Kloipy will not bow to the “AntiChrist”

Finally, a horror movie for the pretentious art-house crowd. I mean normal horror is distasteful and juvenile and it can’t appeal to the high society because it isn’t true art. Well guess what you Andy Warhol loving assholes, now you too can say you enjoy horror because your favorite director of  metaphysical bullshit is back to give you the true horror cinema that you would be too embarassed to share with your ‘Piss Christ’ loving friends before.

Kloipy’s Stephen King Series: The Shawshank Redemption

Annoying Personal Note:

I’ve always been a horror fan. As long as I can remember I’ve been intrigued by the genre. I grew up starting on the Universal Monsters and then on the more modern classics (by modern I mean 70’s and 80’s). It was only a matter of time before I found out about Stephen King.

Kloipy survived Battlefield Earth. Piece of Cake

Somehow I managed to go 10 whole years without watching Battlefield Earth. I had heard the stories, read the reviews, but nothing ever brought me to just watch this cinematic Titanic. My best friend had told me about it a few weeks ago and it sounded hilarious so I said that we should watch it. I had no idea what was in store for me.

Kloipy’s cycle is all screwed up from New Moon

 

2 hours and 10 minutes. That is the time of my life that is never coming back thanks to The Twilight Saga: New Moon. Or as I like to refer to it, Twatlight. This movie is like cinematic vomit. It’s the same stuff regurgitated over and over again, and by the end of it I was left with the need for some Pepto.

Kloipy’s Short Fiction: Itch

The itch started off in the morning as nothing more than a slight annoyance. Roger first felt the twinge when he stepped out of the shower. He scratched at the left side of his ample stomach, relieving the nuisance for a short time. As he dressed for work, his mind was consumed with the presentation he had to give today. Thoughts of dollar signs were replaced in his mind while visions of pink slips danced in his head. He was nervous and was starting to sweat already. He wiped himself off with a few paper towels and put on a second t-shirt in order to soak up any more beads that would show up to ruin his life today. Public speaking was not a strong point for Roger, and knowing he had to speak in front of the may be partners that day had resulted in him throwing up his dinner the previous night. A light breakfast was in order. Bagel, no cream cheese. Small coffee, maybe a banana. Skipping dairy would be a good idea.

XMR2

Since I’m a useless cripple at the moment(not any more I was at the time I wrote this) I’ve gotten around to seeing some movies, I thought I would roll out the second installment of the mini-review. All of these movies have been out for a while so there’s no need to go in-depth with them. I know I’m going to piss a lot of people off with this one, especially the first two, but c’est la vie and que sera sera.

Enjoy

Supernatural season 5: Why aren’t you people watching?

This is an update from my Supernatural review from last February. Season 5  sustains and builds on the quality that was season 4. Its the apocalypse people! The Winchester boys are fighting for you! At the very least you could help out by watching.

WHY SUPERNATURAL ROCKS

(More Insight From Your Buddy Xiphos)

The CW Network is about as useless a network as could be except for one show and that’s Supernatural. If you’re going to do one thing right you might as well hit a home run and the CW managed to do just that with Supernatural. If you like shows with sympathetic demons, psychotic/ambivalent archangels, vampires, werewolves and all sorts of mythological beasts then SN is the show for you. It airs Thursday night on the less than useless CW Network.