It’s a new year. Time for resolutions, fresh starts, life changing decisions and all that bollocks. It’s also a good time to evaluate the cinematic landscape that we’ll be navigating in the new year. 2012 was, let’s face it, a very mixed bag in terms of cinema. Some good, a lot of bad, but mostly it was content with mediocrity. Will 2013 be any different? Let’s take a look.
As a word of warning, there is no way that I can properly review this film without talking about the story in detail. I usually don’t like to do this for films under the A Droid Premiere banner, because I know that most of us haven’t seen them. But this film is a little different. There are the makings of a brilliant film here, but there are a few reasons why it is not. In lieu of a “It was good, but it has problems.” non-committal review, I deemed it necessary to reveal a substantial amount of the story. Now I leave it in your capable hands to decide if that matters or not. I suspect most won’t care, but I provide this disclaimer in the name of covering my ass. Read on.
I’ve developed a new theory about Paul W.S. Anderson. I have decided that the persecution complex that I’d developed regarding him going out of his way to find material that I like to then rape in front of me was just nothing more than paranoia talking. Now, my new theory is this: he was bullied in school, and the kids that bullied him were into “cool” things like zombies etc. As a result of this, when he quite inexplicably managed to become a success as an adult, he went back and all his films now are an attempt to appeal to the lost little boy crying in the corner having been ignored by the cool clique. However, the reason that those kids ostracised the little twerp is that he has absolutely no concept about what made these subjects cool in the first place. Now, to disguise his ineptitude, he pretends that the remakes/ destruction of these very films are actually prequels to those original classics. So, in the case of the terrible first Resident Evil movie, he hasn’t botched the adaptation of the game, because his piss-poor cretinous version of it is really a prequel. Which brings me round to Death Race (release date 22nd August in the USA). I unashamedly love the Carradine/ Stallone original, being a wacky blend of dystopia, satire and all round craziness. Little touches such as Euthanasia Day at the hospital always make me smile and I do have to admit that when I heard that Anderson was helming the remake (sorry, prequel), a small piece of my childhood started crying before fetching the doll to show the officer where the bad man touched it.
I’m on the fence about the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ series. During the dismal summer of 2003 (Bad Boys II, Terminator 3, The Matrix Reloaded), the first film, ‘The Curse of the Black Pearl’, was an entertaining surprise. It featured an unusual, superstar making (and Academy Award nominated) performance from Johnny Depp, a memorable villain and was above all else, fun. Then the inevitable sequels arrived, shot back to back. ‘Dead Man’s Chest’ and ‘At Worlds End’ took the fantastical elements of the first film, dropped a fistful of acid and ran screaming, naked and cartwheeling through the cineplex. Davy Jones was a squid. One characters father was a giant barnacle. There was the Kraken, limbo, waterwheels, voodoo, crab army, enormous whirlpools and Keith Richards. Put simply, it was all too much. Seemingly taking note of this, Jerry Bruckheimer and Disney have reeled in the crazy for ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides’.
Are you seeing this? What you’ve done? What you’re responsible for? Are you proud of yourself? Was it worth it? All this pain
This was not the movie I expected it to be. The trailer is very misleading as are most of the reviews about it. That’s not to say that I really get upset about it, I haven’t been bombarded with tons of junk about this film but what I have seen I really liked and was excited to see this. What I got was something different entirely.