It feels like this movie has taken forever to get to the big screen. I vaguely remember Wolgang Petersen being attached at one point in the early 2000’s. This was before ‘Superman Returns’. Before ‘Batman Begins’. And then there was that Times Square billboard in ‘I Am Legend’, teasing the possibility that the two most famous superheroes of all time would one day go toe to toe for our viewing pleasure.
Christ, I don’t know where to begin with this one. I’ve tried to write it a few times without spoiling, but have been forced to conclude that the only sensible way to review this film is to review the spoiler in the film. I’ve come to this conclusion for two reasons: it’s fucking obvious, and furthermore it’s all over the internets. Nevertheless, on with the review… Read More…
Apparently, I’m not equipped to review this film for 2 reasons. The first is, obviously, that I’m a colossal dunderhead with sensibilities fit for watching a dwarf eat his own head, but entirely unfit for watching subtle, psychological horror (and that I keep maintaining that Dead Ringers isn’t a horror film, but a tragedy). The second, and far more important one, is that I’m male and therefore the film doesn’t hit me in the genitals the same way that it does with women. For example, I have no fear at all of the gynaecologist.
Therefore, with no further ado, I hand you over to Mrs. Jarv. So behave yourselves, else I’ll set the boreworms on you.
When I first saw ‘Kingdom of Heaven’ at the cinema I thought it was garbage. It was ‘Gladiator’ all over again, except with an actor in the lead who would be more suited to miming in a boy band than leading the defence of Jerusalem against the vast Muslim army. It felt slight, despite it’s almost two and a half hour running time. There was little depth to the relationships and it seemed to touch on a subject then scuttle off in search of the nearest action scene.
A few years after I’d stricken it from the record, I noticed nattering amongst the ranks that a newly released Directors Cut had not only resurrected this flick from it’s shallow grave but gave it a brand new haircut and a shiny new suit as well. So I checked out the re-released version, risking 194 minutes of my oh so precious time, and was absolutely amazed by what I saw. It’s essentially the same film, but about ten times better. What a difference 50 minutes can make.