Archive by Author | kloipy

Kloipy survived Battlefield Earth. Piece of Cake

Somehow I managed to go 10 whole years without watching Battlefield Earth. I had heard the stories, read the reviews, but nothing ever brought me to just watch this cinematic Titanic. My best friend had told me about it a few weeks ago and it sounded hilarious so I said that we should watch it. I had no idea what was in store for me. Read More…

Kloipy’s cycle is all screwed up from New Moon

 

2 hours and 10 minutes. That is the time of my life that is never coming back thanks to The Twilight Saga: New Moon. Or as I like to refer to it, Twatlight. This movie is like cinematic vomit. It’s the same stuff regurgitated over and over again, and by the end of it I was left with the need for some Pepto. Read More…

Kloipy’s seen The Lair of the White Worm

What the fuck? Seriously. What. The. Fuck. Read More…

Kloipy’s Short Fiction: Itch

The itch started off in the morning as nothing more than a slight annoyance. Roger first felt the twinge when he stepped out of the shower. He scratched at the left side of his ample stomach, relieving the nuisance for a short time. As he dressed for work, his mind was consumed with the presentation he had to give today. Thoughts of dollar signs were replaced in his mind while visions of pink slips danced in his head. He was nervous and was starting to sweat already. He wiped himself off with a few paper towels and put on a second t-shirt in order to soak up any more beads that would show up to ruin his life today. Public speaking was not a strong point for Roger, and knowing he had to speak in front of the may be partners that day had resulted in him throwing up his dinner the previous night. A light breakfast was in order. Bagel, no cream cheese. Small coffee, maybe a banana. Skipping dairy would be a good idea. Read More…

Kloipy’s Documentary Series: Lake of Fire

Tony Kaye’s ‘Lake of Fire’ is shot in black and white, which is ironic because the subject matter is shown in those terms but the message tells you that it can only be gray. The subject is abortion. I think they should show this movie in every Planned Parenthood and Birthright across America. A discussion of the topic can’t be truly had unless you see both sides, and that’s what Kaye’s film does.

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Kloipy is Haunted by Vinyan

vinyanGrief is a powerful emotion. Couple that with regret and surprisingly, hope, and you have a dangerous mix. Vinyan is a movie about what happens when we cloud our judgment because of these emotions. The depths that we are willing to go to fulfill the lies that our mind can create in order to cope with loss. The movie is pitched in the trailers as a horror film, and while it has elements that are horrific, I don’t really classify it in the genre. It’s also suspenseful, but it’s not a thriller either. The film is something you can’t really categorize. It’s beautiful and depressing, evoking a feeling of strange.

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Kloipy Commits Suicide While Watching ‘All About Steve’

all about steve Hi guys and gals, it’s your old pal Kloipy here, writing to you from beyond the grave. Yes, I had to take my own life. I wasn’t depressed or anything. But the only cure to the soul-stomping horror that is All About Steve, is found in the sweet release of death. I gotta tell you from the start that I did not watch this entire movie. I saw probably about half of it, but let me tell you that is enough. If you feel I’ve somehow cheated you may skip this review but I ask you this in honesty; could you sit through this movie? The whole movie? I dare you to try. It’s almost impossible and I’ve seen Mansquito. I also must preface this review by telling you that I had no choice in this matter, my wife’s friend wanted to see it and we both tried to dissuade her, but alas were unable to. Read More…