Burt Gummer’s Rec Room- May 2012 Archive

A gathering place for firearms enthusiasts, paranoid survivalists and those who worship at the Church of Chang 

May, I would write something poetic here, but it doesn’t fit with the survivalist image. So instead, I’d just like to point out the exquisite gun rack on the wall behind. Grab a beer, it’s coming up for huntin’ season.

Disclaimer: This is the part of the Church that is the most no holds barred. None of it is intended with malice, and although it can on occasion seem a little bit fraught, it is banter rather than venom. So, be warned that this is like taking a naked swim in a piranha tank and not recommended for the faint of heart.

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1,814 responses to “Burt Gummer’s Rec Room- May 2012 Archive”

  1. Droid says :

    Ebert echoes my sentiments.

    The film is in the tradition of the “Transformers” movies, also based on Hasbro games, and you get the feeling that Hasbro showed director Peter Berg some Michael Bay movies and told him to go and do likewise. To his credit, “Battleship” is a more entertaining film than the “Transformers” titles, because it has slightly more fully fleshed characters, a better plot and a lot of naval combat strategy. The work of Gregory D. Gadson, as the disabled vet, is especially effective; he has a fierce screen presence. Rihanna is as convincing as the character allows, and Taylor Kitsch makes a sturdy if predictable hero.

    But the nicest touch is that “Battleship” has an honest-to-God third act, instead of just settling for nonstop fireballs and explosions, as Bay likes to do. I don’t want to spoil it for you. Let’s say the Greatest Generation still has the right stuff and leave it at that

    • Jarv says :

      I’ve gone off Ebert since I read that lunacy about Almodovar loving women.

      • Droid says :

        Meh. I don’t always agree with him, but I enjoy reading his reviews. I don’t “go off” him because I think he’s wrong about something.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s not a case of disagreeing with him- I usually like reading his reviews.

        When I said “gone off him” I meant “don’t think his opinion is worth a damn”. Entertainment is one thing, but that comment about Volver is so fundamentally wrong, and obviously flies in the face of the film, common sense, and the directors CV-

        I would argue that long, lingering cleavage shots which toy with exploitation are not the sign of a director that loves women, and I would also argue that sticking Cruz in a prosthetic ass was so obviously teaching her a lesson that it borders on misogyny.

      • Droid says :

        Cannes news for Jarv and that bastard Pillows.

        FilmNation Entertainment is reteaming with Pedro Almodovar to sell his next film, Los Amantes Pasajeros, which is debuting at the Marche du Film in Cannes.

        Written and directed by Almodovar, the comedy stars Javier Camara (Talk to Her), Cecilia Roth (All About My Mother) and Lola Duenas (Volver) and follows a very mixed group of travelers who are in a life-threatening situation aboard a plane flying to Mexico City. Their defenselessness in the face of danger provokes colorful confessionals that become the best way to escape from the thought of death.

      • Jarv says :

        Aaaaargh.

        That’s two old and unattractive women. I bet he makes them get naked.

        Why can’t he just cast Cruz and Ananya (or I’d take Pataky) and just make them parade around in the buff. Why does he hate me?

      • Droid says :

        Apparently it’s a “comedy”. Sounds hee-lairy-ass.

      • Jarv says :

        They’re all, apparently, comedies.

        Not one of them is actually funny.

      • Jarv says :

        Bet it’s released on my fucking Birthday as well. Or hopefully it will be yours.

        Take the Missus, tell her your forsaking something you’d want to see to take her to some culture.

      • Droid says :

        Need I say it? Pass. This one’s 100% Almo in Jarvland.

      • Jarv says :

        The thing is, I’ll end up seeing it because of Mrs. Jarv’s attachment to flaming Almodovar. I thought I’d got away with TSILI, until she noticed and put it on the Lovefilm list.

      • Droid says :

        I don’t think the missus even knows what an Almodovar is.

      • Jarv says :

        You should educate her. May as well do Takashi Miike as well. I hear Visitor Q is easily available.

        It can be a series- sort of Educating Rita style. Teaching Mrs. Droid.

      • Droid says :

        If I want her to dump me, I’ll instigate that fool-proof plan.

      • Jarv says :

        You could rate it with how badly she stomps you. So, for example, Audition would rate as 1 black eye due to that it’s actually a really good film, whereas Live Flesh would be 2 stomps to the nuts, a broken nose, 3 shattered ribs and two black eyes.

      • Droid says :

        Nice. I’ll give it a rating out of battered spouse excuses.

        Audition would be “I walked into a door”, while Live Flesh would be “I fell down the stairs. Twice.”.

      • Droid says :

        Ooh, a new Linklater movie came out. Wasn’t on my radar at all.

        http://rogerebert.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20120516/REVIEWS/120509995

    • tombando says :

      Drew absolutely hated it

      • Jarv says :

        The Linklater? Surprising.

      • Droid says :

        Who’s Drew? The Hitfix guy?

      • Droid says :

        I don’t think I’ve read any of his reviews. What was his name at AICN?

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Moriarty.

      • Droid says :

        Okay. Well, it’s probably a good sign that the film is disliked by someone formerly associated with AICN.

      • Jarv says :

        To be fair, he’s not a bad reviewer.

      • Droid says :

        I can’t recall anything he’s written. I never really read AICN reviews. I glanced at them to get the gist, but they were all so poorly written and full of glib hyperbole that I could get through them.

      • Jarv says :

        He’s not written there for years now. He was, probably, the best writer they had.

        This is not, admittedly, saying much seeing as you could throw poop at the screen and it would be better than their crap.

      • Bartleby says :

        Drew is a fine writer, but he’s a bit smug about some things, and tends to get very emotional over stuff he likes or hates–some of Harry there. When he hates something, he tends to go overboard, and when he loves it, the same. For example he called out The Cell for being loathsome and over the line, even saying ‘If you like The Cell, you and are not friends. That goes for you too Mr. Ebert.’ Now he’s raved over Serbian Film and Poughkeepsie Tapes, two of the more controversially revolting torture pics.

        Hard to get a handle on him, but he’s a fine writer, as long as you take his tastes in to account. I suppose the same is true of all reviewers.

    • Bartleby says :

      Heaven help me, but I saw this one twice; it’s three times as funny as The Dictator and after the first hour, it’s just plain dumb fun.

      I stand by the idea that it’s essentially a big budget syfy original with good direction and some slightly interesting characters. I agree with Ebert about Gadson; he’s an example of why the film works at all—it takes the current tricks and then goes all the way with them. Yes, Act of Valor cast real Navy Seals who just seemed like community theater actors with gun expertise. Gadson is a real-life disabled vet with prosthetic legs who is built like a brick shit-house. Having him there originally seems like burning screentime, until he gets a scene so ludicrous towards the end you can’t help but love it, and it’s made truly entertaining because of the fact that Gadson is a real dude. The same is true of the Missouri reveal, which is no less funny on a second viewing.

      I think that what works about Battleship, is that dense as it is, it does feel sort of human underneath it.At the very least, it doesn’t feel like it was manufactured by machines.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, I wasn’t sure about that character for most of the movie. Seemed like blatant pandering, the decision to include him in the movie. But, as with the film, it gradually won me over and so by the time his big scene came around I was cheering him on.

      • Bartleby says :

        I think that’s whatis good about it. It proves that cheese, in the right hands, can still be entertaining. That AC/DC man the torpedoes montage is a masterpiece of cheese.

        And they get credit for actually finding a way to include the sensibility of the game and make it the most suspenseful scene in the movie.

        I’ll post my review later today, along with What to Expect when you are expecting, darling companion, sound of my voice, and lovely molly. Two of those are excruciating. No points for guessing which two. What the hell happened to Lawrence Kasdan?

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, the ACDC scene is hilarious. Great comedy filmmaking there.

        Ebert tore Darling Companion to shreds.

      • Bartleby says :

        it’s a complete POS. It looks like a made for Hallmark movie from 1991, and sounds and feels like it. I havent’read Ebert’s review yet, but once mine is up, I will. It deserves any guff it gets.

        I thought Dreamcatcher was a come-down, but this was much, much worse. What was the last decent thing he did? Mumford maybe?

      • Droid says :

        Looking at his CV, I haven’t seen a lot of his films.

        Not including Star Wars or Raiders…

        Body Heat – Brilliant
        Continental Divide – Unseen
        The Big Chill – Unseen
        Silverado – Pretty good
        The Accidental Tourist – Unseen
        I Love You to Death – Unseen
        Grand Canyon – Unseen
        The Bodyguard – Not that bad
        Wyatt Earp – Incredibly dull and a waste of much talent
        French Kiss – Terrible
        Mumford – Unseen
        Dreamcatcher – Terrible
        Darling Companion – Unseen

      • Jarv says :

        Almost all of those since The Accidental Tourist are awful. I love you to death is dire.

      • Jarv says :

        HAving a fucking shit day. Got bollocking because of lying teacher cunts.

        Fucking livid.

      • Bartleby says :

        Grand Canyon, Big Chill, Continental Divide are all good to great movies. Mumford is decent if I recall it accurately. French Kiss, Dream Catcher, I love You to Death, and Darling Companion are all truly terrible.

      • Droid says :

        So basically nothing since the mid/late-80’s.

      • Bartleby says :

        Grand Canyon, but thats it really..

      • koutchboom says :

        I love Dream Catcher, great flick. How can you hate that movie? It’s too awesome.

      • Bartleby says :

        the only words my brain could process in that sentence were Dream Catcher.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah its that good.

      • Bartleby says :

        I saw it once at the theater. my only memory is that it was a giant hodge-podge of shit happening 9usually literally), most of it for seemingly no reason. Since then I read the book, which isn’ great, but is at least coherent. There are some things about it that made me think it could be a great bad movie, but there just wren’t enough moments and instead it ended up being just bad.

        I recall Morgan’s eyebrows, the shit weasels, I Duddits!, and some scene where thomas jane is talking into a gun like it’s a phone.

      • koutchboom says :

        Watch it again, you’ll see the magic this time. It was probably that stupid Matrix animated movie pissing you off so you couldn’t enjoy it fully.

      • tombando says :

        Battleship sounds like a Mikey Bay flick done by Stephen Sommers in other words?

      • Bartleby says :

        I guess, although that was G.I. Joe. Sommers has Van Helsing and Mummy Returns against him for me.

        Honestly, the best description is what it is; a Mikey Bay flick done by Peter Berg.

      • Bartleby says :

        I think you will enjoy it Tom. It’s not great, but its worth a watch.

  2. Jarv says :

    last Night’s viewing was mixed:

    Dead Man’s Shoes: Excellent- review tomorrow.
    Con Air: changed my mind. While “put the bunny back in the box” is funny, too much of it is boring.

  3. Jarv says :

    OK- Test match starts today….

    England side looks like it’s going to be:

    Strauss
    Cook
    Trott
    KP
    Bell
    Bairstow
    Prior
    Bresnan
    Broad
    Swann
    Anderson

    That is a fucking ludicrously deep batting line up in theory, with Swann at number 10.

    However, in practise- Strauss can’t buy a run, Bairstow is on debut, and Bell is heinously out of touch.

    Bowling looks extremely solid though. I like this combination.

    I also wonder if it isn’t one eye on the future- Bairstow is a keeper for Yorkshire. He just happens to be a really good prospect as a Batsman. Prior is in his thirties, so I think they’ve got succession planning in mind.

    Strauss is the worry, for me.

    • Jarv says :

      Bowling first.

      Good call. It’s overcast at Lords, and a bit manky. Ball should hoop round corners.

      • Jarv says :

        Man, the Guardian overrates Finn. He’s a good prospect, very fast, but a bit wayward.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m not even sure why they’re slobbering over Finn. Onions would have been the bowler to pick at Lords ahead of him.

      • Jarv says :

        Apparently, England’s last 20 games at home are:

        P20 W14 D4 L2.

        That can’t be right- I’m sure the weather will have taken out more games than this. I can think of the draw against the Aussies at Cardiff, Sri Lanka last year, for two instantly. I shall check.

        If that’s correct, then holy fuck we’re good at home, and I might have to start expecting us to actually win games.

      • Droid says :

        You’ve played India and the Bangers. You didn’t lose those.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve checked. It’s correct.

        Draw x2 with Australia and x2 with Sri Lanka

        Loss x1 to Australia and x1 to Pakistan.

        Take the Bangers out and that’s a defeat of Australia and two absolute thrashings of India and Pakistan.

        I’m surprised we haven’t lost more to the rain.

      • Droid says :

        Me too. I’d have expected more draws. It is a good record.

      • Jarv says :

        Goes to show how good the England bowling has been though, because they must be getting through a lot of these inside of 4 days.

      • Jarv says :

        Another dead pitch, according to Sky.

        Lords needs relaying badly.

      • Droid says :

        Bleh. The Windies bat so frigging slowly these days.

      • Jarv says :

        Bresnan on. I’d have been tempted to open with him.

        Anyway, 1 down.

        What’s surprising me though, is the scoring rate the Windies go at nowadays, it’s hardly Greenidge and Haynes.

      • Jarv says :

        Beat me to it.

      • Jarv says :

        They’re in England. You can’t guarantee 5 days. If they want to win, they had best get a shufti on.

      • Droid says :

        The thing that makes it worse, is that they don’t play at 11 deliveries then hit a four. Don’t play at 11 deliveries then hit a four. Repeat infinitum.

      • Jarv says :

        Beat me to it again. Barath has faced 43 balls and played 5 scoring shots.

        Yawn.

      • Jarv says :

        Interesting to see what Strauss does with his Bowlers today. He’s got Broad off already for Bres, and Anderson is just into his 8th Over.

      • Jarv says :

        Edwards scintillating innings of 1 run off 14 balls is over. Well done Jimmy.

      • Jarv says :

        Bresnan’s bowled 4 maidens in a row- and it’s not down to brilliant bowling. I wonder what the record for that is.

      • Jarv says :

        80-2 at lunch, probably.

        That’s a par score for both sides in the first morning at Lords.

      • Droid says :

        no run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, 1 run, no run, no run, no run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, 1 run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, 1 run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, 1 run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, four, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, no run, 1 run, no run, no run, no run

        So BORING!

      • Jarv says :

        They are barely playing an attacking shot- several of those fours were streaky edges through the slips.

      • Jarv says :

        Got another one. Chanderpaul in, currently rated as the best batsman in the world. I’d actually argue that he’s the last of the great Windies batsmen.

        Horrible fucking style and boring as hell though.

      • Jarv says :

        DRS is fucking stupid. England reviewed a minute ago- and it was not out before the review. Broad overstepped, so it was called a no-ball on review.

        Because it was a no-ball, and didn’t go to Hawkeye, then England didn’t lose the review.

      • Jarv says :

        Broad’s well down on speed today- bowling at 78mph. He’s usually High 80’s+

        I think he’s trying to get it to swing.

      • Jarv says :

        Huzzah! He’s woken up.

  4. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Watched Maniac Cop 2 last night, which was sort of entertaining. Z’Dar puts in another strong performance, uttering one word for the entire movie. I would say the chin has the best death scene, and hysterically Trejo shows up as a prisioner, saying nothing. The camera scans past him and you’re like, hey, that’s Danny Trejo! But he, er, does nothing or says nothing. And there’s some boob.

  5. tombando says :

    RIP Donna Summer. Boy that doesn’t sound right does it?

  6. kloipy says :

    Fat boy has a new video up. God these are terrible. If I had to spend an hour with him I would slit my own throat

  7. Xiphos0311 says :

    Jonah are you going to see Chernobyl Diaries? Lord help me the ads are working on me.

    • Bartleby says :

      I’ve not seen it yet Xi–with the baby likely to show up next week, don’t know if I’ll get to it–but I want to see it. Like you, the trailers have basically convinced me. It looks fun. And after Lovely Molly and V/H/S proved you could make a non-suckass ‘found footage’ horror, I’m optimistic about Chernobyl Diaries.

  8. Xiphos0311 says :

    kee-rist that was the worst episode of Community ever unwatchable garbage. I’m sure the nerds are sucking its canker infected dick like the good little hookers they are.

    • koutchboom says :

      What did they parody this week? The Wire? Wait they’ve already done that…Game of Thrones then?

      • koutchboom says :

        OHHH i see it now, Code Monkeys. Solid show glad the interdwebs never got a hold of it.

      • koutchboom says :

        I liked that episode it was fun and well done. Much better than their claymation one and the Dungeons and Dragons one which both were created to get people to fall asleep within 10 minutes. THOUGH the popularity of the D&D episode online makes me understand the popularity of Instruction Manuel The Show….I mean Game Of Thrones.

    • tombando says :

      Never saw this show.

  9. Jarv says :

    What a shit day.

    Oh, and if these two are going to bat at this speed, they’d better both make tons.

  10. Xiphos0311 says :

    Somebody in the lame ass film world finally took one of my hints and got off their dead superhero/remake/re-image/re-whatever asses and decided to make a potentially good movie for once. Now don’t fuck the dog on this you paste easting simpletons.

    http://www.aintitcool.com/node/55876

    • Jarv says :

      Good idea. All the casting that AICN suggests is horrid though.

    • Droid says :

      Could be good. Sounds like there’s a good story to be told there.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        It could be good just for 30 Assault Unit section in WW2 which was Flemmings private force made up of Royal Marines and Swabbies. They were describe variously as Flemmings pirates and the Red Men. They were a forward operating unit that among other things targeted German scientists and research facilities. A lot of 30 AU actions were basis 007 stories. Then there was his MI6 and SOE work also.

  11. Continentalop says :

    Pretty damn funny IMO – Boxer Eric Kelly training white collar boxers.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      thing is with his fucked up eye one of those “loser” dudes could easily drop him from the left side. Never see it coming.

      • Continentalop says :

        i still bet his hand speed and head movement, and fact he can actually throw punch, means he can beat up at least 95% of the people in that video.

      • Continentalop says :

        But that is one fucked up eye.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        i was watching him play spar with an actor he always moves right and keeps that eye back by a slight head turn he can’t see well out of it and is trying to protect it. Crowd him and and work the left side of his face he will go down fast.

  12. koutchboom says :

    Saw Dark Shadows….I liked it…it’s not a good movie. But it’s fascinating. The closest thing I can really compare it to would be Death Becomes Her.

    • Jarv says :

      Watched red state.

      Meh.

      Not particularly interesting. Don’t think the satire works, and it’s a fucking mess. What’s annoying is that in the intro Smith acknowledges that it’s a “mash up” film. So he knew it was a fucking mess.

  13. Droid says :

    Man-flu weekend roundup…

    Anchorman… The arsonist has oddly shaped feet. I still find this movie funny.

    Sherlock Holmes… This is actually worse than I remembered. And I didn’t like it much in the first place. It’s terribly written, and badly directed. Downey Jr simply is not a good Sherlock. He mumbles. All the way through. And the last act explainathon atop Tower Bridge (which the film would have you believe is built directly on top of Westminster) is a total fail. Rachel McAdams was terrible. Jude Law was good though.

    SH: A Game of Shadows… A significant improvement over the first one. The biggest problem I had was that Sherlock is blatantly in love with Watson, and spends the majority of the film trying to keep him from his wife. Ritchie’s still a shit director, and the wrong guy to make these films, but the showdown between Holmes and Moriarty makes up for a lot of the films problems. It’s very well staged, and the reveal of the last scene is well set up. Jared Harris was good, but again, it’s Jude Law who stands out from the crowd.

    Man on a Ledge… Very silly, but it knows it. It’s a fairly enjoyable timewaster. Good for a day when you’re feeling poorly, as I was.

    Journey 2… Better than the first one, mainly because of The Rock. I simply can’t dislike that guy.

    Goon… I like Sean William Scott, and this movie has moments here and there, but overall it’s not very good.

    Dodgeball… This movie sucks until Rip Torn turns up. It kicks into gear during the tournament thanks to Gary Cole and Jason Bateman. But nothing about Vince Vaugh and his crew of losers is funny. At all. Ben Stiller gets a few laughs during the tournament. More miss than hit for me.

    Fringe… Finished Season Four. Good ending that could’ve easily been the series finale.

    Peep Show… UK comedy series. Funny.

    Frontline… Aussie current affairs tv satire from the 90’s. From the guys who made The Castle and The Dish. Funny.

    • Jarv says :

      I thought Sherlock was shite at the time. I seem to remember standing alone on that one.

      Prefer Dodgeball to Anchorman, think Stiller is funny in it frequently, like Rip Torn, and like the tournament itself. Although I also don’t think the Average Joe lot are amusing.

      Anchorman is OK- but it’s better when anyone that isn’t Ferrell is on screen, frankly.

      Shitty Article in the Guardian about Bayvengers:

      http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/may/20/marvel-avengers-assemble-3d-experience

      I like this line though:

      Or something you might oil and push up your arse while wearing a confused look on your face, a bit like civilisation has failed.

      No idea what it means, but it’s funny.

      • Jarv says :

        This is so fucking true, though:

        No visit to a contemporary multiplex is complete without a bit of shit being rubbed in your eye right from the start, which happened in my case when the automatic ticket-printing machine spewed a rectangle of air at me instead of a ticket. Pathetically, I looked around for human assistance, only to find a big queue at the box office, where a solitary staff member was gradually processing incoming fleshbags with the joyous gusto of a woman forced to slowly count dust motes in a jail cell forever.

      • Jarv says :

        Admittedly, he does then shit on his own argument by admitting to using his phone in the cinema.

      • Droid says :

        Yes, I too thought it was shite at the time, hence why I said “I didn’t like it much in the first place.”. And I saw it a long time before you did. But it’s worse than shite.

        Stiller isn’t funny until the tournament, where his goofing and strutting gets a few laughs.

        Ferrell is funny in Anchorman. But so is Carrell, Rudd, Koechner, Willard, and Vaughn.

      • Jarv says :

        I dunno, the stuff with him electrocuting himself over the food made me laugh. I really, really don’t like Ferrell, though. I find him annoying and obnoxious.

      • Jarv says :

        Also, I don’t think Vaughan was funny in the slightest in that film. Mind you, I almost never think he’s funny. Punchable? yes, funny? No.

      • Jarv says :

        Re Sherlock-

        I almost don’t know where to start with how much I hate it. Law is easily the best thing about the film, but the ending on Tower Bridge is just so awful that it infuriates me. Also, the reveal with all the things he spotted doesn’t make sense at all, because he hasn’t solved a mystery (IIRC). Whatshername is actively fecking awful in that film, Downey ditto. The slo-mo fight scenes are painful as well, and the boatyard bit is astonishingly bad. Richie is a hack that got lucky over 10 years ago, and put out two films that are decent almost entirely down to the cast in them.

      • Droid says :

        I agree. Ritchie has made one film I liked (Snatch). He’s a shit director.

        The slow motion fighting does work in the sequel. In the showdown.

        The sequel is better (not hard) but they’re not really Sherlock Holmes films (as defined by me). They’re period set action films that make a half hearted attempt to provide a mystery.

        The mystery in the first film is fundamentally awful though. The second one is mildly better.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s not even a mystery as I recall in the first one. Doesn’t he say something like “how did you know it was me” and then Downey rattles off (with helpful flashbacks) a pathetic and spurious load of evidence that meant he knew all along. Except everyone fucking knew because it was so obvious, and his “clues” didn’t exactly help.

      • Droid says :

        The mystery isn’t a what, but a how. The last 10 minutes is Downey jr vomiting dialogue explaining to the audience how Blackwood deceived everyone into believing he had supernatural abilities.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s it. It had completely faded from my memory.

        Totally unnecessary load of honk.

  14. tombando says :

    I like both Sherlocks. Did see Assassins w Stallone, it needed something that it didnt have. Bandares was miscast, among other things.

    • Jarv says :

      That’s a crap film. It makes no sense for him to go into the same building, and I’m pretty certain Banderas has about 900 chances to kill him that he just ignores.

      • tombando says :

        901 actually. And what was Julianne Moore doing on this?

      • Jarv says :

        Fuck knows. I don’t like her at the best of times as well.

      • Droid says :

        Isn’t she the mother in the Carrie remake?

      • Jarv says :

        Yup.

        The chick who did Boys Don’t Cry is helming it. Which is, frankly, the only point of interest so far. Chloe Moretz was originally going to be Carrie. Which is dreadful, because she’s too young, and she’s hardly in the same class as Sissy Spacek.

      • Droid says :

        I’ve got nothing against Moretz, but she doesn’t have the qualities required IMO. She doesn’t have the innocence, or vulnerability to play Carrie. Something Spacek was perfect for.

      • Jarv says :

        That’s what I mean. She’s neither as good an actress or has what I’d consider to be fairly essential attributes for the part. Not sure who you would cast though

      • Droid says :

        That Fanning girl?

      • Jarv says :

        Maybe.

        How old is Ronan?

      • Droid says :

        Dunno. Late teens maybe. Carrie was 17 in the book I think.

      • Jarv says :

        The problem with Moretz is Hit Girl. She’s, as a result, totally wrong for Carrie.

      • Droid says :

        It’s not just that. Every film I’ve seen her in she’s been strong headed. She doesn’t come across as vulnerable.

      • Jarv says :

        This is interesting casting- http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3538539/

        Never seen anything she’s been in, but can’t really see her in the Amy Irving part. I can, however, see her in the bitch role.

      • Droid says :

        I saw her in 3 Arsekateers. She didn’t have a lot of presence. Easy on the eye, but not much indication of talent.

        Then again, it was a movie by talent vacuum PWSA.

      • Jarv says :

        Almost impossible to tell. Don’t forget he’s already produced non-performances from a lot of good actors in the past.

        How bad was that? RE bad?

      • Droid says :

        On what level can you judge? It’s just shite, plain and simple.

        I’ll stick it on the HD.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ve got to load that with a lot of the stuff/ garbage lurking on the PS3 drive for you. I’ll do so.

      • Droid says :

        Oh happy days! The missus will be so thankful.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        Moretz is a decent actress the problem is she is incredibly wrong for Carrie. For one thing she’s too attractive. Secondly she projects a strong presence due to the fact that she’s a good looking blond chick. Lastly she should be one of the bitchy girls she would be perfect for that role.

        Really what they should do is NOT remake the movie its going to blow. It will some sort of moralizing “bullying” horseshit since that is the cause de jour for the imbecilic(and syphilitic) Hollywood crowd.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m not sure why they’re remaking it other than that it’s one of the 1970’s banner carrying horror films. The inevitable Exorcist remake will be along soon to annoy me.

      • Droid says :

        Platinum Dunes’ The Exorcist.

        Directed by Eli Roth.

        “The Exorcist is a movie where the first half is brilliant. They set up these great characters, and then they pay off none of them. You have Father Damien losing his faith, Father Merrin’s past, and the young girl getting possessed by the demon. And then it’s all about this weird religious ritual thing. It should be about the possessed girl kids stalking the priests and her mother and killing them in horrible ways, put in different contraptions in the house and the victims being sent into the bowels of hell to be confronted by terrifying tableaux of their haunted past. A smart remake could be so much fun. Kill the priests and mother in fabulous ways and continually re-abuse the bodies by having the demonic girl slowly torturing them, tearing their flesh from their bodies. That’s the stuff I want to do in a remake of The Exorcist.”

      • Jarv says :

        See you think that’s funny, but there’s a horrible chance that something as heinous as that could happen.

      • Droid says :

        hehehe I was going to write something about the girl turning into an actual giant spider instead of just a pussy weak spiderwalk scene.

        But I thought it might be a bit much.

      • Jarv says :

        I actually watched the Exorcist on the Weekend again. I still think it would be a brilliant play.

      • Droid says :

        But how would they pull off the giant spider?

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        thing is though that movie while excellent was also a product of its time. this new PG 13 moralizing horse shit will be DOA.

    • Droid says :

      Banderas was the most entertaining thing about that movie.

  15. Jarv says :

    England going to lose the cricket. Windies bowling nicely, playing stupid shots- KP out pulling.

    • Droid says :

      They do appear to be trying to lose. Requires a resilient innings from Shermi.

      • Jarv says :

        Requires a resilient innings from Shermi.

        *starts crying*

      • Jarv says :

        And what the fuck are they playing at? They’ve got fucking ages, and are scoring at 5 an over. That suggests that they’re taking risks which are totally unnecessary.

      • Droid says :

        *starts crying*

        Is that you or Shermi?

      • Jarv says :

        Both.

        Shermi will already be blubbing and he’s just not resilient.

      • Jarv says :

        Right- just see of Roach and Edwards now, nothing flashy, you only need 50ish and you’ve got all day.

      • Droid says :

        Only need a few runs now. Looks like Shermi’s played through the tears.

      • Jarv says :

        Played, lads.

        Phew.

        Nothing to worry about at all.

      • Droid says :

        Doofus move by Cook getting out slashing with 2 runs needed. Otherwise those two batted nicely.

      • Jarv says :

        Silly boy. Just a loss of concentration. Annoying considering they’d done all the hard work by then.

      • Droid says :

        Some positives with the Windies, after seeing them against the Aussies and here. A fair bit of potential, but too volatile, with far too much reliance on Chanderpaul in the batting, and no clear matchwinner with the ball. Solid enough to be competitive, but lack those couple of matchwinners required to be dominant.

      • Jarv says :

        Lords was ideal atmosphere for bowling today. However, they’ve got a number of serious problems-

        As you say, too reliant on Chanderpaul in the batting, but equally as reliant on Edwards and Roach with the ball. I rate Edwards and Roach, but if you see them off, as England did today, they’ve got fuck all.

        They don’t roll over any more, though.

        Still, if you pick a Windies side including the players needlessly exiled (Gayle, Sarwan, Bravo, Taylor) then that’s a LOT better. Not going to happen though.

  16. tombando says :

    Chloe Moretz, you mean Harolds latest crush-?

  17. Droid says :

    Glancing at the Bond trailer TB in the Guardian, one of the first comments is this: (I didn’t read beyond this)

    I actually thought Quatum of Solace was rather good and underrated. It was a hard unrelenting film that introduced a degree of realism into the Bond genre.

    There seems to be a gaggle of journos that have decided to hate it because, after the barnstormer of Casino Royale, you simply cannot allow yourselves to be seen to keep liking things. This is obviously in a futile bid to present yourselves as discerning.

    Because the article accurately decribed QoS as “unapologetically woeful”, the journo is purposefully being “discerning”. Why can’t someone express an opinion without it being undermined by generalised attacks on credibility. It’s such a weak argument. “You didn’t like {insert crap film name here} because you don’t want to be seen liking everything.” Why can’t you just call a spade a spade, or in the case of QoS, a steaming pile of dogshit a steaming pile of dogshit?

    • Droid says :

      The Guardian appears to be no better than Gingertown, except that the TBers have a slightly better handle on the English language.

      • Jarv says :

        The films section is ridiculously awful and full of wankers smugly beating off together over Almodovar or whatever. They give Bradshaw a nice kicking though.

    • Jarv says :

      QoS is the only Bond film I’ve not seen because I didn’t particularly like CR, and I don’t like Craig as Bond.

      • Droid says :

        It’s too Bond Ultimatum. Shaky cam nonsense, crap villain, stupid scheme (to control the worlds water resources) and a staggeringly stupid hotel in the middle of the desert showdown.

        I really didn’t like it. I really liked Casino Royale though. The poker game didn’t kill the movie for me like it did for some.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        The biggest problem with QoS (and it has quite a few) is that it has no forward momentum. It just moves laterally through the story as a continuation of CR. It can not stand on its own.
        The producers killed all momentum and goodwill engendered in CR. The shortest Bond flick of all time (which should have been an immediate red flag) as well as one of the most pointless.

        It also has the dubious distinction of not really being a Bond flick at all. It was a Bourne movie with the character name changed.

        A truly pathetic and idiotic attempt to cash in on Bourne, especially given the reception that CR had.

        I have heard some of the movies defenders say that it works best if you watch it right after CR. That is horseshit. It was poorly conceived and executed. It is not a movie but one long and pointless scene of Bond seeking revenge.

        Bond in revenge mode is not a bad thing, at all,but when you ditch any semblance storytelling narrative, as well as rely on the tropes of another franchise to propel the action (Bourne) you wind up subverting the character as well as alienating the fans. Combine that with simply bad writing and direction and you get the jumbled mess of QoS.

        It is not a complete waste, but it is close.

      • Jarv says :

        See, I also don’t think of CR as being a “bond” film either. There’s a moment in it where he says something like “I don’t care” when asked how he wants his martini that reeks of them trying to Distinguish themselves from Bond.

        It’s stupid, why make a Bond film and then have none of the things in it that make it a Bond film.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah he says “I don’t give a damn” or something along those lines. But it’s right after he’s lost the money. There’s another order where he explicitly describes how he wants his martini.

      • Droid says :

        I’m not a Bond aficionado, so I can only go on the few I’ve seen, but aren’t Bond films essentially all standalone action pics? Certain characters appear in all the films, but Bonds motivations and focus is essentially contained by each particular films story? That’s how I understand it. So him seeking revenge on those responsible for killing his girl in a previous film is inherently a betrayal of the Bond formula (formula is not always a bad thing).

        I don’t mind them showing the progression of the character through his early days as a 00 agent, having his experiences inform his character in later films (ie. he’s a womaniser because of what happened in CR), but directly continuing the story of CR was the wrong way to go.

      • Jarv says :

        So him seeking revenge on those responsible for killing his girl in a previous film is inherently a betrayal of the Bond formula (formula is not always a bad thing).

        Yes and No.

        You are right, but the mission is usually defined by M at the beginning of the film then followed by Bond.

        BUT, and this is a big one, the books do run in sequence, particularly the three Blofeld books- Thunderball, OHMSS, You Only Live Twice and The Man With the Golden Gun (not actually a Blofeld book). OHMSS finishes with Blofeld and Irma Bunt murdering Tracey, Mrs. Bond at this stage, and You Only Live Twice follows straight on and is expressly about revenge on Blofeld.

        What they’ve done is taken this and misapplied it. Vesper is mentioned in Live and Let Die (the second book- the racist one, apparently) but it’s in passing.

      • Droid says :

        Okay. But they haven’t, historically, done that in the films? I’ve not read the books, so that does help explain it.

      • Droid says :

        Also, what’s racist about Live and Let Die? Are the books worth reading?

      • Jarv says :

        I like the books.

        Live and Let Die is a product of its time (i.e. the 50’s). As a result, it’s hugely non-PC, and it causes conniption fits amongst the average Guardian reader.

        To be fair, it’s on extremely dubious ground with Leiter explaining how much he “likes niggers” and so forth. But it’s a relic more than anything actually racist.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        With regards to CR Bond not acting like Bond. That was the whole point which is why it was fantastic. It was a nascent Bond learning how to be suave and debonair as well as dangerous. Even within the movie you could see the evolution and maturation of Craigs Bond. He needed to be shown the way, he was not a fully realized Bond , but that was part of the appeal. Which is yet another reason to truly despise what happened in Qos. The follow up movie should have shown and even greater assumption of the Bond Persona with the third movie being the full realization (assuming Craig could have pulled it off).

        Instead you waste prime years of his Bond role playing with that dumb ass movie.

        R2, as for Bond having continuation, it is there as Jarv mentioned. Not just with the recurring characters.

        When Connery first returned to the role in Diamonds are Forever (memorable for me because it was the first Bond movie I ever saw, but not a really good movie as i later found out but still has a special place for me) he went into revenge mode to kill Blofeld at the start of the movie in retaliation for his wife being killed in Lazenby’s previous flick OHMSS

      • Droid says :

        Cool. I stand corrected. I have based my statement on an incorrect assumption.

      • Continentalop says :

        I see CR as a Bond film. More Bond from the books, not as much as the movies (and not 100% from the books or else he wouldn’t really fit this era). My one complaint about CR is the end – they should have stayed more faithful to the book at that moment. No need for some shoot out and poignant moment with Vespar, no need for him finding Mr. White. Just her killing herself and him finding out she was a traitor and then telling M “The bitch is dead.” Boom. His armor is back on and we can understand why Bond is so callous for the rest of his career.

        Toad is right though, QoS is no Bond film. Bond is a professional but in QoS he is no pro. In fact he’s responsible for Mathias’s and Ms. Strawberry Fields’s deaths. I’m hoping in one of the sequels one of their relatives go gunning for him.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        One of the biggest problems as far as continuity is concerned, is that the books were filmed out of sequence. This was due to a variety of factors but perhaps the biggest was the fact that Fleming was sued for stealing the draft screenplay version of Thunderball and turning it into a novel without credit to the two primary creators.Which held up screen rights and allowed one of the writers to recreate Thunderball ten years later which is how Never say never again came about.

      • Jarv says :

        I don’t agree with that reasoning at all, TKD- because of where Thunderball falls in the sequence.

        It goes like this, as far as I remember:

        CR, Live and Let Die, Moonraker, Diamonds are Forever, (Moonraker and DaF stand alone anyway), From Russia With Love, Dr. No, Goldfinger (Although I tend to think that in terms of narrative it fits better with Moonraker and DaF), FYEO, Thunderball, Spy Who Loved Me (actually specifically refers to things in Thunderball), OHMSS, YOLT, Man with the Golden Gun, Octopussy and the Living Daylights.

        Where it becomes problematic is that FYEO and Octopussy are short stories. Bond isn’t even in fucking Octopussy as I remember until the very end and that’s to close the file, and Spy Who Loved me isn’t a bond novel either.

        There are three strands, I think, but the “narrative” ones are CR, LALD, FRWL, Dr. No, Thunderball, OHMSS, YOLT, Man with the Golden Gun. These are the ones that should be done in order, as they tend to open immediately after the events in the previous novel (bit of a gap between No and Thunderball).

        The rest you can shoot out of order as true stand alones.

      • Continentalop says :

        I think they filmed them mostly out of sequence because 1) someone else had the rights to CR; and 2) they wanted to make the more recent, more popular books first because they weren’t 100% this new series was going to be successful.

      • Jarv says :

        Yup.

        They launched with Dr. No because it was one of the most glamorous and exciting novels. However, once you’ve done that then you’re miles out of Order.

        Casino Royale, also, isn’t a particularly cinematic Bond Book.

      • Continentalop says :

        I like CR the book a lot, because it is the closest to his inspirations: Hammett & especially Chandler.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        You are absolutely right Jarv, I stepped on my dick with that last post. I forgot the point I was trying to make about Blofeld and how revenge has been a factor in some succeeding novels but was screwed up over the films being shot out of sequence as well as cherry picking

      • Jarv says :

        I loved the novels when I was growing up (and I do also love Casino Royale), so tend to the nerdy with it.

      • Continentalop says :

        Hey quick Bond question: did Bond ever torture anyone in the Sean Connery or Roger Moore films? I know Connery cold-bloodedly executes someone in Dr. No, but do they ever resort to torture?

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Define “torture” Ha!
        He certainly bitch slapped people around.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        If you have a broad interpretation of torture, then yes he has.I recall in Diamonds are Forever how he held bambi and Thumpers heads under water until they told him where Willard White was being held

      • Jarv says :

        Yes and no. He’s certainly morally dubious, and Quarrel is hurting the photographer in Dr. No.

      • Continentalop says :

        Forgot about Bambi & Thumper.

        But Diamonds Are Forever is only loosely based on Flemming’s book. I don’t ever remember Fleming having Bond resort to it in the books. Torture or beating information out of someone in just one scene always seemed like the worst & laziest writing.

        QoS seemed to resort to it often.

      • Jarv says :

        Diamonds are Forever is not remotely like the book, aside from the two hitmen.

        Dr. No- Quarrel brakes the photographer’s thumb to try to get her to give up Dr. No’s name. On Bond’s orders

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Torture works – up to a point, after the victim has reached the point where the pain can not get worse and they have stopped caring whether they live or die, then torture is pointless.
        In order for torture to truly be effective it must be immediately brutal with the realistic belief on the part of the victim that they will die – even then if they are prepared to die for their cause it may not work.

        I read an account once of an effective torture. The torturer said nothing to the victim. Just stared at him for 10 minutes. Then calmly, took the victims shows and socks off( his legs were tied) then he pulled out a small .22 cal pistol and proceeded one by one to shoot the toes off. When one foot was done. He asked his question.

      • Continentalop says :

        But that guy who got his toes blown could have just as easily lied. To get accurate info takes time.

        Which brings me back to Bond. I’m sure in the older films he resorted to force to get intel at times, but I can’t really remember. But I do remember in the last film Bond using force to get info out of Greene and feeling like it was bs and sloppy writing. I kept wondering why the hell wouldn’t Greene lie.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        It is implied that if he lies, there is always the second foot. Then the fingers.

        But you are right, it is not guaranteed.

        There is a magnificent poem by Carl Sandburg called The man with the Broken Fingers.

        it details a Nazi torture of a Norwegian in WW2. It was haunting stuff. And no names came.

        Bond has always slapped people around and threatened to kill unless he received information, if that is torture, and it could certainly be interpreted as such then there is your answer.

      • Continentalop says :

        No, you’re right. Bond does threaten and strong arm people. But it is actually pretty rare, and once again I don’t see It as successful as he was with Mr. Greene. I mean in a matter of hours alone with Bond he gives up everything about Quantum.

        I was just thinking that maybe QoS was just as much influenced by 24 as it was Bourne. “Hey, audiences really love seeing Jack Bauer get rough with the bad guys. Lets have Bourne, I mean Bond, do the same thing.”

      • Jarv says :

        I can think of examples in the books where he definitely tortures people, but it tends to be the exception rather than the rule. Bond doesn’t need to do that kind of thing, because he’s already got dossier upon dossier on his target.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        That is a very good point Conti, and it also may be that they are echoing the torture he under went in CR

      • Continentalop says :

        I would also say Jarv that Bond’s missions in the books are usually different. So he normally isn’t dealing with a ticking time bomb scenario, Moonraker and Thunderbakl being two exceptions, but instead is sent to confirm if someone is a bad guy and then if true assassinate them.

        Bond is a hitman not an interrogator.

      • Jarv says :

        Depends. His missions vary hugely-

        CR- he’s to foil Le Chiffre, and put a big hole in Smersh’s budget.
        LALD- he’s investigating a probable Smersh agent.
        FRWL- he’s a courier.
        Dr. No- investigating a disappearance.
        Thunderball- retrieving nukes
        OHMSS- hit.
        You only live twice- hit.
        MWGG- hit.

        Moonraker- investigating Drax. Based on nothing but a hunch.
        Goldfinger- investigating Goldfinger- similar structure to Moonraker
        Diamonds are Forever- investigating smuggled diamonds from a UK colony.

      • Jarv says :

        Point being, there’s no real pattern to what he does. License to Kill means that he can and will kill people to get his ass out of trouble.

        He describes himself often as “kind of a policeman”.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Conti, jarv

        Bond vs Batman -who would win and why?
        Two indomitable men, who never lose.
        Physically, Batman is the superior. Mentally, they are about equal.

        My take is that Bond would win because he would not stop at any cost and would sacrifice any and all to achieve his objective.

        Bond is wiling to die for Queen and country. Batman is working out his personal demons. Batman would be stymied by his skewed moral code, whereas Bond has no such qualms and is in fact a sociopath.

      • Continentalop says :

        True Jarv, but he’s a policeman who doesn’t make arrest. The License to Kill gives him the authority to kill, and usually he is involved in cases were he can’t make an arrest.

        I’m not disagreeing with you and I admit his cases are all over the map, but as the short story The Living Daylights shows his number one function is being able to kill people. That’s his main skill.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Obviously that License to Kill does not mean he can kill with impunity within the UK or otherwise. If he is caught outside of the UK he will be treated as a spy and either incarcerated or executed. Therefore i have always viewed him as an investigative troubleshooter with who is given wide discretion, but has no real protection outside of UK jurisdiction.

        Bond is also not a “secret” agent, he is meant to be a bull in a china shop albeit one with a brain and a clear purpose. He must attract attention in order to flush his quarry.

        He lives a very highwire and dangerous lifestyle.
        My guess is that double o’s do not last very long

      • Jarv says :

        They don’t. You either get promoted to 7777 (in his case) and knighted, or killed.

      • Jarv says :

        In fact, it says clearly that he’s lasted an unusually long time.

      • Continentalop says :

        See Toad, I don’t see Bond as a sociopath. At least the one in the books. Cynical yes, someone who tries to repress his emotions as much as possible, but he is not without feelings or some sort of code. He’s much like Philip Marlowe in a terms of a jaded person who tries to do the right thing in a job where everything is murky.

        In The Living Daylights he bitches about how a case manager expects him to just shoot another human being as if it was only a job, and when he sees that his target is a girl he intentionally fails (although he still succeeds in his mission). In Live and Let Die he consciously decided he’s going to put his body between a coral reel and Solitaire so maybe she’ll live when Mr. Big plans to drag them over it – hardly the actions of a selfish sociopath.

        Bond to me is a lot like Sam Spade – seems amoral and selfish but at the last minute lets you get a glimpse that he is after all much more moral and human than you thought.

      • Jarv says :

        There’s another example- the end of Moonraker- Bond makes the decision to go into the vents for a smoke, knowing full well that it means his death.

        Bond has a clear honour code, and sticks to it.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        For the sake of this discussion i will stick to the cinematic Bond.
        Let me state for the record I love Bond and could talk about this all day – which we have.

        The Connery Bond, the Definitive Bond, the gold freakin standard.before Moore pussified him, was a cold blooded, empathy less shark who let no one or nothing stand in his way of achieving his goal. He has a code as Jarv stated, but it is a very narrow code predicated upon those who can best suit his needs.
        He is not a passionless robot, far from it, he is full of charm and wit, which is a hallmark of a sociopath.
        But no one is above being sacrificed to reach the ultimate goal. No one. And that is where his lack of empathy comes into play, when it is directly at odds with achieving the goal.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        As far as Spade to Bond, I can only go by the Bogart version of Spade vs Connery version of Bond since I have not read any Sam Spade novels.

        Bogey, to my mind did a tremendous job of making Spade seem hardcore on the outside, while clearly hiding a vulnerable side.

        Connery, on the other hand never once showed vulnerability -except when Goldfinger was about to laser his jubilees off!

      • Continentalop says :

        Heh. When I was comparing Spade to Bond, Toad, I was thinking Humphrey’s Spade is a lot like the Bond from the novels.

        But now you got me thinking that Connery’s Bond is a lot like the Sam Spade from the book & short stories.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        And that is where his lack of empathy comes into play, when it is directly at odds with achieving the goal.

        You remember boot right, what was one of the biggest things they drilled into your head? complete the mission, which is what Bond does he finishes the mission. In order to do that, especially in the murky world of intel, sometimes hard choices need to be made.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Hola Xi,
        I hope all is well with you brother.
        Yeah, i do seem to recall a period in my life when some dudes in funny looking round hats yelled and screamed at me to do one thing or another and to think in only one way. Ok, full disclosure: i would have killed to have a DI hat, that thing was a serious chick magnet, but i digress.

        Without a doubt recruits are drilled (pun intended) to think of only completing the mission objective, everything else being secondary. Not surprisingly given the dynamics of group think and herd mentality and youth, quite a few young men find themselves totally caught up in that mindset.

        Still, once you have graduated, and can begin to think for yourself again , that training tends to wear off if it ever took hold in first place. Bond, should have been beyond that inculcation. Therefore his actions to me represent someone who not only is a true believer but who has no compunctions regarding his actions. You and I both know that being trained and motivated to do something is a helluva lot different than actually having to do the thing. I recall a study done concerning WW2 troops, and how over 50% admitted that when they shot at the enemy, they deliberately missed. That does not mean the ones who did shoot were sociopaths, as i allege Bond is, but it is telling. Quick digression.

        While I was at Sill, I became and still am friends with an Army SSgt. He got me into a basic training training exercise held in an auditorium. It was illuminating. In a nutshell and remember this was 1985, height of cold war etc. etc. an “East German Army Major” was in America as part some exchange, and out of nowhere he starts badmouthing the United States and the military and the president and it got so bad and the recruits were booing so loud, that an army DI, although Army calls them drill sergeants, ran up on the stage and tackled the major and carried him off stage kicking and cursing. Of course the recruits loved it. Afterwards they were polled and asked who believed it. Even given being asked the question – which should have raised a red flag, about 40% thought it was real.

        .

  18. tombando says :

    QoS was Quite Offal Shite, yes. I saw it and forgot it ASAP.

  19. Droid says :

    I just skimmed that Avengers article in the Guardian. What a miserable, whinging, moaning little bitch.

  20. Just Pillow Talk says :

    QoS fucked the pooch right from the get-go with the chase scene, which if filmed correctly, could have been something. Instead, I have no fucking clue what the hell happened. While I don’t hate it like I did the first time I watched it, it is a massive failure as a follow-up to Casino Royale.

  21. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Unrelated to the Bond talk, but I watched Tango & Cash over the weekend, and I was bored to tears. At least Dog Soldiers and Battle LA were good.

  22. tombando says :

    Apparently Polanski is headed for Cannes now-? any truth to the rumour that Beaks is headed there too-?

  23. Continentalop says :

    Jarv bait. From an article in the Guardian from someone named Emer O’Toole, entitled “Shakespeare, universal? No, it’s cultural imperialism.”

    “So where has the idea that Shakespeare is “universal” come from? Why do people the world over study and perform Shakespeare? Colonialism. That’s where, and that’s why. Shakespeare was a powerful tool of empire, transported to foreign climes along with the doctrine of European cultural superiority. Taught in schools and performed under the proscenium arches built where the British conquered, universal Shakespeare was both a beacon of the greatness of European civilisation and a gateway into that greatness – to know the bard was to be civilised. True story,”

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/may/21/shakespeare-universal-cultural-imperialism?CMP=twt_gu

    • Jarv says :

      Saw that this morning.

      Pure shite. I don’t know how you can be stupid enough to say that.

      • Continentalop says :

        The thing I laugh at is that I am sure most native actors of New Zealand, Nigeria, Thailand or whatever want to be in a Shakespeare play over like 99% of anything that their homegrown theater has produced.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Conti, I think that 99% a bit of an exaggeration. I love the Bard’s works, my wife and i (mostly at her prodding) are big supporters of the arts here in Chicagoland. As such, we have seen theatre from professional to community level and all of them have various and surprising levels of competence.

        i am unfamiliar with Thai, Nigerian, New Zealander etc theatre, but I can tell you this: I have seen enough American theatre to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that most actors prefer to work in the contemporary.

        From David Mamet to August Wilson.

        Yes, a Shakespearean background is still a huge feather in the cap, but unless you can be equally as good in contemporary theatre, or unless you reside in an area that is known for Shakespeare, you will not succeed as a working actor, nor will you have much work.

        Therefore my belief is that most actors prefer doing contemporary, but love to have a shot at doing Shakespeare every now and then.

        I know nothing of theatre in those countries, but I doubt it is much different.

      • Continentalop says :

        My comment was hyperbole and exaggeration Toad, but I also know a lot of actors and they take acting in a Shakespeare play as a very big deal.

        Yeah, there might be some Nigerian or New Zealand playright they’d love to be in more than Julius Caesar or Macbeth or Hamlet, but that doesn’t mean there is no actors out there who doesn’t want to take on the bard. In fact almost all of them want to (and those who don’t usually are not serious actors). It is the gold standard and the man whose plays you get to measure yourself against.

        Plus I can’t think of any actor who’d be more excited about performing one of their native plays in London versus performing Shakespeare at a Shakespeare festival in London.

  24. Continentalop says :

    60 years ago today John Garfield died.

    • tombando says :

      He’s great. You gotta like him in Gentlemens Agreement too. I remember seeing Leslie Halliwell compare Tom Berenguer to him, while I see the similarities, Garfield was just better.

  25. ThereWolf says :

    How do I stop receiving e-mails informing me of every comment made on Burt’s Rec Room?

    Never used to happen, started a week or so ago. I’ve un-checked the box beneath the comment box but it hasn’t worked.

  26. Xiphos0311 says :

    in yet more news that won’t come as a shock GoY got even worse this week. They managed to out bore themselves every week that is a skill I guess. The Scottish Wilding broad needs to shed clothing ASAP. Nude it ginger!

    • Jarv says :

      The actress is Scottish, but her weird accent gets on my tits.

      And I swear to fuck, this is now the most boring POS on the box.

      Nothing fucking happens. If she doesn’t get those dragons back next week, I’m going to scream. Not to mention Theon is still ruining every god damned scene he’s in.

      Not even any tits in that episode.

    • Droid says :

      As a conscientious observer, with no stake in the show (season one was okay, nothing more. Haven’t watched any of season two.), I’ve got a serious question for you both. Why do you continue to watch a show you clearly despise? Every week you both comment (sometimes at length) about the shows failings. Why do you bother with the show at all? You are rushing to see the new episode of a tv series you hate, and I’m not really sure why. It just seems a bit odd to me.

      • Jarv says :

        The wife likes it. I’d have binned it by now.

        They talk about an impending battle every week, and then every week it doesn’t happen. Dany is pouting doing the sum total of fuck all to get her dragons back (seriously, either write her out, or give her something to do), Fat character plagiarism cunt turned up to bore me again, Winterfell manages to be even less interesting than Kings Landing last series, The Dink is being underused, and there are simply too many storylines with nothing happening going on.

        Lesbo Knight is a mildly amusing one-note character. Bored of her too, now.

      • Droid says :

        The wife likes it. I’d have binned it by now.

        So? You’re not obliged to watch everything that your wife watches are you? You don’t watch Beaches when she watches it, so why this?

        I’m just intrigued as the most positive either of you get is “needs more Dink” or comments about nudity.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s only 40 minutes long per episode, unlike 90 for Beaches, and there are only 2 left now, so I’ve got a completist thing to see it through.

        If I hadn’t made it 5 episodes before it dawned on me how bad it was, then it would have been different.

      • Droid says :

        GoT eps are about 55 minutes each. And there’s 10 of them! That’s like watching Beaches 5 times!

      • Jarv says :

        Are they? Goes to show how interested I’ve been.

        When you put it like that, though, it does seem bad, but I’ve been watching it weekly rather than saving them up. That’s a point, though, if I’d saved them up then I’d never have made it. Recently I’ve not even been in the room for lots of the run time. Theon being on Screen is pretty much a guarantee that I’ll go and check what I’m cooking or something.

      • Droid says :

        Death by a thousand cuts.

      • Jarv says :

        Weekly. So I’ve got time to scab over and then get cut again. Marvellous.

        It’s funny, actually, because I give TV shows 4 episodes as a rule (except for Homeland. Incidentally, fuck you Homeland, you load of shit) which is 4 hours or so, and I’d bin a film after about 20 minutes.

      • Droid says :

        I used to give a show 3 or 4 episodes. But I’ve watched a number over the past couple of years that I’ve binned after or during the first episode.

        I binned Fringe after 3 episodes the first time around. I gave it another shot a year or so later.

      • Droid says :

        I almost binned Mad Men after the first 1 or 2 eps. That show was very tough to get into.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        season 1 was mildly OK. I liked the knight’s watch part, the Dink and there was tits. I found the nerds ranting about its awesomeness funny.

        This season has been terrible on every level so the train wreck effect has kicked in. I started trolling the geeks over it but its gotten so bad that I can’t do that anymore no interest in it. Further I’ve become fascinated but the nerds pathetic need to justify the show to themselves and the length they go to do it. The show I see in no way meets their fevered imaginations and that fascinates me for some reason. Lastly I want to see the Scottish dames cans. If she doesn’t get nekkid I will riot like a South American footie fan.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m with this for slightly different reasons- In that I liked Dany and The Dink and there were tits.

        This time round, the two stories that are doing the worst are Dany and the Knights Watch. It was an astronomical mistake to put Theon centre stage and basically fuck all has happened.

        You aren’t going to see her norks. She’s clad in bloody furs and whatnot.

        You’re right, there was some ass and sideboob in the last episode, but on a series that’s thrown full frontal around, that’s not good enough.

      • Droid says :

        When is Neil Marshalls ep? Or has that been and gone? I thought he was doing one with a big battle.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        The Wildings probably have indoor dwellings somewhere and the nerds say they do get together in the book so I’m hoping….

        I think Marshal’s episode is this Sunday. The nerds have been stroking themselves into a frenzy over a picture of a dude with a bow proclaiming it the best episode ever in the history of the idiot box. I think I read one of them creaming his jeans saying Marshal will deliver the big battle they have been saving all the production money for, He won’t, they will just talk about the fight like they do everything on that boring ass show.

      • Jarv says :

        This Week. Wiki says it is the battle episode, which makes sense, because you wouldn’t hire Marshall otherwise. It should also be Dany getting the FUCKING DRAGONS back. It won’t be.

        In an ideal world, it will just be Stannis attacking King’s Landing for 45 minutes. Carnage aplenty.

        In the actual world it will be about 3 minutes of battle, Snow and Fatty and Ginger Scot in the north, and Dany moaning about her fucking cunting dragons and how she can’t get them, even though she knows where they actually are, and that cunt Theon and his fugly sister driving me into apoplexy and hatred.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m also vaguely wondering if GoT can’t pull a Supernatural and pull it’s ass out of the fire with these last two episodes. They’ve clearly wrapped up the storyline for this series with Theon (please god let them have) etc, so the last two episodes should be the first one in KL with the battle, and the first half of the second at the wall with the wildlings and unstoppable zombie cunts and the other half in the middle east desert with Dany retrieving the Dragons from the House of the Undead and making a right mess.

        It won’t excuse 6 of the previous 8, admittedly, but would be a vast improvement.

        Then they need to go and look at the novel, and fucking bin 3/4 of the storylines for the next series.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        I sort of liked the sister calling Theon a cunt repeatedly on Sunday since he’s a giant hatchet wound.

      • Jarv says :

        She’s so goddamned fugly, and her voice is so boring that it didn’t do anything for me. Even if he is a ginormous show killing cunt.

        The Dink’s line about “Why are all the Gods cunts? Where’s the god of Tits and Wine?” was a good one.

        They threw the cunt word around a lot.

      • Jarv says :

        Reading Gingertown’s TB- it seems that it’s only the hardcore GoT book nerds that like it. This suggests that they’ve fucked it up completely, and have gone down the Turdmen route and brainlessly vomited the entire book onto the screen.

        Which means that it’s going to get worse.

  27. Droid says :

    How was the SN season finale?

    • Jarv says :

      Good, actually. The episode before, though, was shit. Again.

      Excellent cliffhanger, even if it feels a bit familiar.

      • Droid says :

        There’s that at least. I’ve finished up season four of Fringe, so I might make a start on SN.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s not a vintage year, but on the whole, I think it has just scraped a pass due to a strong run in.

        They need to stop fucking around with loose ends from previous years.

      • Droid says :

        Better, worse or the same as season six? I thought six was really quite poor.

  28. Droid says :

    Paulie V has a new film in the works.

    Tricked, the latest film from Dutch director Paul Verhoeven (Total Recall, Basic Instinct), has been pre-sold to a number of territories.

    The drama with the tag line “lies always backfire” focuses on a real estate tycoon and womanizer played by Peter Blok (Black Book). His business partners are scheming behind his back and one of his lovers shows up uninvited – and pregnant – at his birthday party thrown by his wife.

    Verhoeven used social media to gather contributions from fans on the screenplay.

    Doesn’t quite sound the big, extravagant film I want it to be, but it’s better than no Verhoeven.

  29. Droid says :

    You know what’s annoying the shit out of me? Every time I turn on the tv, that Big Bang Theory show’s on. It’s got to be on half a dozen times a day. It’s really giving me the shits.

    • Jarv says :

      It’s not funny either. The Missus likes that one as well, and I just refuse to watch it. She does hate that Two Broke Girls thing though, so it is looking up a bit.

      • Droid says :

        Never seen it. There’s also shitloads of How I Met Your Mother, which is even worse than BBT.

      • Jarv says :

        Blah. Hate that. Really hate that.

        Struggling with this Red Eye review. Have nothing of interest to say.

      • Droid says :

        That’s because it’s such a thoroughly MEH movie. It’s not terrible, hateful, good, great. It’s kind of nothing. It happens, and then it’s over. Bleh. I don’t envy you trying to review that.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s hugely praised. Not really sure why.

    • Continentalop says :

      Ha. I feel your pain, droid. They play that show out here I think 2-3 times a day.

      What makes it worse is even though I hate it I can’t stop watching it when it’s on!

      • Droid says :

        Oh dear. Do we need an intervention?

        I always get that bloody theme song stuck in my head. The problem is I don’t know any of the words, so it’s just the tune rattling around my noggin with an occasional “It all started with a big bang!”. Bah!

      • Jarv says :

        If it makes you feel any better, that’s barenakedladies, so isn’t automatically dreadful.

      • Continentalop says :

        Naw I don’t need an intervention. It just unfortunately plays right before prime time starts but when nothing else is on.

        And that theme song does suck.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s not great, but it’s not like some out there in that it is at least a proper song.

      • tombando says :

        I hate Friends and Seinfeld about as much, so I feel your pain.

    • tombando says :

      I like that show. Wolowitz is a riot.

  30. tombando says :

    Do we get a Jarv review of Time of the Apes? I hope so…

  31. Droid says :

    Finally! Day off tomorrow as I’m getting the last batch of furniture delivered. Main item is the new couch. Been sitting on a backup sofabed for two months. Not the most comfy seating ever. Plus I have just got an email confirming that my enormous beanbag is FINALLY getting delivered! I envision many a lazy day in my future!

  32. koutchboom says :

    CQ eh probably Wes Anderson’s forth best film.

    • Jarv says :

      Hehehehe

      There’s a scene in Diamonds Are Forever where the delicious Jill St John (who also bedded Henry Kissinger) looks at the naked Connery and says, “Why James, there’s more to you than meets the eye.” Yeah, about 4 stone I’d imagine.

      • Jarv says :

        Dead Clowns up. Hate that film. Got Lamer Croft 2: Lamer than the first one next.

      • tombando says :

        I liked the article too. He makes more good points than bad there, though I disagree about Craig to be honest.

    • Toadkillerdog says :

      Horseshit!
      Yeah, i know that article was tongue in cheek – mostly, but pining for Roger Moore? Hell naw, not even early 70’s Moore.

      Moore kept the lights on, and for that I am thankful- barely, and I loved Moore as the Saint and in The Persuaders, but he was not Bond.

      And mealy mouth, pencil necked jackbutts like that guy who wrote the article who blasts his insecurities all over the place, because the heaviest thing he ever lifted in his life was the toilet seat so that he could watch his multicolored turds swirl down the pipe, have no one but themselves to blame if the women they try to date prefer a chimp like craig over them.

      Go to a freaking gym, and lay off the snack cakes

      • Jarv says :

        I dunno, he’s got a point about a lot of it. Even if he is taking it a bit too far.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        It is blowtarded, he is blasting his insecurities and dislike for Craig all over. For one, Connery was a body builder and i guaran-freakin-tee that pencil necked dude could not touch Connerys early sixties build in his wildest dreams. Also, of all the Bond’s Connery was the single most dangerous and attractive to women, so why is dude using the “flabbier” Connery as his – which even then is probably 100 times more attractive to women than himself? He simply does not like Craig or Craigs muscles, which are not really very hard to get – if you have the genetics and the will. There are millions of men who have the same build and millions more who have far better ones.

        Dudes who complain bout not being able to measure up, really need to stop blaming others

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        I get the dislike for Craig, and I also agree that Bond does not need a psychiatrist. I have no idea if that is part of the next movie or not, but I reject the female porn stuff. Moore pussified Bond and made him a caricature and a joke. Dalton, had the misfortune of being the PC era Bond who hated playing Bond. Brosnan, really restored the character to his roots even if his build was insufficient.
        Craig lacks the charm and looks and wit of the best Bonds, however some of that is intentional (well can’t do anything about him looking like a chimp) but Bond should be compelling, not just a male model, and craig is compelling. If women were only attracted to the best looking men, most of you would never get laid.

      • Jarv says :

        Brosnan was a shit bond in shit films. He runs like a girl, and has all the menace of a sedated chihuahua.

        Furthermore, I can’t think of a Bond further away from the roots than Die Another Day.

        Dalton was a better Bond than Brosnan, and I’d argue that aside from Goldeneye, Dalton’s films are better as well.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        I am sure we have had this discussion before, but what the hey.

        Connery – Gold Standard. Never will be surpassed. Had the charm and menace and was the only Bond that looked as believable killing men as slapping around women. Important distinction because Bond shows no mercy when needed.

        Lazenby – Underrated. He would have grown very well into role. you could actually see comfort level growing during OHMSS.

        Moore – A light comedian forced into heroic action adventure role that he was not suited for. He had some decent early outings, and he kept the lights on but had no menace whatsoever.

        Dalton. – All menace, no charm and no interest in the role. His Bonds favor well in comparison to Moores last efforts -save FYEO. But that s faint praise, and when you watch Dalton’s efforts, not only does it seem forced, but it is not really enjoyable. PC era Bond

        Brosnan – Too slight for the role, had plenty of charm. Surprisingly he developed some menace at the very end. Still, he removed the sense of caricature the role had assumed under Moore and even continued to a degree under Dalton.

        Craig – No charm, all menace. But the key difference between him and Dalton, is that he cares and that his Bond was deliberately set to be the nascent Bond. Learning how to be Bond. A helluva gamble that paid off in CR , but was totally wasted when producers panicked and remade him into Bourne in the execrable QoS . Still, I have hopes that Skyfall can recapture and build on what he started in CR. I think this is either his last or next to last Bond though.

      • Jarv says :

        Agree about Connery.

        Disagree about Lazenby. While not as bad as he’s made out to be, he was still a huge step down from Connery.

        Moore- started out well, (SWLM is one of the best Bond films full stop) and it’s worth remembering that he was the original choice instead of Lazenby. Carried on too long, and is also responsible for two of the worst films.

        Dalton- I don’t understand the PC era accusation. He’s not, he’s much nearer to the novels than Moore and particularly…

        Brosnan- shit bond. Awful, actually, and probably the worst of the lot. There are moments when you can clearly see Moore with the killer glint in his eye, but I’ve never once seen it with fat Pierce. Also, furthermore, he was in two of the worst films as well. Furthermore, he’s the PC era Bond, not Dalton. No smoking, female M, drives a fucking BMW 7 series, and so forth.

        Craig- meh.

        The real problem is one that starts in the later Moore Bonds. There’s no sense of scope to what the villains are doing. This reaches its nadir in Tomorrow Never Dies and World is Not Enough, where the villains want to sell more papers and have realised that they can control an oil pipeline. A fucking oil pipeline! To be fair, TND has a fucking laser from space, but that’s Austin Powers territory frankly- and don’t get me started on invisible cars, Madonna, and so forth.

        While Bond’s villains very rarely want the same things, the more memorable ones want some really high-end destruction. Drax in Moonraker (they recycled this for Sean Bean in Goldeneye) wants revenge on “England” so is planning to Nuke London. Spectre is a high ranking criminal organisation and is trying to decimate the agriculture of the UK in OHMSS, or holding the world to ransom with a nuke. And Smersh is part of the KGB! There’s some scope here.

        Granted there are smaller missions, such as revenge etc, but really, Bond is a “special kind of policeman” and should deal with national fucking emergencies not some cunt that thinks he’s fucking Hamlet and his attempt to help his ex gain control of a flaming oil pipeline.

        I appreciate that this is more of a problem now the cold war ended, but really, suffering fuck, even Casino Royale was about crippling the budget of the KGB/ Smersh and making them a non-viable organisation in France.

        They’ve forgotten who/ what Bond is and who/ what he does, and are so scared of people taking the piss that they aren’t looking at the books properly.

        And for christ’s sake, get rid of Q. There’s a department, but they don’t equip him with fucking invisible Astons and aren’t led by a complete fuckhead.

      • Just Pillow Talk says :

        Nothing needs to be added on Connery.

        I think it’s hard to judge Lazenby based upon the one film as compared to the others. Perhaps given another shot he could have grown into the role.

        I think Moore blows. Ditto Bronsnan.

        I agree that Dalton’s movies are better than Brosnan’s, and at the very least on par with some of Moore’s, but I perfer Dalton’s only because I can’t stand Moore.

        I liked Craig a lot (CR), considering where in the character’s narrative he starts out at. Like Toad said, it really depends upon if they grow his Bond character into the direction they should, and could Craig morph his acting to follow.

      • Just Pillow Talk says :

        And I don’t understand the complaint’s about Craig’s looks. I’ve not read the books, but it’s my understanding that he’s not a great looking guy, but it’s his confidence/charm that gets all the ladies.

      • tombando says :

        *Connery was/is great as Bond. Thunderball and all that.

        *I prefer Moore. Yes I said that. He was the Bond that I broke into the series with. I think he played the role just fine.

        *Dalton-only saw License to Kill, it was fair, but he was never happy in the role, it showed.

        *Lazenby so so, the movie he was in was quite good though.

        *I like Remington Steele as Bond, he’s basically Moore Jr. though. GoldenEye was the best of that lot.

        *Craig’s cool. He’s Bond if McQueen had played him, sorta.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        The reason why Dalton is the true PC era Bond is simple, and I do not expect you to remember this because you were too young at the time, but when Dalton’s Bond came out it was at the height of the AIDS crisis. Bond was no longer allowed to have multiple women bed partners, he was also no longer allowed to be concussed (which is a good thing) but seeing Bond knocked out and waking up somewhere strange was always funny. I also believe, although I do not rightly recall because I have not watched those flicks in a while, that he was no longer drinking or smoking – and definitely not as much even if he was allowed.

        Dalton was the true PC era, Bond.
        I know making M an woman grates on some, but to me M is a nobody.

  33. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Four Feathers sucked.

    Easy A is still a nice little film that makes me laugh.

  34. koutchboom says :

    House finale…eh.

  35. Continentalop says :

    I don’t see Dalton as the PC Bond. I see him as a half-ass attempt at making Bond more like the one in the books, but getting cold feet and sticking him in neutered Connery/Moore plots.

    Craig is a much better attempt to make Bond like his literary counterpart, but at the same time updating him to fit modern sensibilities and current events (which they than shitted on with Quantum of Feces).

    But the best Bond in my opinion is Connery because he isn’t 100% like the one in the book. Connery, Terrance Young and the writers made him unique for the cinema and to play to Connery’s strengths. That version has become without a doubt the standard.

    • Continentalop says :

      And personally I wish they’d get rid of Q, both the man or the department. It was an artifact of its time, especially the movie version, when people were obsessed with gadgets and gizmos and our technology to beat the Russian menace.

      Nowadays I think most people think our technology gets us in too much trouble (relying on COMINT & IMINT over HUMINT) and made us soft. Bond works best for me as a throwback, a boots on the ground guy you send in to do the dirty work.

  36. tombando says :

    I dislike QoS the Moore I think of it.

  37. Xiphos0311 says :

    Jesus for a bunch of Bond aficionados y’all forgot the definitive 007, Woody Allen, in the first version of On Her Majesties Secret Service.

  38. Continentalop says :

    Basically just posting this because I know the dude who wrote it and helping him get traffic:

    http://www.bloodyelbow.com/2012/5/23/3026002/mma-martial-chronicles-before-fighting-was-ultimate-it-was-super

    Still kind of interesting IMO, about mma in Pittsburgh in 1980, 12 years before UFC 1. So if you like MMA or seeing people who look like extras from Romero’s Dawn of the Dead fight, a must read.

  39. Droid says :

    Could be good. I like Hawke. I love time travel movies. I liked Daybreakers.

    Ethan Hawke stars in sci-fi action thriller Predestination, which is in pre-production.

    The movie is written and directed by brothers Michael and Peter Spierig, who previously worked with Hawke on the 2010 vampire movie Daybreakers.

    The script “chronicles the life of a temporal government agent sent on an intricate series of time-travel journeys designed to stop future killers.”

    It is based on a short story by classic sci-fi author Robert A. Heinlein. While it’s titled All You Zombies, it is not a zombie tale and the Spierigs have called described is as “the mother of all time paradox tales.”

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      There’s no way they are going to do the main part of the story NO WAY.

      • Droid says :

        What’s the main part of the story? I haven’t read the book.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER

        If i am remembering right the main character is a hermaphrodite with working male and female sex organs goes back in time and is forced or tricked or something into impregnating himself so he is both his own mother and father

      • Droid says :

        HA! No I doubt they’ll be doing that.

      • Just Pillow Talk says :

        Almodovar movie if I ever heard of one.

      • Jarv says :

        There’s a TV series on UK television at the moment about a hitwoman in Manchester (played by Chloe Sevigny) who’s a pre-op crying game chick with dick transexual.

        Who keeps greenlighting this stuff?

      • Droid says :

        What’s this called? So I know to avoid it. Sounds abysmal.

      • Jarv says :

        The shemale hit(wo)man thing? Hit and Miss

        It’s got a great pedigree, but I’ll pass.

      • Droid says :

        Sounds purposefully “edgy”. A “look at me” element. Just write a good fucking show, with good characters and stop trying to make characters “interesting” by burdoning them with ridiculous “issues”. (Looking at Homeland here)

      • Jarv says :

        Did you ever bother with homeland?

        The missus gave up on it for being gash. Result

      • Droid says :

        Only have the first two at home. Started watching the first episode ages ago, around the start of the year. Wasn’t in the mood really, especially when it opens with her coming home and taking a wet towel to her snatch. So I turned it off with the plan to come back to it. Never did.

      • Jarv says :

        I wouldn’t personally.

  40. Droid says :

    GI Joe 2 has been pushed back to next year so that they can 3D it. Crap!

  41. Droid says :

    Gary Oldman’s in the Robocop remake.

    Oldman will play Norton, the scientist who creates Robocop and finds himself torn between the ideals of the machine trying to rediscover its humanity and the callous needs of a corporation.

    Bleh. Give me Miguel Ferrer’s slimeball any day.

    • Just Pillow Talk says :

      Such an unnecessary remake. There are times when you can argue a remake is fine to do, whether it’s due to the passage of time and when the story took place or whether it did / did not adhere to a book for instance…

      But here, I fail to see why a remake is a worthwhile endeavor. It can be guaranteed to be a sackless piece of shit.

  42. Droid says :

    And the Marvel/DC rivalry has heated up. It’s flaming!

    DC’s Senior Vice President of Publicity Courtney Simmons later confirmed the story to ABC News, “One of the major iconic DC characters will reveal that he is gay in a storyline in June.”

    DC’s revelation seems designed to steal the spotlight from Marvel, which announced on The View on Tuesday that openly gay X-Man Northstar would propose to his boyfriend in issue no. 50 (on newsstands May 22) and they would wed in no. 51.

  43. Droid says :

    Last one.

    Natalie Portman is attached to star in and produce Jane Got a Gun, a Western written by Brian Duffield that popped up on the Black List of top screenplays. Lynne Ramsay is attached to direct.

    Jane Got a Gun centers on a woman whose outlaw husband returns home riddled with bullet wounds and barely alive. When her husband’s gang eventually tracks him down to finish the job, she is forced to reach out to an ex-lover and ask if he will help defend her farm.

  44. Droid says :

    In their provocative ebook The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It, celebrated psychologist Philip G. Zimbardo and Nikita Duncan say that an addiction to video games and online porn have created a generation of shy, socially awkward, emotionally removed, and risk-adverse young men who are unable (and unwilling) to navigate the complexities and risks inherent to real-life relationships, school, and employment.

    http://blog.ted.com/2012/05/23/new-ted-ebook-warns-of-the-demise-of-guys/

    Could be an interesting read. I don’t think games and porn are entirely to blame though. Contributing factors.

    • Droid says :

      Jesus. Is this true?

      85% of all stimulant medications are prescribed to American boys

      • Droid says :

        The average teenage guy spends 44 hours a week in front of a television or computer screen and half an hour in one-on-one conversation with his father. And that’s the boys who actually have a father around. Fatherlessness is another huge factor; America leads the industrialized world in fatherlessness — 40% of children today are born to unwed mothers, the rate is 50% for women under 30.

        This is true, but then again, I doubt I spent a lot more than half an hour a week in direct, one-on-one convo with my dad. It’s not a new thing.

      • Droid says :

        I spent a lot longer than that with my dad every week. But we didn’t really have conversations. He was always the one who took me to cricket, footy, basketball, etc that I was playing a few times a week.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s obvious bollocks.

        Teenage boys in social ineptness shocker!

        Stop the fucking presses

  45. Jarv says :

    In terrible news for fans of semi-decent TV everywhere- the next Game of Thrones book is being split in to 2 series.

    Yay! That’ll be fun.

  46. Xiphos0311 says :

    Xi- do you want to do a double review on this series, by the way?

    Sure why not? Although it will just be 2 guys tearing GoY a new asshole repeatedly since I don’t see them pulling it out of the crapper.

  47. tombando says :

    How would a combo of Nick Cage and some Giant Robots affect GoY?

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      it can only help. Hell if the just cut out every other word the show would improve dramatically all they do is talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk….

    • Jarv says :

      Vast improvement. Particularly if he’s in crazy hairpiece mode

  48. Continentalop says :

    For Xi, in honor of Bob Dylan’s birthday.

    • Xiphos0311 says :

      Those are the GOOD version of mumbles mush mouths songs.

      • Continentalop says :

        The man was a hell of a song writer. Didn’t even post Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelsons, Ramones, Sam Cooke or Rod Stewart’s covers.

        And I think he had a damn interesting voice.

      • Xiphos0311 says :

        the music by all those guys is so much better then Zimmerman’s dirges.

      • Jarv says :

        To be fair, there’s a lot of really good Dylan covers out there- The Stones Like a Rolling Stone is better than his.

      • Jarv says :

        Hehehehehe. The guardian are banging away at “It’s ok for chicks to be fat” again.

        This article has the line, though:

        “Most heterosexual men merely want a woman above the age of consent to wash, show up, bring beer and strip naked. They are far from the harsh taskmasters, when it comes to female appearance, that they are routinely made out to be ”

        Some truth to this, but only after the sport finishes. The BBC/ FA/ ECB aren’t going to rearrange the fixture to accommodate your needs, love, so kindly be patient. But leave the beer.

      • Droid says :

        Cockshaw gave Sightseers a mildly positive review.

      • Jarv says :

        Ortonesque

        Groan. What a cunt.

        I know what he means with this word, but I guarantee that practically nobody else does, and I’m not sure that looking it up will help. I’m also not sure that there is such a thing, really, as I’d hardly say Orton had a big enough body of work to be labelled as. Certainly not a famous enough one- aside from Entertaining Mr. Sloan and Loot, I struggle to name another Orton work.

      • Jarv says :

        Whoops. Forgot What the Butler Saw.

        Never mind.

      • Jarv says :

        Sightseers is funny and well made, but Wheatley could be suffering from difficult third album syndrome:

        Aaaaarggggggh…

        This sentence should ban him from reviewing films for ever. There’s no such fucking thing as “difficult third album syndrome”. It’s DIFFICULT SECOND ALBUM.

        Twat.

      • Jarv says :

        Fuck. Wish I hadn’t read that. He’s blown the last act. The cunt.

      • Droid says :

        Does no cunt carry a lighter on them any more? Just got asked twice in 30 seconds. If you smoke, carry a lighter for fuck sake.

      • Droid says :

        Yeah, it was just a generalised rant. Not directed at you. The wordpress app only allows you to reply to comments (without going through all the hassle of trying to load the page) so I just replied to the top comment.

      • Jarv says :

        It is annoying that it won’t let you comment.

        You off work today?

      • Droid says :

        No, I’m here. Was outside for a smoke when I ranted.

        Would love to be off work today.

      • Continentalop says :

        Yeah but no one yet has touched his version of Tangled Up And Blue; Simple Twist of Fate; Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts; and Lay Lady Lay. Hell, the Hurricane is a great song by him.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m not Dylan’s biggest fan ever. To be honest. But he does write a lot of great tunes- even when the greatness is in the cover. I shot the Sheriff being a good example.

      • Continentalop says :

        “I Shot the Sheriff” was written by Bob Marley.

      • Jarv says :

        I thought it was Dylan and covered by Marley.

        Pah.

        Or is it Clapton I’m thinking of.

        Never mind.

      • Continentalop says :

        I was thinking you probably meant “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door.”

      • Jarv says :

        That’s the one.

        D’oh.

      • Continentalop says :

        You ever seen Pat Garret & Billy the Kid by Sam Peckinpah? “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” was written for that film, and I think it ranks up there with “Live and Let Die” as best original popular music used in a movie. Like L&LD they use the music for score at times.

      • Droid says :

        Ahem! My Heart Will Go On!

        Best. Song. Ever!

      • Jarv says :

        Yes, I have. Great film.

        That’s probably a good list. I’d limit it to 1 Bond film, and I’d go with Carly Simon Nobody Does it Better.

        I’ll have a think about this one, because I suspect there’s a lot of good ones out there.

      • Jarv says :

        Putative list:

        Nobody Does it Better, Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door, Playground Love, Danger Zone, Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head, Theme From Shaft (FTW), Mrs Robinson, Don’t You (Forget About Me).

        So close. Need two more.

      • Droid says :

        My. Heart. Will. Go. On!!!

        What’s wrong with you people!?!?!

      • Jarv says :

        Go and stand in the corner until I tell you you can come out.

      • Droid says :

        Power of Love.

        FTW!!!

      • Jarv says :

        Was that specifically for BTTF?

      • Droid says :

        Yeah. Well, Huey was commissioned to write a song for it, so he went away and wrote one that was specifically referencing “time”, which is the song over the end credits. But Zemeckis and co didn’t necessarily want a song about time, they just wanted a good song. So they listened to his other songs and put Power of Love in the movie. And it’s awesome.

      • Jarv says :

        Doesn’t count then. Shame.

        Superfly is a good suggestion. Just need one more, and I’ll do this this afternoon.

      • Jarv says :

        Which one?

        Aerosmith? Because I don’t like it.

      • Jarv says :

        Huey goes in then. Need one more.

        Moon River is a good call from Conti, I quite like Breakfast at Tiffany’s though. Aside from the obvious racism.

      • Droid says :

        Didn’t really “get” BaT. The book nor the film. Kinda breezed straight by me.

      • Droid says :

        Hate that Aerosmith song.

      • Droid says :

        Here’s wiki’s thoughts on the subject…

        He also suggested Huey Lewis and the News create the theme song. Their first attempt was rejected by Universal, before they recorded “The Power of Love”.[19] The studio loved the final song, but were disappointed it did not feature the film’s title, so they had to send memos to radio stations to always mention its association with Back to the Future.[6] In the end, the track “Back in Time” featured in the film, playing during the scene when Marty wakes up after his return to 1985, and again during the end credits.

        They hired him to write the theme song. His theme song ended up being Power of Love. It’s a song written for Back to the Future. It’s not the first song he wrote for it, but it’s still a song he wrote for the film. Therefore it qualifies.

      • Continentalop says :

        Carly Simon’s Bond tune is awesome, but I don’t personally see it being up there with Paul McCartney & Wings. There song “Live and Let Die” was so good it actually replaced the Bond theme in some of the action scenes, like the boat chase.

        Fight the Power in Do the Right Thing would be on my list and so would As Time Goes By in Casablanca.

      • Jarv says :

        I hate McCartney and thing he’s a colossall cunt which may be colouring my opinion here. Furthermore, Wings inflicted Mull of Kintyre on the world, and therefore are not to be tolerated.

        As Time Goes By is a fantastic shout. That means I need one more. I tend to shy away from Rap/ Hip Hop due to the amount of samples.

      • Continentalop says :

        Oh wait. I don’t think they were originally made for those films.

        But Super Fly was, by Curtis Mayfield. Best original sound track ever by a single artist.

      • Jarv says :

        I’ll check As Time Goes By,

        Was All the Time in the World done specifically for OHMSS? The challenge her is to avoid Disney.

      • Jarv says :

        No. It wasn’t. It was written for a musical in 1932. Pah.

      • Droid says :

        Hakuna Matata!!!

        It’s a wonderful phrase!

      • Jarv says :

        Back in the fucking corner.

        I did consider Circle of Life but disregarded it for being Elton John, and I also disregarded Aerosmith’s drivel off Armageddon.

      • Continentalop says :

        I really don’t like Breakfast at Tiffany’s but you might want to consider Moon River.

      • Droid says :

        (Everything I do) I do it for you!!!

      • Continentalop says :

        Tie for your tenth spot:

        “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and “The Rainbow Connection.”

      • Jarv says :

        Somewhere over the Rainbow.

        Done.

        Right, I’ll go and write this up.

      • Droid says :

        Rainbow Connection!

        This must be on the list, surely.

      • Jarv says :

        This could also lead to greatest soundtracks and greatest scores.

      • Droid says :

        Soundtracks… Goodfellas would by up there.

      • Continentalop says :

        See if you can give an honorable mention to Convoy.

      • Continentalop says :

        GoodFellas would be #1 for me. American Graffiti would be #2.

        If Dazed & Confused had Dazed & Confused it might have been #1.

      • Jarv says :

        Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction (probably have to limit cokey), Trainspotting, American Graffiti, This is England, Sid and Nancy,

      • Jarv says :

        Back to the Future itself, actually.

        The Lost Boys

      • Droid says :

        Sid and Nancy

        Probably should disqualify movies about rock bands.

      • Droid says :

        Bio films I mean. Fake rock bands (Spinal Tap surely!!!) are fine.

      • Droid says :

        Out of Sight has a great soundtrack.

      • Jarv says :

        Yes, I just thought that. It’s like I’ve disqualified musicals for the other one.

      • Jarv says :

        Need another one. I’m disqualifying Playground Love- for the same reason that I’ve not included anything from Tron, Hanna or ATB.

        They aren’t songs- they’re part of a score.

      • Droid says :

        Gangsta’s Paradise!!!

      • Jarv says :

        You know, I actually thought about that. But I’m striking it, because the sample (which is the best thing about the tune) was by Stevie Wonder, and not done for the film.

      • Droid says :

        Blaze of Glory.
        We Don’t Need Another Hero.
        Ghostbusters theme song.
        Eye of the Tiger.

      • Droid says :

        Lose Yourself

      • Droid says :

        Ah, yes. I’ve found it and I’m 100% sure you’ll agree.

        Wind Beneath My Wings.

        Bette Midler.

        Beaches.

      • Jarv says :

        Wind Beneath Your Wings

        Sod. Off.

        And no rap, so no to Lose Yourself.

        While I hate Officer and a Gentlemen, I think Up Where You Belong may be a contender.

      • Jarv says :

        Eye of the tiger! Yes! What’s the actual Rocky theme called?

      • Droid says :

        Gonna Fly Now.

      • Jarv says :

        Might do that one.

      • Jarv says :

        Writing about Music is really hard.

      • Continentalop says :

        Nashville would be on my list, even though it’s all original songs.

        Same with This is Spinal Tap.

  49. tombando says :

    Gotta like the sountrack to Clooney, Goodman and the sudden flood at the end. Man of Constant Sorrow and all that.

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