Tag Archive | Caroline Munro

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Starcrash

Starcrash! YES! A 4th Dimensional attack!

This may possibly be the greatest film ever made. Seriously- Citizen Kane? Pah, boring nonsense about an old fart’s love for his sledge. Does Casablanca feature David Hasselhoff using a lightsaber to fight a sword-wielding stop motion robot? Well, you get the idea, because none of the alleged cinematic classics feature C3P0 with breasts! Honestly, your tiny little mind is not prepared for the sheer unmitigated awesomeness of Starcrash. The only question I have, is how had I never seen a film where a significant portion of it takes place on the planet of the space lesbians?

Just a warning, but I’ve gone completely picture happy in this review. Because I couldn’t work out which ones to discard, and they are all that funny.

Contains inexplicable Country and Western robots and spoilers below.

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Good Vampire Films: Captain Kronos- Vampire Hunter

It’s very hard, in fact probably impossible, to write a series of reviews on Vampire films without mentioning Hammer. The British studio made hundreds of horror films over a period of decades, and many of the archetype vampire movies have either Peter Cushing or Christopher Lee in them- and invariably something-of-Dracula in the title. Later Hammer tended towards the poor, if I’m absolutely honest, but occasionally they did try something different, and usually it was treated with utter disdain by the public. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the attempts to break the mold were bad, quite the reverse as they tended to be better than the stock Hammer fare. Captain Kronos is a fine example of this.

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