’re talking. After the relative disappointment (ha!) of the frankly shitty Rottweiler, it’s time to look at what is probably the definitive killer dog movie out there. The name “Cujo” has become synonymous with mad, bad and dangerous fucking dogs, and this is probably the most celebrated killer dog movie out there.  Read More…

The World According to Arnie: The Running Man (1987)

the-running-man-header

There have been an awful lot of adaptations of Stephen King’s work. According to the internets, not counting short films or episodes of a TV show (such as the X-Files), the number sits at 62. And counting. There is a pretty even split across Film and Television, with some even doubling up, such as Carrie and The Shining. Most of them remain unseen by me (something that is unlikely to change in the future), but the one’s I have seen tend to fall in either one of two categories. Brilliant or Terrible. There seems to be no middle ground with Stephen King.

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Post Millennial Trauma: The Mist (2007)

Quick confession time: I haven’t read the short story. I binged on Stephen King when I was a teenager, and then just sort of stopped and haven’t really had any urge to go back to them. Nevertheless, I’m assured that this is a cracking read, and regardless of that it has the proud boast of standing in the handful of  Stephen King adaptations that aren’t terrible alongside Stand by Me, Carrie, The Shining and Misery (before anyone says anything, I really don’t like The Green Mile). Read More…

But you told me you were on the pill! Children of the Corn (2009)

Well, I’ve made it. I have to say that this hasn’t exactly been an a-maize-ing experience. This series has been pretty corny on more than one occasion and I do have to admit that it has corn-holed my cerebral cortex. It has been truly dreadful in places, with the odd kernel of entertainment, and at this moment in time I’m a broken husk of a man that would rather be beaten to death by a thug wielding a sack full of tins of sweetcorn than watch the newest one. Which luckily for me isn’t out until next year.

I think that’s them all covered, but I’ll be around to field any questions at the end. Read More…

Fields of Gold? Please Fuck off Sting: Children of the Corn: Revelation

This has been an epic trawl through some of the most unremarkable films that I’ve ever gone on. Honestly, it makes the succinct Phantasm series look like a masterpiece of brevity. Nevertheless, I’m into the home straight now, I can see the line and the pub just beyond it where there is a lovely pint of Guinness waiting for me as a reward for making it this far.

Having said that, there are still some potential pit falls on the way, not least of which is this film. I skirted up close to it, had a good long look and decided to jump in. And you know what? It’s not that bad. Compared to Part 6, it’s positively brilliant.

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All Mummy wanted was a back rub- Children of the Corn 4: The Gathering

Bah. Rubbish.

I’m getting pig fucking sick of this series now (on my third attempt to get through part 6 which really should be called Adult of the Corn). However, so far, this stands head and shoulders above the rest in terms of sheer crapness. It does, in the plus column, have Naomi Watts in the lead, but there’s no getting around the fact that this is blatantly NOT a Children of the Corn film. It’s a ghost story that some genius attached to the series in a wholly misguided attempt at a cynical cash in. Of all the series to attach yourself to, this has to be the dumbest one. Read More…

Reasons not to have kids: The Children of the Corn Series- Children of the Corn

It has to be said that I really don’t make things easy for myself. I ask if anyone has any suggestions for a series, and someone (Droid) pops up with “Children of the Corn”. Now, I’d only seen one of these and seemed to remember it being quite good so thought “that’s not a bad idea, I’ll give it a shot”. However, really, alarm bells should have been ringing as Droid only ever suggests a series in the hope that whichever mug (usually me or Frank) that sits through them will have a miserable time. Not forgetting that there are 8 films in it including the remake. That’s potentially a lot of suck.

Never mind, I’m committed now, so let’s get this fiasco underway with the original 1984 Children of the Corn Read More…

Kloipy’s Stephen King Series: Creepshow

Creepshow is everything that a good horror movie should be. To me, it is a flawless film. It manages to be scary, funny, and entertaining from start to finish. When I think of horror, the most prevelant thing that comes to mind are EC Comics. Tales of ghouls rising from fresh graves, monsters from beyond the stars, and the shine of drool on a set of big sharp teeth lurking in the darkness. Creepshow manages to catch this exact tone so perfectly that it has become one of my most loved horror films of all time. Read More…

Kloipy’s Stephen King Series: Stand by Me

I was lucky enough to grow up in the time before the internet. I lived surrounded by forests and mountains. Each day growing up was a day spent exploring. Each discovery felt important, each step filled with the importance that childhood can bring to it. The days seemed as long as my shadow on the grass at noon. And at night, with the windows open, I’d listen to the songs of the crickets, the sweet whisper of the wind through the fields, and I count the stars until I fell asleep. TV at the time wasn’t important, it was my friends, and the tantalizing thought of what lay beyond that next hill. Read More…