Director: Bert I. Gordon
Starring: Sally Fraser, Roger Pace, Dean Parkin
Giant animals are scary. Giant robots are scary. But giant people are the scariest of all, because they’re people, just like us… except they’re giant. And we’re not and it’s scary coz we might get metaphorically trodded on by ourselves… May contain a tall bloke and spoilers.
Director: William Cameron Menzies
Starring: Helena Carter, Arthur Franz, Jimmy Hunt
Colourful for 1953, innit! Quite a lot of print damage on the version I’ve got here, plus spidery vertical green lines running through the picture intermittently, distracting but who cares, let’s do it. May contain Colonel Fielding Colonel Fielding (x2 deliberate) and spoilers…
Director: Eugene Lourie
Starring: Paul Christian, Paula Raymond, Cecil Kellaway
I’m dragging you lot kicking and screaming back into the 1950’s for some big monster mayhem and we’re going to begin in a familiar environment with a familiar face – oh aye, you’ll see. May contain a shape-shifting policeman and spoilers…
Director: Don Sharp
Starring: Burl Ives, Terry-Thomas, Gert Frobe
Ah, Jules Verne… the mere mention of the monicker conjures up visions of wildly far-fetched machinery, Victorian steampunk and all that, not to mention a dash of outlandish wildlife. Rejoice – they’re sending little Jimmy Clitheroe to the moon! Whoa, hold on a mo, the squeaky-voiced fella from a bygone age of wireless, The Clitheroe Kid? May contain cartoon slapstick and spoilers…
Director: Christian Nyby
Starring: Kenneth Tobey, Margaret Sheridan, Robert Cornthwaite
An American science/ military contingent based in the Arctic discover a crashed saucer buried in the snow. Further examination of the area turns up a frozen humanoid figure which they chopper back to the research outpost safely locked in a block of ice. Before you can say ‘it might not be a good idea to throw a lecky blanket over it’, somebody throws a lecky blanket over it. Chaos ensues… May contain a Mensa-level vegetable and spoilers.
Director: Thomas Lee (or Walter Hill)
Starring: James Spader, Angela Bassett, Robin Tunney
Space… vast, unknowable… what lies beyond its endless, intemerate dark? Perhaps worlds of zephyrean solitude, or monstrous, despairing horrors the human mind was never meant to comprehend. Or maybe it’s just a bum-fluffed cockwomble blatting endlessly about sod all. From visionary director Thomas Lee comes this exercise in SF terror as a medical ship receives a distress call from a distant mining colony and on arrival the crew discovers a lone survivor in possession of a glowing alien artifact… May contain the bamboozling sight of a 1970’s robot dressed as a 1940’s fighter pilot & spoilers.
Director: Bert I. Gordon
Starring: Ed Kemmer, June Kenney, Gene Persson
This is the beginning of a periodic series featuring the wonder and pageantry of decades-spanning science fiction cinema. We kick off down the well-trod path of abnormally ginormous creatures and who better to direct us, ‘Mister BIG’ himself, Bert. Anyone even slightly arachnophobic should look away now; anyone who hasn’t the patience for cack flicks should probably put a swerve on as well… May contain a blatant bat-murdering Sheriff & spoilers.
Director: J.J. Abrams
Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban
So, anyway, Trek died with Insurrection and got zombiefied with Nemesis. I could see a tentative new telly series somewhere down the line, maybe, but not a movie. When I heard about a reboot, my first thought was Next Gen and we’d have that dimwit android B-4 bumbling about comically. Fortunately – or not, if you’re a blinkered nerd – we didn’t get that…
Director: Stuart Baird.
Starring: Patrick Stewart, Brent Spiner, Tom Hardy.
So, they made a complete ‘Ed Balls’ of Insurrection. They took a longer than normal time-out, brought in non-Trekkie Stuart Baird to direct and hired Gladiator scribe John Logan (who is a Trekkie – big mistake) to co-write alongside Rick Berman and Brent ‘The Singing Android’ Spiner. Are the shackles off this one then? Are they f… This’ll barely qualify as a review and will be full of SPOILERS, etc…
Director: Jonathan Frakes
Starring: Patrick Stewart, Donna Murphy, F. Murray Abraham
This write-up will contain SPOILERS but there’s no need for anyone to watch the film anyway, unless you’re a Trekkie in which case you’ve already seen it…
So there you are, you’ve made First Contact, it’s been well received by critics and fans alike, you’ve banished all those wistful reminiscences of the original crew and got the franchise back on target after the frightful honk of Generations. All Frakes and his writers have to keep doing is that; instead they do this…