Tag Archive | Bikers

From the Vault: Schlock in the 21st Century

This century hasn’t been kind to schlock. Needless to say, here’s a list of some I recommend and some I really, really don’t. Some of these I’ve already reviewed, some I haven’t. It’s not a top ten, rather just films from the bargain bucket that I think are worth a look. Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Ankle Biters

Ankle Biters

“Forget about what you’ve seen in the movies. All the legends are bogus: Vampires like sunlight, stakes don’t work, garlic is delicious and I really, really wish I was Blade, but unfortunately I happen to be lame.”

Jarv’s Rating: 0 fucking Changs. Walter most unimpressed.

Alright, I own up- I did doctor the end of that quote.

I’ve been on a right run of garbage recently. I actually saw this before Return of The Living Dead 2, but it made me die a bit inside, so I haven’t got round to writing it up until today.

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Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

the vault logoChopper Chicks in Zombie Town

CC1“Blind kids, a midget, dykes on bikes… we could start a side-show!”

Ignore reviews on IMDB (as if you need me to tell you that), ignore Amazon, especially ignore the middle bit of that idiotic Variety quote on the cover- it isn’t a spoof (I don’t think they know how to do a spoof), ignore pretty much everything, and trust me- your guide to the darker recesses of the vault. Would I lie to you? Read More…