Tag Archive | Gunplay

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Nude Nuns With Big Guns

My sins, they were with women

Jarv’s Rating: 1 Chang out of 4. Just not enough fun, and far, far too rapey. Sorry.

Let’s be honest here, I was never going to be able to resist a film called “Nude Nuns with Big Guns”. Seriously, it promises stupidity, lesbians, nudity, gunplay, nudity, being rude about religion, lesbians, and nudity. So, my schlock watching mate and myself got in an ocean worth of beer, put it on and lit a few spliffs. This should be a blast, right? Read More…

Jarv’s Birthday Series: Desperado (1995)

After Natural Born Killers stuck its unpleasant nose into my golden period, I’m pleased to slide back into the series on a high point. I like films like this, preposterous, overblown, ridiculous, comical, violent and action packed. It’s another slice of Dumbhouse gold, and given the very high-concept films surrounding it in this series (Freeway is next, and that’s an incredibly high-concept movie), a film about a large Mexican shooting people is a very, very pleasant diversion. Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: The Convent

“My Brother’s the antichrist? Mom is gonna be pissed.” 

Jarv’s Rating: 2.5 Changs and I really want to give it more, but just can’t.

 This film is far better than the 2.5 Chang rating that I’ve given it in terms of entertainment. I watched it as part of my ongoing quest to find a witchcraft movie that doesn’t suck balls, and assumed a film called The Convent would be about black magic. Instead, and much to my amazement, I blundered into a rollicking little movie. The Convent is full of comedy, gore, ultraviolence, funny cameos and great laughs. It ain’t perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it is great fun. Read More…