I may be the last guy who should review a Star Trek movie. I’ve never seen an episode of any of the TV series, and I’ve only seen one pre-reboot film, which was called ‘Star Trek Generations’. I saw that borefest in the worst possible setting. A midnight movie marathon. So my first instinct is to leave a review of the latest Trek in the hands of someone more knowledgeable. Wolf, I’m looking at you. But having thought about it, I’ve decided that maybe I’m the best person to review the film. I’ll explain why in a second… Read More…
Director: J.J. Abrams
Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban
So, anyway, Trek died with Insurrection and got zombiefied with Nemesis. I could see a tentative new telly series somewhere down the line, maybe, but not a movie. When I heard about a reboot, my first thought was Next Gen and we’d have that dimwit android B-4 bumbling about comically. Fortunately – or not, if you’re a blinkered nerd – we didn’t get that…
Director: Stuart Baird.
Starring: Patrick Stewart, Brent Spiner, Tom Hardy.
So, they made a complete ‘Ed Balls’ of Insurrection. They took a longer than normal time-out, brought in non-Trekkie Stuart Baird to direct and hired Gladiator scribe John Logan (who is a Trekkie – big mistake) to co-write alongside Rick Berman and Brent ‘The Singing Android’ Spiner. Are the shackles off this one then? Are they f… This’ll barely qualify as a review and will be full of SPOILERS, etc…
Director: Jonathan Frakes
Starring: Patrick Stewart, Brent Spiner, Alice Krige
The Next Genners didn’t get off to a good start in Generations did they and when the follow up was announced, the sight of Paramount keeping it in-family didn’t instil much confidence in this one either. So how’s this re-watch gonna stand up? My memory is it’s the best of the post-original crew movies (2009’s re-imagining not included). I’m wary but hopeful…
Director: David Carson
Starring: Patrick Stewart, Brent Spiner, William Shatner
… The Search For Roman Numerals. I actively don’t want to do any more of these but I started the sodding series so I’m gonna have to finish it. Time for the Next Generation-ers to take the field and usher in a brave new era for the beloved series… or maybe not, maybe they’ll just bore the feckin pants off of everyone.
Director: Nicholas Meyer
Starring: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Christopher Plummer
You could be forgiven for thinking that The Final Frontier had killed Cinema-Trek dead as a Norwegian Blue parrot. But there was a determination within the Trek family not to go out on a bum note. Nimoy got involved in writing and producing and back came Nicholas Meyer. Is it enough to claw back some dignity before the old crew pass the baton…?
Director: William Shatner
Starring: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Laurence Luckinbill
The Final Frontier? Could this be the end of the line for Kirk and his gallant crew? Could this really be the last one? No. It’s only a meaty-4. They’re going to keep boldly going, irrespective of an expanding darby or two. The Shat said to Lenny, “Anything you can do, I can do, ner.” Except no, he can’t…
Director: Leonard Nimoy
Starring: William Shatner, DeForest Kelley, Christopher Lloyd
He’s dead, Jim. Dead as a door jamb. Look, there, the bloke who plays him is directing, not starring, so… errr, The Search For Spock? You lot shot him out of a torpedo tube; he’s down on that planet pushing up the fungi. No need to search, he’s not going anywhere…
Director: Nicholas Meyer
Starring: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Ricardo Montalban
I can’t believe how long ago I did The Motion Picture. Tempus fugit, innit! Anyway, here’s the un-awaited second instalment, The Wrath Of Khan, a nailed-on favourite of Trekkies everywhere. Uh-oh…
Director: Robert Wise
Starring: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley
Somebody had to do it. All the Trek movies. I’m not gonna do ‘em consecutively; if I tried doing these back-to-back I’d lose what marbles I’ve got left rolling around the old brain box. Trekkies, cover thine eyes, for the day of reckoning hath arrived – heh, heh… nah, I’ll try to be fair, scout’s honour and all that…