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You can’t lose your virginity twice: Prom Night (2008)

A plague on this kind of film. There’s nothing less imaginative or original, and dare I say soulless, than this shiny American remake trend. Having worked their way through classic films, and less than classic films, it was only inevitable that they’d turn their jaundiced gaze on those lower ranked horror movies. As Prom Night has always been a hugely profitable film series, it isn’t so surprising that this was one of the first out of the blocks once the actual good movies had been ruined. As is always the way with these remakes, instead of taking the original film and having another look at it, perhaps amping up the boob count and the gore for the jaundiced youth of today, maybe introducing some drugs and whatnot, the makers of the 2008 version of Prom Night decided to toss the whole thing out and introduce us to the most drab, boring, shiny and heartless slasher movie imaginable. There was no love put into this production at all, and as a direct result of this Prom Night 2008 is a charmless and dull experience, one that is not recommended to anyone other than those completing a series.

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Tears, Tiaras and Tantrums: Jarv regrets seeing Prom Night 4: Deliver Us From Evil

After the relative success of the last two Prom Night films, well, at least in terms of entertainment, it’s clearly time for the series to dive happily into the shitter. The golden rule for the 4th film of a series or onwards is, and forever shall be, if you want it to be good, then you stand a better chance if you SET IT IN SPACE. Prom Night, sadly, decided not to go this route, and instead bought a script off the shelf, tacked on the prom night motif, and turned in an absolute shitburger of a film. It’s not a Prom Night Film, it’s not a Mary Lou film, it’s, in fact, a bit of a steaming turd on the face of crappy horror sequels. And that’s saying something.  Read More…

Jarv regrets the night before- Prom Night 3: The Last Kiss.

After the Prom Night series decided to abandon the slasher formula for some supernatural shenanigans, and turned in an absolute gem of a little film, I began to hold out some hope for the rest of the series. There’s no need to respect continuity if it means that you turn in a series of identikit killer of the week films with only the inventiveness of the murders to distinguish them (see Friday 13th). However, the makers of Prom Night had higher aspirations, or at least appeared to. Realising that they’d inadvertently struck gold by ripping off Carrie and Nightmare on Elm Street 2, they decided that this was the route to follow, and so kept going with the Mary Lou story, thereby effectively consigning the original Prom Night concept to the dustbin. The result is this lost little gem, The Last Kiss, that takes the concept of undead possessive prom queen Mary Lou to insane new levels. Read More…

The walk of shame. Jarv reviews Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou.

The interesting thing about Slasher movie series is that continuity is a dirty word. For example, the Leprechaun zooms around the world, stops in space and finishes up in Compton, not to mention that he has different rules and a different personality in each film. Friday the 13th bends continuity over and treats it to some special kind of loving, while Halloween does things to the character and story in the sequels that are probably illegal even in Holland. So, is it wise to expect Prom Night 2:  Hello Mary Lou to follow any standard of continuity whatsoever, to make any sense at all, and to have even the slightest thing to do with the competent but totally dreary film that spawned it? The short answer to this question is no. The slightly longer answer is “fuck no”, and read on for the full length answer.  Read More…

Jarv spikes the punch at Prom Night (1980)

We don’t have Prom in this country. It’s an utterly alien concept to us, along with other weird American celebrations such as Sweet 16, Thanksgiving and the Tea Party. Anyhoo, we do have discos and suchlike at school, or because I went to a posh school they’re upgraded to the status of “Ball”, except we’re actually allowed to drink at them and whatnot. In my case, due to a somewhat lamentable disciplinary record, I only attended one such ball in my final year, my Leaver’s Ball. I have a very hazy recollection of the festivities due to consumption of a vast amount of alcohol. Occasionally, though, I still experience the odd horrible flashback of an equally drunk ginger chick.

*shivers*

In my defense, due to a mild and ongoing case of body fascism, she was at least thin. And I was drunk, not to mention extremely grateful.

Look, we’ve all been there, so DON’T YOU FUCKERS JUDGE ME!!!

What this has to do with the 1980 Jamie Lee Curtis vehicle Prom Night is, well, nothing. Still, this is a review series of all 5 Prom Night films, and that’s the one I’m starting with…

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