Tag Archive | Natalie Portman

The Golden Changs 2012

Obviously, now we’ve passed our third year, and I’ve done the roundup of things we’ve been up to, it’s also time to announce the nomination process for the Golden Changs is open.

This prestigious award carries absolutely no cash prize whatsoever, but is a far more open, honest and, let’s fucking face it, prestigious award than the Oscars.

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Just Pillow Talk v Marvel Comics 13: Thor

This is version 3 of the Thor logo, and I’d like to thank Droid for the wording. 

Anyhoo, I rewatched Thor last night, and I almost think this might be the best Marvel movie not called Blade out there. Now, I know that sounds unlikely, because it’s dumber than a lobotomised Welshman (not sure you can tell the difference, actually), but nevertheless Kenneth Branagh’s adaptation of arguably the silliest Marvel Hero has several things that most of these type of films don’t actually have: a sense of scale, a sense of humour, and a good villain. So, credit where it’s due, Shakespeare scholar Branagh took an inherently dumbhouse idea and turned in a film that is far, far better than it has any right to be. When you think about all the po-faced joy-sucking efforts masquerading as Superhero films that Marvel has turned out, I really, truly believe that Branagh needs commending for this. Not that my opinion matters a jot, here’s Just Pillow Talk with his thoughts on the Mighty Thor… Read More…

The Golden Changs 2011

Well, due to producer intransigence we’re running extremely late this time. We made the mistake of allowing Don “Fat Cunt” Murphy to produce, and next thing we knew we were in protracted contract wranglings. Murphy wanted a production rider consisting of the following:

  • 74 Donuts
  • Three blind Albanian hookers, ideally without a sense of smell
  • An industrial size tub of chocolate ice-cream
  • An inflatable sex doll in the shape of a sheep
  • A crate of Newcastle Brown Ale
  • A gaggle of midgets, assorted race and gender
  • A flunky to follow him around saying “Yes Don, you are the best, and so sexy with it” when required
  • The disabled access to the temple improved to allow for his Rascal
  • 2 Kilos of Peruvian marching powder
  • A goldfish bowl full of M&M’s but no green ones
  • A basket of assorted fruit

And that was just the frigging start of it. Anyway, I wasn’t having this, so told the fat cunt that there was no way I was going to improve the disabled access to Walter’s convenience store to get him and his fucking “mobility aid” in. Not only would this be hugely expensive, but he’d stink out the fresh food section forever. This, needless to say, was not great news for the disgusting gelatinous blob. Faster than you can say “Bo-SHUDDAH” , he went on a frenzied rampage and ate all the catering for the day, the wardrobe department and the monkey butler we use to hand out the awards. Well, that was enough, so I fired the fat cunt, and told him to take Chris Tucker with him. So Droid is producing this year, and I’m on hosting detail again. We did keep the coke, though.

*sniff* So with no further ado, the winner’s are…

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The Golden Changs 2011- The Film Awards. The Nominations are:

Wooooooooo!

Break out the red carpet, dust down your party gear, crack open the booze, and score as many class A’s as you can, because it’s now time for 2011’s annual Golden Changs. This year’s is a bit late, as we had some difficulties with the producer (we wouldn’t let him put pre-0p transexual hookers on expenses) and the host (who quit because he’s best buddies with the producer) although I’m still hopeful we can get Don “Fat cunt” Murphy. Read More…

A Droid Premiere – Thor (2011)

A Droid PremiereI can’t say I expect much from Marvel movies now. The first in the new “Marvel Studios” production line, ‘Iron Man’ proved to be an entertaining surprise (upon first viewing) at the cinema in 2008. The new studio was off to a promising start. But just two months later that promise came crashing back to earth in the shape of a giant green steroid freak in stretchy pants, with the release of ‘The Incredible Hulk’. That film firmly established the trend. Marvel Studios will be dumbing their movies down for the masses, with little attempt to create bold, challenging and satisfying stories. In short, their game plan is to play it safe.

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News Roundup – November 11, 2009: Aronofsky, Trannys, Cross dressers!

hollywood-sign-los-angeles-cahd6

There’s not much in the way of news, but here’s what’s on offer over the past couple of days.

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