Tag Archive | Bastard Movie Scientists tinkering with the laws of nature

Jarv’s Birthday Series: Mimic (1997)

Continuing on this never-ending trek through the annals of film released on my Birthday, and it really hasn’t been that hard. I haven’t suffered the misery that Pillows has sat through, but I will put my two worst films up against any film on any other list. Against that, though, I think I’ve probably drawn the most “classic” films- with some of them legitimately ranking in the “best in category” level. I’ve also, and this has surprised me a wee bit, drawn a lot of movies that I remembered very fondly from the time that looking back at them now don’t rate anywhere near as highly. Today’s offering, Mimic, is an early Guillermo Del Toro film, and, well, I’m not really sure how I feel about it. Read More…

Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Mega Piranha

So what have you done in the past few years?

Jarv’s Rating: A typically over-generous 2 Changs out of 4. This isn’t awful, and does have a strange watchability to it, but let’s face it, it’s still an Asylum film.

Those crazy people at Asylum. Seriously, they’re entire raison d’être is that when they think that someone has hit on a golden formula for cheap and cheerful schlock they can mimic endlessly and spend even less for equal success, they follow it with sub-standard crap without the slightest understanding of what made the original successful. For example, the rightfully much derided Snakes on a Train fiasco. Admittedly, Snakes on a Plane wasn’t exactly a slice of deep-fried gold, but it’s not a premise that you can extend indefinitely. However, something seems to have changed (possibly the medication) there and they’ve latched onto a formula that they can repeat forever with only minor tweaks to it: The Giant Fish eats people genre. First there was Megashark v Giant Octopus (which I reviewed here and was inexplicably generous with), then there was Megashark v Crocosaurus (again, reviewed by me here with a ridiculously generous rating), and now I’ve finally seen Mega Piranha, Asylum’s part 3 in the trifecta of crappy giant fish movies.

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Jarv’s Schlock Vault: Leviathan


 I realise you must have gone through hell. 

Gone, Bitch! We’re still here!


Jarv’s Rating: 2.5 Changs out of 4. Enjoyable monster film. 

Recently, much against my better judgement, I’ve been revisting things I saw on VHS when a child that I remember really enjoying. I always find this to be a somewhat risky proposition; on one hand there’s been the undeniably classic Split Second, but on the other there’s also been the somewhat disappointing Critters 2. Leviathan falls somewhere between the two of them, being a great monster movie, but not the film I remembered. 

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