Tag Archive | Hideous crap

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: The Garbage Pail Kids Movie

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What. The. Fuck?

Seriously, and this isn’t rhetorical this time, what the fuck?

I’m honestly not kidding here, but can someone, anyone, please explain to your humble reviewer what the fuck this is? I, for some reason, had never seen this film before, but like almost every kid in the late 80’s I did have some of the cards and we did trade them in the playground and whatnot. For those that don’t know what the Garbage Pail Kids are, they were produced as a pseudo-satirical dig at the ubiquitous at the time Cabbage Patch Dolls and basically took the basic look of those repellent toys and amped the gross and ugly up to 11. Anyhow, in the late 80’s these cards were everywhere and the Topps Chewing Gum company that produced them decided to cash in on the completely unexpected craze by making a live-action film based on their *cough* loveable *cough* characters. I’ve watched some reprehensible shite on my meanders through the vault, but I honestly don’t think I’ve encountered anything as so obviously misguided as this. The Garbage Pail Kids movie is what happens when people without the foggiest idea how to make a film are let loose on an idea that should never have been filmed in the first place. This, for wont of a better expression, film represents a cultural nadir, and watching it is a truly a grim and horrible experience for the viewer.  Read More…

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