Tag Archive | Justin Long

Jarv’s Birthday Series Redux: Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Jeepers Creepers (August 23rd Central Europe)is a problematic film to review. It’s an OK movie, don’t get me wrong on this, and I did quite like it until I happened to find out a few salient points about the director, Victor Salva. There’s a whole level of discourse that has gone on over the years about separating the artist from the work, but it’s something that I’ve always struggled with. It’s a bit of a shame actually, that I now look back at films such as Jeepers Creepers with the knowledge that Salva is a convicted paedophile of the rankest kind having served a pathetic reduced sentence for filming the abuse of a 12 year old boy. Still, I’ll do my best.

Contains rubbish songs from 1938 and spoilers below

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Foiling Droid: Mrs. Jarv takes the bullet meant for Jarv by watching the insulting oestrogen-fest “He’s Just Not That Into You”

This is a public service announcement for all you poor bastards with other halves that insist on inflicting dismal romantic comedies that are neither funny nor romantic on you.

Droid, mistakenly believing himself to be smarter than the average drop bear, thought that he would be able to inflict “He’s Just Not That Into You” on me by duty of me being married. Unfortunately for him, Mrs. Jarv is both far smarter and far nicer than him, and so took the chance to watch this nauseating bucket of vomit while I was at work. As an added bonus, she thought it was so hateful, and so despicable, that she’s actually written a review- so guys, anyone who has a missus threatening with this, present this as a female viewpoint to an odious film and stick Bitch Slap in instead. Anyhoo, enough waffle from me, here it is:

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Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 The Squeakquel

The review you’ve been clamoring for!

After my review of Alvin and the Chipmunks was such an underperformer, I realized that I had to bring a great follow up because that is what the fans want in a sequel, something that surpasses EVERYTHING set forth in the first one whilst keeping the emotional heart and tone of the first one. Well like The Squeakquel this review will set out to crush your soul and wipe your brain clean of any and all rationale thought as to why you are even bothering to read this in the first place.

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