Director: Ron Krauss
Starring: James Spader, Janine Eser, John Lynch
Hello, I’m not dead! I’ve managed to clamber free of the dole-drums for a minute in a probably futile effort to resurrect this ailing Sciffy series. I’m well out of writing (and film watching) practice and it might show – so apologies. May contain a very brief, barely noticeable reference to The Thing and lots of spoilers…
Amazingly, it’s been over a year since my last foray into the rollercoaster career of one Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger. For those out there who truly appreciate laziness, this one’s for the books. Since the ‘Raw Deal’ review was published, a lot has changed for Arnie. He’s no longer Governor of California, his wife divorced him because he was diddling the help, and his acting career is getting back up and running with an expanded role in 2012’s The Expendables 2, as well as his true comeback film, 2013’s The Last Stand.
There’s been a lot of natter around the camp fire about Battle: Los Angeles. Much more than you’d usually expect from a blockbuster movie about aliens coming to earth and blowing shit up. I’d like to reassure you that I will not be addressing, responding, rebutting, or even retorting to any of the reviews, statements, political motivations, axe grinding or whether or not one is a moron for enjoying the movie. I will however be opining the topic of the film called Battle: Los Angeles that I bore witness to at 6pm on a Thursday evening in the year 2011.
Director: Harry Bromley Davenport
Starring: Sal Landi, Andrew Divoff, Karen Moncrieff
Of the three Xtro movies so far, Harry says this one’s his favourite. He also says his sales people are “salivating” at the prospect of a 4th. I think you mean ‘drooling’, as in purveyors of fine rubber wallpaper, sunshine…
Director: Harry Bromley Davenport
Starring: Philip Sayer, Bernice Stegers, Danny Brainin
The poster is in French. I don’t speaka de francais but I gather the rough translation is as follows: ‘Not all aliens are friendly’. Oooh, la-la. Notice how they’ve bigged up and bolded E & T. I think what they mean is, get ready for an ET aimed at adults…
Director: Norman J. Warren
Starring: Robin Clarke, Judy Geeson, Stephanie Beacham
For the third and final Waste Of Space I’m turning to Brit exploitation helmer Norman J. Warren (always good to have an initial in there, makes one appear somehow more distinguished – yeh, not you, Paul W S). Brace yourself, it’s the nasty alien rape-fest Inseminoid, aka Horror Planet…
Director: Allan Holzman
Starring: Jesse Vint, June Chadwick, Linden Chiles
In some areas also known as Mutant, this is the second in my hugely popular ‘Waste Of Space’ trilogy. If I mention Forbidden World to anyone they’ll usually respond with (a) “Do you mean Forbidden Planet?” or (b)… Oh. There’s no (b). This movie should have been called and shall henceforth be known as Dingwhopper. I’ll hear no further arguments on the matter. That’s final.
Director: Bruce D Clarke
Starring: Edward Albert, Erin Moran, Ray Walston
Here we go, the first in a trilogy of space based shenanigans, beginning with a shocker (choose whichever connotation suits yer) from 1981. Generally, if I mention Galaxy Of Terror to anyone, I’ll get one of only two answers: (a) “Never heard of it – is it one of your shitty ‘80’s films?” or (b) “Is that the one where the woman gets raped by a giant maggot?” Yes. And, lord forgive us, yes.
I realise you must have gone through hell.
Gone, Bitch! We’re still here!
Jarv’s Rating: 2.5 Changs out of 4. Enjoyable monster film.
Recently, much against my better judgement, I’ve been revisting things I saw on VHS when a child that I remember really enjoying. I always find this to be a somewhat risky proposition; on one hand there’s been the undeniably classic Split Second, but on the other there’s also been the somewhat disappointing Critters 2. Leviathan falls somewhere between the two of them, being a great monster movie, but not the film I remembered.
I love a good surprise in a film, I love going in expecting the worst and coming out the other end having just enjoyed an interesting film that is not a complete waste of time. I’ve notice with these movies just released on DVD that were in theaters between September and November, which usually is a dumping ground for bad films, have had that effect on me recently. While had I gone to see them in the theater I may have had a much different reaction to them, but they have made for a great rentals. I’d like to think that we are at a point where truly just bland stuff is not getting dumped in the non big months, thanks to the success of Paul Blart: Mall Cop last year in January studios have realized that you can make profitable movies in the down months. The Fourth Kind was a nice little sleeper hit for the studios, and I probably would have hated it at the cinema.