Tag Archive | Rubbish CGI

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Shark Night 3D

What are all these sharks doing here? 

Fuck this film.

After the success of Piranha 3D in 2010, the inevitable happened: a whole host of geniuses decided to copy the formula laid out in Piranha and then translate it for other large hungry fish. Obviously, the biggest, scariest and hungriest is the noble shark, and so it was inevitable that one of the first out of the blocks would be Shark Night 3D.

Does not contain a single solitary boob sighting, but does contain spoilers below: Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault- Blood: The Last Vampire

I never make mistakes

Jarv’s Rating: 1.5 Changs. Reasonably enjoyable stupid violent fun, but at the end of the day it’s heavily flawed and kind of shit.

Well, after the crushing disappointment that was Splice, I wasn’t feeling all that great about watching anything in particular, especially not anything that was released in the summer. However, at the same time, I’m busy watching as many vampire films as I can stomach in the hope of unearthing some that aren’t completely terrible and preferably nothing like the romance driven soppy vampiric drivel that plague the genre nowadays. Except, now that I’ve watched it I have to say that this isn’t  a vampire film.

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