XIPHOS and TV
Here’s a look at some shows I have watched lately. Some are brand new, some are just starting their new seasons and some were summer shows that have now ended. There will be spoilers. You’ve been warned. Continue at your own risk. I tender no apologies if you whine about learning something you didn’t want to know after you chose to read this after you’ve been given fair warning. Also most of these will be pretty short except for a couple.
Shows that started a new season:
30 Rock: Had its final season season premier on 04 October. Basing this judgment on seeing exactly one episode I say NBC should cancel this train wreck right now. It’s a clusterfrak and an unfunny one at that, I don’t think I chuckled more than once. The season premier was so awful and unfunny I thought I was watching a bad YouTube parody shot in Rupert Pupkin’s basement. 30 Rock has been in decline quality wise the last few season and that premier didn’t just bottom out, it slammed through the floor like it was the coyote from a Roadrunner cartoon getting hit by the Acme anvil. I would still throw a hump in Tina Fey or that weird blonde chick. For older broads they ain’t too too shabby. The blonde especially since she finally dumped all the weight that the parasite from the preventable communicable disease in her belly made her gain.
Alphas: The second season has been really good. I like how they have upgraded the scope and the stakes of the overall story but chose to continue telling the larger themes through how it affects the characters personally. Across the board the acting has gotten better, even the “hot chick” who sort of isn’t and had all the presence of a slat of wood has gotten better which is no mean feat. I think they changed the film stock used to shoot the show. It seems sharper and more defined. Highly recommend season 2 of Alphas.
Homeland: Score yet another dubious “win” for online fatties, nerds and losers. Somehow the dork brigade made semi-sane people think this dumpster fire of a show isn’t anything but awful. After suffering through the second season premiere, which took five count em FIVE attempts to get through, finally made me say enough is enough and I’m out. Christ that show is bad.
Modern Family: I watch mainly for the hot Mex broad and the fat gay guy who are the only ones to get a laugh on the show anymore. I chuckled maybe twice watching the season premier so I decided to bin this show. To be honest though whenever I see the Mex chick in a hot outfit in an ad I’ll probably end up watching the episode. She’s F-I-N-E FINE.
New Girl: Funny show but it only became funny after they shifted focus away from the “adorkable”(douchy term) Zooey Deschanel. Once the other roommates came into focus the show took off. Special mention to Max Greenfield who plays ultra metro sexual, pop culture worshiping, attention whore Schmidt; dude is killing it in that role.
The Office: So far three episodes in, The Office has rebounded somewhat from the lows of the last few seasons. They dialed down Dwight a bit so he’s not so retarded. Pam and Jim became interesting useful characters again. They stopped making Andy into Michael Jr. and let him go his own way. The English broad is becoming funny and the two new dudes they hired are pretty good. All in all not that bad.
Parks and Recreation: Another show that gets much much better when the focus isn’t on the main star. P&R sucks when Leslie Knope is on screen and it’s much better when the focus is on other characters, except for Andy. I hate the character and the actor even more. It’s chemical. I want to take a tire iron to his face every time I look at him. My main problem with P&R is that it takes some wild swings sometimes in quality but what is always quality are Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman awesome as awesome can be) and Chris Traeger (Rob Lowe). Essentially these two are the flip side of the same guy and the show has been smart to not rely on them too much so they both stay interesting. Special mention also goes to April Ludgate (Aubrey Plaza) and Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott) who are doing some great work in their parts especially now that they are working in D.C.
Lastly HOT DAMN! Casting Xena as a single mom “into” Ron Swanson is a great idea and she still looks freaking good and gives Ron all the attitude he can handle.
I am including this below because it rocks:
Rake: In my opinion the best show on TV right now. This pleasant surprise from the Australian Broadcast Corporation about Criminal Barrister Cleaver Greene is the most entertaining show I’ve seen lately. Cleaver Greene (Richard Roxburgh) is a top notch attorney but a mess as a person. He’s a conniving, lying, drunken, semi reformed druggie with a gambling addiction and an abiding fascination with brothels. Greene’s personal life is littered with messed up interpersonal relationships and he is a bad parent. Yet even with all that you root for the guy because the character is written so well and acted so brilliantly that you can’t help but want him to get out from under all the bad spots he puts himself in and in season 2 there are some doozies. Highly recommend this show.
Sons of Anarchy: The first three seasons of this show about the pussiest biker gang in NoCal absolutely sucked so of course the internet nerds sucked the show’s cock hard and often like the good bottom bitches they are. However last season and even more so this season the show has become really really good and highly watchable. Kudos for pulling off a rare feat, SoA going from unwatchable fucking garbage to telling a compelling story.
Supernatural: Interesting premier and they sent the boys off on unusual new paths. Dean’s year in purgatory made him embrace his battle lust, he’s a pure killer now and even more damaged than before. He’s also working with bad guys and is full of secrets he’s keeping from Sam. Speaking of Sam, he’s even more of a pussy than before. He spent the year living with a chick Veterinarian pretending to have a normal life but in doing so he left the prophet Kevin Tran’s cheese sitting in the wind but that boy proved to be more resourceful than he looked. All in all solid premiere. I hope they carry through with the foundations they laid out in the first episode. Bart has a great in depth look at the episode over at PCN here’s the link:
New shows that I am giving 5 episodes to impress me but are failing mightily
Revolution: Oy vey! Where to start with this thing? I knew it was going to suck but I didn’t factor in just how much it was going to blow. For a weak defense I am going to go with the fact that I can’t pass up post apocalyptic stories but man this thing is a dud. There is so much wrong with it that I can’t go in depth or this post would take a month to get through so I’ll just bullet point some of the big ones:
- It’s vaguely a Hunger Games rip
- The actors are all well dressed and coiffed
- The writing sucks
- The acting for the most part sucks even worse
- There is a fat guy in this world that has been reduced to the farming technology level of 1850 and hard work is needed to survive AND HE’S FAT and conveniently a former Google millionaire computer nerd
- They should have focused the story in the days just after electricity is lost instead of doing it through flashbacks
- The English chick who is barely thirty is a graduate of Medical school before the power went down 17 YEARS AGO and has 2 kids back in England which is why she carries a useless IPhone with her (allegedly she is of course going turn out to be a spy) because her kid’s pictures are on it!?!?!?!?!! WTF
- The Billy Burke character, he’s alright him I can deal with him and of course Elizabeth Mitchell’s cans are good, nice to see them back in a conspiracy/metaphysical show. The Greek chick lead is a hottie with a fine set of DSL but limited acting skills and saddled with a petulant unlikable role but I don’t blame her. She tries hard with what she’s given to work with.
- Everything else sucks harder than an altar boy at a priest’s conference at the Vatican.
Grade for Revolution is EPIC FAIL SHORT BUS LEVEL
MASSIVE SPOILERS AHOY! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK AND IF YOU COME WHINING ABOUT SPOILERS YOU BEST COME CORRECT PAHDNUH!
This fucking thing, this I am taking my time to savage even though it has only aired two episodes because it’s a tale of two shows. The pilot was reasonably well done. Except for all the broads on a ballistic missile sub (yes I know they are doing chick trials on subs but officers only so fuck off) they kind of sort of kept the silliness to a bare minimum or as much of a minimum that the fat fairy lazy girly Hollywood writers can manage to do with regards to the way the armed forces are. The pilot was well written, the stakes were high, the geopolitical ramifications fairly accurate. The writing and plotting was tight and taut and it was a good episode especially so because they stripped Autumn Reeser down to her chonies and she’s a nice slice of spinner poon tang.
Then there was the second episode. Holy sweet Jesus did the cock bag shitbird fat lazy hack writers outdo themselves in massive amounts of pure-by-choice vicious dumb assery. The thing that is really chapping my ass is the silly hack fuck sucks are putting me in the position of having to defend THE COCK SUCKING UNITED STATES NAVY AND THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.
I have some experience on subs, all on LA class fast attack subs (never been on a Sea Wolf or Virginia class), because we use insertion techniques that utilize a launching platform for swimmer delivery vehicles (or since the useless SEALS co-opted the name even though they had jack shit to with its development The SEAL delivery system. Christ those assholes are worse than KISS for branding everything). Have I served a six month tour on a boat at sea? Nope but I have spent enough time on them and around sailors that serve on subs to get how they work so with that in mind let’s start with the simple stuff first.
Hey writers you slimy lazy cunts, there is no way NO WAY the COB (Chief of Boat, highest enlisted man on a sub, basically the most important man after the captain) would openly call an officer by her first name or act that disrespectful and insubordinate. There are other ways to do that without getting your ass in a crack and the COB would KNOW them all. In the same vein, a COB would not call the captain by his first name and openly refer to them as being “friends”. It’s the NAVY for Christ sakes they are very rigid about command structure and fraternization and even more so on a boat at sea. Sure the COB and captain might like and respect each each other but it isn’t like being in the writer’s room you fat douchy cowards. What things are like in a fuck nut corporate work environment isn’t like going in harms way on a boomer you unimaginative lazy hacks. Fucking Hollywood you all suck ass with your desire to manufacture fake conflict because that’s what it says you do in Screenwriting for Dummies a.k.a a BA degree from Film School. Except the soft sciences, the minority grievance degrees or a JD, is there any more useless degree than a degree in “film”? Maybe theater matches the useless level of a film degree.
The “Delta Force”/”SPETSNAZ” attack scene: Just when I figure you rolly polly mama boys couldn’t fuck the dog any harder you came up with this sucktastic horribly executed plot point you worthless cum catchers. I know your entire knowledge of military matters comes from playing war themed video games you fat bastards but Jesus Christ show a little ambition and at least put a call out to the roughly 10 bajillion former service members floating around the fringes of HO-llywood and ask a few basics questions. Like for instance you miserable apron string attached boy children, why would professional soldiers go right through the ONE natural bottleneck on the island without first reconning it? Or how about this why weren’t they on sat com with real time data? I mean Jesus Christ those were SPETSNAZ some the best special operation soldiers in the world. They wouldn’t just walk out in the open into the bottle neck for crying out loud. They have FREAKING MAPS ALSO you dumb fucks.
Also for your edification you Hollywood fat asses SPETSNAZ were, until 2010, part of the Russian Army Main Intelligence Directive, the GRU, that is until the reorganization of intelligence in the Army was pushed through and SPETSNAZ became battalion and division special forces and was removed from the direct control of Main Intelligence. Do you think that in two years they would forget which uniforms the United States Army wears? The US ARMY hasn’t worn BDUs in about 7 years. It’s all about the ACU now so with that in mind even worthless sailors should have taken one look at the supposed Delta team and realized something was wrong. All that gravy besotting your brains have made you dopey writers dumber than I suspected.
That fucking ambush was atrociously staged and its a good thing that the one SEAL not in custody (what happened to the rest of his team and why hasn’t he tried to get them out? Fucking slimy loser. Granted he’s a SEAL so he would screw it up but the shitbird should at least try) had a rifle capable of accurate long distance shooting and he could use. Stupid show.
Shit this is getting real long so I’ll just grade this two episodes run of Last Resort. It gets the full on full retard rating. Eat shit Last Resort you suck mightily right now and you don’t have to. It’s just that everybody involved in this train wreck is lazy and doesn’t care.
Off brand networks summer programming that is better than most shows on networks
I’m going to make this short since I’m bored with this post and its really long. All these programs share the same attributes. They are light, breezy and do not require me to have to consult study guides and web sites before, during and after viewing. These shows are a throw back to 70’s/80’s style programming where the season arcs were simple and mostly every episode is self contained.
Warehouse 13: They took what was essentially an adult version of the Goonies much darker this season and it really didn’t work. Hopefully next year they will rediscover the winning formula of goofy/silliness.
White Collar: The show is getting a bit long in the tooth and it shows. There really isn’t any pop to the stories any more This might be the last full season I’ll watch if things don’t change when it comes back from break.
Falling Skies: Not a particularly good show but season 2 was head and shoulders above the first season. It was OKish.
Royal Pains: Another show like White Collar that has reached its limit. I still enjoy the show mainly for the hot Indian and Latina chicks but it, like White Collar, is starting to feel like a chore to watch. The problem USA network has is that these two shows along with Burn Notice and Psych have all tapped out and the new shows they have brought on mostly suck because they are chick-centric emotional, relationshippy gab fest for the xx crowd. USA better get a handle on their programming or they will lose their coveted spot of winning summer programming.
Leverage: Has reached its potential and probably needs to go away. It’s still mildly entertaining but that’s about it.