Just Pillow Talk’s Birthday Nightmare: Down to Earth (2001)

Well, today’s installment of the list banned under the Geneva Convention is another comedy. Mercifully, I haven’t seen it, but I thoroughly believe our battered correspondent when he says it’s terrible. It’s starring Chris Rock, who has a lousy hit rate, and the premise is terribly unfunny.

Does any genre fall as flat on its arse as comedy when it doesn’t work? Let’s find out:

Chris Rock plays Lance, a comic who gets lambasted at the Apollo with jokes like “I’ve got cockroaches so big, they got drafted in the second round.” Nevertheless, the Apollo is shutting down and will have a last show with five spots available for amateur night, and Lance wants to make sure he’s one of them. On the bike ride home after the show (he’s a bike messenger, but not like the Bacon!) he spots Regina King walking across the street and rides right through a red light and gets plowed by a garbage truck. Next thing you know he’s up in heaven talking with Eugene Levy (Keyes) and Chazz Palminteri (King). Unfortunately Keyes took Lance a tad too early since he’s not supposed to be admitted until 2047. Since his old body is gone, King can get him a new body.

Should have put a seat on that bike, Chris

After perusing through some possible substitues, of which none of the instances are funny of course, King shows him Mr. Wellington, some rich dude who’s wife is planning to kill him. While King and Lance are at Wellington’s place, who just happens to waltz in is Regina King (Sontee) complaining about some hospital, ah, not important. So Lance takes Wellington’s body and more ill attempts at humor take place. King promises to hook him up with another permanent body since the old white rich guy’s body ain’t gonna cut it for Lance. Lance surprisingly takes all of this in stride.

Wellington of course changes things up a bit as Lance gives the maids raises, watches some BET with the butler, who was only pretending to be English and is really from Scarsdale. With the butler in tow, Lance goes to some black comedy club to try to get into one of the last spots for Apollo’s last show. Watching Lance and the butler listening to rap music in the car…priceless. Suffice to say, watching an old white man tell black jokes doesn’t go over well with the black audience. Believe me when I say it’s fucking crazy whack fucking hysterical.

Can someone explain how this is funny to me?

So back to the hospital that Wellington just bought…apparently he has a track history of buying hospitals and turning the poor away and sending them to other hospitals outside of their area. Sontee is all ready to make a big point and Lance turns the tables and lets everyone know that they won’t refuse any patient from now on. Once again, Chris Rock brings the unfunny.

Lance and Sontee end up spending time, which is more than fucking ridiculous. Let’s see, she hated Mr. Wellington, he’s an old guy, and now she’s willing to spend an entire night with him, including a kiss. Yup, Mr. Wellington is an old dude and she kisses him. Why? Because she sees something in his eyes, like it’s someone else. Riiiiight.

Does this count as necrophilia?

Keyes inconveniently arrives after the magical night with Sontee informing Lance he’s got his new body for him. But Lance wants nothing of it since Sontee likes Mr. Wellington. Good move. Next he has his butler bring his former comedy manager and convinces real quick like that he’s Lance and needs his help to get back to the Apollo. Of course he gets the last spot. Again Keyes shows up at the wrong time just as Lance asks Sontee to marry him. Wellington gets gunned down by his Board of Directors. Luckily the body they have for him is a black guy who happens to be performing at the Apollo. Lance realizes this joyfully when he tries to hail one taxi after another without success and shots “I’m a black man, I’m a black man!”

Chris is laughing. That must mean something funny is happening.

Lance, in a shocker, aces his performance. Not sure how since not one joke was funny, but whatever. However, there’s a downside. King informs Lance that with this new body, he will be that person. He won’t remember them, or Lance or Sontee, anyone. But as fate would have it, Lance (Joe now) runs into Sontee who was looking for Lance’s manager, and they start talking and hit it off.

Not funny, not once. Wanda Sykes does her annoying shit, and John Cho even shows up as a performer at the Apollo. Stifler’s mom is in this too, as Wellington’s wife, and she does her normal thing too. If it gave me just one instance of laughter, I would have happily given it a rating of one. It gets zero pet rocks out of four.

PAH!

Pillow out.

The Nightmare so far…

1973 The World’s Greatest Athlete 1 / 4

1974 Deranged 0.5 / 4

1975 Shampoo 1.5 / 4

1976 Taxi Driver 3 / 4

1977 Black Samurai 1.5 / 4

1978 The Betsy 0 / 4

1979 Quintet 0 / 4

1980 Hero at Large 2/4

1981 Dogs of War 2.5/4

1982 The Beast Within 0/4: The Orangutan of Doom

1983 King of Comedy 3/4

1984 Blame it on Rio 0.5/4

1985 Lost in America 0/4

1986 Quicksilver 1/ 4

1987 84 Charing Cross Road 1/ 4

1988 Shoot to Kill 1/4

1989 The Mighty Quinn 2/4

1990 Revenge 2/4

1991 The Silence of the Lambs 4/4

1992 Wayne’s World 2.5/4

1993 The Temp 0/4: The Orangutan of Doom

1994 Blank Check 1/4

1995 Heavyweights 0.5/4

1996 ?

1997 That Darn Cat 0/4

1998 Sphere 0/4

1999 ?

2000 The Beach 0/4

2001 Down to Earth 0/4

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About Jarv

Workshy cynic, given to posting reams of nonsense on the internet and watching films that have inexplicably got a piss poor reputation.

23 responses to “Just Pillow Talk’s Birthday Nightmare: Down to Earth (2001)”

  1. Xiphos0311 says :

    So this is just an awful redo of the awful Warren Beatty movie Heaven Can Wait?

    • just pillow talk says :

      Ding-ding-ding!!!!

      Correct. At least I have never seen the Beatty one. Suprised that fucker didn’t show up on my birthday too.

    • Toadkillerdog says :

      It is actually a remake of a remake.
      Here comes Mr Jordan was the first version, and a case could be made that the Paul Muni version called Angel on My shoulder is a close cousin.

      Rock does not make me laugh, so I would have no interest in seeing his version

      poor bastard pillows

      • MORBIUS says :

        Toad,

        I knew most would chime in with Heaven Can Wait,
        So I was gonna jump in with Here Comes Mister Jordan . . .

        You beat me to the punch . . .day late and a dollar short . . .

        Got Ol’ Rufus ready for flea and tick season?

    • koutchboom says :

      heehheh they been showing old Ebert’s and Siskels on his new show and they went over movies that changed film in the 70s and Heaven Can Wait was one of them because it was easy and cheap and a remake that made a ton of money, while I guess (they said not me) remakes didn’t make a lot of money (10 Commandments, Ben Hur must mot count), but also how it was easy and something a little different from what was out at the time. It catered to the older crowd.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Full disclosure, I really liked Beatty’s version and I saw it as a child when it came out.
        I watched it again a few years ago, and still liked it.

      • koutchboom says :

        Yeah I enjoyed Beatty’s when I saw it as a kid, haven’t seen it again since. I didn’t mind this version it’s just sort of there. Rock who I find funny has zero range acting wise, so he should just stick to secondary characters. I think it’s mainly because of his voice he can’t do a lot with that small of a range especially when it’s that loud.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        As for believing Beatty to be a QB, well I grew up and I still am a Giants fan. One name: Joe Pisatcik.

        If you can believe he was a NFL QB (and i still cant even though he was), then it is very easy to believe Beatty was one.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Pisarcik

        Even his name is wrong for a QB

      • Jarv says :

        Please tell me that’s pronounced “piss-ark”

      • just pillow talk says :

        Trent Dilfer is another one and he won a super bowl.
        He certainly couldn’t throw like a QB should. 🙂

      • tombando says :

        Don’t forget that Dilfer had one of The Best Ever(TM) defenses in that 2000 Ravens team. Even David Woodley would have won a Super Bowl w/ that.

      • Toadkillerdog says :

        Jarv, it is pronounced piss-ar-chick.

        Should have been jac-ass

        Pillows and bando, Dilfer, while not a great qb, was serviceable, and yes he did have a truly dominant defense. He was simply asked not to fuck up -which unfortunately piss-r-chick did. Still the Gmen sucked back in the 70’s, if I did not have the Steelers to root for back then, my sports related childhood would sucked

  2. Jarv says :

    Haven’t seen any version of heaven can wait.

    I consider this a result.

  3. Col. Tigh-Fighter says :

    I saw this. And I couldnt remember a thing about it until I read your review.

    Not one thing worth remembering about it.

    Chris Rock has made some shite. Also that one where Anthony Hopkins gotta eat. Fuck that piece of shit too!

  4. Droid says :

    I’ve seen this at some stage and have forgotten it. Chris Rock can be funny in stand-up, but I can’t think of a movie he was funny in.

  5. ThereWolf says :

    This sounds like arse.

    ‘Here Comes Mr Jordan’ is ace. I didn’t mind Beatty’s ‘Heaven Can Wait’ but I can’t recall any of it now.

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