Tag Archive | Naomi Watts

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Down/ The Shaft

How could you do that to a blind man?

Jarv’s Rating: 2.5 Changs out of 4. Funny as fuck, pity about the first half.

This is an interruption due to sheer dumbness of my scheduled vault reviews. I was going to do Re-Animator (for being awesome), but instead I watched this gem the other night. I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is probably one of the most incredibly stupid and incredibly funny films that I’ve seen in the last 6 months. The premise is absolute dumbhouse gold, and the film is executed with such verve that it’s really hard not to like it. I’d just like to point out here that there’s loads of elevator related puns available to me, but I shall be an adult and ignore them. Read More…

All Mummy wanted was a back rub- Children of the Corn 4: The Gathering

Bah. Rubbish.

I’m getting pig fucking sick of this series now (on my third attempt to get through part 6 which really should be called Adult of the Corn). However, so far, this stands head and shoulders above the rest in terms of sheer crapness. It does, in the plus column, have Naomi Watts in the lead, but there’s no getting around the fact that this is blatantly NOT a Children of the Corn film. It’s a ghost story that some genius attached to the series in a wholly misguided attempt at a cynical cash in. Of all the series to attach yourself to, this has to be the dumbest one. Read More…

From Russia with Stabbery: Eastern Promises

Well, it’s been a marathon slog, but I’m finally up to date with the Cronenberg series. I’ve seen grubby sex, drugs crazed mugwamps, piss poor drag racing and all manner of psychotics, but finally I’ve arrived at Eastern Promises, the most recent Cronenberg film. Read More…