Tag Archive | Scarlett Johansson

A Droid Premiere: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

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Last month, DC attempted to launch a franchise by pitting its two most famous and beloved superheroes against each other. ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’ turned out to be a bit of a mess. Some good things, and some not so good things. One of its biggest problems was that it felt overstuffed with characters and plot. Now, just a month later, Marvel is bringing us its own overstuffed movie that pits hero against hero. And while ‘Captain Himself: Fuck Everybody Else’ is just as long and just as loud as ‘Batman v Superman’, is it just as much of a mess? Let’s find out.

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Made in Britain: Under the Skin (2014)

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Christ, I’ve been lazy. I’ve got all sorts of entertaining reviews of drivel racked up and ready to go, but I am instead going to review The Guardian’s number 1 film of last year: Under the Skin. This is billed as an erotic sci-fi horror art film, which reads to me like they put a number of movie descriptors into a hat and then drew them out until they got bored. Nevertheless, this is a film I really wanted to see last year, as I like one of the director’s previous efforts (more on this in a moment), the awesome Sexy Beast.

Contains Alien fuckmonsters and spoilers below.
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The Perfect Score (2004)

Director: Brian Robbins

Starring: Chris Evans, Bryan Greenberg, Scarlett Johannson

Release date: January 30 (US). Having been exposed to the pitiful Jawbreaker recently I was not in the market for another ‘hilarious’ school comedy. What happens? I get another. May contain detention with ScarJo and spoilers…

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Just Pillow Talk v Marvel Comics. Number 9, part 2: Iron Man 2

Welcome back to Just Pillow Talk’s tour of insipid cinema. Marvel adaptations are, judging by this series, a pretty uninspiring bunch with very few of them becoming elevated above their source material. In fact, it does seem that he’s seen an awful lot that I’d term as being utter shit.  He split up the two Iron Man reviews, probably for reasons of sanity, as the second Iron Man film is dogshit by any reasonable standard. Nevertheless, he’s back with his update from the bowels of funny book hell:  Read More…

Foiling Droid: Mrs. Jarv takes the bullet meant for Jarv by watching the insulting oestrogen-fest “He’s Just Not That Into You”

This is a public service announcement for all you poor bastards with other halves that insist on inflicting dismal romantic comedies that are neither funny nor romantic on you.

Droid, mistakenly believing himself to be smarter than the average drop bear, thought that he would be able to inflict “He’s Just Not That Into You” on me by duty of me being married. Unfortunately for him, Mrs. Jarv is both far smarter and far nicer than him, and so took the chance to watch this nauseating bucket of vomit while I was at work. As an added bonus, she thought it was so hateful, and so despicable, that she’s actually written a review- so guys, anyone who has a missus threatening with this, present this as a female viewpoint to an odious film and stick Bitch Slap in instead. Anyhoo, enough waffle from me, here it is:

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