Tag Archive | Eagle

Just Pillow Talk’s Birthday Nightmare: The Eagle (2011)

With sincere apologies:

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every snow-covered shack in Connecticut shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked pieces of cinema will be made straight; and the glory of the Tiger in the Hat shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope, and this is the faith that there will be no more monster rape,

With this faith, Pillows will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, he will be able to transform the jangling discords of wanting to repeatedly punch Fuckstick Brooks  into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, he will be able to work together to make a dream car, to pray together for greater understanding of relationships with fake lesbos, to struggle together against the tyranny of the American Healthcare system, to stand up to forget alien spheres together, knowing that he will be free one day.

And this will be the day — this will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning:

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when there are no more piss jokes or amnesia storylines and every hamlet, from every state and every city, hell even every corner of the internets, can finally recognise that interfering with your mate’s daughter is not funny, he will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, midgets and lesbians, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty,  Pillows is free at last! Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: The Beastmaster


“He is a friend, he is the Beastmaster!”     

  Jarv’s Rating: 2.5 Changs- not as good as I remembered it being, but still pretty funny.  

 This is another one that hit high on the nostalgia scale for me. I originally saw this on VHS when I was about 6-ish, once again through parental incompetence. My parents, bless their hearts, were terminally confused about ratings and films back then. They came home from the video shop one day with The Beastmaster, thinking it was some sort of kiddie friendly Disney claptrap. Needless to say, it isn’t. From that moment forth, The Beastmaster held a special place in the heart of young Jarv, but I hadn’t seen it again (it hasn’t got a UK DVD release) until very recently.     

Read More…