Tag Archive | Charles Bronson

I wish I was dead: Death Wish 5

Death Wish 5 poster

Everyone remembers the Simpson’s gag with an ancient Charles Bronson in Death Wish 9 saying “I wish I was dead, Oy”, and now we’re at the film that it best applies to on my little journey following the Kerse’s violent retribution on Street Punks. Death Wish 5: The Face of Death is the film where the series finally topped out, and is, frankly, a pretty poor way for the Kerse to check out. This is a franchise that should have been put in an old folk’s home after the third installment.

Contains bizarre transvestite hitmen with dandruff and spoilers below. Read More…

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The Kerse v Drugs: Death Wish 4: The Crackdown

Death Wish 4 poster

This is where the entertainment in the series stops. This is the first Death Wish film helmed by someone other than Winner, and when the fat hack left the series he seems to have taken 90% of the entertainment with him. Aside from one gleefully bugnuts moment (I have a gif of it coming up) Death Wish 4 is a monumental let down, being boring, pointless and wildly out of place with the rest of the Kerse’s adventures.

Contains an ON SCREEN death by RPG and spoilers below.  Read More…

Back in New York: DEATH WISH 3

Death Wish 3 Poster

And THIS is what we’ve been fucking talking about. Bring it on.

Contains a ludicrous amount of creeps getting wasted and spoilers below.  Read More…

Dealing another helping of Street Justice, but with added rapiness: Death Wish 2

Death Wish 2 poster

I’ve been musing on this film since I saw it a couple of weeks ago, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the “bad” reputation for Death Wish being a rapestraveganza of nastiness comes from this film. I know this is a bit of a weird conclusion to draw, given that I complained about the weird rape in the last one, but, honestly, this is Michael Winner off the leash to a certain extent. This one’s picture light as pretty much every image from this film on the internets has jugs in it. Sorry about that.

Contains a total betrayal of the original film and spoilers below.  Read More…

Jarv develops a DEATH WISH

Death Wish Poster

Don’t panic people. Despite my unemployed status, I’ve not really got an actual Death Wish. Rather, I’ve decided that I need a new series and Bronson’s cottage industry of one man ultraviolence strikes me as the answer (mostly because of the third one, if I’m honest). Anyhow, here we’ll be reviewing all 5 Death Wish films, chronicling one man army Paul Kersey taking justice to the punks of New York and Los Angeles. First up, is seminal 1970’s exploitation “classic” Death Wish. Obviously.

Contains Creeps and Spoilers below.  Read More…

To prove it can be done Jarv lists 10 actually good remakes.

Remakes, eh? The lazy hack’s adaptation format of choice. Seriously, why bother going to all the trouble of coming up with a new idea, and then writing it, filming it and then marketing it to people who have never heard of it when you can pick a classic/ popular title off the shelf and routinely sodomise it on-screen for the vicarious pleasure of the cretinous plankton who intermittently tear their eyes off their vital text message to cast their listless gaze on a film that once fired the imagination being used and soiled like a Thai hooker with self-esteem issues. Particularly guilty are all those hideous Carpenter remakes, which, let’s face it, only exist to keep the man knee-deep in mediocre weed and shitty KFC. Nevertheless, it isn’t impossible to craft an actually good remake (and The Departed is not a good remake). To prove it- here are 10 in no particular order that are all quality, and some of which surpass the original. Read More…