I live in Central London, so let me count the ways I hate them. I know this is meant to be a great celebration of our national identity and a big shiny party and whatnot, but I’m a seething mass of barely disguised rage over it. As a rule, I don’t like the Olympics anyway, for various reasons that I’ll go into below. However, this time the IOC and the cretins running it have gone out of their way to be as corrupt, wasteful and embarrassing as possible.
Buckle up, this one’s stormy, because below are a handful of features of the Olympics that really try my patience.
Welcome back to The Birthday Series. After the unintentional horror of Xanadu, I gleefully unwrap my next present and am ecstatic to see John Landis’ seminal intentional horror American Werewolf in London pop out. As with Life of Brian, this is rightly regarded as a stone-cold classic and as such there are reams and reams of proper reviews by enlightened scribes out there, so I haven’t got a huge amount to add that hasn’t already been written. Nevertheless, I’ll give it my best.
Well, it’s been a marathon slog, but I’m finally up to date with the Cronenberg series. I’ve seen grubby sex, drugs crazed mugwamps, piss poor drag racing and all manner of psychotics, but finally I’ve arrived at Eastern Promises, the most recent Cronenberg film. Read More…
I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It has been absolutely murder wading through these last few films, and I can’t say I’ve enjoyed it in the slightest. Spider is the last of the “second shit period”, and thank the lord this is all out of the way. I’ve waded through drug trip nightmares in Naked Lunch, imbecilic transvestite-shagging weirdos in M. Butterfly, a veritable torrent of filth in Crash and the utter shitness of Existenz, yet this is the only film of this fallow period that I would describe as boring.
And boy is it boring. Read More…
“Are you telling me there’s something running around loose in the city, ripping out people’s hearts and eating them so he can take their souls back to hell?”
Jarv’s Rating: 3 and a half Changs out of 4.
This sounds like a silly thing to say about an obvious piece of schlock, but I actually toyed with doing this one for the underrated series. This is a criminally and disgracefully neglected film that is totally overdue rehabilitation. Admittedly it is madder than a box of frogs, stupider than a rock, and has a completely over the top sensibility, but still, damn it, this is a fucking monster of a film.
Split Second is something that I recommend that everyone sees- it’s that fucking good, so beware of spoilers- but because I love you all I’m going to put them in invisitext. If you want to see this unspoiled (recommended) don’t read them. Otherwise, don’t come crying to me.
“Assume we know nothing, which is understating the matter”
Please excuse any inaccuracies with this review; my copy of the film was scratched and unwatchable so I’m writing this from memory. Also, it was tough going finding pictures of Lifeforce without Miss May starkers, so if you were clicking on this in the hope of some full frontal, I apologise in advance. Perverts. Read More…