Tag Archive | London

Jarv’s Birthday Series: An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Welcome back to The Birthday Series. After the unintentional horror of Xanadu, I gleefully unwrap my next present and am ecstatic to see John Landis’ seminal intentional horror American Werewolf in London pop out. As with Life of Brian, this is rightly regarded as a stone-cold classic and as such there are reams and reams of proper reviews by enlightened scribes out there, so I haven’t got a huge amount to add that hasn’t already been written. Nevertheless, I’ll give it my best.

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Drunken Cinema 2: Lifeforce

Our first attempt at this was the utterly insane The Pit. It was fun, but the monkey got bored and started watching some shenanigans with cheerleaders in a chick flick pos. So, clearly The Pit wasn’t bugnuts enough for this kind of drunken foolhardiness. Read More…

From Russia with Stabbery: Eastern Promises

Well, it’s been a marathon slog, but I’m finally up to date with the Cronenberg series. I’ve seen grubby sex, drugs crazed mugwamps, piss poor drag racing and all manner of psychotics, but finally I’ve arrived at Eastern Promises, the most recent Cronenberg film. Read More…

A Study in Boredom: Spider

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It has been absolutely murder wading through these last few films, and I can’t say I’ve enjoyed it in the slightest. Spider is the last of the “second shit period”, and thank the lord this is all out of the way. I’ve waded through drug trip nightmares in Naked Lunch, imbecilic transvestite-shagging weirdos in M. Butterfly, a veritable torrent of filth in Crash and the utter shitness of Existenz, yet this is the only film of this fallow period that I would describe as boring.

And boy is it boring. Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Split Second

“Are you telling me there’s something running around loose in the city, ripping out people’s hearts and eating them so he can take their souls back to hell?”

Jarv’s Rating: 3 and a half Changs out of 4.

This sounds like a silly thing to say about an obvious piece of schlock, but I actually toyed with doing this one for the underrated series. This is a criminally and disgracefully neglected film that is totally overdue rehabilitation. Admittedly it is madder than a box of frogs, stupider than a rock,  and has a completely over the top sensibility, but still, damn it, this is a fucking monster of a film.

Split Second is something that I recommend that everyone sees- it’s that fucking good, so beware of spoilers- but because I love you all I’m going to put them in invisitext. If you want to see this unspoiled (recommended) don’t read them. Otherwise, don’t come crying to me.

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Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Lifeforce

the vault logo


“Assume we know nothing, which is understating the matter”


Please excuse any inaccuracies with this review; my copy of the film was scratched and unwatchable so I’m writing this from memory. Also, it was tough going finding pictures of Lifeforce without Miss May starkers, so if you were clicking on this in the hope of some full frontal, I apologise in advance. Perverts. Read More…