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The title makes sense- Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud

I’ve finally waded all the way through to the end of Pumpkinhead 4 and the series has had its ups and downs. This is a down. I actually blame the third film for my thoroughly mediocre feelings towards this one, as if it hadn’t been acceptable this wouldn’t be such a let down. Nevertheless, as a fearless schlock killer, I did put this on straight after three and this is the only way I can describe it: Have you ever been to a small seaside town in the summer (Doesn’t matter what country)? You have a great time, the sun’s shining, people are happy, you eat ice cream and drink beer on the beach. It’s all very pleasant. Now, imagine (and I went to university in a town where this is really analogous) you return to the small village in January- the sky is gunmetal grey, there are tumbleweeds composed entirely of forlorn flyers blowing around the street, the rain is lashing down and all the locals have resentful and unhappy faces. It’s technically the same place, you can recognise all the same landmarks, and the beer still tastes the same, but it’s a totally different and much more rotten experience. Read More…

A title that almost makes sense- Pumpkinhead 3: Ashes to Ashes

After the utterly abysmal Pumpkinhead 2, I was somewhat trepiditious about continuing with this franchise. You know how it’s meant to go: Stunning first film, mediocre second, passable third, and so forth until you hit “derisory concluding chapter”. Take the Alien films, for example: Alien is classic, Aliens is classic, Alien 3 is very good (fuck you all, I like it), Alien Resurrection is mediocre, AvP is crap, AvP:Rectum was the Moonwolves worst film of the last decade and a franchise killer. Which, while I’m thinking about it, will not be resurrected by that stupid prequel flight of the cock jockey nonsense. Pumpkinhead, on the other hand, bucked the tried and tested formula by going straight from very good to fucking terrible missing out all stops in between. This meant that, in all likelihood, Pumpkinhead 3: Ashes to Ashes would be AvP:Rectum levels of awfulness.

Furthermore, the omens weren’t good for it. There’s a significant time gap between Blood Wings and Ashes for Ashes (always a sign of impending suckitude), and worst of all it was made for TV by the Sci-Fi Channel. Now, Sciffy may be somewhat passable nowadays with the likes of Mammoth, Infestation and Pandorum actually being good films, but back in 2006, even seeing their name attached to something meant that you would be looking more at a Minotaur than a Mammoth.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, it was an absolute nightmare to get hold off, and the version I eventually watched had fucking Swedish subtitles.

No, my fellow Changians, this one did not look good. Read More…

But there aren’t any wings made of blood… Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings

The titles of these films confuse me, frankly. I’m still at a loss as to why it’s called Pumpkinhead, but this time out they went one step further and picked something “cool sounding” for the title of the sequel. Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings features neither a demon with a head shaped like a vegetable, nor does it have anything at all to do with wings of blood. I get the feeling that this was very apparent to writers Constantine and Ivan Chachornia (and somebody called Will Hutton who is “uncredited”) given that they literally have the main character stumble on one of Pumpkinhead’s victims, look around and exclaim “Blood Wings”. Righto, that wasn’t forced or anything, honestly, it sounded completely natural to me.

That, sadly, is the level of quality we’re talking about in this less than stellar sequel. Read More…

But he doesn’t have a…. Pumpkinhead!

Not to be nitpicky or anything, but if I’m watching a film called, say, pumpkinhead then I expect to be watching one of two things: either a biopic of Quentin Tarantino or a film about an evil demon type monster who’s distinguishing characteristic is that he has a head shaped like a large vegetable beloved of Americans. By the way, Yanks, Pumpkin Pie is revolting- yeah, you heard me, it’s filthy stuff. Mind you, so is most of what you stuff into your gaping maws at Thanksgiving- Sweet Potato with marshmallows and corn flakes? Yuck. Oh, and while I’m on this, Thanksgiving? What? It’s just an excuse to stuff yourselves to bursting point and sit in a semi-comatose state of flatulence for 7 hours. Minimum. Mind you, I do get my yearly dose of comedy taking phone calls from an increasingly irate Mrs. Jarv experiencing epic failure in the kitchen, which is, as far as she’s concerned, the place where we keep the vodka. Honestly, it may as well be on Mars for the other 364 days of the year.

Food based digressions aside, Pumpkinhead is a pretty enjoyable slice of late 80’s schlocky fun. It’s about vengeance, big angry demons, douchebags, witchcraft and Lance Henriksen.  Read More…