Tag Archive | Shit

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Beastmaster 3: The Eye of Braxus

You’re a pathetic freak of nature. I’m doing the world a favor by removing you from it.

Jarv’s Rating: 1 solitary chang. Dramatically better than Beastmaster 2, but still sort of shit.

Thank fuck this is over. This really has been one of the most ill-advised trilogy sessions that I’ve ever been stupid enough to inflict on myself. I was absolutely dreading this installment, as Beastmaster 2: Through the sphincter of misery had sucked my interest in this series dry. The omens weren’t good- it’s got a stellar cast and a low certificate, not to mention that this is the only Beastmaster that went straight to video. Nevertheless, being the fearless soul I am, I girded my loins, grabbed a beer, lit a spliff and bravely put it on. Read More…