The only benefit of long-term unemployment is that I’ve been able to spend an awful lot of time with Finn while he’s growing up. Other than that, and I do not say this lightly, this has probably been the most miserable 7 (count ’em) months out of work that I’ve ever had. However, keeping a happy smile firmly plastered to my face, I’m going to look at the bright side in that I’ve managed to
indoctrinate watch a lot of stuff with the little ‘un. So, here’s a brief round-up of some of the many films that we’ve sat through. Read More…
Seeing as I’m taking the high road and setting out to make sure that Finn can safely watch any manner of movies without untold trauma, nightmares and growing up into a serial killer, I’m taking it on myself to watch as many of the films I saw as a kid to see how “Family friendly” they are. Last time I provided sage and sound advice when confronted with Childhood classic and young mind destroyer Watership Down (Suitable for all, my arse). This time around it’s another one from my childhood: Hawk the Slayer Read More…
I’m claiming Dredd for Made in Britain. Yes, technically it was multi-nation produced, and shot mostly in South Africa, but the writer, director and one of the leads are British, and while Mega City One may span the entire East coast of the United States, the original comic, 2000AD was British. So its ours, and that is my final word on the matter.
Obviously, were it rubbish, then I’d be passing the buck furiously to anyone other than us, so the fact that I’m claiming it at all should give an indication as to how this review is going to go. Oh, and I’ve gone insanely picture happy here.
May contain Judgement and extremely mild spoilers below
It’s round two of Underworld. Kate’s back in the jumpsuit and raring to put a cap in some undead bad guys.
Apparently this film bombed in Middle America. Allegedly, someone in the Marketing Department (let’s call him Philibrick) at the studio realised in a stroke of genius what was wrong, and we’re lucky enough to have received the transcript of his conversation with his boss taken from the security footage:
Contains very broad brush and crude satire (with a sprinkling of bad taste) of Hollywood marketing idiocy and spoilers below.
This has literally never happened to me before. Seriously, I’m not joking about this. I have been forced to change my entire review because of something I found on the internet.
Obviously, I’ve written film reviews before, and I’m well aware of what a toilet the World Wide Web is, but I think that I’ve finally found the single stupidest person with internet access out there. A person so stupid that they really shouldn’t be allowed near computers just in case they snap the keys off and swallow them. A person so dimwitted that they make that fat Star Wars dork on YouTube a few years ago look like a founding member of Mensa. I am almost completely struck dumb by the sheer cretinism and intentional point missing of this utter moron. In short, I have found the Tea Party’s core vote.
And what, you may ask, has this got to do with The Last Supper, a black comedy starring Cameron Diaz released on August 23rd 1996 in the UK? Well, read on and I’ll tell you.
Contains astonishingly big tomato plants and spoilers below. Read More…
Director: Paul Mazursky
Starring: Nick Nolte, Bette Midler, Richard Dreyfuss
Release date: January 31 (US). This film replaced the unavailable Stammheim – which is on youtube but sadly without subtitles and I can’t speak German. Probably would’ve been easy found had it been French. May contain middle-class dysfunction and spoilers…
Director: Joel Schumacher
Starring: Lily Tomlin, Charles Grodin, Ned Beatty
Release date: January 30 (US). Stitching my booze-soiled notes together for this one. I had to split the movie up over two nights because I don’t think my sides would have survived the resulting laugh riot otherwise. May contain sarcasm and spoilers…
Remember back when Kevin Spacey actually made good movies? I think it was just before he was launched into superstardom by the Usual Suspects. It was certainly before he took up dog walking in one of London’s most notorious gay pick up areas. Anyhow, around about this time, the mid 90’s, he churned out a series of exceptional performances in exceptional films. Some of them, such as Seven and The Usual Suspects itself are rightly heralded, but this little film, Swimming With Sharks, was probably his first great performance and slipped right under the radar. I love this film unconditionally, as I recognise a lot of my own experience at work in it, but I can see why it has almost been forgotten about. Read More…
I’m into the last third of the Birthday Series now with just 9 films to go, and boy am I glad that I started this at the beginning rather than counting down as Droid did- else I’d have binned this as a terrible idea. Today’s effort is Andrew “Gattaca” Nicol’s 2002 high-concept film S1m0ne. I’m struggling a wee bit here, because I do want to applaud it, and some scenes in the film are absolutely stupendous. However, it just doesn’t work, and I’m going to take a stab at why.