Burt Gummer’s Rec Room- October 2010 Archive

A gathering place for firearms enthusiasts, paranoid survivalists and those who worship at the Church of Chang.

Winter’s coming up. Look’s like it’s time to break out the emergency rations.

Disclaimer: This is the part of the Church that is the most no holds barred. None of it is intended with malice, and although it can on occasion seem a little bit fraught, it is banter rather than venom.

3,841 responses to “Burt Gummer’s Rec Room- October 2010 Archive”

  1. LB says :

    Yeah-It’s *this* motherfucker–courtesy of Bloody disgusting”

    • Droid says :

      That looks classic as well. Two nutjob santa movies in one year! Awesome!

      • LB says :

        See-if the filmmakers can get those 2 chicks to make out-that might possibly be the greatest movie ever made! Kloipy-haven’t seen that Tales from the Crypt episode-ha ha.

    • kloipy says :

      did you guys ever see the Tales From the Crypt episode about the crazy Santa? I think it was actually the first one, and pretty good

  2. koutchboom says :

    I guess no one else was interested in Altitude?

    I can’t hunt down a trailer at work. I was hoping Echo had seen it.

    OH YEAH Monsters is on tonight. Can’t wait for that.

  3. LB says :

    Oohh-this is fresh-Now we are seeing is twitter can accurately predict Earthquakes!

    Specifically, “WHAT?! 2 HOUR EARTHQUAKE WARNING; 6.5-7.0 quake is likely in SoCal during the next 2 hrs http://www.quakeprediction.com

    so it’s 1:15 PM PST, if there is no earthquake before 3:15 PM PST, I will be very disappointed in twitter.

  4. Jarv says :

    Ninja assasin is shit.

    Just keeping you in the loop

  5. Jarv says :

    I take that back. It’s really really unspeakably shit.

  6. Continentalop says :

    Posting a friends short so it gets more hits on youtube. Look at if you want but remember it is her first short. Also please don’t leave any creepy comments.

    • LB says :

      Has good lighting-the actors are fine.

      My belief that anybody there has done peyote-I somehow doubt.

      Thanks for posting.

      • Continentalop says :

        Thanks LB. I’ll tell her that; I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.

        And I don’t know if they’ve ever done peyote or not (one of the few things I haven’t done in my life).

      • LB says :

        Conti: Like that’s a bad thing.

        I lived the whole grunge scene-but I was such an asshole that the junkies wouldn’t turn me on to the good stuff.

        Dammit, I never got to OD on a heroin spike-it’s such a pity.

      • Continentalop says :

        One of my big regrets too.

    • xiphos0311 says :

      Also please don’t leave any creepy comments.

      So Conti you don’t really read the comment section around here do you? becasue making that statement is like dangling a fresh kill in front of a pack of hyenas.

      OK in all seriousness that was a decent little flick.

      • Continentalop says :

        True, but it was mostly directed towards Jarv, Frankie and Tom. Excessive use of the word cunt, thrown monkey feces and references to A*P*E and giant robot lions would have weirded her out.

      • Jarv says :


        Which cunt said I use the word cunt excessively.

        That’s just cunting rude.

    • Tom_Bando says :

      And I was going to suggest she should try a sequel to A*P*E*, involving Giant Robot Lions, too! I think it’d work-

    • kloipy says :

      that wasn’t bad. Luckily I’ve never had a trip like that when I used to do the old hullicenogenics. I wouldn’t have used Peyote as the drug, but that’s just me. But hopefully she keeps making stuff, she did a good job of capturing the random kind of paranoia brought on by something as simple as the phone ringing
      Only critique I can give is to get a better mic system as it was hard to hear at points. But a good first job!

  7. Jarv says :

    Fuck me. I’d rather be watching The Source again.

  8. Jarv says :

    Has there ever been an actually good ninja film made by Americans?

    I mean good not awesomely bad

  9. Jarv says :

    Not seen it

  10. LB says :

    oooh-Good news for Werewolves! A hilarious gal pal from twitter has linked to the WOTM site, and asks that you return the favour.

    Her site is:


    I’ve skimmed it, it’s quite good-she’s in South Africa of all places…

    Anyway, she tweeted the WOTM main site, and she’s quite funny. She did that free of charge, blah blah-Jarv give them a link-Stat! 🙂

    Or, you know,listen-I’m not in charge of anything…

    I suggest you link to her site. I’m just saying 🙂

    • Jarv says :

      Fuck it. I’ve done it- and they were nice enough to link to us, so it’s only polite to return it.

      They seem much more balanced and less angry than us. I wonder if they’ve managed to get death threats from a fat producer yet?

  11. D.Vader says :

    Hey guys!

    I watched “The Boogens” from 1981 about tentacle creatures that attack people who move into a cabin next to an abandoned silver mine. There’s absolutely no reason why “The Boogens” is the title (I think an old man calls the monsters “boogens” randomly when he finally sees them), and there’s not really a lot of tension or suspense, or gore for that matter.

    BUT, its not a bad movie. The characters are interesting and there’s a few good jokes to be had in the dialogue. Its too bad the “scary” parts couldn’t match up to the character building moments.

  12. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    You know, there’s no better way to start the day than to learn you’re so creepy you need to be preemptively warned against leaving creepy comments on some video you had no intention of watching.

    If someone could just punch me in the balls, that would finish setting up the rest of the day perfectly.

    • Continentalop says :

      If it makes you feel better Frankie I felt compelled to ask that because I creeped out the director in person. I didn’t want her to think everything coming from my direction is creepy. So it is more of a commentary on me than you.

      Well, droid is kind of creepy. You have to admit that.

    • Jarv says :

      Does putting Creepy in Bold make it extra creepy?

      Personally, I think being up before 6 in the morning to talk about creepiness on-line is really creepy.

      I’m scared of you now, Sumatran Marmoset…

  13. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    Anyway, the Blade double feature went well. The first one is still awesome and the second one, as far as I’m concerned, is still awesomer. Those are easily two of my favourite comic book films.

    Blade I and II didn’t cure my gross head full of snot, but they did make me forget about it for awhile. That’s pretty good going.

  14. koutchboom says :

    Watched Monsters. It was ok. Not as good as I was hoping.

  15. LB says :

    Ha ha-Danny has outdone himself this time-trash talking with this kooky gal from Scotland.

    Warning: Totally NSFW, but not grotesque.

    No further ado, DB and Mondo Ghosto attack: “Animals”.


  16. Droid says :

    For anyone that still thinks the Hobbit bullshit was about a bunch of actors wanting a collective bargaining agreement should think again. It was always about Peter Jackson and WB sweetening the deal for themselves. They knew they had their foot on NZ’s throat, and they used the actors unions as a scapegoat to force changes in GOVERNMENT LEGISLATION as well as squeezing more cash out of the NZ government. Along with the 15% incentive scheme, NZ now has to pay WB US$7.5m per film and contribute US$10m to a marketing campaign. I fucking laugh that Peter Jackson has tried to make himself a victim in this. What a cunt. Fuck The Hobbit.

    Huzzah! My morning rant!

    • Jarv says :

      Fuck me. That’s typical.

      I know you don’t care, but this is absolutely par for the course for the Kiwi government.

      For example, for the forthcoming Rugby World Cup (I know you don’t care), the IRB pitched a conniption fit and the Kiwi government passed a law saying that all non-official sponsor logos couldn’t be seen within a large radius of the grounds. So you couldn’t put up stuff on your own house that didn’t have the right corporate logo on it, and they’re employing extra cops to enforce it.

      You’d think Kiwi’s would be a bit tougher than this, but it seems they just flop on their backs with their legs in the air every time a corporation starts complaining.

      Fuck the Hobbit!

    • Tom_Bando says :

      Sir Petey Jax strikes again!

    • LB says :

      You’re piss ignorant. Jackson was no villian-it was industrial union from Australia that almost bollockeds the whole thing.

      All the crap you accuse Jackson of is blind ignorance-it was behind the scenes crap that he was oblivious to.

      How do i know this-talking to people that actually live in NZ and were in the New Zealand trade union.

      It’s long and involved, but i still like you ayways.

      • Droid says :

        I’d say it’s ignorant and naive to believe that Sir Peter Jackson is “oblivious” to anything that goes on with his $500m movies. Nearly two weeks before the “studios decision” the unions had backed down. So, if that’s the only thing that was holding up production then why did it take two weeks to announce things were back on track? Because Jackson and WB were using the situation to their advantage. Securing themselves a bigger slice of the pie. Forcing a countries government to change legislation. Can you see a studio and a director telling Barack Obama that he has to change US legislation if he wants a film made in his country? I didn’t think so.

        So to recap my point. The unions wanted to force Jackson/WB’s hand because they thought they had enough power. When they realised they’d fucked up they backed down. Jackson/WB didn’t announce this even though Jackson repeatedly bitched, moaned and whinged to the press about how hard done by he was by the evil unions. Why didn’t that happen? So WB and Jackson can squeeze more cash out of a country that depends on these films for tourism.

        Fuck The Hobbit!

        But don’t worry, LB, I still like ya. 😉

  17. Jarv says :

    Anyone got anything going up today? I suppose I could do Hatchet, Ninja Assasin or try to finish that flaming Matthew Hopkins review that’s making my brain melt.

    • kloipy says :

      I’ve got a new feature coming up in the next few days but I’ll let you guys know when it’s posting so it doesn’t show up on or before someone else’s.

      • Jarv says :

        Cool. I think Highlanderpalooza broke me.

      • Jarv says :

        Actually, Kloipy, let me know when you want to post something and I’ll just modify my time to suit.

      • kloipy says :

        Jarv, if you got something coming today go ahead and post I’ll probably post mine saturday night

      • Jarv says :


        I’ll try and bash off the Hatchet review. Or Ninja Assasin. Or Matthew Hopkins

        *head hits table*

        I’m a bit blocked at the moment.

      • kloipy says :

        Ugh Hatchet. Piece of shit movie. I applaud what the director was going for, but the so-called ‘humor’ just totally destroys that movie.

      • Jarv says :

        There’s one good joke in it- and that’s tony todd at the start. I’d have probably given it 2 Changs for being totally mediocre without the ending. As is, it gets 1.

        Mrs. Jarv, funnily enough, quite enjoyed it.

        It is far better than Ninja Assasin, which I turned off during the ridiculous fight scene where they kept zooming the camera out, doing some slo-mo, then zooming it back in so close you could see his fucking nose hair.

        That, coupled with (to quote droid) that it was so dark it makes AvP:Rectum look like it was shot on the surface of the sun, the mind-numbingly tedious exposition required for the overly-elaborate story, that prick from Coupling (Ben Miles) completely miscast, the idiotic CIA intervening nonsense, total failure of acting, boring and uninformative flashbacks, crap acting from all concerned and CGI Blood

        That useless piece of camera work was the final straw. I shall never know how it ends, although I suspect that the good ninja will be triumphant in the end.

  18. kloipy says :

    even though this is a shit movie, it does have a fucking awesome teaser

    • Jarv says :

      That movie is fucking toss. I can never make up my mind if I hate it more than the first one or not.

      • koutchboom says :

        Worse then House of 1,000 corpses? Surely you jest?

        While I think I’m the only one around here with taste refined enough to throughly enjoy The Devils Rejects. Even if I didn’t like that movie I’m smart enough to realize that House of 1,000 Dwight Schrute’s was pretty shitty and is now only really any good because you get to see that fuck killed in it, needs to happen more often in film.

        But also you gotta admit TDR was a cool way to go with the sequel. Also that it’s probably the best film Robbie will ever make.

        Also listen to him talk about directing an episode of CSI: Miami on Fox News its pretty pretty funny.


      • Jarv says :

        I prefer 1000Corpses to Rejects.

        They’re both complete and utter shit, but Corpses is less offensive than Rejects.

      • koutchboom says :

        You and your offensiveness. I know you get mad about endings and shit acting like the audience is stupid, but technically Rejects is a much better movie. House has pacing issues like a mother fucker. A movie like that shouldn’t be that boring at times. Yeah Rejects isn’t perfectly paced but its much more balanced, also the acting in Rejects is a lot better. Rejects was more focused in what it wanted to be which allows it to be a better movie. House wasn’t sure if it was a movie just about Leatherface or a movie just about Leatherfaces family, which is its major problem. I could watch Rejects any time, but House is just too boring and not half as fun as it should be.

    • Continentalop says :

      This and The Devil’s Rejects had two great trailers for crappy movies.

  19. Tom_Bando says :

    My thoughts exactly, Kloipy

    • kloipy says :

      I love ‘See Giant A*P*E vanquish monster repilte!”
      which means tossing the snake gently

      • Tom_Bando says :

        The city sets are a scream-it’s the one(1) thing they did only TOO well when making this, erm, ‘movie’. A*P*E* is Meant to rampage thru and flatten the towns ala Godzilla, right? But they poured the cement, hammered the 2 by 4’s and put together a solid fortress instead—so the poor guy in the ApeSOOT could do nothing but poke out the windows like Moe going after Larry. Very sad.

  20. kloipy says :

    One of my favorite scenes from Bananas

  21. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    Shit, man, I should have known not to expect any sympathy from you miserable pack of hyenas.

    Here I am, possibly more ill than anyone has ever been since illness was invented, and I can’t even get any support when my good and virtuous name is being impugned by baseless and entirely inaccurate accusations of creepiness.

    You all have petrified walnuts where your hearts should be!

    • Tom_Bando says :

      That’s okay. A few more viewings of the great 3-D Archery/papier machete rock throwing in A*P*E* will cure what ails you Mr. Marmoset.

      • Franklin T Marmoset says :

        Funnily enough, I was trying to find a version of A*P*E to watch very early this morning when I couldn’t sleep. You’ve mentioned it so many times I feel like I have to see it, plus I took a look at a couple of clips on YouTube – the one where he smashes the helicopter then gives the finger, and one where some kung fu guys are shooting flaming arrows at him – and it does look pretty funny.

        Sadly, there was no copy of A*P*E to be found anywhere. Very disappointing.

      • Jarv says :

        There must be- lurking in the darkest parts of the internets maybe. Have you tried cinemaggedon?

      • Franklin T Marmoset says :

        There’s probably a copy floating around somewhere, but I couldn’t find it this morning. Part of the problem might be it goes by a few different names. Or it could be I just didn’t look hard enough.

        Don’t you have to be a member of Cinemageddon or something? I don’t know how you go about joining up at that place, which is a shame because I heard they have some cool stuff.

    • Jarv says :

      You sound surprised?

      • Franklin T Marmoset says :

        Yeah, you’d think I’d be more used to it by now.

        I choose to blame it all on my terrible, debilitating illness.

      • Jarv says :

        You’ll be fine for tomorrow.

        If you need something to pick you up- try my cold remedy and Stagevu have Lifeforce, which should give you ample boob and stupidity to get you over it.

      • Franklin T Marmoset says :

        Oh, and I’m in for the drunken film thing tomorrow night, illness be damned. I’m sort of hoping the combination of sickness, extreme tiredness, booze, and a terrible film of some sort will coalesce into a kind of perfect storm of insanity. Either it will be very funny or I will just type a bunch of gibberish and fall asleep ten minutes into it.

        I’ll need to get hold of whatever it is we’re watching. Was it The Pit that was settled on?

      • Jarv says :

        The Pit.

        Go to my old review, and there’s a link there that has it.

    • Tom_Bando says :

      I mention it only to acknowledge the sheer magnitude of it’s lunacy. It’s kinda Highlander Too save that it’s lacking Ceiling Fan Lynchings and/or glowing Lamberts.

    • Tom_Bando says :

      They used to broadcast this thing on AMC back in the day—bad color, lousy acting, stoopid ‘humour’, $1.49 F/X, Gorilla-gram SOOT, boring, leaden pace, repeated footage of toy tanks firing, rubber boulders being tossed, Infamous Battering Ram Scene(TM), A*P*E* being performed in Mime–yes it’s one of a kind.

      They need to do more like it.

      • kloipy says :

        Bando- you ever see the Simpson’s Halloween episode with King Homer? shit is hilarious
        Lenny: I heard we’re going to Ape Island to capture a giant Ape
        Carl:I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island
        Lenny: Candy Apple Island?!?!? What they got there?
        Carl: Apes. But their not as big

      • Tom_Bando says :

        YES that was a riot. I like those Tree house of Horror episides.

      • Continentalop says :

        “I don’t think women and seamen mix”

      • kloipy says :

        I think that’s my favorite Simpson’s Halloween special. I mean you get ‘The Frogurt is also cursed” and “Is this the end of Zombie Shakespere?” and “TO THE BOOK DEPOSITORY!”

  22. just pillow talk says :

    Wait, so Frankie mentioned the A*P*E giving the finger, but I just did a search in netflix for it, and it came up with a 2001 verson by Paul Leder. In the “plot” synopsis, it says:

    “In this Korean version of King Kong, a giant ape is captured and ensconced on an offshore freighter. Escaping from his floating prison, the ape goes on a rampage through the city of Seoul, giving the Korean army the finger as they try to stop him. But when he comes upon American actress Marilyn Baker (Joanna Kerns), who is in town shooting a film, he falls in love with her.”

    So, is this a remake of that 1970’s version that Tom just put a youtube link up for?

    Que paso?

    • Tom_Bando says :

      It’s one and the same! Joanna Kerns is your blonde ‘leading lady’ in the previews there. There is one and only One version of A*P*E*–and you are looking at it right there.

      Remember, it’s a 36 foot-NOT 35, NOT 37-a 36 foot ape. They were very clear that we know this, both in the movie and in the publicity for same. Makes all the difference in the world.

      • just pillow talk says :

        Ah, then it seems it will find a home in my queue.

        A 36 foot apes is the most menacing. It’s like proven by science and such.

      • Tom_Bando says :

        Especially ones that can rassle a ‘Jaws Shark’ as convincingly as this one, Toy Boats and all.

        You will enjoy, also, the 3-D Bayonet Scene(TM), which they were apparently SO proud of-a S. Korean army dude walks by the camera w/ his bayonet sticking into the lense-that they show it not once, but Three times, if memory serves.

        Truly a legacy of shame.

  23. Tom_Bando says :

    Enjoy your viewing(s) of A*P*E*–am sure the damage won’t be (that) much to your collective brainstems. Am off to scenic(And lovely) Maine for a few—there have been sightings of (not necessarily giant, robotic) lions in the area—must see if they speak Japanese.

  24. Continentalop says :

    And if I needed any more evidence of creepiness, Highlanderpalooza.

  25. koutchboom says :

    So are we sold then? We are going to do an APE series? How bout we each do a movie? I call ummm that one with Shue (the Baconless one with Stamp can’t remember the fucking name right now).

  26. koutchboom says :

    No one cares about Monsters?

    The most interesting about that movie is that it only cost 15,000 ish to make. Makes me wonder now what the fuck they spent that 11,000 on Paranormal Activity no.

    Its like that Chris Rock joke about Blair Which project:

    “Chris Rock was once amazed to learn that The Blair Witch Project had been made for ‘only’ $65,000. “That film cost $65,000?” he mused. “Where the hell did the money go? Some guy’s walkin’ around with $64,000!”

    • kloipy says :

      all I wanna know is do you actually see the monsters in this movie?

      • koutchboom says :

        ehhhhhhhhh sort of????????


        Naw that was sort of problem with it, why fucking call it monsters when it doesn’t cash in on the name.

        The best way to describe it is: Cloverfield meets Sin Nombre meets Gerry meets Splinter.

  27. koutchboom says :

    FUCK this week went by too fast. Gonna end up missing ‘Take Me To the Noodle Shop’ kind of wanted to see that in theaters. But I’ve never seen ‘Blood Simple’ maybe I’ll do a East meets West back to back rental night.

    • Jarv says :


      You be nice, or I’ll save you some to eat.

      • koutchboom says :

        Seriously though, you bitch about Pumpkin Pie when you come from the land of spotted dick and rhubarb pie? I figured you’d be dying for some real desert food.

      • Droid says :

        I LOVE rhubarb pie. Hot rhubarb pie with a couple of scoops of vanilla ice cream…. Deeeeeeeeeeeeelicious.

      • koutchboom says :

        Ahhhh that explains why your tastes are so bad. I’m pretty sure rhubarb pie is made out of vomit.

      • koutchboom says :

        Really? How long have you lived in England?


      • koutchboom says :

        I will give the british this, custard pie is fucking good and sometimes bread pudding can be fucking good as well. British people do a lot more with custard, its sort of getting popular over here though.

        IN FACT! There is a chain around me that right now has custard pumpkin pie shakes. FUCK yeah, real deserts come with a straw.

      • Jarv says :

        Rhubarb Crumble is delicious.

        Spotted Dick- seriously, I know it’s all guffaws about the name and whatnot, but I’ve never seen it, don’t know anyone that can make it (and one of my best mates is a chef). It’s some Victorian thing that went out of fashion

      • Droid says :

        I don’t know what Spotted Dick is. Is it dinner food or desert?

      • Jarv says :

        It’s a desert with raisins in sponge I think. It’s archaic and passed into the mists of time.

        I think the odd school may still do it, but nowhere else. Or hospitals, actually, because it’s cheap to make.

      • Droid says :

        Okay. I’ve always heard of it. But never bothered to actually find out what it is.

      • koutchboom says :

        Also I will say that Peperami is better that Slim Jim. Overall British junk food is better than American junk food.

      • koutchboom says :

        Ehhh Heinz is a world company. Thats like saying BP is only a British company.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I figure you don’t eat the leaves but why fucking bother making something from something that has a toxin attached to it? Like I said when’s England going to start making Fugu pie?

      • Jarv says :

        Loads of things are poisonous. Bloody hell, if it doesn’t have a label with “Kraft” on it, you lot get easily confused.

      • koutchboom says :

        I don’t know anything I eat that is considered a straight up toxin though? Name some other every day food items that you have to cut around the TOXIC parts of in order to eat?

      • Jarv says :

        Since when is Rhubarb an every day fruit, and you don’t eat the leaves- the fruit bit is underground and nowhere near them?


        Mushrooms, cherries, Tomatoes (which, by the way, are only vegetables in America- they’re fruit in the rest of the world), Nutmeg,

        You would be surprised at the amount of things that we eat that can actually kill us. Apparently there is cyanide in Apple seeds.

      • Droid says :

        Not to mention double downs, pizza burgers, or the world’s longest enchilada‎!

      • koutchboom says :

        world’s longest enchilada‎ = Mexico.

      • Droid says :

        And? I was referencing deadly food.

      • Jarv says :


        Well played.

      • koutchboom says :

        Naw Double downs/pizza burgers/worlds biggest whatever only proove that you have power and wealth. I think they actually make you stronger. Like every time you eat one you gain the soul of a child from a third world country, maybe two depending on how bad the country is.

      • koutchboom says :

        Who thinks tomatoes are vegetables?

        Hmmmm cherries and nutmeg you say.

        I don’t really eat mushrooms so that doesn’t effect me.

        But in all seriousness you guys can’t really think rhubarb pie is any good? If thats true then you should fucking love pumpkin pie.

      • Jarv says :

        A ruling by the Supreme Court in 1893.

      • koutchboom says :

        Hahah wow. I never knew that. Good. When your number one you can make up your own truths.

      • Jarv says :

        Neither did I until I looked up poisonous fruit a minute ago.

      • Jarv says :

        You Yanks spent the last 6 months of the year saying precisely that about BP.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah but you know what I mean. Its like how coke taste different from country to country. Heinz is different from country to country.

      • koutchboom says :

        Next time your in a Tescos pick your self up a can of this:


        What are you going to tell me next? That you’ve never heard of Peperami or Lynx?

      • koutchboom says :

        HAhah really??? Jesus what fucking part of the east coast are you from? And I lived in Cuntecticut for 3 years.

      • Jarv says :

        Heinz is an american company.

        Spotted dick- I’ve never seen one, don’t know anyone that can make one, and all I know about it is from books and whatnot, usually accompanied with a lot of “HA HA” about the name.

      • Droid says :

        I’m pretty sure rhubarb pie is made out of flour, sugar, eggs, butter and you know… rhubarb.

      • koutchboom says :

        rhubarb = vomit.

        ahahahahah: “Although the leaves are toxic, various parts of the plants have medicinal uses.” Yeah that sounds good. Lets make a plant that has toxic leaves into a shitty fucking vomit looking/tasting pie. When is england going to start making the Fugu pie?

      • Jarv says :

        You don’t eat the leaves, numpty.

        It’s a pig to make because it requires a lot of sugar and time.

      • Jarv says :

        It’s Rhubarb Crumble and is delicious.

        Spotted dick? I’m not convinced this actually exists.

      • kloipy says :

        hey Rhubarb pie is an east coast american staple as well! and good with tons of sugar

      • Spud McSpud says :

        To those of you across the pond unfamiliar with rhubarb:

        It looks like a Triffid without the flowery bit.

        You can eat it raw – usually dipped in sugar is the best way.

        You eat the long, thin, bendy bit., Ignore roots, leaves, and all that shit. It’s like with celery – you just eat the long straight middle bit.

        It’s best boiled until it’s very soft, then add sugar, whack a crumble mix on top, and bake until golden brown. Then serve with custard. Insanely tasty.

    • koutchboom says :

      I don’t see corn flakes in any of those recipies? Or was that something else? Oh yeah that was sweet potatoes.

    • Spud McSpud says :

      Jarv – For shame! You’re ex-public school and you NEVER had spotted dick??

      Well, they sure as shit served it where I went. I think it was some kind of evil ioronic joke, or a portent of things to come…

      Eiher way, my old man was an army chef for his National Service out in Suex in the mid-50s, and he made some fucking AWESOME spotted dick. His version involved lots and lots of suet – one piece in custard, and you didn’t have to eat for three days. Fucking incredible stuff.

      It’s in most cookbooks these days. I believe even the Blessed Nigella does a version…

  28. MORBIUS says :

    We’ve always had Strawberry/Rhubarb pie.


  29. Droid says :

    All this talk about rhubarb pie/crumble is making me hungry. I actually might go pick one up on my way home tonight.

  30. kloipy says :

    I really want some Rhubarb right now

  31. Bartleby says :

    Koutch, sorry I haven’t been on here recently.

    I enjoyed Altitude. It’s fun. A 2.5 star movie. Enjoyable, like a Twilight zone ep but needed more air squid.

    Monsters is a slower moving movie and not what you might expect, but I liked it quite a bit. A solid 3 chang film.

    Saw Narnia 3 footage and unstoppable last night. Tonight is Tron, and then I think Im gonna just go for Saw 3D.

    • koutchboom says :

      Saw 3D will own all!!!

      You aren’t seeing all of Tron tonight are you? Just the 20 minute cock tease shit?

      Yeah Monsters was OK. It was exactely what I was expecting though that was my problem with it. I knew they’d never do much with the Monsters and I guessed they’d have an ending like that. I was hoping that it would be scarier though and it never was.

      • Bartleby says :

        I know you will agree with me, but wasn;’t a scifi movie and not a horro film anyway?

        Like I never got the intent that they were trying to make Cloverfield or a horror film.

        It was an understated indie movie about two people wandering through a third world situation and the aliens were there.

        See, I wasnt paying attention enough to those first three minuts to realize , unti the end came, that it had formed a perfect circle.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I knew it was an indie movie but I thought it would be at least as scary as Cloverfield. I thought they would do more with the monsters. Also with the opening like that makes you think more is going to happen.

        The biggest problem with Monsters is that the “monster” wasn’t defined at all. I’m not talking about looks, I’m talking about motivations. So it sort of just seemed like a knock off of the War of the World Monsters, which again weren’t that well defined. Because are we suppose to think its just stupid monsters destroying shit (Godzilla/King Kong/Cloverfield) or a smart sort of hunter (Ghost in the Darkness/Descent/splinter/Relic) or some intellegent being just studying us (Et/abyss), trying to take us over (ID4/Mars Attacks)??? It just sort of did shit at wimsy of the plot, I guess that ‘not knowing’ what it was going to do was suppose to add tension. But when your monster just sort of does random shit who cares?

  32. Bartleby says :

    I think Monsters was more of a movie, a story if you will, then say Paranormal Activity or omething. Thats mostly what I look for these days, are stories, unless it’s just craziness right from the getgo. I.E. Bitchslap or Hausu, which is off the chain.

    No, its just the twenty minute thing Koutch.

    Also, kudos to Tony Scott for making a halfway decent idea out of the ‘runaway train’ premise.

  33. Continentalop says :

    Actually Jon Voight says “I’M A ANIMAL” I do believe.

  34. Bartleby says :

    no, its more a speed ripoff. Nothing to do with Runaway Train, which is a wonderful movie. I think Conti has it right, actually.

  35. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    Rhubarb crumble is awesome, especially with custard. The sour of the rhubarb and the sweet of the crumble mix together deliciously.

    Also, spotted dick was a pretty common dessert when I was at school, which always caused much sniggering. But it actually tastes pretty nice, once again with plenty of custard.

    Now I think about it, many things are right tasty with custard. Damn, now I’m hungry.

    I demand custard!

  36. Continentalop says :

    Actually Bart, we were both wrong.

    Sara: You’re an animal!
    Manny: No, worse! Human. Human!

  37. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    I noticed today, while acquiring The Social Network and The American, that Eat, Pray, Love is now available online.

    Surely someone here wants to review it. Maybe we can encourage Barfy to come out of retirement to write that one up. It would make a nice follow up to her review of The Blind Side, which made me laugh quite a bit.

  38. Droid says :

    I’m looking forward to Unstoppable. If it’s half as awesome as Speed it’ll still be good.

    Haven’t seen Runaway Train.

  39. Continentalop says :

    I’m now starting to think that maybe they are stealing my ideas for the new Batman movie.

    Imdb is saying that Tom Hardy is rumored to be playing Det. Harvey Bullock. When it was announced that he was cast I predicted that he wouldn’t be playing a villain but a cop or politician. The reason I guessed that is because over at Gingerland I pitched the idea of the Det. Harvey Bullock leading the hunt for Batman until they finally realize the Penguin is the puppet master behind everything.

    Any day now Jarv they’re going to announce Alien: Apocalypse with the tagline “There is no place like home” and showing a devastated earth.

    • kloipy says :

      Holy Class Action Lawsuit Conti!
      But in all seriousness, that is fucked up and I’d be contacting someone about that shit

      • Continentalop says :

        I don’t think I would have a legal leg to stand on. I’m posting on a public forum and my ideas are just based on storylines and characters from already published comics. Plus who knows if they are stealing? It’s a little premature and they coincidentally could have mined the same stories and came to the same conclusions as I had.

        But I will say 2 things:

        A) if you are taking my ideas, why not see if there is any ideas I have NOT posted yet? Because I actually do keep my very best ideas to myself.

        B) And if you just so happened to come up with similar ideas as me, well maybe it means I have more ideas that would fit your movie.

        I’m not expecting a big credit or lots of money, just WGA minimum and a little verbal praise if you like my ideas. You can contact me through by agent Bartleby at Popcornninja.com.

        We wait to here from you.

    • just pillow talk says :

      Then that means it’s only a matter of time before Astrodykes vs. Werewovles on the Moon is made!

      It’s not revenge you should be seeking Conti for this injustice, but a reckoning…

    • Jarv says :

      Fucking bastards.

  40. just pillow talk says :

    And since Jarv hasn’t posted in a while…


    Don’t want the cunt quota not to be reached today.

    • Continentalop says :

      Sad thing JPT is that is just a fraction of Jarv’s CPPA (Cunt Per Post Average).

      • just pillow talk says :

        They actually tract CPPA in the sports pages. It’s like the equivalent of a pitcher’s WHIP now.

        He’s presently third in the league, but hopes to improve the average after some upcoming reviews.

  41. ThereWolf says :

    Right. I’ve downloaded The Pit.

    Only problem is I’m possibly out tomorrow night. But, on the off chance I’m not…

    What time does it kick off?

  42. LB says :

    Right. Our kiwi friend has cooked up something Bizzarre:


    I give you:


    Droid and Jarv-shut up-you have no idea about Peter Jackson–you are both Cunts!

  43. LB says :

    right-I’m downloading The Pit as we speak.

    It’s gonna be bollocks- The british, apparently, are on an entirely different Continent.

    That’s quite odd-as an American, i know there is only one continent-USA and it was built by cheeseburgers.

    Archipelagos sound like a conspiracy to me.

    • Franklin T Marmoset says :

      Bronco, you’re forgetting there is also a tiny island built entirely by spotted dick and custard. We’re somewhere off the coast of the US cheeseburger continent, I think.

  44. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    Okay, The Pit has been acquired and there are two bottles of wine chilling in the fridge.

    All systems are go for tonight. Should be good.

    • Droid says :

      I have also acquired The Pit. And I’ve got beers chilling in the fridge. But I’m considering going the bourbon and cokes, since it’s a friday and I don’t have to worry about getting up for work. Decisions, decisions…

  45. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    So that seems like a very firm NO from Barfy to reviewing Eat, Pray, Love. I understand and respect her wish to avoid gender stereotyping, but I’m disappointed all the same.

    Anyone else want to take on this (from what I heard about it) delightful and uplifting tale of an American woman’s quest to find self-knowledge and spiritual enlightenment by bumming around Europe and boning a swarthy Mediterranean man?

    • Droid says :

      How about you come out of retirement?

      PS. You need a bit of work on your “suggesting crap movies to people” skills.

      • Franklin T Marmoset says :

        That would require me coming out of two different retirements – retirement from writing reviews and retirement from watching films I know will be shit – and I’m far too lazy to do all that un-retiring. It sounds exhausting.

        How about Koutch? Koutch’ll do it. Come on, Koutch, review Eat, Pray, Love! You know you want to!

  46. Franklin T Marmoset says :

    Oooh, Scott Pilgrim has finished being acquired.

    I’ll be off to make toast and watch Scott Pilgrim now, then.

  47. Droid says :

    I’m considering watching all the Elm St films over the weekend. I’ve definitely not seen number 3 and 4, not sure about 2, I saw 5 and 6 at the cinema but can’t remember anything about them except that in one of them someone eats so much he dies and in 6 there was a section in really crappy 3D which consisted of characters poking long objects at the audience. And I haven’t seen the remake. The original is a brilliant film and New Nightmare is excellent. But there’s a long time between 1 and 7… Can I do it? hmmm…

  48. Jarv says :

    I’ve got an awesome image for this post tonight, but I need a Chinese style font for it. Anyone know where I can get one? Free?

  49. Jarv says :

    Never mind- cracked it. What do you think of this:

    Drunken Cinema

    • Jarv says :

      I’m really pleased with that

    • Droid says :

      Funny. My only suggestion is that the text all run along the bottom because it kind of obscures the image. But that’s a very minor quibble.

      • Jarv says :

        Right. I’ve no idea if that worked, can someone have a look at the preview and tell me if the gong sounds. I don’t have volume here.


      • Droid says :

        Don’t have sound on my work computer. Frankies a lazy little bitch at home, maybe he can answer this one.

        And what’s this MST3K I keep hearing about?

      • Jarv says :


        Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

        Basically, a group of guys that sit there and record audio commmentary over the top of crappy old films ripping the piss out of it.

      • Droid says :

        aha! I’ve heard of that. Never seen it though.

      • Jarv says :

        Neither have I. It’s meant to be quite funny.

      • Jarv says :

        I’m giving up aresholing around with the border to that picture. I wanted a shading, but it just looks terrible, so I’ve taken it off.

      • Jarv says :

        Christ- check this out. Game 2 of the world series, 8th innings:

        Leading 2-0, the Giants had two out and no-one on when Buster Posey reached out to poke a flare over second base for a single. Ron Washington promptly brought on Derek Holland – so deadly against the Yankees in the ALCS – only to see him throw 11 balls in a row.

        Bizarrely, the Rangers’ managers failed to warm up another pitcher until far too late, as Holland loaded the bases and walked home a run in 13 pitches. At last Holland was yanked and Mark Lowe took the mound, only to walk Juan Uribe for another run and give up a hit to Edgar Renteria for two more.

        Lowe then departed and Michael Kirkman came in, hanging a pitch over the plate that Aaron Rowand smacked for a triple, bringing in two more runs. Then Andres Torres batted Rowand in with a double.

        At this point Nolan Ryan could have brought himself on for all the difference it would have made. As it was the Rangers in desperation had Tommy Hunter, down to be the game four starter, throwing in the bullpen when Kirkman finally got the third out of the inning – 30 minutes, 28 balls, four walks, four hits and seven runs after the second out.

        Christ, that’s pathetic. I really want to see it. What the hell happened?

      • just pillow talk says :

        I haven’t watch any of the games because I can give two shits who wins. They already did their jobs by knocking out the Yankees and Phillies.

        But clearly it sounds like a meltdown of epic portions.

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