Tag Archive | Robert Rodriguez

The Return of Jarv’s Birthday Series- Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)


I’d completely repressed the fact that we’d done these bloody birthday series, which come complete with the added bonus of only being stopped by the reviewers’ actual death. Anyhoo, as I’m still on the unemployment train, I thought I’d have a look to see what treasures 2012, 2013, 2014 and 2015 had left for me before my imminent birthday this year. So, having briefly perused Wikipedia, I was quite pleased to see a palatable list that I’ve already (for the most part) seen and, more importantly, didn’t hate. My provisional list is: Premium Rush, You’re Next, Sinister 2 and, for 2014 and today’s entry, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For. I’ll also update the scores for the first run through after I catch up with 2016’s entry.

Contains new material written especially for Werewolves on the Moon that isn’t as good as the material that has already been published in this series (heh) and spoilers below

Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Machete

Why do I want to be a real person when I’m already a myth?

Jarv’s rating: One and a half Changs out of four. By far the best of the modern exploitation films, and the first half an hour is legitimately funny. However, the film can’t maintain it, by definition, as it is a one joke concept. As the film tires, it becomes less and less amusing, and the feeling that they threw the kitchen sink at the concept lingers long after the final credits. Basically, pretty shit, but better than Hobo With a Shotgun and Nude Nuns with Big Guns. 

As Oasis sang in the 90’s: “I’m freeeeeeee to do whatever I want” and in this case whatever I want does certainly not include post-modern ironic modern exploitation films. I’m pig fucking sick of them as they’re all garbage, most are mean spirited and even this, the best of them, is a one-joke film that becomes absolutely painful to watch after a while. Machete is another one spawned from the Grindhouse experiment, and is the film that sports the best cast, has the best intentions and best understands the ethos they were aiming for. That doesn’t make it any good, though. These films piss me off. Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Hobo with a Shotgun

Well Abby, can I tell you something about bears?

Jarv’s Rating: The resident, now sadly absent, monkey, in a fit of positively zen like calm, once rated this film as one hobo with a shotgun out of one hobo with a shotgun, in that it is the quintessential example of a hobo with a shotgun. For my part, it can have one chang, because while it really is a very good example of a shotgun wielding itinerant, it isn’t an entertaining piece of exploitation and wonders dangerously near to torture porn on more than one occasion.

We can blame Cokey McFrankensteinhead for many of the sins that plague modern cinema, but there’s one sin that I really think we have to hold him and his cohort Robert Rodriguez to account for: the rise of the modern “exploitation” movie. Back before I realised that Tarantino was the cinematic embodiment of the stark bollock naked Emperor, I was genuinely quite excited by the thought of ultimate geek cinephile Tarantino making an homage to the 1970’s exploitation trash films. Sadly, the end product was the heinously bloated and monstrously boring Death Proof, where he managed to dash all the good will built up by Rodriguez’ mediocre Planet Terror and the incredibly entertaining intermission trailers. The Grindhouse film was, thankfully, a massive flop and Planet Terror and Death Proof were split up for most of the world, but as a completely unwanted side-effect it has so far managed to spawn two full length films from the trailer idea. The first is Rodriguez’ own Machete, and the second was the winner of a competition created specifically to promote Grindhouse, Jason Eisener’s Hobo with a Shotgun.

Read More…

Jarv’s Birthday Series: Desperado (1995)

After Natural Born Killers stuck its unpleasant nose into my golden period, I’m pleased to slide back into the series on a high point. I like films like this, preposterous, overblown, ridiculous, comical, violent and action packed. It’s another slice of Dumbhouse gold, and given the very high-concept films surrounding it in this series (Freeway is next, and that’s an incredibly high-concept movie), a film about a large Mexican shooting people is a very, very pleasant diversion. Read More…