The Golden Changs 2012

Apologies for the delay in this, but due to acts of God and my workplace we’re running an unfortunate bit behind. Still, it’s that time of year when Droid dusts off his party frock and we hand out the prestigious Golden Changs to those films that we deem worthy of mention in the last 12 months. The rules are simple: to be eligible the film has to be between a cut off date of October 7th 2011 to October 8th 2012, and must be nominated by at least one of us.

All awards are thrown open to the public vote, so with no further ado let’s have a look at the good, the bad and the boob filled for the last 12 months.

Film of the Year

  • 2011 Winner: Rise of the Planet of the Apes
  • 2010 Winner: Inception

A sensible list from us this time. Unlike the fiasco of last year where Transformers 3 nearly walked away with the gong and only intense lobbying stopped such a horrible outcome. Lots of films got just one vote from each of us, but these are the ones with multiple nods.

Anyoo, here we go:

The Dark Knight Rises

We all loved this when we saw it, and it really was a triumphant end to Nolan’s trilogy. Droid reviewed it here, and I make Batman’s third outing clear favourite

The Grey

Liam Neeson. Punches Wolf. Need anything more be said? Well, if this stark survival tale grabbed your fancy this year, then vote for it below.

A Separation

What’s this? An Iranian film about divorce? Really? Well, actually, yes. This look at a marriage in crisis and the fiasco that is the Sharia justice system in Tehran was absolutely gripping and filled with stunning performances. If a bit of Urban misery porn floats your boat, then give A Separation a shout.

The Chris Klein Award for Male acting achievement

  • 2011 Winner- James Franco
  • 2010 Winner- Woody Harrelson

This year featured many strong male performances, however, we’ve done our usual trick and nominated different ones each. However, a few actors did stand out and were picked multiple times. So, pin your vote to the actor who you think gave it his all in the last 12 months, and put in the performance of the year.

Karl Urban- Dredd

Channeling Clint Eastwood, Urban’s turn as the lawman of the future caught us all by surprise. Gritty, mean and badass, this was a top drawer effort in a surprisingly good film. Pity it didn’t make enough for the sequel, frankly.

Liam Neeson- The Grey

Neeson has had a busy few years, and his turn fighting nature in The Grey was arguably the pinnacle. Almost enough to make me forget that he was in a Star Wars Prequel.

Gary Oldman- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

In a film that I honestly didn’t like (if we did a grotesquely overrated category it would be nailed on) Oldman’s performance was almost note perfect. The film, to be fair, was loaded with good efforts, but this central turn as George Smiley really was something special.

The Emma Stone-Zombieland Award for Best Actress

  • 2011 Winner: Natalie Portman
  • 2012 Winner: Emma Stone

As above, this is the award for best actress. Unlike last year, where we genuinely struggled to name alternatives, 2012 was filled to the brim with great female turns. Maybe the quality of role was better? Anyway, pick your favourite and lets be getting on with it.

Elizabeth Olsen- Martha Marcy May Marlene

An OK film with a cracking central performance from the talented Olsen sister. Credit to her for the casual nudity as well. If you think this was effort of the year, cast your vote her way.

Anne Hathaway- The Dark Knight Rises

Seriously. If you’d said to me 12 months ago that I would be typing Hathaway’s name into this then I’d have laughed in your face. Certainly the most surprising turn of the year from man, woman or beast.

Leila Hatami- A Separation

Stunning, stunning, stunning performance. This one is my pick.



  • 2011 Winner: Stake Land
  • 2010 Winner: Centurion

This is where the categories start to get a touch more esoteric. The OUTLANDER Award is named after a fun little Vikings v Aliens film that was given unjust short shrift by those greedy so and sos the Weinsteins. So, every year, we pick out a smaller film that for some reason was never given the release it deserved.

Iron Sky

Nazis on the Moon, and absolutely shafted by Revolver in the UK. Luckily the Prince Charles Cinema came to the rescue and it eventually ran for months, and sold out every time. So that was one screen in the whole of London showing it. And it was great.

Casa De Mi Padre

Never even heard of it. Which means it must have been shafted.

The Underrated film of the Year

  • 2011 Winner: Battle: LA
  • 2010 Winner: The Rocket

I bailed on this one in nomination time, but I’ve just got enough in the way of options from you lot to put up a poll. After grave consideration, I’m agreeing with Droid, and The Grey isn’t underrated. Plenty saw it, and it got lots of love from the critics.

And seriously, Koutch, there’s no way in hell I was ever going to allow Ghost Rider 2 through.


er… Not seen it. Droid and Wolf liked it though, even if the rest of the world seems to hate it.

Wrath of the Titans

er… Not seen this either. Clash was such a horrible piece of shit I refuse to believe that it was any good.

The Changian Film of the Year

  • 2011 Winner: Fast 5
  • 2010 Winner: Bitch Slap

Fast 5, the film that lives its life a quarter mile at a time, swept away with this one last year. Basically, what do we like? Boobs, guns, car chases, amusing dialogue, unintentional comedy, mindless violence and so forth. Which film do we think best hit our target demographic this year? Funnily enough, most films that should have flicked our collective bean were abject garbage. Tragic.


This had better fucking win. A combination of a smart Garland script and violent to its heart this was the film that Stallone dreamed that he’d made. Pity it was ignored by the world probably smarting from the earlier version. Still, I loved it, and reviewed it here, so hope it comes away with this one.

Iron Sky

Nazis on the Moon. Enough said.

The Don Murphy Award for Cinematic Failure

  • 2011 Loser: Sucker Punch
  • 2010 Loser: Splice

Shittest film of the year. Simples. We hated quite a lot in the last 12 months, but a few held their head up as being awful beyond any reasonable measure. Nothing will be as bad as Sucker Punch, but a few sure did try.

Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance

Fucking awful film this. Terrible, dreadful, rancid crap that actually managed to make me feel fondly towards the first one. Just truly dire


Harsh this, but it’s one that gets in because it should have been so much more


Droid isn’t a fan, and I believe still owes a review on it. Boring, pretentious, tiresome, this is Cronenberg at his worst.

Piranha 3DD

Bah. How can it be bad? The first one was a brazen, jugg filled extravaganza. However, apparently it’s almost unwatchable.

The Thing

Late nomination from Wolf that I accidentally repressed forgot about. However, he’s right, it’s utter fucking honk from start to annoying finish.

That’s me out. See you at the award show.



Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About Jarv

Workshy cynic, given to posting reams of nonsense on the internet and watching films that have inexplicably got a piss poor reputation.

24 responses to “The Golden Changs 2012”

  1. Jarv says :

    That’s me done.

    Up to you lot now.

  2. Droid says :

    I’ve voted. A couple I could only go one way because I hadn’t seen the other(s).

  3. kloipy says :

    Voted! Though I couldn’t vote for underrated as they were both terrible to me haha

  4. ThereWolf says :


    3-way tie with the chicks at the moment, very exciting…

    Just bought ‘Battleship’ & ‘Iron Sky’ on blu… £7 each on Play’s deal of the day…

  5. tombando says :

    Many bad movies I didn’t but voted on anyways.

  6. Jarv says :

    I’d forgotten what an enormous pain in the ass doing the Golden Changs is. And I’d forgotten to put the category on them. Will do it when I get home tonight.

  7. Droid says :

    Watched the first couple of eps of Homeland season two. More of the same. I don’t hate it, but it’s so damn predictable. How this show is lauded and 24 is derided I cannot understand. It’s virtually the same thing except 24 doesn’t pretend to be anything more than it is. An airport fiction potboiler.

    • Jarv says :

      Finished first series of Grimm. Mary Elizabeth Masterantonio looks like she’s about 1 million years old in it.

      Good first series. Nice work establishing the background. Some good stories, but it is basically monster of the week, so lives and dies on how good the monsters are. For the most part (rancid CGI apart) they were good, with a couple (The Trolls, the bat thingy leaping to mind) being exceptional. The last 5 episodes of it were really good.

      • Droid says :

        I don’t really have any interest in that show. Maybe when Fringe finishes. But the MOTW thing doesn’t really interest me. Supposedly that American Horror Story show is decent.

      • Jarv says :

        The world is so vast, and the storyline huge that they have been basically leaking small details out in the monster of the week.

        Now it’s established, I expect to see the story arc with the Royal families to the fore for this series.

        It’s insanely complicated, though.

  8. Jarv says :

    Fuck’s sake.

    Dredd’s Blu release isn’t until January 14th Next year. Way to sweep up that Christmas money.

    • Droid says :

      It’ll be 5 quid after a month anyway. That’s when I’ll get it.

      • Jarv says :

        Me too.

        Hopefully it makes lots of cash so we can get a sequel. Like Bourne did.

        The first film as loss leader to wipe the smell of Sly’s effort away, and the second and third to make the cash back.

        No chance, though.

  9. Just Pillow Talk says :

    Batman for me.

    Battleship sucked. Too much “filler” shit to get through.

  10. Jarv says :

    Voting is tight so far. Running to form, though.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: