Tag Archive | heroin

Jarv’s Birthday Series Redux: All About My Mother (1999)


I hate this film. It’s garbage. It’s rank, tedious garbage. I have no idea why this is so highly acclaimed, because in all honesty I put this effort by Spanish pervert Pedro Almodovar on the same level as Eastenders, and I don’t watch that bollocks either. In many ways, All About My Mother (release date 27th August) is the quintessential Almodovar, combining pompous meta-fiction with the sensibilities of a melodrama. Featuring a strong female lead, a cast of supporting freaks, and endless bloody scenes of women talking drivel at each other, if All About My Mother had a decent nudity count (only 1 solitary jugg sighting, and that’s early on) then this really would be the only Almodovar that anyone would ever need to watch. Unfortunately, I’ve now seen it twice, and while I didn’t hate it as much this time, I can’t say I liked it at all. Mrs. Jarv, annoyingly, had forgotten the whole damned movie from first viewing, so  kept asking stupid bloody questions, which made the whole experience even more depressing.

Contains the worst adaptation of Streetcar Named Desire ever filmed and spoilers below

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Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Trailer Park of Terror

The secret to making jerky is the marinade

Jarv’s Rating: A very fair and balanced 2 Changs out of 4. This is close to being almost ideal drunken cinema, but seems to lack confidence in becoming a proper “bad” movie. Which is weird, considering it is called Trailer Park of Terror. It isn’t like anyone is watching this expecting Merchant Ivory, is it?

As my Birthday has now passed, and I’m not going to get to see Conan until next week, I may as well update the schlock vault entries I’ve been watching recently. First to shamble it’s rotting corpse out of the vault was the previously reviewed Vampire Girl v Frankenstein Girl, which I thoroughly enjoyed. The second entry in this recent run was Trailer Park of Terror. I own up at the start to once again picking a film based entirely on its name, and to be honest, that has left me watching the odd disastrously un-entertaining film in the past. However, Trailer Park of Terror seemed to me to hold some real potential as an idea. So, with confidence brimming, I stuck it on and, for the most part, it did indeed live up to the lofty standards of the name, with the odd really moment. However, for the most part, Trailer Park of Terror came across as a bit, well, smug, and I think there’s actually a much, much better film lurking around in here.
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Queers and Junk: Naked Lunch

I now return to the Cronenberg series after what feels like an eternity and I can’t say I’m taking much pleasure from the next few films. Naked Lunch is the starting point for “the second shit period” and although it isn’t as bad as I remembered it being, I can’t say that I actually enjoyed watching it. Read More…

Jarv’s Best of 2000-2009. Number 4: Requiem for a Dream

Any of these top 4 could have been number 1. In fact, this was (until I rewatched it a few  nights ago) pencilled in as number 1, but on reflection it’s just too damned miserable to take the top spot. Read More…