Halloween: Resurrection. Or as I like to think of it, the series returning to form
I’m sick to death of the sight of this review so I’m publishing it. Sorry about the rough state of it.
Who on earth thought this was a good idea? Come on, own up…
After the relative critical and overwhelming cash success of H20, the inevitable happened: another sequel. I’m going to go out on a limb here and state that in no way did H20 warrant a sequel. Particularly not one with Myers in it- as the Laurie Strode storyline had been completed with her grabbing a chopper (c.f Leslie Vernon) and taking it to her murderous sibling. Case fucking closed. Nevertheless, cash registers had chimed, so sequel time it was. Except this time, it was after the turn of the century, so the trend had changed. Around about 2000, give or take, a number of hidden camera/ internet/ found footage films appeared. Almost all of them (honourable exception to My Little Eye) are total garbage, but this trend was going strong, and for some reason the writers of Halloween 8 decided to incorporate Myers into it. This, frankly, is a terrible idea, but not quite as bad as the one to cast Busta Rhymes as a media mogul.
Spoilers and the deeply annoying survival of Busta Rhymes ahead.
Ugh. Where to begin? This installment is amazingly the worst of the series to date, and that’s saying something given quite how dismally shit most of the last few have been. It actually pained me watching it this time, as I swore from the last time I inflicted it on myself that I wouldn’t be touching it with a bargepole. Aside from the Jamie Lee Curtis opening, and even that is kind of insulting to the intelligence, I have nothing good to say about this turd. Nothing. Not a damned thing. Ach, shite, here we go…
Opening in an asylum where Laurie is banged up, Resurrection doesn’t actually begin too badly. Sadly, Jamie Lee Curtis dies at the end of this sequence, and thus the only hope for the film is brutally extinguished. Anyhoo, Michael, obviously a bit bored now, decides the thing to do is to go home (seriously), crack open a beer and kick his feet up, because now he’s offed his sister, his quest is over. Right, for some reason, the inexplicably monikered Freddie (Busta Rhymes) wants to film an internet TV show in the Myers house (seriously). To this end, he’s recruited the latest batch of disposable teens (Katee Sackhoff is probably the most interesting of them) to spend the night in the Myers house, where they will discover what motivated him to kill. Busta, however, has staged all sorts of shit pranks to scare the beejesus out of them, and thus create internet TV gold. What he doesn’t know, however, is that the real Michael is about and pissed at having his down time interrupted by these Nathan Barley douchebags. So, blah, people die, the Busta beats up Micheal (seriously), despite being injured and the film ends on a sort of cliffhanger.
This is, from the moment Jamie Lee Curtis checks out, total fucking shit. Subject to a ludicrous amount of studio interference, director Rick Rosenthal (returning from the vastly superior Halloween 2) seems to have been a bit hamstrung, and there is, quelle fucking surprise, another version of this film available (that I won’t be watching). It’s anyone’s guess as to whether it is better, but I’d be surprised, given that the writing is shit, the acting is shit (of course it is, Busta Rhymes is the lead), it’s as scary as a cute kitten, and it’s completely boring.
I can’t be arsed to even attempt a review of this, instead I’m going to talk about one scene that encapsulates this film. If you can make it through my critique, and are curious to know more, then this may be the Halloween film for you. However, it’s so cringeworthy and vomit inducingly arch, being the very embodiment of the hipster thinking that dogged H20, that I think my description should put you off.
Anyhoo, shit is underway and it’s all getting real. Freddie is stalking the house dressed as Myers, when he bumps into the actual crazed killer. Busta removes his mask and proceeds to berate the real Michael, because he thinks he’s a cameraman (seriously), and is in the wrong place at the wrong time. Instead of taking this opportunity to jam a knife through the tit’s head, Micheal just takes this telling off (which is accompanied by some heinous overacting) on the chin, before each of them toddles off on their various ways.
I hate this scene for a number of different reasons. It’s obviously meant to be a comic interlude in the film, but instead it comes across as too clever for it’s own good, and it is simply not funny. Secondly, the acting here, is awful, and it’s obviously no surprise that the main culprit is the rapper. Thirdly, this is the Halloween equivalent of the wookie defense. IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. Since when has Myers ever behaved like this? He’s more of a stab in the head first and ask questions later kind of guy. It’s not like there isn’t 3 films worth of continuity to refer to (even ignoring parts 3-6 inclusive) that clearly suggest that he wouldn’t stand for this bollocks. Finally, it’s just so god damned sloppy, slapdash and fucking lazy. Yes, I understand it’s being played for laughs, but as this is a film with fake corpses falling on shagging teenagers, there’s not a shortage of either unintentional comedy or comedic intent, so why the fuck is the scene in it?
And I haven’t even mentioned the piss poor dialogue that contains such cringeworthy lines as “Trick or Treat Mutherfucka” (uttered by Busta).
Basically, at the end of the day, when the Halloween series is at its best it launched an entire genre and spawned millions of lesser imitations. When it is at its worst it actively seeks to copy the imitators, and to attempt to ride the zeitgeist by using current fads and trends that aren’t really fitting. Which is ironic really, given that the incomparable original spawned the fads and trends that the sequels copied. I’ve got a horrible spinning feeling in my head now as I’m picturing the Ouroboros snake eating its own tail for perpetuity. Anyway, Resurrection is arguably the series at its absolute worst and I’m fucking done with it.
Overall, this is a pestilent movie, and was so utterly reviled that it killed this iteration of the Franchise stone fucking dead, again. There were sequels planned to it, that thankfully we never got, so were thus spared the 21st century equivalent of parts 5 and 6. Nevertheless, the abject failure of this steaming mess ushered in the Rob Zombie era, so thanks for that. I hate this film, and have no other option but to stick it with another Orangutan of Doom. That’s now a whopping 3 that the series has collected so far, which is, I believe, a Werewolves on the Moon record with 2 awful films still to go.
Next up is the aforementioned remake. It is possible to do a good remake, but not if you’re called Rob Zombie.