I’d completely repressed the fact that we’d done these bloody birthday series, which come complete with the added bonus of only being stopped by the reviewers’ actual death. Anyhoo, as I’m still on the unemployment train, I thought I’d have a look to see what treasures 2012, 2013, 2014 and 2015 had left for me before my imminent birthday this year. So, having briefly perused Wikipedia, I was quite pleased to see a palatable list that I’ve already (for the most part) seen and, more importantly, didn’t hate. My provisional list is: Premium Rush, You’re Next, Sinister 2 and, for 2014 and today’s entry, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For. I’ll also update the scores for the first run through after I catch up with 2016’s entry.
Contains new material written especially for Werewolves on the Moon that isn’t as good as the material that has already been published in this series (heh) and spoilers below
It’s a new year. Time for resolutions, fresh starts, life changing decisions and all that bollocks. It’s also a good time to evaluate the cinematic landscape that we’ll be navigating in the new year. 2012 was, let’s face it, a very mixed bag in terms of cinema. Some good, a lot of bad, but mostly it was content with mediocrity. Will 2013 be any different? Let’s take a look.
Originally, this review was going to be about ‘Looper’. Then I saw a small indie film that was on my radar since the Sundance film festival earlier in the year called ‘Safety Not Guaranteed’. Both films revolve around the subject of time travel, but their respective approaches are completely different. A comparison might make interesting reading. We’ll see.
Hehehehehehe. To quote the not-forgotten monkey: BOOBS, ASS, MINKY! FTW!
Color of Night (release date 19th August in the USA) is a monumentally dumb film, so dumb in fact that it forgot the definite article at the start of its title. It’s also a hilarious one, but don’t let that distract you from the fact that on almost every level this is a cinematic stinker, a borderline skin-flick with a plot that would get laughed out of even the worst airport fiction. It’s so blazingly and crushingly inept, actually, that it doesn’t belong here and should live in the vault along with the other dregs of cinema. That it doesn’t is that it was directed by Oscar Nominated Richard Rush, and stars (check this out) Bruce Willis, Jane March (who incidentally, and quite understandably, hates it), Lesley Ann Warren, Scott Bakula, Brad Dourif, Ruben Blades, Lance Henriksen, Eriq LaSalle and Kathleen Wilhoite. Holy shit, what a cast, and what a fucking laughably awful film. I think the best word for it is “risible”.
Absolutely under no circumstances does this contain Bruce Willis’ cock, but it may contain spoilers below. Read More…
Remakes, eh? The lazy hack’s adaptation format of choice. Seriously, why bother going to all the trouble of coming up with a new idea, and then writing it, filming it and then marketing it to people who have never heard of it when you can pick a classic/ popular title off the shelf and routinely sodomise it on-screen for the vicarious pleasure of the cretinous plankton who intermittently tear their eyes off their vital text message to cast their listless gaze on a film that once fired the imagination being used and soiled like a Thai hooker with self-esteem issues. Particularly guilty are all those hideous Carpenter remakes, which, let’s face it, only exist to keep the man knee-deep in mediocre weed and shitty KFC. Nevertheless, it isn’t impossible to craft an actually good remake (and The Departed is not a good remake). To prove it- here are 10 in no particular order that are all quality, and some of which surpass the original. Read More…
Sometimes on an adventure you hear of a great tale/myth/sighting/tourist trap that sounds too good to resist so you must pursue it. Sometimes this can lead to an amazing find but usually the end result is a bit of a let down. Sort of like Stonehedge. Seems really cool but when you are finally there (ITS FUCKING AMAZING!!) its a bit of a let down. This brings us to my next stop on this adventure with no end in site: ladies and gentlebrits I have heard of a movie directed by one of the greatest comedy directors, who is bringing back a often thought dead great genre of film ‘the buddy cop comedy’ (you can thank ‘The Man’ for it’s demise). It also stars one of the great wise cracking action stars and a comedian who hasn’t been beaten to death yet so he still seems fresh. This will be an epic movie which will rejuvenate the genres life blood and bring you a plentiful harvest of more to come. The movie you seek goes by the name of………
DO NOT SUCK.
During the past decade we have been bombarded with superhero movies, each with the intent of explaining the hero’s origin and starting a multi film franchise in the proceedings. ‘Unbreakable’ is the second best of the whole lot. It would place higher on my list if not for one, incredibly infuriating decision by M. Night Shyamalan. But more on that later.