Tag Archive | Boredom

Cronenberg’s Talking Cure: A Dangerous Method

This, on paper, is a golden idea. Cronenberg has made a career out of Freudian imagery, so making an actual movie based on a well regarded play, based on a well regarded book, about Freud and Jung must have seemed like a perfect fit of director to material. Think Michael Bay and Transformers. Instead, I’m not sure what went wrong here, because this doesn’t feel much like a Cronenberg film, but that might be because this is “new” respectable Cronenberg, not old insane Body Horror Cronenberg. Dave, man, what happened to you?  Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Hydra

It lost its head

I really am a sucker for creature features. However, I should really know better than to trust The Sci-Fi channel’s made for TV efforts, because they are almost all of such low quality that they make the less than stellar Asylum efforts seem almost acceptable. In this case, the premise is solid gold- take the Most Dangerous Game, mix with the myth of the Lernean Hydra and let the carnage and shenanigans ensue. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case and the eponymous giant asshole snake simply takes the film and crushes it in its useless coils of failure. Read More…

Man’s Best Friend: Rottweiler (2004)

You hear that? That’s the optimistic sound of a brand new series starting!

Yes, we talk a fair amount about killer animals films here, and one species in particular has managed to savage himself a certain notoriety in cinema: The Killer Dog. There are hundreds of these movies out there, and due to Stephen King’s iconic Cujo they are somewhat of a mainstay of the killer animal genre. Admittedly, most of them are absolute shit on a stick, but there are enough juicy ones to keep the tail wagging.

Anyhow, first up is Brian Yuzna’s 2004 effort Rottweiler. I am promised unstoppable killer cyborg dogs in a mixed up dystopian future, and as Yuzna is directing, then there should be buckets of gore and more tits than a bird sanctuary. Read More…

Made in Britain: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Every year there is one film thrown out by the film industry that is on the receiving end of a huge amount of critical nut stroking. The critics get down there, and they, well, fondle those balls. Invariably, and this is the point of this introduction, the film is fundamentally not worth the testicular massage that it is receiving. Don’t get me wrong, they are always, without exception, well acted, well shot, good looking films, but, and this is the important but, they are narcolepsy inducing. Last year, for example, The Black Swan received more handjob’s than Bill Clinton, yet actually wasn’t that good. This year, that film is Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.

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