Burt Gummer’s Rec Room- April 2012 Archive
A gathering place for firearms enthusiasts, paranoid survivalists and those who worship at the Church of Chang
April is the cruelest month. And I’m late on this one, so sue me.
Disclaimer: This is the part of the Church that is the most no holds barred. None of it is intended with malice, and although it can on occasion seem a little bit fraught, it is banter rather than venom. So, be warned that this is like taking a naked swim in a piranha tank and not recommended for the faint of heart.
Barfy
kloipy
Echo the Bunnyman
Judge Droid
Jarv
ThereWolf
Xiphos0311
Werewolves On The Moon 
Recent watchings…
Ghost Protocol..I liked it, not particularly memorable. I think it suffered from a weak ass villain. I don’t care how old Cruise looks, I had a hard time believing he would give him such a go in the last scene.
50/50…it was decent, nothing great, but it was decent. I don’t think JGL’s performance was great or anything, just solid.
WORK BLOWS.
That is all.
Quite. Work sucks balls fierce.
Was Super8 filmed for 3D, because this is making me feel queasy.
Man, this is shit. Boring and kids just don’t talk like this.
eh kids don’t talk like anything, if they ever made a movie that shows the way kids talk in real life it would fucking blow and everyone would hate it. Same thing if they actually got people drunk instead of telling them to act drunk.
Watched Super 8 last night. Man am I glad I didn’t pay to see it in the cinema.
Utter shit. JJ Abrams is now mostly a fail for me, and heading towards the list of “avoid” directors- Mi3: hated, Dork Trek: Meh, Super 8: shit.
I wouldn’t say it’s shit. More meh.
Hated the fat kid and the lens flares though.
Really didn’t like it. The first half made me feel ill watching, because of the way it was shot. Hated the fat kid. Hated the main kid.
Liked the girl, did not like the entire second half of the film- particularly all the “We made the Alien bad” rubbish.
Oh, and HATED the end. Wanted the Alien to rip his fucking head off.
Rip whose head off? The main kid? Or JJ?
The main kid. But JJ too now you mention it.
In some good news, Fringe is getting a 13 ep fifth (and final) season.
Jarv, I’ve found your next assignment. I want your review on my desk ASAP.
http://rogerebert.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20120425/REVIEWS/120429994
Nah- you’re all about the doggy films nowadays.
I know not of which you speak.
You know they’re making Top Gun 2?
Why?
No idea. I’m not sure why Cruise wants to do it. Nor Tony Scott. Bruckheimer? Well, he’s a slimeball producer. I can see why he wants to do it.
It’s a real product of the 80’s that movie. I enjoy it, for what it is, but I certainly have never wanted to see a sequel.
I’d say get Kilmer back, but it’s doubtful he could fit in the cockpit.
I saw the other day that 47 Ronin is pushed back from November to February. The behind the scenes on that film baffle me. I’ve no idea what it’s about (apart from what the title leads me to believe), but it’s a $180m film, starring Keanu, from a first time feature director.
I quite like Keanu, but this has bomb written all over it.
Far. Too. Expensive.
Complete waste of money.
They never learn.
Kilmer is cast as an espionage blimp. They float his fat ass over Afghanistan with a camera and tell him to take pictures of AL Qaeda or no Tacos when he gets back.
hehe
I heard they’d cast him in the Raiders of the Lost Ark remake. He’s the giant ball at the beginning.
He’s not. He’s the mountain they crash into in Temple of Doom.
And when they need a range, they just lie him down next to murphy.
We should cast him as the title role in Raging Murphy. No special effects required.
Bah. You beat me to a Murphy comment.
Good ol’ Murph. Fat twat.
Has he got a film coming out soon? I’m tempted to prod the fat fuck again. Just for comedy value.
Dunno. But I think you should review the film his wife wrote. That’ll annoy the beast.
Wasn’t that Splice?
Nope. It was some shite with Kim Basinger.
Damn, she directed it as well. You definitely need to do it. It’s called While She Was Out.
Could be a nice “get pissy at” and there’s a lot of potential for Conti’s argument about directors being hired in part for their taste. I can prove that she, therefore, has no taste at all, and should not have been hired.
That is, of course, if it’s bad. I can only assume it is, but you know, journalistic integrity and all that.
More good news:
Inevitable. At least Nolan found out (and came to his senses) early enough to change it. Could’ve been disastrous.
Sure. I maintain that nothing kills a film as badly as bad sound.
I’ve been thinking about this, and I think Spidey 4 stands a really good chance of bombing. Who actually gives a shit about it, and this summer is completely saturated with funnybook films- and has arguably the two biggest in Batman and The Avengers.
I can see it crashing.
I don’t see it crashing. Underwhelming (in terms of expected BO) maybe, but it won’t bomb.
If they do change Bane’s voice (and I didn’t have a problem understanding it in the prolouge) can they also fix Batman’s voice so he doesn’t seem like someone with mid-stage emphysema?
I saw Avengers, The last night.
I really enjoyed it, but a strange duck for me to review because it seems to be in thirds.
I did not particularly care for first third where Whedon does his level best to cram the Widder down our throats, and it just does not work. Scarlett gives it a go, and it is not really the physical part because you can tell she is in better shape – or some great cgi, this time around, her butt damn near gone but tight. But she still just does not belong. The second third with the in fighting is done much better although still drags a wee bit, but i enjoyed it because the humor is very good and just enough Stark assholery to give it some juice. Hemsworth seems neutered at times though. The last third is by far and easily the greatest action packed ending of any comic book movie ever made by anyone and if you are a hulk-o-phile, finally, finally, finally they nail him and he steals the show even though there is plenty for everyone to do, although it does seem Thor gets a bit short shrift and Iron man is the big star, although Hulk stole the show. I will not spoil but two scenes in the ending with hulk are simply laugh out loud start clapping and screaming ‘fuck yeah’ type of moments that hulk lovers have been hoping over a decade for.
All in all it is damn entertaining, well worth the money, although avoid the 3D, and one of Marvels best. I am not as big on Thor as some around here are, but this is by far the superior movie, and if not for that first third which is a bit clunky, it would really soar. 3 out of 4 toadkiller gawdamns.
cant hang around right now, be back later
This is what I expected. Shame really, because Hemsworth is an excellent Thor, and really elevated his film.
Very funny that you don’t even mention Craptain America.
I’m seeing it tonight.
Long Duk Hulk > Bayvengers! Look into your heart, you know this to be true! hehe
This is quite an impressive level of delusion. As Peking Duck Hulk< Hulk L'Orange, that must make Avengers shite.
*sticks fingers in ears*
lalalalalalalalalalalalala can’t hear you
I am honestly at a loss over you and the Hulk. It’s just such a bad, bad film. Not that Le Hulk is good, because that’s also a bad bad film, but that doesn’t make foo young hulk any better.
hehehe One of life’s great mysteries!
Well, I’m at a loss with a lot of movies you like. Like that movie I watched on your recommendation ages ago. That fucking hard rock zombies or some shit where the puppet thing eats it’s own face. That movie was abysmal, yet you were very, very, very enthusiastic about it when you recommended it.
Apples and oranges.
That said, I’m not criticising you liking that movie, or any other really. You obviously got something from it that I didn’t. But people do, for a multitude of reasons, like different things.
No, I’m not cricising either. It takes all sorts to make a world.
And it would be boring if we all had the same tastes.
A midget eats his own head.
There was no way that wasn’t going to appeal to me.
Self explanatory.
You’re a simple man with simple tastes.
I’m probably certain that I will like Avengers more than I liked General Tso Hulk, but I will second Droid that it’s the best version of Hulk we’ve had so far (unless Avengers Hulk is better, i’m not sure). Does it have it’s faults? Yes (the poodle hulk in particular) but I still say that it was a real drama with superhero elements in it, which I thought really put it in a better place than most of the superhero movies out there. I think if they edited it down to a shorter running time and took some of the more ‘comic booky’ elements out of it people would be more favorable to it.
But then again I’m so tired of superhero films altogether right now. I remember being a kid (when I still read comics) and we would talk about how we heard they were making these movies and how exciting they would be. then cut to like 15 years later when they first started making them, and it was exciting at the time. But now it’s like the Zombie thing. Its so much saturation that I just don’t care anymore.
Take Spiderman for example: The Raimi films are alright (well at least the 2nd one is good), but now we have to have a reboot. Go through the origin story yet again and then watch as a new franchise comes through. This worked for Batman as Nolan really found a way to bring life to it (and in a way did what Ang Lee was going for with Hulk and even Snyder’s Watchmen be it that it was the source material) and it made it more important than like a ‘Green Latern’.
If they continue making comic movies (and they will since the box office is so big for most of them) I’d really like to see them branch out to different and less known properties.
Rant over
I wholeheartedly agree. And now that they’re starting to re-start them, as with Spidey, X-Men and Supes (and I have no doubt that Batman will get a new series sooner rather than later), there doesn’t appear to be an end in sight. I really think they need Spidey and Supes to bomb to break the cycle.
Superman will bomb. No doubt. Snyder is a shite director, Superman Returns was fucking awful, and it’s ANOTHER bloody Origin story.
Spidey should bomb, but probably won’t.
We’re definitely at saturation with them
I don’t think it will bomb. They’ll push Nolan’s name on all the marketing, “Steven Spielberg presents” style.
And to be honest, I like Superman. I just don’t like Snyder.
What we do not need, however, is another Superman origin. Batman Begins worked because Burtons Bats never really gave him a proper origin. But Donner’s Supes lavished a hell of a lot of running time to Supes’ origin. I watched it a couple of weeks ago, and he doesn’t actually appear in the outfit and cape until a good hour or so into the film. Probably more. It was a long time into the film any way.
Couldn’t agree more. I think there’s going to be residual bad will from Stalkerman Returns.
Remember Batman Begins with was a clear 10 years after Batman and Robin didn’t make as much as they were hoping.
Yeah, and even though Supes will be 35 years old when the reboot comes out, it’s so well known, and Supes’ origin is so well known in general, that it really does feel unnecessary. Spiderman is worse though. It was just 2002 when we saw his full origin. There is absolutely no need for that to be covered all over again.
Droid- the sad thing is that they already have plans for the batman reboot since Nolan is done now. And I’m sure Spiderman will be a huge hit for them again. I remember seeing early trailers for the now shelved ‘Goon’ CGI film and that looked great! I was hoping that The Spirit was going to kind of kill some of the love for the superhero film but then again that was a less known property.
It just seems like now that they are doing the Avengers it is good place to stop now that they have the team together, but I’m sure this will spawn multiple sequels
I’ve heard rumors that they are already starting production on a ‘Lobo’ movie, so it’s like they are scraping the barrel now to get anything in there to make money
I don’t know what a Lobo is.
I thought the plan for The Avengers was for each main character to get one film, so we’d get Iron Man 3, Thor 2, Crap 2, and maybe a Hulk movie (seeing as people seem to like him now), then another Avengers movie. And that cycle continues ad infinitum. That’s why Chris Evans turned down the role about a gazillion times. Because they wanted him to sign something like a 10 movie contract.
I do know what a Lobo is, and I’m not sure making a film of a Lobo is a good idea.
I haven’t read Lobo in years but I’m pretty sure I heard he was one who ended up fighting Jason, Freddy, Ash, Santa, and more.
When they do Aquaman you know it’s gone too far
I’d want another Blade film. Bring back the Snipes and motherfuckers trying to ice skate uphill.
Blade 4, directed by Norrington, starring Snipes. You could get both for bus fare.
Yes! Make it happen. When Snipes gets out of jail
I was thinking about this earlier, when I was making that Raiders gag, but if they were to cast that movie today, who would they get for Indy? Same with Blade. There doesn’t seem to be any actor that would fit the bill.
Karl Urban…
Probably.
Karl Urban as Blade? I think black face is frowned upon these days.
Indy.
I was thinking that’s the kind of unimaginative “safe” choice they’d go for.
hehe I’m just yanking your chain.
I’m wracking my brains trying to think of actors in their 30’s that could pull it off.
I like lead-paint toy Hulk more than croissant Hulk too, but Bayvengers Hulk is definitely the best version of the character, mostly because he’s actually a version of the comic book character, not some break-even between the comics, the tv show, and whatever we pulled out of a high-school psych book.
Im thinking Avengers is actually the best Marvel movie thus far. That might seem like a big boast, until you consider the candidates. It’s really quite good for a summer action movie. I’m mostly in agreement with Toad although I liked the efforts to build Widow intot he team, less irritating than the pure window dressing she was in IM2.
Well, considering I think Thor is the best Marvel movie, and I only rated that 2 1/2, it’s not a huge boast.
Blade.
Then Blade 2.
Miles to the next one though.
Ah, true enough. I was thinking only in terms of the Bayvengers extended trailers.
Along with Crap, no one’s mentioned Hawkeye yet. Is he just background filler, or does he get to do something decent?
I’m also just happy that now that The Avengers is out, we won’t have to see any commercials for The Avengers in other superhero movies.
Thinking about Iron Man. I think RDJ was the perfect fit for the character and really is great as him, however I think those movies were way too highly rated. Fun once but no real rewatchability. And I really don’t know of any superhero film that really wants me to go back and watch it over again
I hope the Avengers will be that but it seems to be just spectacle (not that that is always bad) but that’s what I like about Watchmen, Lee’s Hulk, and so forth, they have a bit more substance than just ‘OOOH ‘Splosions!’
Disagree totally about Turdmen. Being muddy is not the same as being deep.
And don’t need no Giant Robots, neither!!
No one is really background filler, Hawkeye and Widow get more definition up front before the big action, because they have had so little texture up to that point. Hawkeye gets to do things and be involved, he’s just not often a standout in the same way the other guys are. I give Whedon credit for one thing, he manages the team dynamic pretty well.
Cap is there and somewhat prominent, he’s more the moral backbone of the group. He’s got some great moments too, its just that Hulk surprises because he’s been so poorly handled to this point. As a kid he was my fave Marvel character and I’ve been conditioned from the films to expect nothing, so when he took the spotlight, it knocked the movie up a few notches.
The reason this one shines more is down to something I think Koutch said a long time ago, although i might be attribuitng it to the wrong person. In the avenger feature length trailers, the heroes always face a villain which is their exact duplicate/match in strength, origin, etc. Iron Man fights Iron Monger, Hulk goes up against Abomination, Thor against Loki, a fellow god/divine being, and Cap fights another injected with a super serum in Red Skull. They have these face-off fights where they battle a mirror. In Avengers they are trying to thwart an invasion, so it’s not a big spiffy fist fight, it’s an overall environment of danger and destruction in which they must act heroicly. Honestly, they haven’t pulled that off in a Marvel movie before, although it was pitifully attempted in the FF movies and X-Men movies.
I also don’t agree that they even attempted it in X-men.
There was no grand villain or vision in those films- X1 was Magneto’s fish making machine or whatever it was. The mutants basically matched off against their equivalent in a 1 on 1.
X2? Same- except this time they matched off against similar powers, so it’s Wolverine v Lady Deathstrike etc.
X3? Same, but with added jumping.
Turdemen was Awful.
I am one who likes the first 2 Spideys, Daredevil, AND the FF movies. Clearly I’m an easy target here. But whatever. Iron Man I was great too. IM Too w was Not so hot. So sure the Avengers looks pretty good to me. Thor and Cap were fine as well.
French Hulk>China Hulk.
Bando- have you seen any of the Rifftrax (MST3K guys) doing some of those movies? You’d love it
I did! it was a riot.
Ya, bart I thought Whedon did a tremendous job of juggling the ensemble. No one has even come close to doing it better in a comic book movie. The humor is fantastic throughout, and although I did not mention Cap earlier, he more than holds his own. Really everyone from the widder to samnicky gets a chance to shine. I would recast samnickys side kick though she was rather bland get the countess! This movie was huge the money was well spent and Although Iron Man was my childhood fave and is the putative star, Hulk really rock this movies and it is about time. The Loki scene in particular is the greatest in the whole movie brought the house down.
Bayvengers was… Pretty decent. Not great, very clunky to begin with but improved as it went along. Hulk had the best moments. Harry Dean Stanton FTW!
Any teaser for Kang, Ultron or the Masters of Evil for the sequels?
Good point Bart. FF is a perfect example of being just formulaic. The movie blew the idea of facing off something more than a mirror image right from movie 1: they fought another cosmic ray empowered person in their version of Doom instead of having him be a super-genius who uses a variety of weapons against them, like warrior robots and doombots and shit. And in the sequel they had Johnny Storm become basically the Super-Skrull, so it was two wildly powerful opponents (Silver Surfer vs. Super-Skrull…er Johnny Storm) going at it. And then on top of that they reduced Galactus to a cloud.
Comic books are pretty childish and simplistic already, but it is amazing how the studios make them even dumber and more formulaic.
Well Shit
I’m confused. Are the strippers also vampires?
almost always.
I want to see that.
Some of the “greats” of uk horror are in it.
It’s bound to be shit.
It’s unsubtle metaphor weekend for me: Demons 1 and 2 and Brain Damage so far.
Which reminds me- what the fuck happened to Argento? Giallo was a) awful and b) almost unrecognisable as an Athento film.
He’s worse than Carpenter
I think that sounds like the perfect self inflicted metaphor for you.
It’s more of an analogy.
Hehehehehe.
True that is more accurate. Really its more of a sad commentary…
Solid SN episode this week. Nice riff on like Mission Impossible/James Bond type of infiltration and theft movies. The leviathans finally started to get interesting and Dick Roman was fun.
I’ve just started S3 of Supernatural. It’s started strong.
Watched a couple of eps of Deadwood as well – quite good.
3-5 are the best seasons.
The last few eps have been strong. I think I liked the last week Bobby-centric episode better, but this one pushed the languishing leviathan plotline forward. I do think the leviathan storyline is finely taking an interesting arc, and Dick is becoming an interesting heavy–I’d bet anything Roman’s fave tv character is Don Draper– who is distinct enough from previous villains.
Did it feel to you Xi that they purposefully overegged the pudding in regards to Felicia Day and the geekiness/Whedon-esque nature of her character? Like, they were almost making fun of that snarky level of in-joke? I know the show itself has done things in that area, but what with the patron saint Hermione stuff, the dyke references, it was piled on so thick to the point that it started to achieve a level of nerd service that the show usually doesn’t participate in. It honestly felt like a Buffy episode until Sam and Dean would step back in and basically make fun of that very aspect. The show has had other actors from Buffy and what not before, but this was the first one where it had that ‘aren’t you glad we aren’t like this all the time?’ vibe.
My favorite part was the look on Dick’s face when he was thrown across the room–pure exhiliration at possibly meeting a challenge. That was classic ‘devil in the details’ Supernatural stuff there.
I agree with that. The last couple of episdes have been much more focused and on point. The leviathan story line is finally taking an interesting and coherrent shape although its late in the game for that since I think there is only like 3 eps left. Dick Roman has been great throughout but I thought he had the perfect smary charm and dangerous sort of menace around him a Bond or MI 3 villian needs.
I didn’t really get a Whedon vibe but then again i didn’t realize she was a Buffy refugee until I looked her up. I thought she was more of riff on the chick from Dragon Tattoo then Buffy. She was teh perfect nerd fantasy chick supreme hacker that quotes beloved geek franchises.
SPOILER
The funniest part for me was when Dean had to talk her through flirting with a man and teh absolute look of self loathing and disgust he had at himself at the end because he was so good at it.
END SPOILER
the thing with supernatural is it always course corrects from crashing and burning the way some seasons of X-Files, Buffy and the last half of Lost did.
Even the most lackluster season of Supernatural has several good to great episdoes to its name, and every one of them has managed a reasonably interesting finale.
Seasons 2-5 are the meat of the show, but I can’t say that I wish it had ended at five. There’s been some plum stuff since then, just not at the same level of cohesion we got in that previous time. I remember being just amazed at how they kept knocking it out of the park during season five week after week after week.
Xi, you ever watch anymore Grimm? I’ve come to really enjoy it, although it’s not stellar it’s a fun show in that vein.
I’ve given up on Game of Groans. Every week is such a muddled, horndog mess that it’s difficult to get through it unless the Dink is onscreen.
What a waste.
I’m on the verge of shitcanning Game of Groans. It’s a complete fucking mess, and they need to excise all these varying storylines and reduce it to 3: The Wall, Court and the War, and Dany in the East.
It’s monumentally fucking irritating now.
Oh, and something needs to fucking happen in the North, because this is irritating. Or kill fatass messily. One or t’other.
I’ve watched a few eps of GRIMM its mostly piled up on my DVR.
HA I only watch Game of Yawns for 3 reasons The Dink, The Nudity and to rail on the nerds for once again failing epically with on line echo chamber. the D&D virgin crowd has shit taste.
I just had a quick glance at fatland’s GoT talkback. They must be watching something different to me.
Is it really that bad? I quite enjoyed the first series for the most part. And has STILL nothing happened at the wall?
Yes. It’s fucking dire.
The problem with the first series is that it’s already fairly fragmented. Double this and you’re getting near.
Basically, so far Dany has sat around and moped in the sand in the two minutes of film she’s had, and naff all has happened at the wall. It’s following the ridiculous amount of strings at court, none of which are interesting, Youngest Daughter and introducing all the other bloody stories with all the various factions in the Iron Islands and Roberts two brothers.
It honestly feels like it is going nowhere, and this gets worse by the episode. The only reason to watch it now is The Dink.
Re- The Wall.
This needs to go. Just go and not come back. It’s MONUMENTALLY boring up there. Snow does fuck all aside from mope, I want to punch fatty into paste, they talk about all this shit North of the Wall that’s all portentous and whatnot, but it never appears.
And if one more fucking characters says “Winter is coming” without any indication that it actually is, then I’m going to scream.
They’re going to have to take serious liberties with the next season, or it’s doomed, and they’re going to have to finish it themselves, as Martin is looking at about 10 more years before he manages it, whereas they’ll have caught up in either 2 or 3 series.
The thing I was a bit baffled by in the first series, is that the entire show OPENED with dramatic events at the wall. And then, the supernatural beings or whatever they are were occasionally referred to but nothing actually happened. I was expecting more from it to be honest.
That’s the problem. Nothing bloody happens up there. Apart from fatass. He’s a problem.
I think the source material is hampering it, to be honest.
Shame. I do want to see the Neil Marshall ep though.
its delusional nerds pathetically blowing each other trying to convince themselves that GoY isn’t anything but bad. All the fatties refined their skull job skills in Breaking Bad talkbacks trying to convince each other that a slightly above average show is the best thing EVAH.
Game of Thrones I don’t see the enjoyment to be had with it? The dialog and plots just seem like fucking instruction manuels for some lame game? Like there is no emoting in the acting on the show. And shit just sort of happens based on a preexisting set of rules that unless you’ve read all the instructions makes no sense, shit just sort of happens on that show.
I wish something would happen but nothing ever does its a lot people walking and talking. It;s lords of the rings without the good parts that made it watchable.
Watching some new Mad Men, it loses something being moved into the swinging sixties. Preferred the Jfk era stuff instead. But I do enjoy the redhead.
I kind of agree with that Tom. The difference between eras has changed the “vibe” of the show subtly but it is noticeable in the earlier episodes. Last weeks episode the 60’s really comes in focus thanks to the actions of one Roger Sterling who has been great(er) this season. The writers found their 60’s voices in that episode.
I saw the one where they tried to get the Stones to do an ad after a concert. Kinda fun.
Weekend Roundup…
Bayvengers – Pretty good.
District 9 – Really good.
Napoleon Dynamite – I like it, but not to everyone’s taste.
Something else I can’t think of at the moment.
Some Freaks and Geeks eps. Good show.
It’s astonishing to me that District 9 can cost $30m and something like John Carter costs £250m+. D9 has a lot of fx in it, and the prawn characters are never anything but believable, whereas John Carter’s funny looking beings looked pretty cartoonish in comparison. Sure, there’s more fx in JC, and sets and things are more elaborate, but there’s not enough to justify a film that is at least EIGHT times more expensive.
This is strange, but it’s hardly unusual. See also Conan- there’s no need for that to coast $90m, and the worst FX in it is probably the stupid tentacle beast thing which is totally extraneous to plot.
I need to see JC though, even though I’m not interested particularly. I still struggle at how badly they ballsed up the marketing on it.
I know that I’m picking on JC, and lots of films don’t justify the price tag, but the difference is mind boggling. Okay, JC was going to be more expensive, because of more fx and that stuff, but 8 times more expensive? Where the hell did the money go?
As we’ve talked about, Conan should never have been more than about $30m. And that tentacle beast thing and the sand people fight were terrible.
Two worst bits of the film. If neither had been in it, then they’d have saved 10’s of millions off the budget.
Weekend Roundup-
1) The Skin I Live in. Surprisingly good. Not TP. Viscerally unpleasant subject matter, but feels more like a Telenovella than anything else.
2) Demons- Ace
3) Demons 2- As subtle as a kick to the bollocks, but quite enjoyable
4) Gymkata- Hilarious in a terrible way
5) Cemetery Man- Disturbing, but hilarious.
6) Iron Man because it was on TV- Meh.
7) Brain Damage- stupendous.
In annoying news: Poltergeist remake on the cards.
Gymkata is awesome. Fuck Norris or Seagal. Kurt Thomas is the man…as long as he has a horse or parallel bars nearby.
He doesn’t need them. I was surprised at how useful a standing somersault was in a combat situation.
Incredibly realistic combat sequences. Am shocked the US military and/or Hollywood havent used this more.
hehehehe
That’s because he was a covert operative for the CIA
I’m struggling like fury with this DeepStar 6 review. I have been since last tuesday.
Oh, and by the way- this is why Bayvengers got renamed:
The penny dropped the other day, when I was thinking about it. But I was kind of “They didn’t change it because of the TV show did they?” It seems a bit strange, particularly since the primary target audience wouldn’t know anything about the tv show and the terrible film version pretty much killed it anyway.
The Guardian makes a good point, that some old fart probably walked in and said something about it. Causing a panic.
Also, according the BBFI card that came up before the movie, it’s officially called “Marvel Bayvengers Baysemble”. Not sure why the Marvel is required. Further clarification that “Hey, Joe Public! We’ve got nothing to do with a 1960’s tv show no one remembers!”
Avengers is remembered here some by Dianna Riggs fans….
Indeed. I remember it here. However, I would argue that I would not mistake a film with superheros in it for an old TV series. Also, they had the Avengers in America- and it isn’t renamed there.
It’s a bit patronising that it was renamed for UK and Ireland.
You remember it because you’re old.
We never got it in Australia. Not in my (patchy) memory’s lifetime anyway.
Johnny Depp is remaking The Thin Man (I think I did know this). Apparently it’s “a speeded up, hip ’30s that’s going to be really fun.” according to the costume designer.
Depp really is starting to annoy me.
Nah- I remember it because it was required Student viewing. On at something like 1 in the morning,
And I’m younger than you. Git.
hehe Touchy subject is it!? I never said I wasn’t old too!
Ha that was me, unintentionally anonymous.
Can I be arsed doing a review for Bayvengers? Can I be arsed and does anyone care? hmmm… Maybe I should just do the next Arnie movie.
Do both!
I’ve finally finished that fucking DeepStar 6 review. Shall be published shortly.
Maybe. I’ll see how I go over the next couple of days.
Published it.
Hallelujah!
God damn it, I struggled with that one.
Jarv, sent you an email.
I’ll reply when I get home. I can’t be arsed to type into the iphone, and the server at work won’t let me get to hotmail. Weirdly.
how would you rate it Droid? I would have guessed a 2.5 to 3 out of 4.
A rock solid 2.5. Really patchy to begin with and the middle section felt a bit too much like filler. But the last section was a lot of fun. So all in all it was pretty good. On par with Thor, maybe slightly better. One thing that held it back? Loki excepted, the villains were frickin’ TERRIBLE.
Let me reiterate. Loki aside, the villains were TERRIBLE!!! During the film, I actually had the thought where I compared them to the droid army in TPM.
I’m a solid 3–positive enough that its likely a 4 on a 5 scale–, but flaws aside I think this is what more Marvel movies should be like.
The army is generic portal monsters for hire. They aren’t terrible persay, but they are not distinct or memorable. Loki helps salvage that aspect, but if they do another Avengers, Im expecting them to drop the clunkiness–team’s here, move on–and get a truly worthy villain/crisis to solve.
I see it tomorrow not in 3D so Im expecting it to be better.
I may go to it on Student Wednesday or whatever it is.
let me know. I can shoot them an email over there and see if there’s a capacity for it. If so, I fully intend to refer to you as the ‘git who angered Lord Murphy with a review that wasn’t even his’.
Yes, that’ll be winning for them.
Nah, the first hour and a half isn’t good enough to get it to 3, and the villains, as I said, are TERRIBLE. It works too hard to get these guys together, and doesn’t do it very well, and then doesn’t really do anything for nearly an hour. The whole “butting heads” thing went on too long. But, it had moments. And like I said, the end battle is fun. Amusing how with all that destruction, and with the superhero’s murdering countless bad guys, that the streets are remarkably corpse free in every single shot.
I also didn’t like Banner’s sudden control over Hulk. At least, I didn’t like that he could suddenly pick good from bad when he became Hulk, when 10 minutes earlier he was trying to tear ScarJo and Thor new one’s.
yea, none of the stuff you nust mentioned were huge issues with me, minus the villains.
The opening was no clunkier than similar action movies. I think I probably felt about it like you did about Fast Five. Its fun with a lot of flaws, but I was ok overlooking most of them since it actually achieved the goal in a way that most of the other Marvel films did not.
It was not the Droid army they reminded me–the Army of Anubis from Mummy Returns. almost exactly.
I think, ultimately, (leaving the villains for second) it was just a pacing issue. I get why they needed the “butting heads”, and that it had to work to get them all together. But I just felt it took 20-30 minutes too long to get there.
And if you haven’t seen any of the other films, you’d be fucked trying to follow it. I’ve seen them all and I was struggling a bit trying to figure out where everything fitted at the beginning.
I thought of the droid army because they showed up, ineptly tried to kill the superhero’s and then stood in line patiently waiting to get beaten up. Totally useless. It needed a smaller army of beings actually trained how to hold a weapon.
And Fast Five is dumb, sure, but it’s not clunky. It’s well paced, swiftly set up, and is fun all the way through.
There’s a measure of clunkiness in Fast 5. Nothing that hurts the film too much, but the team assembly is a bit cack handed- particularly with the drag race afterwards where Vin pretends to lose to Walker.
BUT- it’s over in about 5 minutes so you don’t really notice.
If you think that’s clunky then I look forward to hearing your thoughts on Bayvengers.
It is clunky- The Rock is sitting there, as I remember, chatting to Elsa and then this list of people pops up on security cameras entering the country, and have a bit of a bicker with each other. It’s not subtly done.
The drag race after Brewster declares her pregnancy, is a bit heavy handed as well. “He let you win, dude”.
As I say though it doesn’t fuck around and just bangs them past as quickly as it can.
true, though same was true for anubi army–which were really the same damn thing. I thought similarity was how it’s supposed to be unstoppable, and there are thousands of them like locusts and it doesnt require fraseer to kill scorpion king because by the time he’s done it, oded fehr and his 50 person burber army have destroyed the undead indestructible hordes without losing a single man.
At any rate, it’s better than the Dark of the Moon invasion.
Aiming high…
hehe It’s true.
Droid, how does it compare to battleship? Im seeing that tonight.
Didn’t they establish that at the end of Le Hulk with him meditating?
No, he learned to control becoming Hulk, but not to control Hulk himself. And he does a magic flip flop in the film, where he turns into Hulk and has a big fight with a couple of avengers, then 10 minutes later Banner shows up in New York, turns into Hulk and is best buds with them.
I disagree about Fast Five… all the action scenes are well paced and reasonably dispersed through the story–but the Toretto family special stuff does get a bit drippy and tiring and as interjected through the film makes it feel just a bit more contrived and herky-jerky than it needed to be. I dont need obligatory race before the big event either or added scene where gang forces Rock to stand down…they stand-off and fight later, you dont need those ecxtra scenes, or the ‘is a snitch, isn’t he’ stuff early on.
But again that’s nitpicking. I guess with both films, there’s nothing that hinders me from enjoying them–I know that’s not the case with you–so I’m willing to overlook some of that clunkiness which they were always going to have due to their place in a franchise.
Fair enough. But here’s one for you. I had more fun at Battleshit than Bayvengers.
Woah!
Controversial.
I doubt I will, but that you enjoyed Battleship at all has given me hope. Im hoping for pure dumb fun.
funny thing is, if BS is also a hit, it’s going to be harder to keep excusing Bay’s transformers as good dumb fun when other films are proving they can deliver spectacle at half the normal rate of stupid.
I though Avengers was visually far more impressive than Bay’s epilepsy with swimsuit models style.
Hehehehehe.
It’s incredibly dumb, and the first 20-30 minutes aren’t very good. But after that it’s a lot of fun. Bayvengers only got fun (for me anyway) once Banner hulked out and fought Thor. From that point on, it’s a good time.
I honestly think you could remove that Drag Race from the film. It adds NOTHING, and is really heavy handed.
Well, it is a F&F movie. And it is thankfully very brief.
That’s the thing though, that’s why it’s so clunky. It’s like someone said “We’ve got this heist movie, but nobody will finance it” so they jammed it into F&F. So some studio douche said “it’s not a Fast and Furious film. Our fans want drag racing” so they then had to find a reason to stick it in there.
It really sticks out, actually.
Anyhow, that’s a quibble really, because it’s not as if it’s the cornerstone of the film.
As we all are very aware, I’m a Fast and Furious apologist, so I liked that the series has continued and developed into something more fun than the drag racing stuff. The drag racing scene in Fast Five I can do without, but I understand the reasoning behind having it in there.
I’m less of a fan of the Marvel movies (a lot less), so I am probably being harsher on it than a fan would be.
Oh, I understand the reasoning, but it is untrue to say that it isn’t Clunky.
Seeing as Fast 5 was basically not a drag racing film, I’m hopeful that F6 can just be chase and heist movie with no Drag Racing at all.
Seriously, they can now remove that one pointless scene and you’re away- no more drag racing, instead there’s a good, fun, action Franchise.
It was a nod to the franchise. I think they can move on from it now though, as the new format has proven so successful.
Yup.
But, it’s all perfectly set up to ignore Drag Racing forever now.
Tell you what’s weird though, but I seem to remember Tokyo Skid Mark having no drag racing either.
That was all drift racing. It still had the central concept of competitive street racing.
Suppose so, but at the start when he was busted it could easily have been drag racing rather than that race around the junk yard.
Crap film anyhow.
I’ve only seem 1 and 5 twice. I’ve got the box set, I was thinking of doing a F&F series review.
I’ve seen 1, 3 and 5.
I’m sure I’ve also seen some of 2, but I really don’t remember it.
2 is idiotic. I like it. 4 is okay.
CAn’t remember it at all. Outright dislike 3 and 1.
I think 5 is the only one I really like of the series.
its just there for fans of the film, because take that out, and there’s no drag racing in a series that was once nothing but.
Pah.
Beat me to it.
I suspect I’ll enjoy Battleship. I even liked ID4 up until Mac saves the world, wherein it became the dumbest thing I’d seen in a while.
The funniest thing about ID4 is that in 1996, NOTHING was Mac compatible. It truly was alien technology. No wonder that idiotic scheme worked.
I hated ID4.
Bored me shitless for ages, and then turned into a cretinous load of patronising toss, with the President (groan) flying a plane and the world being saved by an old alky in a crop duster + Goldblum and a powerbook.
The only thing I liked about ID4 was the marketing campaign.
Stupendous marketing campaign. Really was a kick in the nuts when I saw it.
ha, that’s usually all the elements you love when they are shoehorned into schlock..
I know what you mean though. It’s all about the context…A little too much sincerity with the wrong kind of wackiness and…blammo.
There’s a movie I was recently really looking forward to that fell on the wrong side of that equation. Will review it eventually.
IT’s the first hour is so god damned boring though.
yea, it is..
So who or what are these alien baddies in Avengers? Frost Giants or something?
Watched Moneyball last night, and I thought it was quite good. I’m sure my viewing was a bit more enhanced if you will since I’m a baseball fan, but Mrs. Pillow quite liked it too.
Still Surprised they made a film of this, to be honest.
Christ- well, by duty of circumstances, the Birthday List Redux is now underway.
Check this load of shit out:
2011- The Skin I Live In
2010- The Switch
2009- Post Grad (1 out of 4)
2008- The House Bunny
2007- Knocked Up
2006- Volver
2005- Red Eye
2004- Dead Clowns
2003- Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life
2002- Talk to Her
2001- Jeeper’s Creepers
2000- Gossip
1999- All About My Mother
1998- The X-Files
1997- Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion
1996- The Last Supper
1995- The Usual Suspects
1994- The Color of Night
1993- Surf Ninjas
1992- The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag
1991- Pump Up the Volume
1990- Wild at Heart
1989- Bull Durham
1988- Crossing Delancey
1987- The Big Easy
1986- Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
1985- Better off Dead
1984- Oxford Blues
1983- MetalStorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn
1982- The Thing
1981- Honky Tonk Freeway
1980- Schock
1979- Rich Kids
1978- Coma
THREE fucking Almodovar films (I’ve since discovered that late August is the dumping ground for him in the UK)
However, The Thing FTW!!! and the 90’s are again unreasonably strong.
Coma is released on 25th August/ 24th August in a few places, which was a lucky escape, because the other nearest I could find was fucking Grease which was 24th in Italy.
Not looking forward to this one.
On The Avengers, I got one word for ya…
The muthafuckin Hulk!
Or, MFH
As much as I love Iron Man, and he shines here , Hulk will put my ass back in that seat a second and maybe third time – this time with me paying for it.
If it was not for that clunky first third, this would be the greatest super hero movie of them all, and it still only just comes up short.
This movie will break records and break DC’s heart (about JLA)and make the Dc fanboies piss their aquaman underoos
Saw three Marvel flicks today all the way thru for first time: FF Too, Ghostrider, Wolverine. I liked Ff about as much as I thought I would, while GR was better than I guessed. Cage and his Beatle wig make it work. Wolverine is ok but pointless.
Oh and saw the Notebook. Has its moments, but: GR>The Notebook.
Watched The Muppets again last night. Great fun.
Watched tyrannosaur, primeval and Apocalypse Now last night.
Excellent, shit and Good in that order
Big night of viewing. I don’t seem to have the time to watch more than one movie on a weeknight anymore.
I like Apocalypse Now.
I’ll watch this. Woody FTW!!!